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stop saying that were invincable

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:: 2004 8 August :: 2.27 pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: ataris - so long, astoria

life is only as good as the memories we make =)
im bored..and i have to pee. let me do that first so i dont rush this. tehehe =)..



kk




hm.. well heres me and paolo so i can [ X ] out __

Silenced x Kid (1:34:28 PM): yoooo
bmxer4life722 (1:34:33 PM): yo
Silenced x Kid (1:34:41 PM): whats up
bmxer4life722 (1:34:45 PM): nm
bmxer4life722 (1:35:01 PM): h/o my little cousins goin crazy
Silenced x Kid (1:35:08 PM): haha oook
Silenced x Kid (1:35:22 PM): what chuu wannt fuu chooww
Silenced x Kid (1:35:24 PM): hehe
Silenced x Kid (1:35:27 PM): im just kidding
Silenced x Kid (1:35:29 PM): i love you
Silenced x Kid (1:35:29 PM): :-)
bmxer4life722 (1:35:50 PM): yea right
Silenced x Kid (1:35:56 PM): i dOoooooo
bmxer4life722 (1:36:36 PM): pshh
bmxer4life722 (1:36:38 PM): sike no
Silenced x Kid (1:36:53 PM): whaaaaat
Silenced x Kid (1:36:56 PM): haha
bmxer4life722 (1:37:07 PM): i love u too vee
Silenced x Kid (1:37:10 PM): I LOVE YOU PAOLO AND YOU BETTER LIKE IT>:o
bmxer4life722 (1:37:12 PM): :-D
Silenced x Kid (1:37:14 PM): :-D
bmxer4life722 (1:37:15 PM): ok
Silenced x Kid (1:37:15 PM): hehe
Silenced x Kid (1:37:18 PM): yessss
bmxer4life722 (1:37:21 PM): haha
Silenced x Kid (1:37:41 PM): i cant not love you your soo cute tehehe
Silenced x Kid (1:37:49 PM): your OUR paolo
Silenced x Kid (1:38:01 PM): alwAys* !!! :-):-)
bmxer4life722 (1:38:07 PM): yes
bmxer4life722 (1:38:09 PM): thats tru
Silenced x Kid (1:38:15 PM): yes it is.
Silenced x Kid (1:38:34 PM): do you know where creeg is?
bmxer4life722 (1:38:42 PM): no i dont
Silenced x Kid (1:38:48 PM): or anthony?
Silenced x Kid (1:38:51 PM): haha
Silenced x Kid (1:38:52 PM): ANT********
bmxer4life722 (1:38:57 PM): haha
bmxer4life722 (1:38:58 PM): nope
Silenced x Kid (1:39:04 PM): tweet?
Silenced x Kid (1:39:10 PM): wait
Silenced x Kid (1:39:11 PM): hes on
Silenced x Kid (1:39:18 PM): ok..so ants at work too
bmxer4life722 (1:39:19 PM): yea
bmxer4life722 (1:39:28 PM): probly
Silenced x Kid (1:39:36 PM): craig is probably. .. atttt mike o's
Silenced x Kid (1:39:40 PM): hm i see i see
Silenced x Kid (1:39:45 PM): ok and sam and eric are at sams
bmxer4life722 (1:39:47 PM): yea
Silenced x Kid (1:39:47 PM): im here
Silenced x Kid (1:39:49 PM): your there
bmxer4life722 (1:39:55 PM): ok vee
Silenced x Kid (1:39:56 PM): where the fuck is carl
Silenced x Kid (1:39:59 PM): haha
Silenced x Kid (1:40:00 PM): im jk
Silenced x Kid (1:40:03 PM): anywayy
Silenced x Kid (1:40:14 PM): omg you know what randy said to me!
Silenced x Kid (1:40:15 PM): hahahaha
bmxer4life722 (1:40:25 PM): wat
bmxer4life722 (1:40:29 PM): no wait i kno
Silenced x Kid (1:40:40 PM): he was like.. "i passed by your house the other day and saw you" and i was like "really? why didnt you say hi" and he was like "idk..but i was in your uria" hahaha
Silenced x Kid (1:40:42 PM): what?
bmxer4life722 (1:40:54 PM): haha
Silenced x Kid (1:40:58 PM): no wait
Silenced x Kid (1:40:59 PM): he said
Silenced x Kid (1:41:01 PM): he SEENT me
Silenced x Kid (1:41:09 PM): haah what a black boy
bmxer4life722 (1:41:12 PM): yes
Silenced x Kid (1:41:17 PM): and he said soemthin else
Silenced x Kid (1:41:25 PM): oh he was like
Silenced x Kid (1:41:26 PM): chaa
Silenced x Kid (1:41:33 PM): but uria
Silenced x Kid (1:41:34 PM): hahaha
bmxer4life722 (1:41:41 PM): he said he got head from girl in washington township
Silenced x Kid (1:41:48 PM): whaaaaaat
Silenced x Kid (1:41:51 PM): xP
bmxer4life722 (1:41:55 PM): yea
Silenced x Kid (1:41:55 PM): ^thats a face
bmxer4life722 (1:41:59 PM): sure
bmxer4life722 (1:42:04 PM): i was like bull
Silenced x Kid (1:42:10 PM): ugHHhh
bmxer4life722 (1:42:15 PM): haha
Silenced x Kid (1:42:21 PM): his lil pee pee
bmxer4life722 (1:42:25 PM): lol
Silenced x Kid (1:42:25 PM): nassstttaaaayyyy
bmxer4life722 (1:42:32 PM): yes i dont believe him
Silenced x Kid (1:42:36 PM): me either.
Silenced x Kid (1:42:39 PM): damn straight
bmxer4life722 (1:42:41 PM): lol
Silenced x Kid (1:42:42 PM): hey if he got head so did i
bmxer4life722 (1:42:47 PM): hahaha
Silenced x Kid (1:42:53 PM): :-D
bmxer4life722 (1:43:02 PM): well im super tired
Silenced x Kid (1:43:05 PM): okay
Silenced x Kid (1:43:07 PM): go sleep little one
bmxer4life722 (1:43:17 PM): na i slept till like 12
Silenced x Kid (1:43:32 PM): i went to bed at 5:3O and slept until like 1
bmxer4life722 (1:43:38 PM): nice
bmxer4life722 signed off at 1:43:42 PM.
Silenced x Kid (1:43:46 PM): heyyyyy
Previous message was not received by bmxer4life722 because of error (1:43:47 PM): User bmxer4life722 is not available.

bmxer4life722 signed on at 1:43:57 PM.
Silenced x Kid (1:44:02 PM): HEYYYY!!!!>:o
Silenced x Kid (1:44:07 PM): stupid computer
bmxer4life722 (1:44:07 PM): srry
bmxer4life722 (1:44:09 PM): i g2g
Silenced x Kid (1:44:12 PM): ooook
bmxer4life722 (1:44:15 PM): bye
Silenced x Kid (1:44:17 PM): byee
bmxer4life722 signed off at 1:44:21 PM.


haha mee soO funnAy.. hehe =P


hmm anywayy*


im bored as hell. i was up till like 4:3O talkin to nick. and then i got in bed and i couldnt fall asleep for like a half hour. so around like 5 [ yeah a half hour later, haha dumbass ] i got up and got some food. well, not really. i found a egg roll so i ate it. haha. how ghetto chinese of me. idk then at like 5:3O i went to sleep. woke up around 1O:3O bc my fuckin alarm went off. oops i forgot to turn it off. and i kept forgettin to turn it off. id just hit snooze until like 11:3O then i finally shut it off. haha. son of a bitch went on interruptin my dreams foreverr. sheesh, lol. well after that i slept until like 2O after 1 and now im up on here. but im hungry and tired. i just felt like putting paolos convo in here. lol i love that poor little kid. i dont know but im about to go out on my bike, i think. so ill fix this later or somethin.

