WEEEEE!!
No school.
Still pain.
Went with Alaina.
Got fuccckkkedd up.
ate at long john silvers.
came home.
did english.
Aim.
now bed.
nite!!



We're knocked down and getting up
We try to fight it, the agony and ecstasy
and Its painful but it's worth it
'Cause you're so foxy and I think you're kinda good for me
oh You're so foxy

Mental earthquakes, conversation mistakes
and My army of words
I can't believe you're crawling back for more out of desire
Destiny or chemicals, emotions are susceptible
And you I can't resist
I can't seem to walk away from this
So show me how much you can take, are you in or out?

2-6-06
absent x dreams: earlier u told me u were done with me..
LiLJy18: because you had given up
LiLJy18: but now your back
absent x dreams: yeah im back
LiLJy18: i noticed
LiLJy18: what is it you want
LiLJy18: and i dont meen from me
LiLJy18: what do you want out of your life
LiLJy18: out of this world
LiLJy18: this simple exsistence
absent x dreams: i want to succeed


what the hell am i supposed to say


then he went rambling on about what i want in life and what i succeeded and what didn't i succeed and why.. i dunno fucking retarded so i gave him answers but obviously it wasn't good enough cause he asked "isnt everything you failed on worth more then the things you gained"... umm ?!?!?!?! *grrr* so i asked him to tell me why hes asking me these things and i got the response..

LiLJy18: maybe one day youll understand and i wont have to
LiLJy18: and if you dont
LiLJy18: then such is life


..blah BASTARD..

anyways...
today was my first day back at the hellhole since lastweek i only went thursday lmao.. i got used to a vacation hehe. but i did have a 2 hr delay wooo but only got a half hour of sleep outta it.. arg!! but yea..... and also tonite i poured out my heart to isaiah.
i wonder sometimes how he feels; and is it the same way?
i don't know what i would do without him seriously..
i'd give up everything just to stand beside him
gosh am i a loser? errrr


love you.

Saturday Nites=<3<3
just got home alittle bit ago, figured i would update lol.

lastnite i went with this girl stacee to the mall and wal*mart and she dropped me off at home bout 6:00pm. and as i got in the door Gered calls and i seen on caller id that he called like 9 times.. lmfao. and he was like 'WHERE R U?' im like 'uhh home?!' and hes like ' WELLLL WERE COMING TO KIDNAP YOU RIGHT NOW SO GET OUTSIDE!' and i said 'welp.. i'm not ready i look like shit aha' and hes like 'yaaa ok, whatever!! get outside!' so ya i went to his house to drink and plus it was Fat E's birthday ... well all got trashed outta our minds and were being so fucking goofy it wasn't even funny.. well it was funny LOL!. Gered got sick bout 2am so he passed out in the bathroom and paul left so it was Stevie (girl), Derek, Fat e, and I. we were all in Dereks room smoking, drinkin, talkin and what not. and then i woke up at 7am and was like 'whoaaaa im sleeping by derek and stevie and fat e is on the floor by me' lmfao IT WAS INSANE! everyone was layin on each other AND STEVIE HOGGED THE BLANKETS! lmfao. (love u girl) but yea my nite was pretty amazing.

!!!!!!!!!!!!
today was my first day back to school since last friday; lol.. whoa crazy.. i would have never thought in a million years anyone would miss me.. but they did.. hehe!! and my day went okay and got even better when my good ol friend autumn told me that she SWEARS ON HER LIFE THOUGHT SHE SEEN JORDAN! (my ex bestfriend) my mouth dropped and she said hes gettin enrolled.. she described him to me.. and it fits the figure! OMFG IM SO HAPPY even though we havent talked.. i miss him and hes still my buddy..always and forever <3.. but yea that was my highlight. YaY. but yeah lastnite i got my nails done and went to my aunts and to the mall and what not so it was cool.. nothing to exciting except me tormenting my friend gump; hes such a cry baby. LOL!!

sick as a dog.. RUFF RUFF
yeaaaaah how bout i'm terribly sick.. bad sinus infection that is messing with my joints and what not so i'm like sore as all hell.. the doctor SHOVED A FUCKING TUBE up my nose.. IT WAS LIKE A FUCKIN HOSE!!! #%@!..those bastards.. but ya my friend Gered took me cause hes a sweetie!. and then we went to pick his brother up from school (were i should have been, hehe) and then we went to chill at his house. BUT if i didn't go to the doctors i would probably be even more miserable and top of that wine and cry lol like a little baby that i am. but yeah so no school tomorrow for me just like today :).. so yeah I HOPE I FEEL BETTER DAMNIT >_<

banana oil (nonsense)
the other day jason threatened me again; i'm gettin real sick of this bullshit.. seriously i honestly don't care anymore. so fuck it!. and i talked to gered the other day and he over heard at his party that 'i was mad at him cause some girl was all over him' i denied it and hes all like 'your lieing to me' and i'm like no dude wtf shut up. When really im not jealous.. i mean hes a really great friend, funny, cool, cute, i have a good time when i'm around him.. i don't know i'm all blank lol. but that nite at the party was crazy..BLAH AND i mean yeah i'm young but so confused about everything. sometimes i don't know what i want but thats another day..... But yaaa i think Gered is mad at me for the fact he thinks lied and i went all wack-o when he asked me if i was mad.. and hes like 'u don't wanna see/hang out with me and everything anymore huh?' and i said ' no gered that isn't it.. u JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND' and clearly i don't either.. so yeah i apologized cause i guess i'm a moronic fool. BLAH sorry for rambling on i guess i just needed to vent it out. arg

but friday is my bestest friend jenas 18 MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY (YAAA BIIITCHES) and its gonna kickass!! so i cant wait to see her cause it seeems like a fucking year. err LOVE U!


i wanna see my baby isaiah. arg!!!!! =)

lastnite i went to Gered's. i didn't think i was going.. cause i thought he blew me off since he was supposed to be here anywhere from 8:30-9:30. it was bout 10:10 when he called.. so yeah He wasn't supposed to have a party
but he did anyways, so i was like whoaa. We all got trashed.. i didn't even know wtf was going on. Even though i remember EVERYTHING. And something happened that reallllllly shouldn't of have =); but that would have never happened if 'she' wasn't there..stupid hoe. but yeah overall i did have a good time; i called Alaina and was like 'you need to get here, everyone wants you too' so she did.. she came bout 3am and we both left at 5am. Went to Mcdonalds since Wendy's wasn't open (fuckers) haha. and we got breakfast.. you know ate, was goofy, played in the playhouse thingy! then we just went back to her house and ate some pizza and fell asleep. Today we just drove around alittle and she brought me home. SOooO now i'm just relaxing thinking bout how crazy my night was and what to do and at the same time i'm pretty fucking tired and alil hungry. EeeRrr.

=]
Just got home; i was with Gered all night basically. :) had a nice time... i needed to do something since lastnite my mom and step dad got into it.. err. wasnt to pretty; but when is it ever?. tomorrow well i should say later on today i think im going back to Gereds to chill and party! wooooweee* hes such a sweetie. but yeah anyways im outtie!!


go steelers wooooo