HAHAHAHA
okay so much for me updating regularing right? well not quite... i set up an xanga for myself and yah thats where i've been. but oh woohu hwo i miss you!! lol no really though im torn between two masters... hahaha. NOT. i jsut really really really like my blogs and its all insane not to hve this one. I thihnk im gonna use this exclusively for rants and private stuff /(only my really cool friends know about this one anyway... so yay for that right? ellen has a really funky keyboard. check me out at xanga.... sonshine90. i heart everyone. riiiight.

liz<-- theres so much about woohu that i love. love love love.

i guess i owe you this.
Yeah, sorry guys. i know i completely owe you all a decent update. Here is the news for last week....
a lot of ickiness happened. sadly none of it is really resolved. Good part- shannon is not mad at me for what i did. but she kinda did a 180 on me which makes me a bit forlorn. Whatever. i'm becoming waaay too good of a liar for my own liking. And omygosh . i have lost like 12 million things lately... my headphones and CD player, my cell phone, 10 bucks, my nirvana book brittanie returned to me, and brittanies Radio Head the bends CD. now the book and hte cd i think i left in locker room... and i hope to God that i find everything. because if i don't... Lord knows it will be hell to pay. Let's see... any other good things?? Tuesday was SICA novice tournement at Oak Lawn HS. so that was cool. me and brianna didn't really do too well... but come on, a tournament on a tuesday??? i really don't think so (in the words of my friend jillian) so yeah. denis and josh came to watch us in our second round, got yelled at by a judge. It was great... except that theyw ere getting us into trouble.. still denis looks to cute to be mad at. Oh, yeah... i'm madly in love with denis (only one n!) which is crazy... he's a senior and im freshman (although he thought i was a sophmore) I think im joining the newspaper... and ill have more updates on all that later. I do S.O.S now. which is special occasion speaking for the speech team. You write a speech and infuse some sarcasm into it... needless to say, sarcasm is my specialty! lol. Its all good.. nothing else of note has really happened. OH WAIT! it SNOWED yesterday!!!!! hahaha. great packing snow... great snowmen. life is grand.

liz<-- i am thankful that holidays come only once a year! lol. ::giggles, DENIS!::

. <> . <> .<>.
siting here makes me realize that your lips could turn into a smile
making me want to make out
out of
sheer despration
or lack of inspiration
a chemical reaction
still...
breaks up my heart to give you a fraction.
for the fraction of the price i could give you so much more.
please don't include in your 10% gratitudy.
and i said no.

hey all.
mondays aren't too great, and i realized that this morning.. and then i realized that its tuesday! i love that, when you forget what it is. hahah. like mini-summer feeling. So day... what did we do... ah, yes. ASTINANCE VIDEO! homeroom. ppsssh. they definately should have charged admission for that one. it was so funny. but at the same time i don't see where a public school gets off telling kids not to have sex. I definately believe in a safe sex talk.. but public school really shouldn't be like... no sex... it's bad! but hey whatev... im not into sex. lol. whatev... the funnest way to say w/e. L O L : ) okay so whatelse was there.... ? english we had another sub.. realized that abbby still likes dave and wants to go out with him again... unfortunately, she was shut down. ooooh damn! lol. bio... of course i looked like a nerd-o and a half infront of ryan. i don't know why he has that effect on me. he just comes off as... so laid back and way cool you feel "intimindated" (psh hahahaha. joshua!) okay before i go on i think i need to tell you something about the cooless of the west family.-- kevin is the oldest. he's in his 20's.. in college, a speech judge... mad cool right? haven't reallyt talked to him.
ryan--gorgous! in my bio class. generally awesome. He heads up Timothy's Stand with seirra. totally Christ centered kid. i think thats extremely attractive. ; )
josh- my age. cutie but too shortie lol. no, josh is nice but i feel like he feels restrained by his brother over bearing religiousness. i dunno thats just my phsyco-babble anaylsis crap talking.
jenny- 7th grade little sister. josh made up this elaborate story about how i told her i liked ryan when i was helping her with band. only problem is that i never met her and i know i wouldn't go babbling about liking her brother in front of her. . . josh, what a card. im just joooking. lol.

