idont wanna feel this small

5 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 18 March :: 10.47am

Today is my fcukin' birthday
<3.

LaLa91

:: 2004 17 March :: 9.01pm

HapPy sT PaTrIckS dAy!!!!
hey hey guyz, im at my neighbors right now.. very fun, there's a whole bunch of ppl.
i was talkin to calli and she didnt kno chris was moving.. hey now i finally hav some thing to brag about.. lol
anywayz my spring break so far..

friday:: mia and i went to the bowling alley thinking that malike would be there on time of course we were wrong.. so we ended up going to the movies and seeing him. he told us that he went to the bowling alley and we werent therr.. lol.

well i dont hav time for ne more!!!! love ya!!!

:: 2004 17 March :: 3.30pm
:: Mood: crushed

Up..and..down..up..and..down..
Seriously everything for me for a while there was soo UP^^^^!! Now..today..and yesterday..yesterday it started..i feel like i seriously just want to die..i wish i could.. =(

If only i had the courage or WHATEVER it is to kill myself..i would seriously be the happiest person!! I fuckin hate life..i hate ppl..i hate teachers..i hate skool..i hate KYNDRA!! URGH I REALLY FUCKIN HATE HER!!

Nobody can help me anymore..im too far gone..Kyndra was helping me..but not now..fuck her..fuckin bitch ='(

I WANT TO FUCKING DIE DAMMIT!! ='(

4 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 17 March :: 12.13pm

i remember the look in your eyes

Yesterday was Krazzii
me, sarah, daniela, mark, & nick went to anisa's party.. it was fun for a while.. i pushed nick in the poOl w/ his clothes on lol n than he pushed me in sOo we were all FREEZING all night.. n than all thez ppl were bitchin at us =[ lol..but yea than we left.. today im gettin muh new phone.. my bathing suit.. my hair done.. n than im going bowling w/ jay daniela mark n nick
JAY CALLED ME THE GAYEST PERSON IN THE WORLD!
but i love him anyway =]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN!!!
tomarrow is mine =]

when i told you this was goodbye

:: 2004 16 March :: 9.38pm
:: Mood: geeky
:: Music: Tipsy--j kwon!!

Oh wow, today was very interesting..went to skool late..had to skip 1st hour..i had woodruffs class!! Then right when i was walking into 2nd hour i had gym so i was walking there and i was walking past arkinsons room thingy, and i saw kyndra in there and stopped walked in and they were like oh we were just putting a pass out to get you lol so i stayed there all 2nd hour. 3rd hour was fun..me and ashley had fun buggin renteria the whole time..then lunch hung out wif brandy n had to go to mrs johantgens class so i could get help wif my math cuz i need to do better in there..4th hour was fun..german is never fun so thats weird lol talked about german day at the university of michigan on friday..yayay!! lol So that was skool..

Then Donna picked me up and i went to counsling at the aware shelter, yeah that was really interesting today, talked about alot of diff things, too much thinking for me lol =p then mom picked me up and like i guess jelly and her got into it again..yeah it was horrible this time again..once again my fault dammit!!

But omg today urgh i was soo fuckin freaking out, called Lisa she coldnt talk, Cassie is being a bitch and ignoring me, Brandy was in Holt, so yeah every1 was busy, so i called..uhm Kyndra i felt like SUCHA DORK!! But we actually talked for like an hour..but i let her go 1. cellie was going dead 2. i bet i was bothering her anyway.. 3. ill see her 2marro anyway!! I cant wait, she seriously ist he best i luv talking to her!!

Neways just wanted to say happy b day to britty again..like just in case ya know!! lol =) CHELSIE I LUV YOU!! Megan hope your feeling better!! Ali jean you mean everything to me i luv you!! everyone i luv you!!

Love..me!!

:: 2004 16 March :: 11.01am
:: Mood: safe
:: Music: jays' voice/weird song he's playin?!

Perdy Baby.. why kant yOu seE..

Yesterday was awsome =]
i went to the mall w/ daniela n sarah n me n sarah got matchin outfits =] n daniela got the cuuutest dress that she looks adorable in .. n than nick & mark came .. that was fun lol me n nick tied each others shoes together n were hoppin round lol <33333
n than i came home round 10.. n jay called me and we fell asleep on the phone again =]
n i had a bad dream =[ but i woke up n jay was still on the phone n i could head him sleepin sOo i felt safe
I LOVE JAY .. you make me so happy babe

yoUr the une that i belOng tO. <3.