-bye

<33

mwahss

its all in your goodbyes


:: 2004 8 August :: 12.44 am
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: thursday - cross out the eyes

im falling to peices, i cant let go, tearing apart your lies, i want to live.
hm .. i havent had a real update in a while i guess. idk. i havent really been "up to" much. i watched a lot of movies. slept. went out on my bike. saw some fat guys balls. saw some turkeys. was told i could go out today then got a refusal when it came time to drop me off. yeah that pissed me off. fuckin faggot. i got called sam by someone who should KNOW better. stupid ass [ bob dole ]. ive been listenin to dierks bently and thursday. yeah nice combo. hehe. idk what else there is to say. im in a weird mood so i cant really update. see how odd im bein? you can tell by the way im typin this and stuff. its just weird. but idk. i feel weird. but its w.e. im startin to feel dizzy so im gonna stop this. bye

<3

-----
ok that fuckin update SUCKS at life.

here.... [ from my live journal ]

hi.

nobody really knows about this thing so i have no idea why i even bother to update. its basically me updating to myself. but w.e. im listening to dierks bentley. the subject is his lyrics =P. hehe. im bored as fuck tho. sam and eric went to bed bc they gotta actually get up and do stuff tomorrow. like chill. lol. oOo thats alot. haha just kidding. at least they got stuff to do. i wanted to go swimmin but with sam. and its been chilly as hell so i dont think id even want to do that. not like i could. how the hell do i have more to say to this journal then to my real one? thats gay. i should put in that one: "for real update, refer to "'"'" and put the link. lol. but nahh its cool. hmm today. well no, lets start with yesterday. i rode my bike. yesss. i <3 my bicycle. hehe. but anyway i went up spring road past the trains. instead of goin around the block [ which would be right onto 561 ] i went left. and road straight for a lil then i went right onto some road. hay road? idk. its before the bridge thingy. i road that and then ended up at winslow manor. went to the park right there and swang on the swings alone. uh, then i left and went on that road that brings you up to that intersection where flemming becomes winslow road. and i went right onto flemming. road up to 561 and went right. [ back towards spring. ] then i glanced to my right at this bus/18wheeler place [ i think ] and saw turkeys. so i went alllll the way around to come up behind them so i wouldnt have to turn around and run into the street if they tried to go all beast mode turkey on me. i threw rocks and they just got up and "gobble gobble"d and went into the trees. i think they were tryin to come around and side attack me haha. so i left real fast. hehe. i know them fuckers can kill a bitch. haha. anyway. went back to 561 and back past the trains on spring. road back up. i pass jake and josh's house and then theres this fat ass [ phil margera fat ] dude [ without the hair ] and hes sittin on his 3 step porch on the 2nd step in loose shorts. bendin over with one knee up tryin to get weeds out of his bush or w.e and i glance and im like.. "was thaaatt..' and look again. yeah mother fucker. it was his fuckin BALLS right out in the open like it was their job. fuck man. sick. i deff didnt need to see that. i almost ran into a fuckin car. god damn man. annnyyywayyy*. i road up the pike and back home. idk i probably got in and came on here. jusstt mayyybeee. lol. then talked till like probably 1:30 or w.e.oh yeah i got a shower before i got back on this =) best shower in a whiiiile. mmmmhmmm. hehe. thenn today. got up at like 10:30. got ready. cuttin it close to 11 [ when sams mom wanted to leave for the mall ] and then all that i go to ask my dad if hes ready. and he says. "im not takin no one nowhere. im not doin NOTHIN!" fuckin faggot. so i sat home while sam went and school shopped. HOW FUCKIN GAY. i deff wanted to go and i deff wanted to go with sam school clothes shoppin. asshole. and he wont go with me so why the fuck couldnt i just go today. what a DICKHEAD. ugh. yeah that got me soo pissed i fuckin slept alll day then went out on my bike till 9. i went up the pike to hammonton high and stuff. chilled there tryin to get a soda out of the machine. then went up the street and chilled in the dark. i tried smokin a ciggarette but i didnt like it. i put it out after like 2 puffs. such a waste but w.e. i hate that shit. i am, for sure, quittin. im done with that. yuckk xP. yeah theni came up here in my room and got on here. talked to sam craig eric and mike pagano. and whoever else. rannddaayy. he says "i was in your uria" hahahaha. what a kid. yeahh well now im beat. i think i AM gonna just put this link in my other journal cus i did a muuchhh better job on the update over here then i did there. ahwell. laterr

xO



andd just a little bit of me and craig..

Silenced x Kid (12:17:27 AM): craig
lFullCollapse (12:17:55 AM): vee
Silenced x Kid (12:18:01 AM): i gotta tellyou a story
Silenced x Kid (12:18:03 AM): h.o
Silenced x Kid (12:18:36 AM): ok
Silenced x Kid (12:18:38 AM): ..
Silenced x Kid (12:19:00 AM): my gym teachers car broke down and he had a skateboard in his trunk and he skateboarded home
Silenced x Kid (12:19:01 AM): hahahaha
lFullCollapse (12:19:19 AM): hahaha
lFullCollapse (12:19:23 AM): howd you know
Silenced x Kid (12:19:31 AM): the chick gym teacher told us
Silenced x Kid (12:19:31 AM): lol
Silenced x Kid (12:19:48 AM): they were like.. wtf would you have a skateboard..id have a bike or a scooter..haha
lFullCollapse (12:19:48 AM): oo lool
Silenced x Kid (12:20:01 AM): hes like 35 too and hes a big guy like all built
Silenced x Kid (12:20:01 AM): hahaha
Silenced x Kid (12:20:05 AM): hes so gay
Silenced x Kid (12:20:14 AM): hes always handlin his stuff ughh
lFullCollapse (12:20:40 AM): haha
Silenced x Kid (12:20:58 AM): and he wears them silky shorts so its like ..
Silenced x Kid (12:21:04 AM): noticable
Silenced x Kid (12:21:06 AM): ew
Silenced x Kid (12:21:08 AM): i hate that dude
lFullCollapse (12:21:15 AM): i love him
Silenced x Kid (12:21:17 AM): little bastard i dont wanna see the outline of that thing
Silenced x Kid (12:21:17 AM): haha
Silenced x Kid (12:21:21 AM): hey
Silenced x Kid (12:21:33 AM): thats not cool
Silenced x Kid (12:32:32 AM): look at my pictures
Silenced x Kid (12:32:41 AM): www.picturetrail.com/keptsecretx
lFullCollapse (12:33:49 AM): why would you put that picture in there
Silenced x Kid (12:33:55 AM): its all i have punk
Silenced x Kid (12:33:57 AM): lol
Silenced x Kid (12:34:12 AM): its the best one out there..that i know of
Silenced x Kid (12:34:14 AM): you dont look
Silenced x Kid (12:34:15 AM): too bad
Silenced x Kid (12:34:16 AM): lol
lFullCollapse (12:34:30 AM): what was i doin
Silenced x Kid (12:34:44 AM): looking at my pictures...
Silenced x Kid (12:34:56 AM): or in the picture?
lFullCollapse (12:34:59 AM): yeah
Silenced x Kid (12:35:16 AM): you tried to walk away bc you saw she was takin your picture
lFullCollapse (12:35:31 AM): oo lol
Silenced x Kid (12:35:45 AM): you put your hand up and shit..i think then you went over to uhh.. the basketball hacky sack game haha how gay
lFullCollapse (12:36:05 AM): ha
Silenced x Kid (12:36:28 AM): yeah
Silenced x Kid (12:36:55 AM): are you done
lFullCollapse (12:37:02 AM): yeah
Silenced x Kid (12:37:16 AM): mmkay
Silenced x Kid (12:37:38 AM): now you should read sams journal.. she wrote a thing for you somehwere in there.. lol
lFullCollapse (12:37:50 AM): i know she told me to read it alreayd lol
Silenced x Kid (12:37:56 AM): okay
Silenced x Kid (12:39:26 AM): hi
lFullCollapse (12:39:31 AM): ...
Silenced x Kid (12:40:38 AM): hmm
Silenced x Kid (12:40:40 AM): hahaha
Silenced x Kid (12:40:49 AM): i dont have a phone
Silenced x Kid (12:40:50 AM): how gay
lFullCollapse (12:40:58 AM): well stop breaking them
Silenced x Kid (12:41:10 AM): i didnt
Silenced x Kid (12:41:15 AM): teh battery died in the one
Silenced x Kid (12:41:16 AM): andd
Silenced x Kid (12:41:23 AM): the other one is wayy downstairs
Silenced x Kid (12:41:28 AM): i dont liek goin downssairs
Silenced x Kid (12:41:31 AM): tairs8
Silenced x Kid (12:41:34 AM): **

