idont wanna feel this small

3 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 12 April :: 11.51am
:: Mood: Im simply amazin'

And i couldnt ask for more..
Wow, I haven�t wrote in here in forever. Actually I haven�t been online all spring break!! Wow that�s amazing for someone like me lol. Spring break was soo great!! I had the most fun ever!! I hung out wif all of my friends. Im soo happy!! =)

Then today I come back to school, and guess wat!? Im the our newspapers Business Manager!! Omfg Im soo happy you have NO IDEA!! I cant wait to get started..actually my mother and I are going out tonight to see if there are any business� that want to donate money or want to have an advertisment in our paper. I have to raise friggin $$300. But oh wells its going to be fun!! You know I cant wait.

Awwe but I miss all of my friends, and I probably wont be able to talk to any of you for quite a while. *Ali jean I miss you soo much and I love you more than anything. You�re my baby gurl, always n forever. *Britty you�re the best friend ive ever had I luv you soo much!! *Chels I hope you had a great spring break. You too megan!! Well tahts it I luv you all lots!! Ima go cuz class is well not almost over but im leaving now. Gotta talk to arkinson!! Mwuz!!

P.s. Britty, Ali jean, Chelsie, Megan, all of you that are using woohu taht im friends wif..are you payin andy for woohu? Let me know, cuz im sending money in soon and if you guys dont wanna send urs or something ill send in some for you, but let me know soon. I luv you all wif alla mah heart <3 *mwuz*

21 DaYz toDaY I told you I would make it britt, you gotta trust me. I�d do anything for you babii gurl!!

:: 2004 10 April :: 12.51pm
:: Music: hoobastank-- the reason

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

:: 2004 10 April :: 12.48pm
:: Music: hoobastank-- the reason

im not a perfect person

why is life so hard.. why cant everything be easy.. wouldnt that be good for everyone? if god loves us why does he make pain, suffering, guilt, and hate? why are ppl always upset? unhappy?

:: 2004 9 April :: 9.10pm
:: Mood: _hAPPY_
:: Music: 99x

last night was ok.. i had a softball game that kayla went to. "wow, she had straight teeth" lol. we (unfortunatley) lost 3 to 7.. i made a run.. then afterwards we went to kayla's where we watched swimfan.. [[good movie]] ate matzo and left the cream cheese out. stayed up til 2.3o talkin. woke up at 11 ate yogurt, talked, discussed our plans [[what plans?!]] lol around 2 chris came over looked thru the yearbook. lol. we walked around blind and chased the ice cream man, and butterflies. we hung out at kaylas til like 6. went to the mall. had s0 much fun.. chris got hit on by some scary gothic chic. lol. we went and got pictures taken lol. got 20 cent lollipops, window shopped and left lucky pennies behind. the trip to the mall was followed by my dad interrogating chris.. lol. "im a skateboarder dude" lol. chris searched for his house.. him and kayla had some arguments about where he lived.. and you know what?? we still cant find that dam beanie!!! lol..
iight ne wayz, now im back at kaylas spending the night AGAIN lol.. tomorro i hav to wake up at like 9.3o b/c i hav to go home, and get ready for the play.. chicago. afterwards is roberts party,, should be alright.. we'll see.. lol.. ne wayz today was AWESOME!!!! and i love chris and kayla this much more> ... lol.. we gotta go!! muah!!
~~love~~
LaLa

cant handle this

:: 2004 8 April :: 3.45pm

If y0u g0 `nd leave me here 0n mii 0wn..
Heyy guyzz .. im in l.a. rite now . doin my research, borredd... my week has ben buzy s0 farr.. m0nday sarah came 0ver `nd we w0rked 0n 0ur n0te kardz [ well n0t reallie l0l ] we m0ztly juz watched t.v.-liztened 2 muzik n hung 0ut- than kaela kame 0ver 2.. than we dr0ve em b0th h0me.. tuezday went to jayz..erik kame 0ver & we went 2 dinner. . than i went h0me.. wednesday me & sarah left sk0ol earlii- g0t muh hair dun =] i <333 itt!! `nd than we went sh0ppin- got lotza pink l0l . . t0day im g0in t0 cassandras n were g0nna die mattz hair & than sarah is c 0min 2 my h0use =] `nd i mite g0 t0 the m0viez & C muh babiii =]

jay is being MEAN.

