What it took to build me, wasn't enough to kill me.

2 Postage Stamps | Send me Your love

:: 2005 27 November :: 5.07pm
:: Mood: bitchy

i don't even care anymore
It Doesn't Even Matter Anymore

i have no feeling.

8 Postage Stamps | Send me Your love

:: 2005 27 November :: 9.33am

It's now official.
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Comment to be added.

:: 2005 27 November :: 2.37am
:: Music: bon jovi- have a nice day

crazy night, wooo
i was at my aunts house thursday until today and i came home..

and i just got home.. i was house cleaning my room rugs. earlier..[lol] and then ben calls and is like you wanna get jena and then me u and jordan hang out and i havent seen jordan in like 2 yrs so i was all excited [this kid was my bestfriend for like 5 yrs] but u see when we got together me, jena and ben went looking for something..and we didnt succeed so we called kelly and we all chilled so me jena ben kelly and audrey got together .. then just drove around and hang out.. hahaha. it was fucking sweet as hell. omg i feel so fucking stupid im tryin to type all okay like n shit. lol. now im home and its 2:45 am and i left here at like 7:30 pm, hahaha and im just chillin bout to hit the sack :):) but i had a fun time and turkey day break is going swell.

3 Postage Stamps | Send me Your love

:: 2005 26 November :: 12.09pm
:: Mood: depressed

i thought everything was going good, until last night.. and then everything got blown back up in my face.

nothings good enough for anyone, so leave me the fuck alone. everyones a fucking asshole to me anymore. i don't do anything right, and when i do do something right someone has to say something to me and make me feel like fucking shit about it.

i might as well just not have any friends or anything, it all comes back at me in my fucking face.. no matter what i do with who. it's always a problem.

STOP TXTING MY PHONE STUPID ASSHOLES. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE.. LET HIM DO WHATEVER HE WANTS WHENEVER HE WANTS WITH WHO EVER THE FUCK HE WANTS. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE, I REALLY DON'T SO STOP TELLING ME THINGS THAT JUST UPSET ME.

you don't even fucking know what goes on in my head anymore.

so fuck off, i'm so serious. don't call/text my phone anymore. i'm tired of this bullshit.. i'm not even going to talk or hang out with any of my friends anymore. maybe that'll make things better.

this is my last entry that's public.. this is MY journal. I CAN WRITE WHAT I WANT ABOUT WHO I WANT. have a problem? don't read.

the rest of my journal entries will now be "Friends Only"

:: 2005 23 November :: 5.28pm
:: Mood: disappointed

You're all I keep thinking of and I can't get you out of my head. No matter how hard I try it's just never gonna happen. And you know what's amazing to me, that I would do anything to be with you, and you don't see it at all. You just throw me away like I'm some freakin piece of garbage and I just keep running back to you.

Tell me what's wrong with this picture.

:: 2005 23 November :: 2.53pm
:: Mood: livid

ugh confusion it doesn't matter
I HATE GIRLS WHO RUN THERE COCKSUCKERS!!

stupid people need to shut up and keep my name out of there mouths... i love people who try to be 'cool' and say false statements bout me and saying i supposivly said this and that bout someone.. FUCK THAT!.. you must be fucking dumb to even try and pull some Bullshit with me. hahaha. :)

pay backs a biiiiitch.

not caring?

:: 2005 23 November :: 10.01am
:: Mood: okay

it's a really good day today.
i'm in a great mood.

ben and i went to rochelles last night
[awwweee love you rochelle!!]

tonight hopefully ben rochelle and i are going to hang out.
depending on if i'm still 'fighting' with my aunt loraine.
and it depends on if it snows.

awwwe.. love you two!!
PICTURES:
Read more..