2 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 15 March :: 1.01pm

I fOrgOt what it waz lyk

Spring break so far has been really great =] . . . Saturday sarah was still here n we stayed in bed fOr 19 hOurz !! wOop wOop new recOrd lOl.. than round 7ish jamie came over n than at lyk 1o [ @ nite ] we picked up cariSsa n went 2 tha movies.. met muh babii... but nO one wuz there sOo we all walked to mark'z house `nd it was sOo fun =] & than we walked over to nick'z hOuse.. `nd that i hadda leave round 12:3o.. daniela, sarah, carissa, n jamie spent the night.. stayed up till lyk 5 =] n than daniela n sarah left .. me carissa n jamie went swimmin =] n than carissa left.. me n jamie watched american weddin.. than jamie left @ lyk 9.. n i talked to jay most of the night .. fell asleep on the fone w/ him =] .. today me & sarah r going shoppin hopefully n than im going to muh babey's house..

3 days till muh bday =]
xOxO -Britt- xOxO

`tO B hAppie =]

LaLa91

:: 2004 15 March :: 2.59am
:: Mood: _TiReD_

right now im at mias in marks room with lacey, mia, mark, markus, and yours truly.. cuddling... very intimatly lol.. j/p
today i went to the beach with bailey. shopped at ft myers beach and found mom the cutest bathing suit.. of course, when she finally finds a cute one she doesnt want to keep it. lol. w/e.
umm.. friday mia and i went bowling.. [[well tryed to at least]] no one met us there so we ended up going to the movies. met up with a few ppl. FUN
saturday bailey, spencer, mr. underwater cell phone, and me went to sanctuary [[the skate park]] we met up with chris. who wouldnt skate until like the last 15 minutes we were there. he told me that he would "grind" [[horny bastard]] lol j/p. if i ollied off a three foot high thingy.. i didnt, he didnt. instead he went to the box thing or something. i feel really bad b/c we were supposed to stay there til like 5:3o but instead we left at like 3:i5...
ne wayz chris went to his mom's house up in ft. lauderdale. and he wont be back until saturday. "sunday we'll do something".. we'll see.
any wayz i g2g... love yall
LaLa

:: 2004 14 March :: 11.38am
:: Mood: sad

Always and forever, remember..
Too often we don't .r.e.a.l.i.z.e. what we have until it's gone
too *often* we wait too long to say "I'm sorry I was wrong"
Sometimes it seems we -:-hurt-:- the ones we hold dearest to
our �hearts� and we allow foolish things to tear our lives apart
Far too many times we let `unimportant� things into mind and
then it's . *usually*. too late to see what made us blInd. . .

Well now i can say that i know how it feels to be..second best ='( Urgh i want things back to the way they were..when everything was perfect inside our own little dream world, i miss those days, and would give anything to get them back.

You know who you are, so dont try and ignore it!! I luv you more than anything in the whole world!! I just wish that you still felt the same way.

James i luv you soo much!! Thanks for everything!!

:: 2004 14 March :: 10.17pm
:: Mood: relaxed
:: Music: Have you ever--Brandy

Arent i the lucky one..
You guys you guys!!! Guess wat!!
Omg im soo friggin happy now!!
Of course i bet you prolly can guess,
Its about some guy lol, but still,
Does anyone member me always
Talking about that James kid that,
Is my best guy friend, well yeah..
He asked me back out, urgh im soo
Happy Tiffany will not, and is
NOT going to ruin our relationship
again, I told you all that me and this kid will
Get married, hes my best friend,
And now again my boyfriend, im soo happy!!

Other than that amazing thing, this
weekend Has been awesome, went
to Lisa's n than Babysat, Sounds
boring, but omg you have No idea
whenever lisa n i are Together we
have the BEST time ever!! lol I love
that gurl shes one of my best friends!

One bad thing, Martin is mad at me,
=( he Says that he was going to
ask me out this Weekend, *yeah
WHATEVER..lol* and that he really
liked me, and Its stupid that im
going back out wif James, Urgh
hes being childish but i luv
him and i MISS HIM, so babes plz
stop this stupid fight, And come
back to me =p i luv you!!

Well thats enough for now, im
tired, and i Think that im gonna
call my baby tho he told Me to
call at like 12..oh wells, he
hopefully wont mind lol

I LUV YOU CHELSIE!! Glad i got to
talk to you today, your the friggin
best, i cant wait to talk to you again!! lol =)

:: 2004 13 March :: 12.56pm
:: Mood: flirty

im sOo luCky

Heyy guys .. well last night was basicallythe same thing as usual.. went to the movies w/ sarah, chris, nick , mark , daniella, n shannon came 2 , n bunches of other ppl.. than nick asked me out =] yay n corse i sed yeshh lol
i love you baby
Than nick left n me marissa daniela kaela n sarah n shannon hung outside n than me n sarah went home n watched t.v. for a while..