than ill wait f0r y0u

1 alone | cant handle this

2 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 5 April :: 8.37am

R.I.P.
Bubblez the fish.
y0u will be missed =[

3 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 3 April :: 8.21pm

we sleep with the enemy
wow. havnt wrote in here in a while..
whats been g0in on :
last friday, moviez as usual, jamie & sarah spent the night.. went to the yacht club w/ jamie sarah n josh . . than we had out *~adventure~* lma0 !! we walked frum the yacht club to kimmy's the l0ng wayy l0l . . that was FUNN .. kimmy's party was funn 2 but i didnt really have n e une 2 hang out w/ cuz everyune hadd sum1 better as usual ~ sept 4 Jay who i left out side =[ sorrie baybee.. we got thrown in the pOol =D than me n sar left r0und 1o iissh? than sunday me and sarah went to the beach & were soposed to meet Chris & Nick there but they b0th ditched us s0o we had fun jus tha two of us l0l than sch0ol was iicky =/ rep0rt kardz- 2 c's 5 b's 1 a .. thursday they gave me my referal s0o now its official - n0 8th grade dance f0r me =''[ .. friday sarah came h0me w/ me as alwayz n we went to the m0viez-lotza pe0ple were there.. moztly hang out w/ daniela, mark, josh, kaela, leighanne, markus, shannon, chris, shannons b/f mike, amanda.... -g0t reallie madd at nick there-but im 1/2 0over it.. than sarah ~~spent the night~~ went h0me @ midnight cuhz her momm got pissed.. n t0day i hung out w/ my cuzzinz... they are soooo cute.. abby stayed up reallie late last night cuz she said she couldnt sleep till she got a kiss frum me =D !! awwz // we went on the b0at to an island & than swam all day .. h0pefully ill see nick t0marr0w 0or sumthin but i he haznt called me s0o i guess he doesnt care =/ oO well..
next weekend is AMANDA weekend!! l0l..
i cant wait to go to jay's again i love him oh-sO-much!
and jilly !! i love u so fcukin much jillane elizabeth dahms u have no idea ! i miss talking to you intill the sun came up

`nd kill what we l0ve

:: 2004 3 April :: 1.09am
:: Mood: _ConFuSed_

.,"*MaRk On THe pHONe*",.
hey, sorry i havnt updated in awhile.. ive been pretty busy. i got adios. black kenny andresons. P i m P lol.. im talkin to mark on the phone right now about mia, and her gayness and poserish life. lol.. tryin to be cool. wear mah shitt.. not happenin. grrr....
im at baileys right now!! wow.. im gettin really pissed.. AHHH.. ne whos.. im gonna go cause im gettin really tired..
muah!!!
~~always~~
LaLa

7 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 2 April :: 9.19am
:: Mood: happy

Last day before spring break!!
Well were arent diong anything in uprights class again, and i had to come to skool bcuz of our dunkin donuts fest this morning. Omg im soo friggin stuffed Ick!! Oh wells..

James finally called me last night, stupid kid hasnt called in 3 days, but oh wells..life goes on, but we had a nice conversation last nite, im not sure if were goig to be able to do much this spring break cuz he has a tight schedule at work!! ='( he said he would make time for me but id ont want him to get in trouble again!!

Neways, im really bored, nothing going on, Jay was sad this morning! I hope that hes feeling better now, and i hope that him and britty are having a great day at skool today!! I LUV YOU BRITTANY MARIE!! Well thats enough for me today, im gonna get giong..latah everyone!! Chelsie i luv you lots chicka!!

EVERYONE PRAY FOR JILLY TO BE BUSINESS MANAGER FOR OUR NEWSPAPER!! ONLY THREE NOMINATED AND I REALLY WANT THIS!! SO PPLZ PRAY!!

11 DayZ t day everyone!!

Ali jean i luv you more than the sky is blue!!

3 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 1 April :: 12.20pm
:: Mood: okay

Nothing could be better..<3
Of course nothing going on today, last full day of skool until spring break YaY im soo happy i cant wait, tho im not doing anything now, but its all good. I think the only plans i have are wif Katie, Cassie, and hopefully something wif Brandy but im not sure. =)

Yeah i dont get to see Kyndra for a whole 2 weeks, dont get to see Laurie for a whole week, and dont get to see Sherry ever again. Not going to counsling, and then we've got spring break adn then after taht so does Kyndra lol. Yeah guys, i found out when shes leaving..she said maybe the end of April or the begining of May sometime. But shes not totally sure. Urgh i dont want her to leave me ='(

Oh wells..neways i dont have anything to say, britty i luv you lots chicka!! You too Chelsie!! But im going to get going..latah everyone!!