:: 2005 22 November :: 4.38pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Green day - nice guys finish last

people are really fucked you know that?
welp today was an interesting day

not only is school gay off the rocks.. but we had a bomb threat again! yes SECOND DAY IN A ROW WE HAD ONE! you would think they principles and the administration and the teachers or whoever would think 'hey we should hold off school' or hey 'lets do more action in this instead of letting these kids freeze their asses off' yeah we stood outside for like a fucking hour just cause some loser doesn't have anything better to do than call and say "your all gonna die theres a bomb.." and blah blah blah.. its funny in a way but when u make me stand outside in the cold for a fucking hour of course i'll be ticked wouldn't you? its like puemonia (sp?) weather out there!!! ugh. soooo.. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY AND SAY " A BOMB? THERES A BOMB IN THE SCHOOL? HAH LET IT BURN bomb bomb bomb bomb" all loud 'n' shit and also i said hey is ur parents a terroist cause ur da bomb to some cute kid [lol] and i guess i was heard by a teacher so i got reported AND i told them i thought it was dumb for me gettin in trouble because its my opinon hahahaha. so my mom isn't lettin me do anything today because i made a big deal bout shit and got ISS and Detention [what else is new? lol] AND i was supposed to hang out with jena&ben so basically if i wouldnt have like smart mouthed and threw a fit cause of there stupid policys 'n' shit i could be ok and chillin with them.. so i feel real bad. but tomorrows another day!!!! and we get out at like 12:18pm; and i really do not wanna go tomorrow especially cause some retard might do the call phone again ugh. ill shove the phone riiight up there ass whenever i find out who it was.. makin me stand outside for a fuckin hr. is this coldness. piish think again biiitches! hahahaha :):)

UPDATE!!! i did hang out with jena and ben after all thank goodness. :) it was nice seeing them & hopefully we hang out tomooooorrroooowwww!!!! :):):):):) luv yins

x-cosmic-sunday-x

:: 2005 22 November :: 12.51am

Hollie Panzer and Ashley Tinsle.

2 Postage Stamps | Send me Your love

:: 2005 21 November :: 6.05pm
:: Mood: sappy

i'm bleeding and i'm heartless; but i'm yours
I can't help that I like to be kissed
And I wouldn't mind if my name changed to Mrs.
This is one side, my conventional side
An attraction to tradition
My vintage disposition
My sincere architecture
And I want to cook him dinner
But I'm more indecisive than ever
And who believes in forever?

today wasn't so bad.. i wasn't so tired as i usually am when i'm at school.. i wouldn't say i payed attention but i was there [haha]. called ben when i got home and then i 3 wayed jena so we had our plans straight for tomorrow and wednesday after school.. there coming over tomorrow and wed. were going to the movies or something; whatever we do, we do. [lol]. but i know we will have fun! i got asked to the christmas dance today from some mexican guy.. of course i turned him down because for one i don't go to those kind of things, two its like $35 dollars and i'm broke as it is.. three i don't like him or wanna go with him and four i just dunno, ahaha. i really can't see myself do anything like that i'm used to being in a relationship for 2 years and not doing anything with anyone else [meaning going out and shit] but it's just so complicated i'm starting to realize i'm either destined to be alone. i honestly don't know my mind is so jumbled -so confused- i just don't know what i want anymore. this is just the time for me to have fun and be a teenager with my friends.

& mabey one day my prince will come around?

:: 2005 20 November :: 9.48pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: guns 'n' roses - knocking on heavens door

to much to handle
I feel like a ship beneath the waves
A child who's lost its way
A door without a key
A face without a name
I feel like a breath without the air
And every day's the same
since you've gone away

all this shit is getting to me
i just can't take it...
so many things running through my head [i don't know what to do, i don't understand].. i just wish i knew the answers.

~~i wish you'd want me again~~

:: 2005 17 November :: 9.05pm
:: Mood: depressed

So now that I wrote about my drama with Jim today.. I figured I'd write about my days.

Yesterday.. [Wed.] Becky Amy and I got in trouble for the whole "Jumping into the trunk" thing. Becky and I got 1 day after school, and Amy got 20 days without her driving pass.. Mr. Telerico laughed about it, said it was funny blah blah blah. The funny thing is, is that the teacher wouldn't have even known if some LOUD MOUTH would have kept her f-ing mouth shut.

