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2004 25 May :: 9.48 pm
:: Music: Finger Eleven- Broken Words
New woohu..new summer
Well, I thought about being "cool" like everyone else and deleting my woohu and starting from scratch but...no.. I'd be robbing myself from memories..good and bad and I don't think I'm ready for that. I'm not down for throwing away like almost 3 years of just nonsense...
Anyways. I like this look I have now. It's very summer-y. My computer is going crazy though so I'm not on aim at the moment.. ergh. I still have math homework to finish and I don't want to go to school tomorrow.
Ashley's graduation is Thursday. It's crazy to think that will be me in 3 years. It has come faster than maybe I wanted it to. I'll have no regrets in the end if those years fly by.
I have a bad feeling about this summer though :-/
Anyways...
Zach if you still read this thing, HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND?!?!?!! lol
Later.
Blow me a... |
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2004 25 May :: 3.36 pm
:: Mood: blank
Ergh...
2 more days.
Blow me a... |
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2004 24 May :: 7.19 pm
:: Music: Finger Eleven-Stay in Shadow
Hmm..
Maybe all the years of being ignored and not being noticed will pay off...Or maybe I should look at it now as a privilage instead of something bad....hmm..Put it this way..I can get away with more..Like I have. Hey, I'd still be drinking if it wasn't for Ashley. The funny thing is that they would have never known. How stupid are they, mainly my mom. As long as I got the shelter and money I could live without seeing either of them for a long time. Then when I think about 3 years until graduation it puts a smile on my face. The day will come when I can say "Fuck you" to them....Oh quite possibly sooner than expected. My patience is becoming smaller with time.
Blow me a... |
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2004 23 May :: 2.30 pm
Yay
I feel remodivated to redo my room..
Blow me a... |
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2004 22 May :: 4.19 pm
I need to buff up for summer.... I want to come back to school and have people be like holy shit she looks different.
It could happen...
Blow me a... |
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2004 20 May :: 7.36 pm
:: Mood: distressed
"Had a day again...She said I would not understand. She left a note and said I'm sorry I had a bad day again"
I'm freakin out about this math test seriously. There's always this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I have failed to do good again. I think part of that feeling is just the image of myself that has rubbed of my mom. She can do that to you. I'm very nervous....I can't think about it or I'll cry lol.
I had to ride the bus home today..for like the first time in 6 months I think. I saw this kid who goes to the middle school who lives on the street behind me. He looked different. Everyone looked different. Has time really passed me by? I think it has. Another historical memory that I will not end up looking back on. I just want school to be over with and try to forget freshman year.
"Could it be that I'm fading far away..Straight outtt"
My stomach hurts. erakal;kdfjaksdjfalkj.x....
I need to try to forget about it for a little bit then worry about it tomororw.
2 *KiSses |
Blow me a... |
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2004 20 May :: 7.34 pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: Blank Theory- Addicted
Eh...
You find yourself in circumstances
That you can't control
You follow me around everywhere
Everywhere I go
It's the way you want it
(It's the way you want it)
And it's the way I've worked it out
It's the way you want it
(It's the way you want it)
And I'll always let you down
All the things you'll never be
The further down you walk with me
And once I had the things you'd want
Now I have something you need
I want to give you more
(I want to give you more)
I want you addicted to me
I want to give you more
(I want to give you more)
I want you addicted to me
I don't mind pretending I'm someone else
Whoever you want me to be
As long as I'm inside you
You'll never want me to leave
It's the way you want it
(It's the way you want it)
You'll never be alone
It's the way you wanted to trust in me
(It's the way you want it)
And now I have control
All the things you'll never be
The further down you walk with me
And once I had the things you'd want
Now I have something you need
I want to give you more
(I want to give you more)
I want you addicted to me
I want to give you more
(I want to give you more)
I want you addicted to me
I want to give you more
(I want to give you more)
I want you addicted to me
I want to give you more
(I want to give you more)
Something that no one else can give
I want to give you more
(I want to give you more)
I want to give you more
I want to give you more
(I want to give you more)
I want you addicted to me
Blow me a... |
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2004 19 May :: 7.03 pm
:: Mood: bored
Yeah...
School...Eh. I only have homework like every night in my first three classes so that isn't too bad. All the more reason to do my homework at school in the morning. Anyways I have a math test tomrrow that will determine my grade for this semester. I'm going to study mad in my room tonigh or Im basically just going to be...screwed. I'm nervous.