lFullCollapse (12:41:37 AM): lol
Silenced x Kid (12:42:41 AM): yeah
Silenced x Kid (12:58:36 AM): what akid
Silenced x Kid (12:58:43 AM): look at erics a/m
Silenced x Kid (12:58:44 AM): haha
lFullCollapse (12:59:06 AM): whats his sn?
Silenced x Kid (12:59:16 AM): gangstar481
lFullCollapse (12:59:44 AM): thats gay
Silenced x Kid (12:59:58 AM): lol
Silenced x Kid (12:59:59 AM): haha
Silenced x Kid (1:00:02 AM): :-X
Silenced x Kid (1:02:08 AM): bobdole called me sam today
Silenced x Kid (1:02:11 AM): fuckin asshole
lFullCollapse (1:02:15 AM): ha
Silenced x Kid (1:02:31 AM): he left me messages and everything
lFullCollapse (1:02:45 AM): thats why hes gay joe
Silenced x Kid (1:02:56 AM): im startin to see it now
lFullCollapse (1:43:03 AM): whats PDA?
Silenced x Kid (1:43:26 AM): me no know
lFullCollapse (1:43:29 AM): lol
Silenced x Kid (1:43:35 AM): yeah
lFullCollapse (1:43:49 AM): you let me down vee
Silenced x Kid (1:43:59 AM): oh well
Silenced x Kid (1:46:01 AM): your odd
Silenced x Kid (1:46:23 AM): i told you i saw turkeys and you said "gobble gobble" haha.. and its even more odd bc i can see you doing that
lFullCollapse (1:46:34 AM): hahahahahaha
lFullCollapse (1:46:39 AM): when i said that i did do it!
Silenced x Kid (1:46:52 AM): oh wow
Silenced x Kid (1:46:54 AM): niiiiiiiice
Silenced x Kid (1:46:56 AM): haha
lFullCollapse (1:47:41 AM): lol
Silenced x Kid (1:47:58 AM): yezh'kjl
Silenced x Kid (1:48:02 AM): yeah
lFullCollapse (1:49:01 AM): :-)
Silenced x Kid (1:49:12 AM): dont be so fucking happy
Silenced x Kid (1:49:16 AM): haha
Silenced x Kid (1:49:18 AM): im jk
lFullCollapse (1:49:18 AM): i cant help it
Silenced x Kid (1:49:27 AM): what happend lol
lFullCollapse (1:49:31 AM): nothing
Silenced x Kid (1:49:37 AM): bullshit
lFullCollapse (1:49:41 AM): haha
Silenced x Kid (1:49:50 AM): coem on punk
Silenced x Kid (1:49:50 AM): tell me
lFullCollapse (1:50:02 AM): its nothing
lFullCollapse (1:50:07 AM): just some stuff she said
lFullCollapse (1:50:13 AM): but im going to bed
lFullCollapse (1:50:15 AM): its mad late
lFullCollapse (1:50:16 AM): or early
Silenced x Kid (1:50:17 AM): faggot
lFullCollapse (1:50:20 AM): howevery ou want to put it
lFullCollapse (1:50:22 AM): haha
lFullCollapse (1:50:26 AM): i love you too vee
Silenced x Kid (1:50:28 AM): no
Silenced x Kid (1:50:31 AM): and its late
Silenced x Kid (1:50:32 AM): pussy
Silenced x Kid (1:50:35 AM): BYE
lFullCollapse (1:50:42 AM): whaaat way to ruin my mood
Silenced x Kid (1:50:47 AM): haha
Silenced x Kid (1:50:49 AM): ;yeah right
Silenced x Kid (1:50:54 AM): ok
Silenced x Kid (1:50:56 AM): il fix it
lFullCollapse (1:50:57 AM): later
Silenced x Kid (1:50:58 AM): wait
lFullCollapse (1:51:03 AM): ...
Silenced x Kid (1:51:04 AM): i lvoe you too:-)..laterr
Silenced x Kid (1:51:05 AM): haha
lFullCollapse (1:51:08 AM): haha
lFullCollapse (1:51:12 AM): good job
Silenced x Kid (1:51:13 AM): nwo go
lFullCollapse (1:51:15 AM): bye
lFullCollapse signed off at 1:51:20 AM.


haha.. what a bunch of gay guys* =)

i can tell you now.. craig will see this in here sometime and be like "how gay..you put that in there'.. but ohwell.. haha.. its the only funny convo i had.. its not even that funny. =\.. haha.. whats funny is sam callin jay brown a retarded ass kid..hahahaha.. i love it.. read her fuckin journal faggs .. . w.e im out..

laterr <33

4 never thought wed make it out alive | its all in your goodbyes


:: 2004 6 August :: 1.41 am
:: Mood: feel like singing
:: Music: creed haha

shOobie doO wOp dOobie dO wOp ?!
lets leave i wanted to get away get lost in time where theres no reason left to hide yeah lets leave i wanted to get away run and feel the time where theres no reason left to hide. no reason to hide.

- creed


niiiiiiiiggggggggggggaaaaaaaaaaaa pllllllleeeeeeeassssssseeeeeeee!


haha



after all the things you say you hate me for being this way

- thursday


at times life is wicked and i just cant see the light. a silver lining sometimes isnt enough to make some wrongs seem right.. whatever life brings ive been through everything and now im on my knees again** .. but i know i must go on.. although im hurt** i must be strong because inside i know that many feel this way..

- creed








pshhhhhhht im done im tired


laterrrrr niggggggggerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr [ s ]



neeGrOw please! .. haha <33

its all in your goodbyes


:: 2004 5 August :: 7.12 pm
:: Mood: idk anymore..
:: Music: dierks

your memories bound me like a chain__
__[ i wish it would break ]
this old heart of mines got a mind of its own and its decided not to let you go. even tho your loves no longer here, it wont let me shed one tear - cus its still holdin on to yesterday. [ i wish it would break ] then i could move on right on down the line. where i dont see you, need you, in my life. but your wrapped around me, your memories bound me, like a chain [ i wish it would break ]

thinkin about a love that just wasnt true. and theres a good chance ill end up insane without enough sense to come in from the rain. my mind might be the last thing youll make me lose. [ but ill forget about you ] .. i wont take a broken heart to my grave. ill be damned if a memorys gonna bring me down. i dont intend to ever go back there.

i wonder how you are [ is anybody lovin you these days ]

take it .. take your heart.. my love will follow you .. my love will follow you down every highway of your soul. you can leave me far behind but my love will be your shadow everywhere you go. so close the door, turn in the key. leave me here like a memory. my love will follow you. .. my love will follow you down every highway of your soul.. you can leave me far behind but my love will be your shadow everywhere you go. if you should go so far that you can not get back .. you may not remember but my heart will not lose track. so go ahead .. in my heart you still remain. my love will follow you.

its strange to hear your voice i did not expect for you to call. you wonder how im doin, how im holdin up since you did me wrong. well how am i doin since you did what you done to me. i cant lie i sometimes cry when i think of how it used to be. i keep my friends with me. i stay busy and i dont get much sleep. baby thats how im doin since you did what you da da done to me. well now wait one minute i failed to mention those tears i cried. [ tears of joy ] because it was no fun, there under your thumb. well i dont know what you were thinkin.. now you say your sorry..... welll hunnie i agree.

what was i thinkin?..

my heart quit tryin











this is crazy =\









but true i guess


























so im gone







______________________ [ it was fun while it lasted ]




bye

its all in your goodbyes


:: 2004 2 August :: 11.30 am
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: w.e the black kid rodney has on his computer haha

*SAMANTHAS BIRPHDAYY* ~ !
first of all im at summer school and were out of here soon so i wont get this WHOLE update done..ill finish it when i get home.. =)

first off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM!!!!
you are finally 15. do you know how crazy that is? .. all this time you were ONLY 14!!.. thats fuckin nuts.. haha but anyway .. heres the heart to heart <3 ..