okay enough of that. yesterday i hate to fill out a form for career day and i realized that i really have no idea what i want to do. I mean i really wanted to be a band director but im quiting band so i guess that;s kinda done. i just feel like without clarinet im nothing. that's my "thing" that's what i do... and now i don't have that. or at least i won't soon. so i signed up for journalism becuase i guess i could be a writer. but i think i might be cool to be a therapist... i dunno. might to straighten out my own issues first right? lol. so any suggestions for a career? hit up the posts.
speech- going well. brianna and i are definately butting heads a bit lately . infact, she sent me this grusome email about how poorly we did on saturday. i was a bit snippy with her at practice today... so im not helping making the situation any less uncomfortable. . . i just cannot wait to be in a solo event. I think im going into S.O.S (special occasion speaking) you take serious topic and toss some humor in. sarcasm... its a subtle art. I have to miss the next timothy's stand because i have a big novice tournament... nerves. soo yeah!!
ooh i also realized that chris is okay.and dennis is a cool cat. ellens coming over tommorrow. updates later!!

liz<--ryan:i thought vancouver island was somewhere int he baltic sea?
me: do you know where the baltic sea is?
ryan:no, by california right?
me:ryan, thats the PACIFIC OCEAN!
ryan: you look at me like that again and ill stab this pen through your face woman!

who i am hates who i've been.
stop right there. that's exactly where i lost it. see that line? well, i never should have crossed it. Im sorry for, the person i became. im ready to make sure i never become that way again. because who i am hates who ive been.

today was okay. i feel fine. I caught the last ten minutes of Timothy's Stand. man o man. i looked like dork. whatev right? umhm. awesome awesome awesome. i totally am going for a FULL meeting next time! Ryan was there. and it was pimp because well, Ryan is a pimp. lol. catch ya all later.

liz<-- i feel like kickin butt and chewing bubble gum, im all out a gum though so i guess im just chewing gum. hahahaha. chris is a physco.

oh boy oh boy oh boy, sure did turn out to be a great day.
so here's what happened during study hall. its kinda song/poem.

thank You for making me
and showing me its okay to me.
exactly the way i am.
because i know that i am. training for eternity.

by living i'm dying
but by that im not implying that i'd rather not be here.
to live, i know i have to give my life away to You.
Your death for me was priceless and from it You left me, sinless.
now i know this all seems a bit easier said then done
so give your life away
just do it slowly.
day by day.
and i swear it won't hurt, it will leave you alot more alert.

refrainish part:
so thank You for making me,
and telling me that its okay
to be me,
exactly the way i am.
and its all okay.
becuas im training for eternity.

i know this is the first time in a long
that im okay with feeling alright.
seeing through these smoke and mirrors makes me see my life alot more
clear-ly.
im seeing Your plan for me, and finaly im realizing that with Your help i can.
i will live for you. and see past
all my insecurities.

refrainish part.

i am who i am and for its worth im okay with that.
im giving away all the things i bottled up inside.
thanks God, for letting all this slide.
i know the best choice was the one i made for You.
so right now im really being me
only made stronger with You.
So i guess today everything is going to be okay
because im training for eternity.

refrainsh part.

liz<-- yeah. that was my day. that was a fire drill today too. mad cool.

