emptyness

emptyness

:: 2004 23 June :: 3.26pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: UNREACHABLE // ASHLEE SiMPSON

redid woohu.
i couldn't find a header that i liked.. cause i was looking for something very specific. but when i find it, it'll look ten times better.

anyways... jonah asked me why i haven't changed it yet. considering what i used before as the layout... was kinda... related to us. right? but its like... crazy. i'm not used to not saying, "hey! i love u, MUAH!" the worst thing was when he told me that he heard an avril lavigne song, and he said he heard the line, "there goes my happy ending." at least he knows what he's letting go of... it just gets me frustrated... because if he feels that he is letting go of something worthwhile then WHY is he doing it? a break... but... grr. gosh i feel like cory from boy meets world lol. how i hate his curly hair.

so anyways, jackie called me at 1:30am last night. she didn't have a place to sleep, so i told her that she could sleep here. i didn't ask my parents, but i guess they didn't mind when we woke up and she was here. *shrug* but she left to get her haircut & i... am bored. dude, i have to take a shower, & uh... neil is a funny kid lol. random, i know. but i'm me, so =P but uh... i could go for some good ol' COLDSTONES & some bowling at DON CARTER'S in skirts, so i can twirl around and do a cart wheel & forget i have a skirt on... like i have done before. anyone up for it? =) holl-er. 254-8483.

we were already beautiful together --ASHLEE SiMPSON

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playmate101

:: 2004 22 June :: 11.56pm
:: Mood: ditzy
:: Music: CONFESSiONS // USHER on MTV

everytime i was in LA i was with my x g/f - usher <3
space. that's all we need.

i'll survive whatever his decisions come to. <3

[EDIT]
MoFo1788: hey u kewl for the mountain climbin next wendsday
HCOblonde31: i THINK almost positive... but i dont know when cheerleading practice starts, but i'm up for it... if i dont have it
MoFo1788: aight
MoFo1788: were tryn 2 ride tri rail in the mornin to mia
MoFo1788: get a limo 2 the place
MoFo1788: climb for like 3 hours
HCOblonde31: lol goin in style eh?
MoFo1788: go back to the station go to this cuban coffe place and then cum home
MoFo1788: its cheaper then a taxi
HCOblonde31: really?
MoFo1788: a taxi would be like 45-55 dollars for a ride there and thats for 4 people
HCOblonde31: eek
MoFo1788: we could walk?
HCOblonde31: i'm down for that too lol
MoFo1788: limo would be like 25 per person for both ways i think

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alwaysfalling

:: 2004 22 June :: 8.04pm
:: Mood: okay

i give all the love in the world to that girl i spent the day with. <333

she called me around 11:15, so i got up, got dressed and made it over to her house by 1 i guess. i bought 50 first dates and cinderella over. we watched both of em and then talked for a bit. oh how i wish i could drive.

so i'm home now. i think i will watch unfaithful since it is on hbo and has just started. i'm going away friday for a whole week and three days. no internet, so call my cell phone if you want to.

thats all for now. i'll update later maybe.

love.

1 validation | validate my entry

playmate101

:: 2004 22 June :: 12.37pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: cupid // 112

there's so much that i have to say, but i don't know where to start.

hopefully... ur doing better than i am. hopefully, u got more sleep than i did. and maybe u are luckier than i am... that u don't feel sick and u can actually eat something. ((its not that i don't want to eat, cause us fat people love food, ya know))

but i was up all night. u went to bed, i did laundry, i laid in bed, hoping to fall asleep, and instead, when i closed my eyes, my head was spinning & my heart started to hurt. i'm not one to get my point across with words because my actions ALWAYS tend to speak louder, but here... i'll do the best i can.

8 months ago... there was a promise i made to u, with a simple, "yes". i promised never to hurt u, never to cheat on u, never to keep u unhappy. i hurt u... by not seeing u. i never cheated on u. and u're unhappy because i didn't see u as often as u'd like. i know ur intentions were never to hurt me, talking on the phone... and u would say it all the time, "i won't hurt u," "i'm not going to hurt u." thats when there was safety. that gave me all i needed... and then it wasn't hard to open up to u. because i knew that u weren't going to put me through pain... and i knew that its going to be a smooth flight... and it always was. now... i'm not referring to u as the asshole... because, ur not. one thing that happened won't make me say... "hey jonah is an asshole." sometimes we have to hurt the ones we love. but i don't want u to feel bad about it. there's no reason... ur reputation isn't going to be an asshole, and eventually we'll get over it. maybe with a few more weekends together... or just you and me together... or simple walks to see each other... maybe we can figure something out cause its really worth it. i just sit here... imagine us together.. and it sux. because its not true... we arent together.... now i have to go to bed and actually dream about it. i wonder what its going to be like... the first time i see u... and we arent together. think it will be easy? maybe it will be a little rough? or maybe we'll just flirt so much that it will still feel like we're going out... who knows. but i am so confused right now... that none of this that u're reading makes sense. and i'm just blabbing because it will give me less to think about. idk. i love u. <3 i can't talk anymore. i needa wipe off the tears. xoxo.

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playmate101

:: 2004 22 June :: 2.59am

yeah... i get hurt a lot... but u live and learn i guess.

most life's lessons are learned in pain. but hey ladies is pimps 2. xoxo

bri is a pimp TIMES two. lol. ok... no i'm not laughing, i'm really crying... i can't even pretend i'm ok.

8 months... yeah... bye bye.

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