youre always gonna be my best friend no matter what you do to me ..and i know that you dont always treat me with the best of .. whats the word.. ? ...? .. idk but whatever it is i know that you dont mean it and that you love me .. and ill always forgive you, you know that.. you can never get rid of me so try your hardest, you just cant.. im gonna be up your ass for the rest of your life =) haha.. i think that ppl spend the first 20 years of their lives just tryin to find someone who understands them and it only took us.. what? .. 13? 14? thats just cus we kick ass =) hehe.. just remember that there isnt a day no matter if were fightin or not talkin or in different states, that i wont be there for you .. i promise you ill find a way to help you out .. im always here to listen and give advice and criticise.. im ALWAYS here for you sam, dont forget that, ever. you may think that eric is the greatest thing in the world and all that hoo ha .. and yes, he very well is, but i am too. just bc he has the penis doesnt mean hes any better then me you just love the kid soo much that youre blinded sometimes by that.. and thats okay bc id expect that from you .. and i put up with it and not many people would, so please dont take what you have for granted. you have 2 of the greatest people in the world on your side and were here to stay =) .. although me and you have been through mad shit and manny laughs, eric is catchin up bc hes a lucky bastard but still.. haha.. all 3 of us are great and im glad that the new person in the picture is him, hes worth the risk .. i mean, we both love you just soo much and were willing to give you everything. the idea of that should just make you smile =) hehe.. of course theres other things in your life [ mine, his ] that would make you unhappy or depressed and all that but just remember what you have and you should be fine hun .. seriously.. that sounds sooooooo incredibly gay but its true.. just seriously stop, think about it, then talk to us.. i am here sam, speak your minddddd.. haha.. okay well i keep repeating myself.. so once again.. HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY .. im sure eric made it happpyyyyy haha =P ..


oh, heres my info for the "record"..

sam, youre the best best friend ive ever had and i coudnt imagine my life with out you. you helped me be me and the best part about it is you got the real me. the thing i love the most about us is that we always seemed to click and we understand each other. i mean i can say, unfortunately, some things are changing but were still us somewhere in there. its still just me and you them two 'youngins'. and no matter what shit you get yourself into, im on your side. i got your back dawg, lol. ill always be your friend, ill always be your shoulder to cry on, basically, ill always be here if you need me. its been almost 4 years and theres nothing i regret. every fight it stays. it brings us closer and even if it dont, nothin can tear us apart. were dumb and dumber ..and since when do they break up? hehe.. well i love you girl and happy 15th, ugHh finally! .. im glad to see it happen. mwahss




mmmkAy see ya later hunnie <3


laterr



LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUU <3

its all in your goodbyes


:: 2004 29 July :: 10.47 pm
:: Mood: a tad tired
:: Music: jay z .. the curse

rapid hope loss ___
im soo bored.. i think im gonna go to bed madd early.. haha.. but NOOo i cant do that.. it wont work .. lol .. i take surveys instead

oh yeah, happy birthday eric.


anyway..on with the surveyINg ... haha -->


So, what's your name?:vee
Age?:15
Race/ethnicity?:white
Monty?:uh ..
Do you get why i just said monty?:no not really..
On relationships...
Anyway...crush?:guess not
Got one?
Are you going to tell me their name?:i would
Are you single?:yes
Are you taken?:no
Why are you single if you are?:bc i dont do the whole b/f thing.. i guess..
If you're taken, who's the lucky guy/girl?:yeahh
Do you think they're lucky to have you?:do do doOo do
How long have you liked said person?:la la..no said person..do La La
Are you glad this section is over?:yesum
Yes?:YES
No?:in the jungle the mighty jungle..
On favourites...
What's your favourite song(s)?:idk.. i dont have favorites
Movie?:i am sam, breakfast club.. andd lion king.. theres another but i forget
Game?:i dont play games .. but i like gta & driver2
Website?:um .. my jzournal =D .. haha FAGGOT =x
Food?:pizza panzorottis raviolis.. idk other stuffs
Survey?:yeah right like i have a favorite you geek
Survey maker? *points at self*:sure why not
Hair color?:i dont have one
CD album?:yellowcard, co&ca, eminem show..theres a few more =)
Band?:dont have just one
Artist?:uh ..
Program of choice?:that..
This or that...
Windows or Mac?:windows niiiiggggggaaaaa
Death or life?:life.. death is scary
Cheese or porridge?:cheese.. who eats porridge?
Britney or Christina...or neither?:thanks for giving the option of neither..
Lord of the Rings or Harry potter (ONE CHOICE ONLY):ugh .. harry potter
Legolas or Aragorn?:legolas =P
Arwen or Eowyn?:arwen .. shes prettier
Fantasy or Reality?:fantasy.. reality SUCKS...
Religion or atheism?:atheism.. but religion is probably easier..
Would you wanna die of...
murder or old age:old age
drive by or starvation?:drive by
In your sleep or in a tar pit?:sleep
What if...
If you could go back in time and change anything, what would you do?:theres a few things..
The sky was yellow?:it would be normal bc we wouldnt know it any other way..
If you could take up any language what would you learn?:italian i suppose
you were a movie? What would you be?:um .. idk .. rapid hope loss
Lovey dovey stuff..
Are you of age?:for? ..
Did you read the rating?:oh yeah sure...
How many years till your legal?:2
Favourite fantasy?:idk.. wtf
Do you dream of your crush?:yeah sure
Have you had sex yet?:nope
Did you type "VERGGGGEEEEENNNN" if you haven't?:no...
Do you lie about your age to people?:nope theres no need
How many partners have you had?:zero
Been to third base yet?:did i not just answer this DICK.. NO
All the way?:wTF............ how many times can you answer the same question in diff words?!
With who?:what a moron
Are you going to tell me?:=)
Tired of this yet?:oh yeah deff
First thing you think of...
Mauve:is that a name?
gay:YOU
legolas:hott
cheese:ee
Alyssa:jon .. eww faGGOt >:O!!
Johnny:GEEEEEEEEE
Justin:'s gaYYYYy
Josh:greene
Orlando:blOom
Shane:west
Finish the sentence
If it ain't broke:its fixed .. hahah WTF..
The grass is greener:on the other side
What's love:got to do..got to do with it!
You are what you:are
Battle of the bands (in no particular pairing)
Muse or Modest mousse?:sure why not
The cure or Blink 182?:blink
Pink Floyd or Guns and Roses?:gNr
Avril Lavigne or Hilary Duff (yes you have to choose ONE haha):avril ..just cus shes gay doesnt mean she cant sing SOMETIMES..haha
Alexisonfire or Linkin park?:linkin park
Franz Ferdinand or staind?:staind
Slipknot or rancid?:slipknot.. RANCID FUCKING SUCKS!!
Afi or Three days grace?:three days grace
Sugarcult or Hoobastank?:hoobastank
Dashboard confessional or Story of the year?:ughh.. d/c i guess
Nsync or Backstreet boys?:backkkkstreeeeeeeet boyyysss =D
I'm done...happy?:yesum
Are you sure? BYE!:yupp .. laterrrr niggER

95 questions if you're BORED brought to you by BZOINK!



------------------

Favorite Song By....
Greenday?:its something unpredictable but in the end its right i hope you had the time of your life.. that one..haha
Blink 182?:stay together for the kids or w.e.. orr violence
SR-71?:uhhhhh
Student Rick?:iekajs;luoi
Mest?:yeah THAT oneasdfoj
Zebrahead?:soiejnl
BBMak?:ahaha..yeahh right them boys..haha
Goldfinger?:yeah
Jewel?:the i was meant for you and you were meant for me one
Jessica Simpson?:irresistible? ..with you? ..IDK
Justin Timberlake?:um. ..right for me i think.. i forget
Spice Girls?:idk the names.. mama i love youuuu.. that ones good ;)
Chevelle?:hmm .. closure i think
Trapt?:still frame? ..
Yellowcard?:uh .. id say 10 or my only or w.e..6?..i forget the names haha
Switchfoot?:i forget what its called and the number so oh well
Finch?:what it is to burn ..or letters to you..idc
The Cars?:um
Social Distortion?:mmhm
Pat Benetar?:yea
Garth Brooks?:the father one orr..the one sam has in her journal..the friend one
Offspring?:no favorites their songs are pretty dumb..
Godsmack?:i hate them..
Shania Twain?
Mariah Carey?:uh .. thank god i found you .. or w.e 2 was on rainbow..or them old songs..
Joan Jet?:uh
Alanis Morrisette?:haha .. allelujah or w.e hahah =x
Thursday?:i like the whole full collapse cd
Aerosmith?:miss a thing..