life can't be this terrible looking in from the outside.
i started crying again for no reason at all. just like started cutting again. for reason. i really feel like ruby doom and gloom lately because im just not as "cool" as everyone else is these days. im like not enough of ms.suzy high school. im having more mood swings then ever and im just blaming them on being a 14 year old girl.. its in the job descrpition. I just feel like i need to get my act together and stop crying and junk.i feel lately that im not religious enough to hang out with hard core christians and not normal enough to hang out with the normal kids. I just want Jesus to be the main focus again... and be a good kid again. and feel normal again. and not hurt myself anymore. i wish i came from one of those really neat christian families. i mean don't get me wrong ther is nothing wrong with my family ... they are exactly how they've always been and thats always worked out well so im not complaining. im just ... commenting on irony. rawr. frustrated. sorry. ill gonna go gang. ill check ya all later. lol

liz<-- the new relient k is beyound awesome buy it .. right now. because its too cool. much different then everything else they've done so thats good.

yeah i know. its been quite sometime.
This entire journal concept seems really pointless as of late. I have no time to be online let alone update my journal. Halloween was terrrible... but my costume was awesome... but other that it wasn't too good. Today there was a speech tournie.. me and brianna did a dramatic acting duet... and it was okay. We've only been working together for a week so all things considered we did well. Okay well right now i have to go... im going to renees 15th b day bash. i will most definately try my hardest to update more often. Haahahaha. later gang


liz<-- i still don't have the new relient k and i know, you're disappointed. lol.

i know what they say... a promise is nothing like the real thing.
Okay so i told you i'd tell you how my first day went..... well here's the synopsis of the first week. if you haven't already guessed the homework load is atrocious. It's nto too bad ... but secretly i know that changing schools couldn't make me happy. Somethings wrong with me, yet i refuse to become oen those drug dependant teenagers. that would scare me to peices. Alright... here's the schedie--
HON. ENGLISH-DRISCOLL... this class seems alright but for some reason heather thinkst hat ms.driscoll isn't going to like me. i tend to agree. we're currently reading Night by Elie Weisel. it's about the holocaust it seems pretty okay.
BIOLOGY- MR. KEARNEY what were they thinking putting me in this! it's an all sophmore class... but mr.kearney is pretty cool. he assigns alot of projects which definately helps your grade. i her his tests are hard though.. that scares me. Im making up a bunch of hte projects i missed in the past few weeks.. its going to take me a whle to get used to this class.
GYM- MS.MADDEN. we're swimming right now.. and ive got to admit it sucks but its not that bad. I have a lot of funny swimming stories ill share later. But i feel like helen keller during swimming... i can't wear my classes so i can't see and i barely hear with all the splashing and the echoing. its crazy. but like i said.. for some reason it's relaxing.
HOMEROOM- i don't know my homeroom teachers name. on tuesdays we have juniors come in and talk about... stuff. like this tuesday was sterotyping.... dave cermake (yes tims brother) is one of our leaders.. HAHAHAHA.
LUNCH- well.. .the cafeteria is definately not mcauley's not by a long shot. but its okay.... its really cheap though which is AWESOME. lol. i sit with amy,sean, sean,jeremy, jenny maxwell,teddy atwood and megan castro.
ALGEBRA-MRS.BARTH. mrs.barth is cool. her tests are hard. i sit next to a kid with really strong cologne. all in all its not bad. right by my locker convient.. and fine.
STUDY-MRS.BEAN. its study it sucks. its far away frome everything nuff said.
SPANISH-MRS.JANAS-okay here's where my real trouble is. first of all, senora zeilner didn't teach me anything so im waaaay behind the class. It's really hard... i sit next to some junior kid who thinks its funny to call me a pot head. Jon Kenellos sits behind me and alex odonnell next to him. oh yeah, marissa's in that class. so yeah, this is definately my least favorite class. and mrs.janas has the MOST annoying voice.. EVEr. she over pronouced spanish words so obnoxiously i want to slit my wrists. Okay well. later.

oh yeah. im joing the speech team. hahahaha.
there's definately more about my day but this is all i have time for right now. I am painting my room with my dad and my mother and i are going to sportmart to buy me a new suit for swimming. Peace y'all.

