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2002 3 December :: 7.56 pm
:: Mood: accomplished
http://www.angelfire.com/freak2/posionivans/
LMAO!!
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2002 3 December :: 6.31 pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Andrew W.K.- Party Hard
Today.
Today was an ok day I guess. Its all Carinna's fault that we never have school days because she does a chant in her room so we have no snow or it melts.. lol. YES IT IS YOUR FAULT CARINNA! Yes.. Megan,Julie, and I need to make a fan club. LOL THANKSGIVING IVAN!! I still need to draw that yet. I was supose to go to champion today but no one wouldt take me. Guess I'll have to start my stalking process thursday. Dont ask... LONNNG story. Yeah so today was prettyyyyyyyy boring. Nothing big...noffin. Hey.. theres like uhh 5 weeks of gym left. WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE KAYLA AND I HAVE ELECTIVES TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KAYLA WE HAVE TO HAVE A CLASS TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!There are some other people i would like to have classes with.. People who shall remain uhh..no name. Ooo! I WANT CLASSES WITH CHAN TOO! ARIE CHAN THAT IS! ARIIEEEEEE lol.
1 *KiSs |
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2002 1 December :: 6.57 pm
Weird Dream.
This dream is a really weird dream i had lastnight..I swear its more like a movie!!!
Ok this group of people like 5 people were all going out because it was a friday night and they wanted to go out partying. So they went to this restaurant/ club and got something to eat. When they were finished they went to leave and the guy who drove, his car was all beat up and was spray painted like all over the place on his car. So they didnt have a ride home then this guy tried to attack them so they all started running away through the woods and a guy fell and got hurt and everyone just kept running and only one girl stoped and ran back to help him. She waited with him until it was morning. In the morning she kept yelling at him telling him that he couldnt be dead and she started crying but then he moved. She tried to help him up but all the sudden the guy that tried to attack them rode up apon a horse. He had a gun and started shooting..no one got shot but the guy and girl tried running away. The guy hid behind a tree and the girl layed on the ground and pretened she was dead. But he looked at her and shot her anyway. As soon as she got shot it was like she had no pain...its like her soul fell out of her body and she was watching herself lay on the ground lifeless but she wasnt dead. The guy left on his horse and she got up and found the guy. They were afraid to run because they felt like he was watching them some how. But they took off running as fast as they could until eventually they found open field with big mountains and houses. They met two people their age who lived in the mountains. They were walking down the road with their new friends they had made and they saw the guy that attacked them riding a horse and buggy. They quickly ducked in a ditch. After he was gone they ran up to the house. The people told them that the neighbors would be over soon. When the door bell rang the girl went to answer it and it was the neighbors so she let them in. As she started to shut the door she saw the man that tried to attack them walking up the stairs going to the door..she quickly told everyone to hide in the closet and thats where my dream ended.. SCARY EH! lol That would make a good movie...hmm...wheres spielburg..lol
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2002 29 November :: 6.53 pm
:: Mood: okay
Blah blah and Thanksgiving
Sure no one deserves ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwy!!, but what about those kids at school that you have thought about them as ewwwwwwwwwy...but just not confronted them to their face. Everyone has either disliked someone or thought something about them and its gotten back to that person and how do you think they feel.. Everyone has done it. No apoligies. Sure I feel a tad guilty for what I said but it was how i was feeling and how I delt with it.. I wont take it back. Because even when people say they wish they would have taken it back they can't no matter what so fuck that ...what has been said has been said..issue ...over. So anyways Thanksgiving was good. I liked the stuffing the best and the mashtaters lol. We were supose to play cards afterwards but no one ended up doing that but I did MAKE FRENCH VANILLA FROSTIES! WOO! They were incredibly delich too! delich...hmm sounds like something Christopher Lowells would say. So yeah..it was just basicly my family. My moms side of the family all live in like Colorado and Florida soo..yeah... And my dads side except my Favorite uncle bill and aunt barb are all hillbillys and total religious freeks and are the type of people who give you a "jesus loves you and we are praying for you" magnets to go on your frige for xmas. Theres nothing wrong with that i'm just sayinngg... lol. So YEAH! I'll be seeing my dads side for xmas. Cant wait for those damn magnets either LMAO! Yeah thanksgiving turned out to be ok! I might go to champion tomorrow possibly.I went today but i'd like to go tomorrow too. Well...HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE YOU LISTENED TO THE WEATHER LATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE ARE SUPOSE TO GET LAKE EFFECT SNOW!! WOO! I luv snow!! I totally forgot what else i was going to say so i'll just go now. I need to do my daily check ups on my friends woohu's anyways! I'll see ya later..
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2002 28 November :: 8.25 pm
:: Mood: Bloated
:: Music: None
Happy Turkey Day!
Wellllllllllllll! I dont know about you guys but my thanksgiving was good! Later we're going to play cards and i'm makin the FRRROOSSTTIIEES! mm chocolate vanilla frosties. My goal this thanksgiving is to not eat alot to the point where i get bloated and want to pass out on the couch.. I succeeded. Although i did pass out on the couch. I'm lovin my woohu now. Its pretty and uhh PINK! its soo pretty! If anyone wants me to help them with theirs feel free to ask: Crazeebaby4. I shall be going i want to play with my kitty and make some frosties. HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! mm...turkey.