Favorite Songs by the FoLLowing brought to you by BZOINK!


yO im DUMB as SHIT..hahah


-----------------------

Do people think you're happy?:idk ask them .. but people are always telling me to cheer up and be happier and more alive.. so you do the math...
Are you happy?:no im not
What band would you stand in line for 24 hours to see?:yellowcard .. blink .. tbs..three days grace
If you were in a band, which role would you be? (ex. hot lead singer):guitar or drums =P .. haha.. or i could just be the singer..haha w.e
Who do you love most in the whole world?:sam =\
What was your worst childhood experience?:witnessing suicide
Would you ever consider prostitution as an occupation?:no
Do you dance and sing at the top of your lungs when no one's around?:yes but....not on the top of my lungs o=)
Do you like rainy days?:usually
You can trade another person's emotions for your own. Whose do you take?:someone is always sees sunshine through the clouds..someone who never ever lets anything bother them but still has time to love..anyone who is truthfully happy once in a while
Name the stupidest person you know.:haha ..wow this is a nice question .. i would saaaay..jess =\..sorry hun!! i love you! =)
What's your normal state of mind?:pathetic .. no haha um .. content i guess
What's your perfect date?:chillin at his house cuddlin watchin movies takin naps and him makin me food..or makin food together =D
Name the three biggest things that make up you.:um .. hmm...im always nice, i think about EVERYTHING, andd.. idk.. shockingly, i have more love for ppl then youd think
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood. Which do you take?:the right.. bc in wrong turn it was the left way
Are you stubborn?:no not at all
If you could relive one year of your life, which would it be?:this one bc i now know eric
Are your friends your shield or do you need a shield against your friends?:i guess my friends are my shield.. i GUESS.. i dont really understand lol
Do you often let people down?:no
What makes your heart beat faster?:the phone right next to me ringing and when im in the dark and i freak myself out
Have you ever felt invisible to those around you? If so, when?:yeah .. when i actually am talking and no one listens .. or when sam and eric are idk.. talking or wrestlin..
Are you a one night stand or serious relationship type person?:i dont know.. i havent had either yet so..lol
What was/is going to be your first waltz at your wedding?:uh ... the song? .. i have no idea
When it's not summer, what do you miss most about it?:sleeping in
Do you consider yourself patriotic?:no
How much do you care about your family?:i care about.. my father..and occasionally my sister.. but it ends there.. besides jesse .. everyone else can suck a dick =)
What is the one thing that you need to do to die happy?:experience love .. get HER out of my life..
Do you consider yourself mainstream?:idk.. i dont care about that shit
What's the riskiest thing you've ever done?:cutting ....
Do you go with the flow or do your own thing?:both .. i guess
What is life's greatest mystery?:whre you go when you die
Who loves you?:id say .. my aunt carol lisha and carolannie .. my dad.. my dog.. sam and her fam..eric.. craig danielle jackie nick and most of my friends lol ..idk
What was your favourite make-believe game as a kid?:make believe? .. uhh.. pshht i have no clue
Do you often degrade people without knowing it?:well if i didnt know it..then how can i answer..and no i dont think so..at least i hope not
Do you try your best at everything?:not everything.. at certain things..
Who is your shoulder to cry on?:sam craig and i guess eric if hes around.. and my dad has been lately
What's your standard excuse for not doing something?:um .. i dont feel like it.. or.. ill do it next time/later
If it were you against the world, who would be on your side?:all of my friends, killer animals, and technology
Name the most beautiful person you know.:brittany carney orr that senior chick..summer i think?
Have you ever been to jail?:to the outside..not in or IN
To court?:yes plenty of times
What is one moment you wish you could have taken a picture of?:the guy at the movies with the hair .. mullet/bald.. and the dude with the short ass cut off jean shorts..hahahahahha.. sam knows ;) haha
Have you ever taken clothes out of the lost and found and woren them?:no.. wtf.. ive taken a ring .. not CLOTHES..tahts diirrtyyy
What place holds the most memories for you?:id say my house or sams house.. i guess..or school
What are you waiting for?:a guy
Do you wear makeup?:usually
What is the greatest and best song in the world?:sweet home alabama =) ..it always makes me happy..hehe
Who was your first date?:um.. way back when i had my first "b/fs"..[ youngins haha ] we just hung out..so i guess..bret?..it was GAY tho..so technically NICk..
What's the best trip you've ever been on?:six flags with sam orr..wildwood..thats always fun=)
Have you been suckerpunched?:i suppose..haha
What do you think the earth will look like in 1000 years?:no trees lots of cities and gay ass futuristic cars
What kind of car do you own?:my dads van is a chevy venture
Who is your favourite band?:i dont have a favorite, thank you =)
Who makes you happy to be around?:sam and eric
What song is your 'anthem'?:idk .. blink - stay together for the kids?
What's your favourite video game?:gta or driver 2.. idk.. im an amaeture cus i dont play video games often..=\ haha
What secret have you tried to hide but it got out anyway?:cheerleading? .. gettin with a girl? ..idk.. WHO CARES ANYMORE
Who's your celebrity crush?:orlando bloom =D
What do you do on rainy afternoons?:walk in the rain on occasion.. but probably on this thing
If you were to die right now, what would you want your last words to be?:i wont say them unless the time comes..
What languages do you speak?:english dick..or i wouldnt be readin this shit, smart guy =)
Who/what is your everything?:i dont have one of those yet
How many people have you turned down when they asked you out?:haha.. quite a few actually
What is your reason for living?:i still gotta have sex and have love .. and why would i die when once your dead your done?..thats too pointless..at least livin i can fuck around and shit
What are the bourgeoise?:2nd class.. make up most of the french social classes
How many ex's do you have?:5 i guess .. but they were poor excuses for relationships
Who was your worst relationship with?:jared i guess.. me and that kid went out for like a year on and off but we only talked when we werent goin out..PRETTY GAYY hahah
Have you ever taken back a gift you've given someone?:um .. ive kept a gift bc i never got a chance to give it to them..does that count?
Are you racist?:no
Are you a virgin?:yes
How many times have you been so drunk you've passed out?:1..but i didnt PASS out.. i got tired and went to sleep
What are you the best at?:thinking
What's your 'label'? (ex. punk, prep):geek.. haah no umm.. immature loser =D ..fuck yeah! ha i love it!!
Do you believe in an afterlife? What is it like?:yeah but i dont think you stay there..bc if you did wouldnt that be another life..just not the same as this one..idk..lol
Do you swear? How much?:yeah.. dont worry about it =)
What's the biggest lie you've ever told and got away with?:i [ well we ] got away with burning a house down.. i guess.. i think theres another one thats BIGGER but i forget =\
Have you ever had food poisoning?:nope
Do you believe in life in outer space?:i think its too.. unbelievable to believe
What is the one thing that would make everything in your life fall apart?:my dad dying
What's your worst habit?:thinking about everything
What takes your breath away?:when my step mom talks serious shit..and a few other things
If you were famous, would you have a stage name?:no probably not
Do you get into fights often?:yesum
If you could kill anyone and get away with it, who would you kill?:HER
Are you patient?:not really but yes.. theres a few things that make me able to say that..other then that..no probably not..
Who is your soul mate?:no clue
If you could run away to somewhere, where would you run to?:sams.. i guess.. or texas haha..idk why tho
Are you a good dancer?:im better then some worst then most..im okay
Who would you call first in a life threatening situation (not 911)?:i called my dad..then sam..not 911, no.
Who do you miss?:*
What is your mom's name?:mari i think ..somethin like that..
What fact of life would you rather not know about?:option of abortion
Do you like snakes?:my best friend had one as a pet and i was fine with it but that was way back when i didnt know i was chick haha..aka TOM BOY
Would you let someone go if you knew it was best for them?:yes
Do you gossip?:not really
Do you like to party?:not your average definition of "party" but yeah haha..what a geek
What religion are you?:im not
Who do you wish would walk off the face of the earth?:HER
Who was your first best friend?:paulie spicer .. man i loved that kid =\
Are you still friends?:no

Random Questions brought to you by BZOINK!