<33 Jilly <33

1o Days today

:: 2004 31 March :: 10.07am
:: Mood: ditzy

A broken heart, continues to beat..
Well lets see here, nothing really going on today, were not doing anything in this class today, mr upright is being awesome lol

James and I havent talked in like 3 days now, im hoping that hes going to call me t nite..but if not oh well, i'll live i guess. Hes prolly just busy or something and i know that he hates when gurls call him askin where hes been and why he aint been calling so ya know, if i need him, ill get a hold of him, if not oh wells i still luv da kid =)

Yesterday was really fun wif the last day of group *tear tear* ='( And then talking wif Kynrda and then counsling wif Laurie. yeah we talked about some hard stuff..but i dont know it was good i guess. I really need to talk to brittany. Like really really bad..its kind of important..most likely i'll forget wat i need tot alk to her about tho lol. Well gotta me n Kels are going to get some pop! =)

Its been o9 days today everyone!!
I'll show you, you jus watch,
I can keep a promise!!
I luv you more than anything!!

p.s. we get our puppy in o9 days too!!

cant handle this

:: 2004 30 March :: 11.51am
:: Mood: giggly

There comes a day, when i need to say goodbye..
Well nothing really going on today. Just sittin here in renteria�s class again. Yeah its really boring ex we got new seats and I sit rite next to jerry..whew =p talk about a hott boi!! Lol

Other than that nothing really going on lol. Got to get a pass to get outta this class in minute. And gotta skip lunch again..i don�t know arkinson told me to get a pass while we went to go get our schedule packets for next year. Urgh im soo nervous, all of my classes are going to be the same. Ya know wat woodruff told me this morning, I told him I didn�t think I would have a chance wif journalism for the newspaper bcuz of my grade and he agreed but it old him I wanted to be in intro to print media again next year so I could get a better grade and show him im dependable and he said that�s great, bcuz he is really looking forward to what I can bring to the newspaper Wow, I used to hate that teacher, I don�t know if I would be a good writer for the newspaper tho, im scared =( But then he told me also bcuz I love taking pix and everything that I sould try for his yearbook thingy, and im going to lol sounds fun ya know!!

Well im going to get going, its about time for me to leave lol. But I jus wanted to say..guess wat? Me and Jay are friends! Woot woot!! Arent I soo lucky. We used to hate eachother, now were like all talking and stuff its GREAT!! I luv you Jay!! B.H.U.A. for life babes!!! Latah!!

<33 Meeeehh!!

2 alone | cant handle this

2 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 29 March :: 11.12am
:: Mood: excited

Hope begins with *H*..wow, so does help..
Wow earlier before this class we had an awesome assembly!! It was soo awesome this lady came in and she was like one of those harlem globetrotter ppls!! It was sweet!! Thats really got me hyped rite now!! Brandy was making fun of me cuz i thought it was the koolest thing lol..

Wow i aint wrote in here in forever, my puter at home is being really really retarded!! Im hoping that we can reprogram the computer or get a new tower or something, but my mommy is gettin a new puter, so i tink that blows those plans lol =)

Well, about the June 17th thing, yeah thats not rite, i forgot to count the first 6 days so its really June 11th!! Everyone im going to make it, You watch, and its all going to be for my britty!! I luv you more than anything in the whole world, and ill prove to you that promises do mean something to me!! I luv you babi gurl!!

Got to talk wif Chelsea this weekend which was really good..and then talked wif Gloria this morning during the assembly, which was also the best!! I luv that gurl i cant wait till 4th hour..that is..if i even go lol..and wow, me and Brandy are better!! Thank god i was really upset that she was mad at me and everything..=( oh wells..im done for now..latah everyone!!

:: 2004 28 March :: 7.44pm

i want to feel yOu
i need to hear yOu
yOu are the light
that is leading me
to the place where
i find peace again
yOu are the strength
that keeps me walking
yOu are the hope
that keeps me trusting
yOu are the life to my soul
yOu are my purpose
yOu are everything
and how can i
stand here with yOu
`nd not be moved by yOu
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
yOu calm the storms
yOu give me rest
yOu hold me in your hands
yOu won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
would you take me deeper now
'cause you're all i want
you are all i need
you are everything
everything