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2004 5 June :: 10.58 am
:: Mood: Tired
Lassssstt nightt she said Oh baby I feel so downn
Lastnight turned out pretty fun actually. People did come over, most of the neighbors. There were about 12 people there..eh, it was ok. I went inside after a while with kennen and we sat on the computer making stuff then played family fued and home run derby on old school super nentendo like the good old times. We were going to play extreme hide and go seek outside but no one else would play..damnit, That would have been fun. So none the less...it was fun..
Me lol
Kendra w/ my trucker hat
Trucker hat again..
Kennen
2 *KiSses |
Blow me a... |
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2004 4 June :: 9.43 pm
Well we were going to have a fire..but I don't know if anyone is coming besides Kendra. I thought about hiding in the van until she came so I could jump out and scare her..hehe.. I think she's at the door right now. I'm too late...
I was petting my cat whom was sitting in my window and I heard a song..."Thow up your rock fist if you're feelin it when I drop thisssss" I was like THOUSAND FOOT KRUTCH! lol I think my neighbors were playing it..hm.m.
Well we made some pretty damn good popcorn..
Later
Blow me a... |
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2004 4 June :: 3.36 pm
:: Mood: full
Hmm..
I found this when I was going through my old email account, I read it and I don't know how I feel...
Date: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 15:57:27 -0400
From: "*** *****" <******@*******>
To: **********@yahoo.com
Amy
I am very glad to hear from you, and wish you all the best as you truck
through this adventure called life, the ride we are all on.
You have a gift to see things in a way that many people go their whole
life without. Being a deeply feeling and creative human is a blessing
and a curse. The curse is that the pain of any negative feeling can run
deep, but the blessing comes from the joy you can find in simple
things,
such as rain on a leaf, or the color of the sky in October.
Remember the only wrong way to live is not living up to the
expectations you set for yourself. Set them high, and live by those
rules alone. When it comes down to it, we are our own worst enemy and
best friend.
Keep in touch Amy.
I am here if you need me.
-*** *****
Blow me a... |
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2004 4 June :: 1.40 pm
Wow. AIM is blocked on the school computers. Working in my mom's classroom will be SOOO FUN! lol grr.
Blow me a... |
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2004 4 June :: 11.14 am
Lastnight, around 11 I was writing and I just stopped and I couldn't write anymore... Instead I started writing a letter that was obviously to my mom and meant to be seen by her. To sum it up I said how she makes me feel and that I wish she could just be proud of me. I left it on the couch right on the spot she usually sits..then went to bed.
......I woke up at 6 and took the notebook and closed it. Then brought it back in my room. I don't know. I guess I'm not ready to talk about it.
Blow me a... |
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2004 3 June :: 5.58 pm
I should have been more happier on the last day of school.
I have a feeling that I'm not going to like this summer. It's just a hunch....
I'm hungry. Nickelodeon Old School is on...I feel like I'm a kid again... hm..
Laaterr
Blow me a... |
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2004 2 June :: 9.25 pm
:: Music: Seether f. Amy Lee- Broken
Hmm
It's interesting what you overhear on phone conversations, especially with my mom. Talking about how her councelor was saying how she needs to confront her childhood problems with her parents and then she went into explaining how her parents use to be and I find it more than strange that she is them.. She has become them, and always has been. How they were never there for emotional support and how they were verbally abusive..It's just too ironic.
If she even raises her voice at me or goes to yell at me for anything I'll probably just burst. I'm going to tell her that I'm sorry that I'm stupid and can never be what or who she wants me to be and I'll never be good enough. Right now I think she's at the emotion point where if I say something along those lines I just might be able to break her...finally. Then we might actually get somewhere.
As bad as it sounds I think I would actually get satisfaction out of seeing her cry because of something I said to her.
Blow me a... |
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2004 2 June :: 6.23 pm
Yeah....
I should probably go study for design and gym.
I had an incredible blonde moment today. I know Spencer..his dad and I are old friends.. Wow..I so didn't put 2 and 2 together lol I should tell Steph about that haha.
I can't wait until tomorrow is over. Hopefully I'll have a lot of good pictures too.
Blow me a... |
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2004 2 June :: 2.37 pm
Awake and Dreaming
I can't lose anything
So what's left is mine
And I win this time
Consolation day
I'll make up a way
I'll know now just what to say
I'll get away from you
Wait and I'll be begging
I'll pull you down
I saw it all again
Fading memory became clear to me
I try but I can't say
That I'm yours for good
Support me you said you would
I'll get away from you
Wait and I'll be begging
I'll pull you down
Awake and dreaming
I'm only sleeping
Blow me a... |
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2004 2 June :: 12.50 pm
:: Music: Finger Eleven- Bones and Joints
I've been down here before..Lost myself and so much more
I'm feeling creative. I think I'm going to go write and work on the cover for my notebook...hmm. sounds good.
Later...
Like I've said, You can never update your woohu enough... I can't help it lol
Blow me a... |
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2004 2 June :: 11.48 am
:: Music: Finger Eleven- One Thing
I passed..
I passed all my exams so far... I feel relieved but I know I'll still be grounded this summer.
After school was out I happened to run into Stephanie in the hall and she took me out to Spencer's car to meet him. He's hot that's for sure..mm. Steph you're lucky! I love you..and your boyfriend lol.
I'm burning the ultimate Finger Eleven cd. It's a combo of songs from all 3 albums..
Blow me a... |
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2004 1 June :: 7.33 pm
I'm going to copy this song and sketch something to go with it for the next cover on my notebook...
Finger Eleven- Quicksand
Slow sinking feeling
Kills the mood you're conveying
And it pulls me far down below
It might be best if you go
Can it not wait and hope for the best
Will it not stop a while to rest
I need to get up never mind cause i've done Enough
The world waits around
But i keep slipping and losing ground
Do i not try so hard so good
I can't keep changing just because you think I should
Said all i need to and you don't understand Still
Wish you saw picture my mind's eyes are Deep
And they're cynical
One taken four more kills the pain healing That sore
I've taken what's left i took it all
And now you won't let me forget
The world waits around
But i keep slipping and losing ground
Do i not try so hard so good
I can't keep changing just because you think I should
Stop you're talking down
I lack the strength to sit or stand
I lost my self confidence in the quicksand
Not now or ever
Sink slowly my treasure
Blow me a... |
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2004 1 June :: 7.25 pm
I think I'll write tonight..maybe I'll study alittle vocab... I'm good with vocab though.. I'll try.
Blow me a... |
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2004 1 June :: 6.51 pm
The dishsoap smelled good for some reason today...
Glad I'm not in the discusion on gays with my mom upstairs.... There's nothing wrong with gay people.. They shouldn't even be called gay they should be called a human being just like every single one of us. Gay guys are hot...sometimes. My mom can be so ignorant and plus I think she's a racist. What a bitch...
Exam day 2...I think I'll do better than I did today...:-/
I only have a couple more pages, as I said before, in my notebook. I used up 2 lastnight just regualar writing and getting started on a new poem. I can't wait until summer has officially started so I can get started sitting outside and writing...I hope there aren't a lot of bees out though..if so I'll have to write inside then.. lol
later
Blow me a... |
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