Today [Thursday] I presented my graduation project. I went in there, I was prepared.. then I went to put my video in and it wouldn't work. I cried in front of 7 teachers.. But I guess something was wrong with the VCR they used because someone elses didn't work either.. so I went back up like an hour later and showed them my video. I brought Gabby with me, and they were all like "awwww she's beautiful." Yeah, she is. I know. :)

I was just messing around and I took this quiz..
what a co-ink-i-dink::Read more..

:: 2005 17 November :: 3.33pm

bitch what the fuck?
I HATE LITTLE GIRLS

anyways lastnite me and my mother got into it because im tryin to go to a alternative school called phase 4. theres one in washington and one in monesson im tryin to go to either one lol. i would be able to graduate this yr. and i get out at 11:30am. so yeah i mean come on plus the works easier. and i told her i wanted to go back to my old school if she doesnt sign me in or look into a alternative school lmao. it sucks not seeing everyone. hmm

this girl better watch out before i rip her eyelids off. ugh.

^ to a girl i want to rot n die cause i hate her so much with a burning passion

sometimes u gotta let people know whos in charge! :)

:: 2005 16 November :: 6.38pm
:: Mood: crabby
:: Music: 10 years - wasteland

doodle doodle doodle da da
whoa i need to get back on track and update daily.. sorry kiddos.

Wed- last day of school had a 4 day weekend woop woop.

Thurs- was with kelly

Fri- Went to rolands and played Monopoly from 7pm-12am. haha fun fun.

Sat- Went to wal*mart with my mom and just chilled with my mom,sis,step dad, aunt and cousin.

Sun- Went with jena to the movies to see Saw II. it was real good i liked it alot. but i liked me and jena spending time together; its been awhile since we hung out. i really missed her.

Mon-Went to gay ass school.. came home and slept.

Tues- My aunt and cousin went back home (even thought i got annoyed easily with them i miss them alot). i got to stay home but also i had 2 watch my sissy for a few hours [we had a blast!] hehe. then when my ma came home we went to washington to see my aunt missy and plus my step dad had to remodel her kitchen 'n' shit..so i decided to go to the mall..i got a shirt at dots [green and white with a pocket on the boobie lol] also 3 pairs of really cute underwear!.. (we all know im a undies fanatic. ugh).. then i went to Pac Sun cause there having sales i got a shirt [orange, pink and white]. then Spencers for new gauged earrings. i'm like the only one with my ears gauged in school lol but hey thats meeeeeee. :). also me and mark got into it. hmm what else is new. (i try to get over him but it doesnt work out)

Wed Not having a good day really everything is getting to me. i hate school im not doing well on the second nine weeks. and i'm taking to many xanaxs.. my worlds coming to an end. little girls think they can try and take us cool folks men.. but WRONG-O SISTA!! lmao.. ILL STAB U IN THE FACE BITCH!!!! hahahaha oh yes indeed. :):)
i keep thinking of my ex boyfriend danny, i do miss him, he gets out in march i believe.. i would like to write to him and see how he is but my mom hates him... shes like 'if u get back with that lowlife i wont want to have anything to do with you!' im like 'but mom. i never said i was going to i just wanna see how he is!!!!! ugh she just said "w/e i'll get u a fucking stamp" i doubt she will stick to her word but oh well. i can talk to whoever i want to... also earlier today i talked to my mom on the phone bout another school since she wont let me go back to bentworth; called PHASE 4 not the one in washington but the one in Monessen. i will graduate early and get out of school at 11:30am instead of 2:18pm. and less kids to put up with... i mean ringgold is okay and i did make new kickass friends but i just cant take the 'other' peers and the teachers and the fucking work. i just cant im assuming school isnt cut out for me. never the less. hmm* wel im outtie.