Then Ashley was late at picking me up so I had to politely ask to use someones cell to call home just to make sure she didn't forget me and as soon as she pulled up I gave her the finger lol. Make me wait outside..crazy mofo.
Then my percrastination has caught up with me...I think I'm getting put into thet summer session of drivers training. I should have just done it along time ago erhg...Now I have to take time out of my day to go do that.
But on a lighter note.... My parents are officially going to fly to Denver for a week this summer. You know what that means....house to myself for a week..well sharing it with my sister but still..heh. Maybe that will be the week Carinna has her huge party??????!? Then I could come home hammered and it wouldn't matter. YEAH...
there are only like 10 days of school left...thats a relief.
Later
2 *KiSses |
Blow me a... |
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2004 18 May :: 9.51 pm
:: Music: Watching- Real World
Heh...
Yeah, Not much to say about today because it's just basically like evey other day. Today was the last day of school for Seniors. I'm jealous. I don't think I can last like 2 more weeks....But I will because I have to. -sigh-
Yeah..............
I hope I will do something fun this weekend. I think we're going to do something with Steph. I hope so I haven't hung out with her since we all went and saw Mean Girls...
Later.
Blow me a... |
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2004 17 May :: 5.34 pm
:: Music: Seether- Driven Under
Question, I said Question... anyone?
Hmm...another question to add to the giant carboard box filled of unanswered questions...
Blow me a... |
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2004 17 May :: 4.54 pm
Wow. That was the longest nap I've taken or maybe not but it seemed like it. Today was ok. Eh...not much to say. I felt weird today. I don't know why.
I wish I remembered when Samara was coming back. I think Tuesday? I miss her more than I could have imagined.
Because Kyle threw my English book across the room I discovered 2 other poems that I couldn't find initially. I'll have to type them up and add them to my other 20...or was it 30? I don't know.
Yeah...I would say something about my weekend but there isn't anything interesting to talk about and I'm not in the mood. I feel misrepresented or something.. Is there really only around 14 more days of school left? I know I wait everyday in anticipation for these days to get over with but I have an ungodly feeling that I will quite possibly miss it. I'm too much of a pestamistic person to even be slightly or remotely happy to start drivers training. Just another thing that involves tests....Let me get it over with and just fucking drive. Drive anywhere...to the mall..to Muskegon..just around neighborhoods..anywhere where I can get away from this place.
Later.
Blow me a... |
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2004 15 May :: 9.44 pm
:: Music: Finger 11- Drag You Down
Today and other...
Well, I thought I'd sleep in this weekend but I woke up at my usual 8:30. I have a theory. If you wake up late (noonish) the day goes by faster and in this case, I wanted it to go slower.
I lost my train of thought... I'll update later lol
Blow me a... |
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2004 15 May :: 10.58 am
Wow lastnight was pretty boring. I sat on the internet for a while then headed upstairs to watch FNSU on Comedy Central and ended up falling asleep and waking up to South Park lol.
Some things aren't really what you think they are...
Today I think I'm just doing laundry and cleaning which will be a blast right? Yeah...
Later
Blow me a... |
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2004 14 May :: 5.36 pm
:: Music: Finger Eleven- Broken Words
Your sweet little hands
Brush right past me
Sometimes you don't understand
Why you can't reach
I bite when I don't want to bend
How silent I can be
So she is silent too
She's the one who saw my words
Broken, Torn at the seams
And broken words were all she heard
Now she's walking away from me
Some never meant
And some meant well
The difference between us is so
Hard to tell
I was so shaken but now
All I see
Is everything she meant to me
Blow me a... |
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2004 14 May :: 5.06 pm
:: Music: Britney Spears- Everytime
Rock in a Hard Place
Today went ok other than the weather creating a crappy mood and not to mention crappy hair. Other than that it went pretty well. But my days always have something, actually someone to ruin them.
I hate school but you'll never hear me admit that I'd rather be there than home. Whenever I get home it's just like every word that comes out is yelling because I'm put into the position where I have to be so defensive...I'm not that type of person I don't do or take yelling very well. It just kindof was a bad way to top off today...
I don't want to talk about it anymore.
Ughh, Later
Blow me a... |
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