liz

... you finally got what you want. so let go of my hand...
-- we'll show up in our outifts we planned ahead to meet the qualifications of a special occasion. youve made a lasting impression and if doesnt go right then i can't go wrong--

okay gang. tommorrow is the first day at andrew. Prayers? some finger crossing.. send some good luck my way. friday was terrible... well nto terrible but bitter sweet there were a lot of tears and waht not seeing as thought i love McAuley and i put on such a front. Maddy made me a wonderful poster with a bunchy of pictures fo her and jill ..... omygosh it was so sweet. JIll and kaitlin duggan made me a coluge in study but gave up because a movie came on. Julie baked me cookies thursday and kelly made me a cool sign that had feathersa nd said liz. i am loved. i hugged siobhan on my way out and began to cry, heavily. i will miss the place like no other.... i will i iwll. i could have done great thigns there but... its better for me here. like harry potter with griffyndor and slyerin... its jsut better... i dunno. im sad. but im happy. Lord, help me. okay guys well. pray for a good day tomorrow and ill do my best to keep you posted.

liz<-- thats like sacralige... its like wearing underwear with the virgin mary on them.

its been so long. youve been gone.
my computer deleted my entry four tiems. im done. my only news- my ears are double peirced, im transferring soon. and oh hell am i pissed off. i had such a good entry too. all four times. but no. my computer had to be lame. so beat my comptuer up if your pissed off. sure as hell made me feel better.

anyone teling im having a bad hour?? thought so. man do i feel angry.

so lately alots been happening.
wedsday- i got out of school early. we took these PLAN test... i dont know waht the hell they were thinking with that. They were funny ... career aptitute tests. got home and went for a run.-
thursday- my mom and i went to oakbrook... bought some cool clothes from gap. i wont go into detail .. it will spoil them when i debut them at schhool. by this time next week you will have the full run down of my wardrobe.
friday night- i went to ellens. hung out with her ellen and her new boyfriend don. he's a good kid. but way too close too soon. they met at church. so thats a good sign. a big change from dave... i must say im pleased. Ellen is the kinda girl you cant help but love. how much i would love to hate her. shes so not a whoe that i want to kick her and be her best friend at the same time. She's so sweet and so level headed. i always feel abotu three feet tall around her because i look up to her so much. dammit i wish she was more hateable. shes soo sweet.
saturday-helped my moms aunt kay ... she hurt her back. nuff said.
saturday night- the girls slept over. fun stuff. dont know waht to say.... please don't try to change the world. you're just. i know im annoyed when i talk in song lyrics.
today- mall with my mom. got my ears doubled. yeaaaah. they hurt a bit. as well they are a bit uneven... but its n ot that bad. i love them. owe bought my new comforter... i didnt get the one i wanted from PB teen because the tommy hilfiger one i found was waaay cuter and alot more versitile. i like it. im glad i made a purchase. details on my room later. lets hope.

liz<--always put your righ foot forward, even if its your left.

mean girls might be my new favorite movie.

"... and on the third day God made the rifle so man could fight off the dinosaurs, and kill the homosexuals. amen amen" omygosh i almost died laughing.

laguna beach
laguna beach is a lovely lovely show. yes and so is that kid stephan. i think he is ... well rad. So... luguna beach, my new favorite show? indeed. hey did i mention to anyone.. english is terrible.. infact i dispise it. there i said. and ms.grady is a queer. okay! happy days.

liz<--morgan s-so like waht did you make them? you were at deiters right?
kristen-well we made this like bow tie pasta with chicken and this sauce.
morgan s- did they like it?
kirsten- no, it tasted like feet.
()()()kristen is the mean girl who trys to take stephen away from lauren. shes dumb too.()()()()

it's the ones you love who you always hurt the most. for this im sorry.
i'll write in black. not blue.
until i break your heart in two.
written in black the of perfect semblance
of you, under attack.
written in blue the color that is
the only way i can leave you.
this time won't write in black or blue
you are left in
two.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
omygosh! a rhyming poem from me!?

liz<--me:oh, hey matt
matt: ::looking severly confussed:: uh hey