that shit is LONG as FUCK

----------------------

The Early Years...
So...what day of the week were you born?:sunday i think
What time?:10:35..half time of a football game =)
What number child are you...in your family, anyway:just my dads kids 3rd
Is that okay with you?:sure why not
Are you adopted?:nope
Are you a twin?:no but my dad is =)
Do twins run in your family?:i suppose
Do you get along with your family?:no
Do you remember anything from before you were three?:i remember my dad scaring the SHIT out of me in my crib with a freddie costume on..;(
What kind of baby were you? (did you cry a lot or not or like people?):idk..ive never asked.. i dont think its the crying one tho..
Some people think the way you were born affects your personality. Do you?:um .. what do you mean "the way you were born" ? like if you came out feet first or you were a caesaran? ..or if you were early or late? ..ahh theres too many fuck that
How were you born? (Such as a lot of people there, being premature or late):i think, on time..and just my dad mom [ duh ] and my aunt were there..i THINK
Random things I think to ask you about.
How many times have you been in a hospital for you?:besides my birth..none =D
Are you afraid of doctors?:yes and no
How about needles?:depends .. if its goin into the vein then YES
Do you mind going to the dentist?:depends what your goin for
Have you ever had braces?:nope
Have you ever had surgery?:nope
Have you ever done drugs?:yes
Did you like the movie Biodome?:yessssssss
What are your view on smoking?:do it if you please but after a while it gets old..i hate it xP
Do you like fishing?:ive never gone...
Can you swim?:yes
Do you like to read?:certain books, yes
What is your favorite adhesive?:uhhhhhh.. wtf kind of question is this..?
Do you have any musical ability?:i suppose..ive never "exercised it" i guess
How about artistic?:yeah
Which would you rather have more of?:artistic i guess
Can you sew?:not pro but..you know haha
Would you live if you were alone on an island with goats for ten years?:no... and why goats?
How about sheep?:no
Are you allergic to anything?:yeah bees
Do you like milk?:yes
Would you rather write with a pen pencil crayon or marker?:pen
Do you like coloring?:yeah
Do you doodle?:yess
Do you think you're a good planner?:i suppose
Do you think you're a good leader?:not really
...a good people person?:yeah i guess
Did you ever paint your nails with white out?:yes
...with sharpies?:yes
Would you rather read or write?:write
Do you use a mousepad?:yes
Do you like bright or pastel colors better?:bright
Do you like hats?:theyre OK but not really for me
Do you think you look good in hats?:no haha
Do you have any piercings?:ears niggaa
Do you think you have a lot of friends?:yeah i guess
Do you have farmer's tan?:haha.. i have wife beater tan =D
Paper or plastic?:both..its the better choice =)
Night or day?:nite
What's your favorite type of music?:idk..70s 80s and todays "rock"
Are you afraid or roller coasters?:depends on my mood
Do you...like quizzes?:sure why not
Do you have a crush on anyone?:sure why not
I wont pry...unless you want to say who it is...:sure why not
How many people have you gone out with?:about 5
In terms of baseball...how far have you gone?:ha.. 1st?..wait..whats 2nd? ..haha..probably only 1st=(
Are you straight, gay, bi, or a transvestite?:strzaight
Am I running out of questions to ask?:i guess so
...yes.:yeah
Do you mind being photographed?:usually
Do you mind speaking in public?:i mind
How about performing in public? (singing, sports, instruments...):yeah
Do you like your hands?:not always haha
Are you listening to anything?:mudvayne
Who was the last person you spoke with?:my fahjah
Other than computer related items, what was the last think you touched?:phone
What is your favorite game?:football
Do you keep bags for no reason?:yes haha
Can you picture where you'll be in ten years?:no not really
Is that a good or bad thing?:idk
Are you happy?:no

More Random Than You brought to you by BZOINK!



ok i GIVE UP.. and angie is a fuckin pussy.. she was supposed to sleep over her grandmoms house tonite but she had to come home bc she was scared.. wtf is that..what a PUSSY


im out

later

its all in your goodbyes


:: 2004 28 July :: 7.26 pm
:: Mood: aggravated, frustrated, crying.. all that fuckin G
:: Music: smile empty soul

yeah
yeah im just a little pissed but w.e



i got this survey from ree's journal.. so im takin it..


What is your name?: vee

Are you named after anyone?: nah

What's your screename?: Silenced x Kid

Would you name a child of yours after you?: nah.. wouldnt want them to have to hear the bullshit that comes along with it.. everytime someone finds out what it is.. "aww thats pretty..ive never heard of that.. " .. w.e dude..its GAY

If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?: idk.. ive never asked

If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?: um.. no one .. i like my name ..i just prefer VEE.. not valencia..

Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?: yeah.. ppl say the "cia" like its CH.. and its deff not....

Would you drop your last name if you became famous?: nah its all good


Basics -

Your gender:: female

Straight/Gay/Bi:: straight

Single?: yeah of course....

If not, do you want to be?: i think i want a b/f..

Birthdate:: dec 5 88

Your age:: 15

Age you act:: depends

Age you wish you were:: 17 or 18 so i could leave .. and drive legally

Your height:: like 5' 2"

Eye color:: hazelish..

Happy with it?: i suppose

Hair color:: brown

Happy with it?: sometimes

Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:: righty

Your living arrangement::GAY .. me my dad my little bitch sister my cunt step mom and my dads room-mate.. larry

Your family:: ha.. in my eyes..my dad me and angie.. but since the other nite i fuckin HATE angie.. FUCK HER..

Have any pets?: yeah.. my bestest dog and my step cunt's 4 birds..

Whats your job?:.. in the house? .. or just a job cus i dont have one of those..

Piercings?: ears..

Tattoos?: very much wanted.. but not yet had

Obsessions?: possibly

Addictions?: not so much anymore..

Do you speak another language?: nah

Have a favorite quote?: yeah.. uh.. "everything is gonna be alright. be strong. believe." .. "its OK to believe there's something in nothing".. "ill be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake" ... idk

Do you have a webpage?: nah not a webpage



Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it-

Do you live in the moment?: occasionally

Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: yeah .. just not many girls bc theyre too much sometimes..too .. FAGGISH..

Do you have any secrets?: yeah who doesnt

Do you hate yourself?: nah i dont have a reason to..

Do you like your handwriting?: usually

Do you have any bad habits?: a few i guess.. but nothin big..

What is the compliment you get from most people?: see, i COULD answer this if you didnt throw in the "most" ..

If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: full collapse.. or ... the other side

What's your biggest fear?: being alone .. and never getting away from my life

Can you sing?: depends on what you see as singin "good"..

Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: nah .. thats pretty pathetic tho..

Are you a loner?: yeah almost ALL the time.. =\

What are your #1 priorities in life?: .. find a boyfriend.... pass high school .. live long enough to leave this place and finally be happy .. my friends are probably number 1 tho.. sam and eric .. much love you guys <3

If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: yes .. but just bc id be friends with me doesnt mean theyd be friends back.. ha.. wow i think too much..

Are you a daredevil?: depends on my mood

Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: i hate that i dont always talk or say whats on my mind.. i hate that im not completely myself around everyone.. i hate the life ive been given.. well, lets not say the life.. lets say the family life .. id say i LOVE my dad to death..but i just hate everything else.. everything has been fucked up for me.. i hate it.. my fear.. never proving HER screwd in the head.. im not gonna die until she is put away.. mark my words.... and i fear being alone...dying alone.. never experiencing love..

Are you passive or agressive?: usually passive but it can be the other way around..it just depends

Do you have a journal?: this one and a livejournal ..

What is your greatest strength and weakness?: i can always be there for anyone.. even if we dont get along.. if you ask me for advice or help... ill give you my all.. i am a nice person and im glad i can safely say that and be honest about it.. my weakness.. my family.. and bein single..

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: id let myself smile and feel alive...

Do you think you are emotionally strong?: yes and no.. more no then yes but theres to much bullshit for me to be emotionally strong ..

Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: i regret... a few things.. how about introducing my dad to my step mom... thats a big one.. theres others none of which i feel like saying..

Do you think life has been good so far?: no

What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: to cry instead of resorting to other things.. to stop and think.. i try to live by the lesson "dont let it get to you" but it doesnt ALWAYS work that easily..

What do you like the most about your body?: to be honest..i dont even think about that shit.. so idk

And least?: hairy-ness.......

Do you think you are good looking?: im pretty .. at least i CAN be..

Are you confident?: nah not always

What is the fictional character you are most like?: id say cinderella bc my evil step mom is 2 faced just like hers.. and my step sisters.. ugh.. ha i hate it..


Are you perceived wrongly?: no not really.. i dont think so.. ?



Do You -

Smoke?: i used to.. and i have recently..but i dont enough to say so

Do drugs?: on occasions

Read the newspaper?: nah

Pray?: yeah right

Go to church?: nah thats too much

Talk to strangers who IM you?: yeah i guess.. depends what they say....