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2002 24 November :: 9.37 pm
:: Mood: scared
Scared
About around 2:30 pm, my mom told me to go in the furnace room...It smelt like gas. We had my dad call an electrician to see what was wrong. Previously our furnace had started on fire...and we didnt know about it. The furnace was black.looked burnt. If we wouldnt have done anything about it...our house would have set on fire. My room is above the furnace room. So the gas like substance we smelt was Carbon Dioxide. That could have been why the carbon alarm was going off last week. We just thought the batteries were going dead and took them out. The electrician said if we wouldnt have gotten the furnace disconnected...none of us would have woken up in the morning. I woudlnt have been alive tomorrow morning. My alarm clock would have gone off.. and there would have been no one to hit the snooze button...We would have all been....dead. To get a new furnace it costs 2 grand. Money that we dont have. It costs another 1 grand to pay for my sisters repairs on her car. 3 grand total. 3 grand that we dont have. thats 10 grand that my mom has spent on her credit card. How are we going to pay it off? My dads pay has been cut..... atleast in half since i was in 4th grade... When i was in 4th grade my dad made 8-1000$ a week. Now he makes 4-600$. That hurts. My mom makes atleast 10000 like every 2 weeks. It seems like alot but it isnt. I dont know how i'm going to adjust. No shopping....we have to cut back on grocery money. No more eating out at nice restaurants. I dont know....its scary. I never thought it would get this scary. I wish my mom wouldnt talk about our finance in front of me..it makes me nervous. How are we going to pay all that off. My grandpa offered to help pay. My mom doesnt have the balls to except. Thats her damn fault. I'd except and thank them terribly. I shouldnt have to worry about this but I do.. I cant help it I'm scared. Tomorrow I'm staying home. I have to be here when the repair guy comes to install the new furnace. I'm terrified.
2 *KiSses |
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2002 19 November :: 7.33 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Madona- Die another day i think thats what its called
ugh..
I'm kind of sick of hearing myself talk about it I guess. But I wouldn’t get sick about it if she just stopped for one minute..one minute is all I ask, and listen to me. I wish I could just tell her that I don’t like how she treats me and talks to me... but she wouldn’t understand and think I'm lashing out at her. Then we'd have to have another one of those family lectures about shit ..yeah the ones where I sit and cry through. Why does she do that? I swear she likes to see me cry. She doesn’t need to blame me because I don’t do everything she likes or do everything a certain way she wants it. I get emotional just talking about it...I don’t know. I just wish things could be different. I can’t help but to be mad at myself and ask why do I put up with it. Well...I shouldn’t blame myself. I should NEVER blame myself...I'm not doing anything wrong. The last thing I need to do is blame myself. It would make things worse. I really do think maybe I am getting depressed. Everyone has periods of depression but they shouldn’t last for months. I’ve been this way, having these feeling for like at least 4 months. I wish I could just talk to someone about it…but I cant. I can’t talk about it without eventually getting hysterical.
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2002 19 November :: 9.27 am
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: No music...GRR lol
School biz
Yo, I'm at school right now...fun stuff I guess? Yeah..I have a US history test friday I better study to get my grades up. I got like a b- on my science test. I better get an A+ on my egg drop otherwise i'll be facing..THE MOM! lol Yeah... life hasnt been so bad lately. Sheely and I are going to go see the Ring for like the 2nd time on Saturday. I love that movie. I also love gummi worms lol. During the whole movie I was just sitting there eating gummi worms while everyone else was screaming I was like...mmm...gummi worms...I live for gummi worms ..and bears..well anything gummi. I cant wait to go home. I'll probably go to Champion and scope out the hot guys or just stay home and do homework then play with my new kitten. Awwww...my kitty is so cute. my sister made a site for kitty pics but I cant remember the url.I g2g...I donno what i'm going to do..I guuess I'll have to draw some more laughing pickles with megan LOL!
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2002 17 November :: 7.38 pm
:: Mood: blank
Hm...
We had to write a paper over the weekend on what we are thankful for. Most of my paper consists of my friends and how I love them so much. I had to include family in there. I said about my mom that I appreciate her in my life but I wish she could just tell me shes proud of me and that she loves me. I say that yet she sits here and yells at me today and tells me that I never do anything when I go and ask her to go somewhere she says NO. It figures...I'm never going to get what I want.. to be happy
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2002 16 November :: 7.12 pm
:: Mood: Bleh
:: Music: none- damn computer broke downstairs...no Kazaa!!