thats basically it.. today im going to jamie n hopefully ill see muh baby

5 days till my bday

I LOVE NICK & SARAH
tO be w/ yOu

:: 2004 11 March :: 5.49pm
:: Mood: worried
:: Music: will & grace

How could she take you away..*

Havn't wrote in here in forever
Friday..sarah came home w/ me n we when to mcdonalds than we went to the movies.. chris asked sara out there =] sarah, chris, lindsey, garret, daniel, kimmy, n some other ppl went n say that starsky & hutch mOve [ it waz really funny ] me & lindsey were laughin our asses off =] but iwas all alone cuhz nick's sister's appendix burst or something lyk that.. but he came at lyk 9:3o when the movie was over n i hung out w/ him outside =] & i saw JAY! <3. Than saturday i babysat.. & jay divorced me ='[ monday was fcat n i thought jay was dead so i was cryin all day but he was ok [ he almost died tho < / 3 ] & than we went to target n my baby cuzin faith hit her head n her tooth fell out so they hadda go to the hospital .. tuesday was kev's birthday me & sarah went to his game [ they won ] yay n i got him a cd =] , wednesday i had the worst day . . not gonna go into that.. more cryin . . . then i but i got home n nick called me n we were on the phone till lyk midnight =] today i found out kevin is askin out this sara chick =/ ergh. mm o well we have assigned seats @ lunch n i sit next to my jay !! i love my jay so much <333 even if he did divorce me 2wice it dont matter cuz he hes my EVERYTHING! i miss jill < / 3 ..
tomarrow me & sarah r going to the movies again
n i get to see my nick =]

*..When yOu were mine fOr sO lOng ?
< / 3

3 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 11 March :: 4.11pm
:: Mood: lonely

Please dont do this to me..
Oh wowow today was fuckin horrible..1st hour was fun i guess..i actually did my work for math, it was great stuff =p Mrs. Johantgen was soo proud lol..

Then second hour..holy shit..i was sittin there and yeah i was streched out on Cassie Browns cubical thingy so i could talk to her, and yeah she saw uhm *cuts* on my arm, and yeah she freaked out, got a pass went to the bathroom and i jus left the class and ran after her, and yeah we talked..well she screamed..then she told duffey and lisa, and yeah then cassie smith found out and becky.

And then becky was going to tell BRANDY!!! In 3rd hour and beckys like well shes ur friend you sould tell her, im sure she wont tell anyone and then yeah she was hinting at wat it was and brandy guessed it but i jus like joked around about it, and becky laughed so im sure she knows..i told becky if she told her then i wasnt going to talk to her anymore, and then i like left the class bcuz i couldnt take her shit anymore, and i guess brandy and her became good friends while i was gone, and then yeah i didnt talk all lunch and anyway brandy was too busy wif becky anyway, and cassie smith wasnt on my lunch todya, and then cassie brown i was mad at her and lisa was being retarded and so i was totally silent the whole time..big shocker!!

Then i got outta 4th hour too, i couldnt sit in that class really, i was seriously about to pass out, so i went back down to arkison..urgh she gave me the biggest headache..urgh i dont want to go to skool anymore..fuck it!! =(

I want Kyndra to come back tho, i really miss her dang it, i need to talk to her, but i wont be able to see her till wed bcuz group was changed to then, and guess wat my counsler from the aware shelter is coming in to talk in my group lol..fun shit

Well ima go i luv you all ltos byes!!

:: 2004 10 March :: 11.50am
:: Mood: thankful
:: Music: Toxic --nasty ass b spears =p

When forever ends, i will still luv you..
Well hey nothing really going on today, its an early release day so we get outta school here soon after this class we get to go to lunch and then go home which is friggin awesome because I hope that my mom is gone so that I can get online, not that there will be anything to do because yeah NOBODY will be online because yeah they�ve got school HAHA but oh wells neways..

I really don�t have anything to say, but Brittany I love you soo much and I hope that we can talk soon. I miss talking to you, and I hope that you do to. I don�t know, I just hope that you still wanna be friends, I luv you soo much!!

Ali jean thanks for making my day this morning, I came into class and I was all pissed off because I was tardy for fuckin helping out one of my teachers wif this german pemission slip thingy, and I got in trouble..i aint helping nobody no more!! =( But neway thanks for being soo sweet and being one of the best friends ive ever had!! I luv you soo much!!Well that�s enough for today, I luv you all lots, ex you chelsie =p Latah babes

LaLa91

:: 2004 9 March :: 11.32am
:: Music: evanescence

hello
playground school bell rings again
rain clouds come to play again
has no one told you she's not breathing?
hello
im your mind giving you someone to talk to
hello

if i smile and dont beleive
soon i know i'll wake from this dream
dont try to fix me im not broken
hello
im the lie living for you so you can hide
dont cry

suddenly i know im not sleeping
hello
im still here
all thats left of yesterday