Sleep with stuffed animals?: nah not no more

Take walks in the rain?: i have.. but i dont walk outside EVERYTIME it rains..

Talk to people even though you hate them?: nah.. if i hate you i dont act like i like you.. so no
Drive?: yeah but not legally..

Like to drive fast?: i havent had the pleasure yet..



Would or Have You Ever?-

Liked your voice?: nah i sound like a little kid

Hurt yourself?: yes

Been out of the country?: nope

Eaten something that made other people sick?: yeah i think so

Been in love?: nah

Done drugs?: yes

Gone skinny dipping?: yeah but a whiiiiille ago

Had a medical emergency?: nah

Had surgery?: nah

Ran away from home?: yeah of course

Played strip poker?: nah not yet..

Gotten beaten up?: hmm.. yes and no.. my sister cheated..she bit a chunk of my leg off.. so i couldnt run after her and finish the fight..and my step mom had me down but i was still kickin the shit out of her..she was just holding me down tryin to get away.. and im all beat up.. like i got cuts and bruises bc she pushed me into a dresser..so i still wouldnt say she beat me.. and my sister deff cheated.. so no ive never been beaten up.. haha

Beaten someone up?: yeah

Been picked on?: who hasnt...?

Been on stage?: yeah

Slept outdoors?: yeah

Thought about suicide?: honestly.... yes, and ALOT ..

Pulled an all nighter?: yeah.. just last weekend..

If yes, what is your record?: um.. 2 days i think? ..

Gone one day without food?: yeah cus there was nothin good to eat.. or i was sick

Talked on the phone all night?: yeah.. with sam.. and sam eric and nick.. i think we did.. ahwell i have with sam..

Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?: yes..

Slept all day?: yes .. thats fun and scary.. cus you dont know if your missing something

Killed someone?: ive tried..

Made out with a stranger?: nah.. ive only made out with 2 ppl.. and i deff knew them..

Had sex with a stranger?: ive never had sex..

Thought you're going crazy?: actually, no i dont think so.. well.. when i was high a few times..but that dont count bc thats whats supposed to happen....

Kissed the same sex?: yeah

Done anything sexual with the same sex?: nah dude.. ew

Been betrayed?: yeah i guess i can say that

Had a dream that came true?: yeah i think so

Broken the law?: plenty of times

Met a famous person?: um.. not that i recall

Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: yes =(

On purpose?: no im not a freak

Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: yeah.. alot to craig, oddly.. ha

Stolen anything?: yeah who hasnt

Been on radio/tv?: nah..really could care less about that shit

Been in a mosh-pit?: not IN it.. but close enough to have to move away from gettin hit...

Had a nervous breakdown?: yeah but i wasnt hospitalized or nuthyn

Bungee jumped?: nah.. im not about that.. no way

Had a dream that kept coming back?: yeah


Beliefs-

Belive in life on other planets?: yes and no.. i dont really think about it too often

Miracles?: nah i dont think so

Astrology?: ehh

Magic?: nah

God?: no not really...

Satan?: nah

Santa? nah .. i think hes a story.. he was around way back when but he died and his legend lived on.. he didnt fly or nuthyn tho..thats bullshit..

Ghosts?: actually.... ive seen 2.. so yeah

Luck?: i suppose

Love at first sight?: no.. thats just physical attraction strong enough to make you wanna go through the trouble of getting to knwo the person..

Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?: yeah that makes sense

Witches?: nah thats too mythical for me

Easter bunny?: yeah right dude..

Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?: faithful to what? .. and probably not..

Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?: nah.. thats bullshit right there

Do you wish on stars?: i have but not in a all seriousness..


Deep Theological Questions-

Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?: i think theres a place your soul goes when you die.. whether you were good by our standards or evil.. its one place..theres no 2 places for good and bad.. why would they be seperated then when theyre not seperated now..

Do you think God has a gender?: there is no god...

Do you believe in organized religion?: i forget what that is...

Where do you think we go when we die?: thats to much of a controversy to answer.. i mean yeah we could ALL go to a place [ heaven i guess ] and "chill".. but we could just be reborn and keep having a life after a life .. we just dont remember having the lives before.. so you just have to relearn and relive all over again.. but then again...theres no need for that i guess.. idk.. theres too many possible explanations and theories with good reasoning to choose..


Friends-

Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: yes..

Who is your best friend?: sam by far.. then would be eric.. and craig.. i trust craig the most tho.. i mean i trust sam but theres always her teling eric bc she tells eric EVERYTHING.. and i do trust eric a whole lot.. believe it or not.. i might trust him more then sam .. sorry to say sam.. i just dont always tell him stuff..prob cus hes not always around.. wow i went all EXTRA with that one..

Who's the one person that knows most about you?: sam

What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: dont let it get to you.. its GOOD advice..just hard to live by..

Your favourite inside joke?: all inside jokes are good.. hehe =D

Thing you're picked on most about?: stomache..

Who's your longest known friend?: sam

Newest?: mike o .. if hes a friend.. idk

Shyest?: hm.. idk sometimes me i guess .. but not lately.. idk.. there is someone but i cant think of them...

Funniest?: were all funny

Sweetest?: idk..

Closest?: sam

Weirdest?: eric can be pretty weird....

Smartest?: craigs pretty smart.. and so are me and sam together..and eric is smart when it comes to guy stuff..

Ditziest?: i guess jess

Friends you miss being close to the most?: idk.. im close with all the friends im always close with.. me and sam could be closer but thats w.e..

Last person you talked to online?:
bob dole just IMed me..
GotGasInMyBlood5 (8:15:26 PM): hey
Silenced x Kid (8:15:29 PM): hi
GotGasInMyBlood5 (8:15:31 PM): sup
Silenced x Kid (8:15:42 PM): nuthyn
Silenced x Kid (8:15:42 PM): you
GotGasInMyBlood5 (8:15:49 PM): nutin
Silenced x Kid (8:16:15 PM): oh
<--nuthyn big..

Who do you talk to most online?:
craig

Who are you on the phone with most?: sometimes sam.. thats all i talk to on the phone..

Who do you trust most?: id say.. craig

Who listens to your problems?: craig and sam.. i always feel bad telling eric stuff like that bc idk.. i just dont think he needs to be hearin my bullshit ya know..

Who do you fight most with?:
sam.... but not lately, weve been doin good actually =) .. i love you sam

Who's the nicest?: im nice..

Who's the most outgoing?: idk..

Who's the best singer?: ha.. me and sam can hit them notes together ;) .. aha

Who's on your shit-list?: hmm .. my cunt step mom.. shes #1 .......

Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?: yes

Who's your second family?: sams

Do you always feel understood?: no

Who's the loudest friend?: sam

Do you trust others easily?: i wouldnt say easily ..

Who's house were you last at?: sams or my aunt carols..

Name one person who's arms you feel safe in?: erics.. but im probably sayin that bc the only time i was "in his arms" was when i was crying real bad about soem bullshit at home.. i dont think ive ever been in anyones arms in at least a half a year..

Do your friends know you?: the friends that i love enough to let them know me..