Thinking...Always thinking
Why am I always the one who has to think about everything. I think about things too much. Its almost like my thoughts are eating me away. I have so much to say but dont know what to say and how to say it. Its just so confusing. I WANT to be truely who I am..I just cant do it. I want to be 100% Amy...Its just so hard. Sometimes I dont even understand myself. Dammit.. THIS WOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED IF I COULD HAVE GONE TO NORTH! You dont even realize how much easier my life would be...Let me backtrack for you: 3-5th grade... literally all my friends were guys. I had one good girl friend. Guys are like the best friends you could ever ask for. Especially the ones that go to north. It was just all fun and games. No one ever tried to intentionally hurt eachother. Physically or mentally. I'm so fuckin adjitated! I dont know why! I'm litterally DRIVING MYSELF INSANE! People at East cant give me what I want, they cant give me trust... THEY JUST CANT. There are just so many fucked up people. No one to trust no one who will seriously think of your life before their own. I dont know its just so confusing. School was made for you to get judged, have a hard time, and to have people put in groups..catergories if you'd say. It fuckin bugs the hell out of me. I cant wait till I'm in 9th grade..seriously..I dont know how much longer i can stand. But i cant help thinking... What if things arent better next year? What if its just worse. I cant think about it anymore.. I'm seriously damaging myself just thinking about it.
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2002 13 November :: 7.55 pm
The most quiet:Me!!! Sheely and theresa sometimes
The most hyper:Lindsey and Theresa- KAYLA lol ARRIEEE
The loudest:Krystal
The one I have known the longest: Krystal Zach Carinna and Lindsey were all in health quest.
Lives farthest away: Everyone LOL
Shortest:awwwa...i donno
Tallest:Zach
most friendly:Theresa
lindsey & sheely
most sensitive: Theresa&sheels
Most creative:Theresa
Makes you laugh the most:Everyone
Best one with comments or comebacks: Theresa
Best Hair: Carinna or Theresa, and Amanda. oh and dont forget ARIE
Best eyes: Theresa, everyone envys theresa shes so damn pretty lol and beautiful Arie
Best Smile:Carinna
Most likely to be a writer: Theresa
Most likely to be a famous athlete: Zach, or Carinna, fricken athletic over achievers
Most likely to be a actor: Kayla..and thats ACTRESS lol
First to get married: Probably Arie and I.We'll get drunk and not realize that were even getting married
Last to get married:I donno i'm not fricken mrs.cleo
The one who will have the most kids: Arie with her...uhh was it 22 or 44 kids i forget
Lives the closet:Uhhhhhh.. i donno
The most secretive:Zach
the most confusing:Zach ...he doesnt laugh..he shakes his body and no sound comes out..its really scary..I get the chills just thinking about it.
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2002 11 November :: 6.49 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Sugar Cult- Pretty Girl
Weirdo Amy once again lol
I've been really thinking..more than usual. I'm realizing that I'm more observant than I have been in th past. But I wish I was aware and observing then and not now. I watch her everyday being sexually harassed...him grabbing her and telling her that shes hot and sexy and just touching her all over...she takes it but you can tell shes bothered and doesnt want it. He does it in a swift way..no one ever catches him. She only puts up with it because shes insecure. Witnessing things like this just makes me think... There is nothing to East guys. They think they can survive on mom and dads money forever and just be blunt and be the boss. Its always been that way and it bugs me. I'm also having issues.. GRR. I wish he wouldnt have told me. I wish he wouldnt smile at me..it creaps me out. His eyes remind me of a girls eyes...they just look at you and you feel like your having a lesbianic(woo! new word of the day) experience LMAO! Seriously though...It makes me feel sick to my stomach. I wish I could yell at him and say I DONT LIKE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE! I will never look at him the same way...well..I didnt even look at him to begin with. <--Bitch Mode. ... but really I'm just saying how I feel and what I'm thinking so IF someone reads this and is offended thats your falt for reading this in the first place. MUAH. I'm pooped. I'm afraid to go to champion. Aftraid i might see him Yes, him you know who you are. LOL, I do wanna see him but I donno...
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2002 9 November :: 10.18 am
:: Mood: bitchy
Continued...
As I was saying now that I have a chance to sneak back on...I'm grounded- No phone, no internet. My moms going to be emailing my teachers. This is all because of one C...ONE FUCKING C. I have A,A,A-,B,B,C...THOSE ARE GOOD GRADES. Dekraker is a bitch and thats her fault I have a C in that class god!
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2002 9 November :: 9.33 am
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: nothin
What the fuck
Here we go again. She never listens. She doesnt respect my feelings. I'm not important anymore. If I were to kill myself the only thing I would want her to think about is that it would be her fault. I thought moms were supose to make things easier. No matter how many times I have tried to talk to her she never hears what I'm really trying to say. She desnt even begin to try to relate. She doesnt LISTEN. Today she told me that I always cry only to get out of somethings. Thats a dagger through the heartj. Her just saying that makes me realize that I can never go to her if I have a problem. If she cant begin to even slightly listen to me thats her problem. I will never steep down so low as to try to have a mother daughter relationship with her. Its fuckin over...thats her fault.I cant wait till I'm 18 so I cant get the hell out of here. I'm tired of having to explain myself and it they dont know who I really am then they are horrible parents.I need to cry I have to cry its just what I do. I've already gotten myself grounded. No phone............I g2g i got caught.
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