Friend that lives farthest away::
um .. eric? ..




i guess tahts it..


im still in a bad mood but w.e


later

its all in your goodbyes


:: 2004 27 July :: 2.56 pm
:: Mood: pissed the fuck off
:: Music: meatloaf - paradise by the dashboard light

"at each other's throats"
ugh .. where to start ..

well shit happend and was said around like 11 or so .. i was cryin and shit and i called sam.. but she was sleepin and she just pretty much said try to call my dad at work .. so i did.. and i told him what was said and he told me to just sleep in his room and stay away, dont say nuthyn..just go to bed.. blah blah .. so i talked to craig about everything online until like.. id say 1:30|2 am .. then i went and got the cordless..came up here and locked the door and layed down .. then idk.. say 20 minutes or so later she turns the knob and realizes its locked..and shes like "open the door" and im like.. "nah i dont think so.." so she bangs on it and then walks away..comes back and shes tryin to jimmy it open or w.e..and i just keep sayin "go ahead..break it..my dad will just be more mad at you.. go ahead...do you want me to call the cops??" and shes like "im just tryin to put angie to sleep hunnie" and im like "nahh its not mr nice guy now..get the fuck outta here" and she says shit under her breath then she finally pops the door open..she goes straight for the phone and thats only bc i said id call the cops.. and by the way angie was downstairs already sleepin...... so she grabs the phone and i get out of bed.. like "nah you aint takin the phone..you dont need to be callin no one at no 3 in the morning.. no way.. get the fuck outta here.. " and she says somethin else and tries walkin away..and by this time im like..nah fuck this.. so i grabbed her by the hair or she pushed me which made me grab her.. and she grabs my hair and shes got a hammer in one hand [ i guess she used it to open the door ] and the phone in the other..and im like "what you gonna fuckin hit me with the hammer!?! go head!!.. idc!!!" and she dropped it on the bed and im like beatin on her and rippin her hair out and shit and she tries knockin me down and i still got her hair so she pushes me into my dads dresser down on the floor in between the dresser and the wall.. and shes still tryin to hold me down so she can get away and i got her by the hair and im just like kickin her in the crotch and shit tellin her to get the fuckout .. go die and shit..and larry comes in the pulls her away and i get up like..nahh fuck that.. fuck you yo FUCK YOU.. and she starts sayin more shit!!.. so i told larry to get the fuck off me ..im gonna kill her.. she needs to fuckin die..and i try grabbin the chair so i can throw it but he pulls it away from me.. so she runs down the hall down the stairs and i grab the hammer and throw it down the stairs.. run down the stairs..grab the hammer and go to the back door..and the whole time im like..where the fuck you at.. get out here you fuckin pussy!!!.. dont fuckin run..YOUR DONE PUSSY..FUCK THAT..so i lock the back door and grab the broom and she runs out the front door and i run out and im like "yeah fuckin runyou fuckin cunt pussy" and i go in and lock that door too..then i see the base for the cordless and its blinkin sayin its in use so i take it out of the wall.. and go upstairs..lock my dads door..call him at work.. i wasnt cryin i was just shakin and pissed the fuck off and he gets on the phone and im like "can you come home NOW" and hes like "what happened?" and i start cryin like crazy and im just like "COME HOME" ;( and hes like ok and hangs up..so then i call sam cryin my ass off tellin her what happened and shit and shes like ..whaaatt!!? .. and im like yeah yeah and this and that duh duh duh.. blah blah.. then i get a beep and im like h.o..i click over and its the 911 operator..shes like ..whats wrong whats wrong..do you need medical attentioni..are you ok? why are you cryin..so i told her the story up until she ran down the stairs.. and then shes like 'ok well the police unit is at your front door now so someone has to let them in..and im gonna cancel that ambulance" and im like alright but im not leavin this room.. and then i click back over to sam and the cops callin my name.. so im like h.o again..i unlock the bedroom door and he comes in and i go to get back on the phone and hes like 'hang up the phone ' so im like ok.. i g2g sam..bye.. and hes like calm down..stop cryin.. tell me what happened.. i told him.. and then he asks me normal questions and gets my information and shit.. then heslike..alright stay here ill be back.. then he tried talkin to her.. doesnt matter what was said.. my dad showed up..the cops said if he didnt show up they would have taken her to a crisis center.. duh duh duh.. nothin happened.. it didnt change nothin.. but im seriously about to leave.. i just dont got nowhere to go..and i gotta stay here for summer school ..

lets see.. my arms have cuts on them and scratchs cus she fights like a pussy.. my fingers on my punchin hand are all cut and skinned..my back is cut up bruised and swollen.. my eye is cut and swollen..she fuckin pushed me into that dresser and scratched the shit outta me.. i was punchin her in the back and shit and kickin her in her uterus.. so i hope she fuckin has a kidney failure or somethin and dies.. fuck her..

and i was talkin to nick and i realized...

Silenced x Kid (3:09:33 AM): i was thinkin.. and i realize i want her to die.. like ive never hated anyone like this.. and all the shit she brings..she always says shit and gets away with it..or gets her ass beat then says it again later..she always gets chances..but she never changes..the only way for her to stop is for her to die
Silenced x Kid (3:09:34 AM): and i want that




so yeah.. idk... my back is realll fucked up thats all i got to say about that.. and she fights like a fuckin pussy..FUCKING PUSSY..


i wanna fuckin kill her..im dead serious yo






im tired of her shit and her fuckin gettin chances bc she 'NEEDS HELP"..fuck that.. seriously FUCK THAT.. i want her dead

its all in your goodbyes


:: 2004 26 July :: 6.55 pm
:: Mood: tired but creative
:: Music: starting line -- this ride

the party
um .. well yeah. . i really dont feel like typing all what happend soo


read sams journal --

www.woohu.com/~craziiwhitegirl


and steves last entry ..

http://www.livejournal.com/users/lilbudd89



sorry im tired and lazy. .. i will in a few days maybe


idk

later



<3

1 never thought wed make it out alive | its all in your goodbyes


:: 2004 21 July :: 9.57 pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: linkin parK -- breaking a habit tonite blah blah..that one lol

i think its safe to say, I messed things up
yeaHhh so i havent updated a real update in a few days i suppose .. but its w.e i really dont feel like doin it but im tired of lookin at the last thing i said.. and if you have any questions about that.. im DEAD serious.. none of that shit is gonna be allowed .. but hey if your a smart guy and figure.. oh what the hell she wont do anything.. well first of all FUCK YOU .. and i deff will .. and if i dont someone else will .. so dont worry about that silly =P .. like i told jess.. its NOT that big of a deal that we cant.. bc its DEFF not needed to have fun.. andd i suppose it would be a good chance for some ppl bc its a sleep over.. but i didnt make it a sleep over so ppl could get blasted and not get caught .. fuck that .. and fuck you if you thought so. .. i dont gotta drink or smoke to have a good time.. and wtf..neither should yous.. were fuckin 15 .. no way dude.. so if you got an arguement.. like i said.. fuck you dont come.. and dont bother cus you WONT win .. hehe..


anywhoo .. summer school is OK.. were actually doin not so bad shit in health.. we just got done watchin a life time movie called "the purple haze" and it had that hot kid who used to be on general hospital as the main character.. yUmmm =P .. johnathan jackson..yessss hes sEXy .. lol .. but anyway.. yeah THAT.. andd in gym.. wow its DEFF gay.. all we do is.. walk. . play basketball.. and then do some gay class activity at the end.. no runnin the mile everyday as some of you assumed..lol .. i think id rather do that tho..this fuckin shit is gettin old.. im tired of walkin .. UGH.. i used to like doin that..now i HATE it.. pshht .. im never walkin if i dont have to again.. screw that.. my feet and legs are sooo sore.. shit and its only been like.. a week not even.. how gay .. but yeah.. today sucked especially.. well not the school part..the part where i get picked up.. yeah thats when i go stand on the corner and my dad pulls up at least 5 minutes later.. well not today.. fuckin 45 minutes later he shows up .. and i was soo tired i couldnt even yell at him.. i was like.. "yeahh..your a LITTLE late" and he said.. "what? .. ehh? .." actin dumb as shit.. so i was just like "w.e dude.. you heard me" and theni fell asleep in the car.. im so crazy tired anymore.. and ive been cleanin as soon as i got home.. i did today and i sat down for a second to take a drink and i fell asleep..haha.. its pretty sad.. and through all that i still stay up till like 1 on this thing.. but i got the WHOLE downstairs done.. all i gotta do is sweep and mop the back room.. that takes like 10 minutes..i can do it tomrrow ..prob friday cus madd ppl walk through there in one day and itll get fucked up .. so yeah.. thats set.. i still gotta do upstairs.. but that doesnt take long.. bathroom and the hallway..then myroom.. not that hard.. friday or tomrw im goin to get the food and shit for the party.. thennn i guess its party time? .. i stil got summer school.. HOPEFULLY.. i can finish cleanin tomorrow.. [ with the exception of the back room ] .. AND get the shoppin done.. so i can SLEEP friday and get energized for saturday..cus you know well be pullin an all nite-Er.. so idk if i can do that without some fuckin sleep.. im so dead tired.. ughh i feel like an old dude.. like my dad.. he gets like that.. after workin and drivin places..he sits down and after like 10 minutes hes sittin up with his mouth wide up, eyes closed.. sound asleep.. i HATE when he does that.. its like.. aww.. hes so old ;( .. mann i love my dad .. lol =\ .. yeah my arm hurts i cant type no more


later

<3

2 never thought wed make it out alive | its all in your goodbyes

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