idont wanna feel this small

3 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 9 January :: 6.34pm
:: Mood: grumpy
:: Music: Wilson making noises to annoy me..=/

And it never seems the same..
I took this from my friend Tara.. I don't know how to put it in a link thingy so I'll be a dork and place it here.. I'm bored so I had to do something.. you know how that goes. Basically what you do is you copy the list and then you bold the things that are the same about you and that person you copied it from and then the things that are different you change to fit you. Sounds easy enough.
01. I have made bad decisions.
02. I have never listened to Death Cab for Cutie.
03. My favorite character is scooby doo..scooby dooby doo..where are you..? lol
04. Nope i dont have braces..
05. I have no children.
06. I don't hate any kind of music
07. I usually sleep less than 4/5 hours each night
08. I hate dressing up..i think its jus too flashy..
09. I hate trying in school... in the end it really doesn't matter so why worry about it?
10. I hate that about myself..
11. I love all kinds of shoe shopping.
12. I want to adopt children when I get older.. there are so many children that need families out there and I want to help them and it really doesn't matter to me that I didn't have them myself because they will still be my kids..
13. I prefer pants
14. I collect memories.
15. Actually i think that i give too much..im always the one giving..and never the one recieving..
16. I'm not a member of the mile-high club.
17. I love to read but I don't get around to doing it...
18. I have a lot to learn.
19. I am always wanting more
20. I don't believe in love at first sight... you have to at least walk by again..
21. I love music.. it makes me happy
22. I love animals, I want to adopt abused ones when I get older... everyone needs a second chance to be loved. *Oh yesh very awesome point TARA*
23. My bedroom is actually neat and organized..90% of the time.
24. I do not believe in god..or do not accept him or whatever..
25. I do not feel loved by the all mighty god..
26. I do not believe in god..and do not appreciate all of the questions about him..
27. I want to learn how to work in a darkroom.. photography has always interested me
28. I want to learn how to play the drums
29. I am not a very confident person..unfortunitly..
30. I hate like all of my family..and think they sould all just go to hell :-D *cept my cuzie*
31. I love to learn new languages.. sometimes I tend not to study though.. so that doesn't help
32. I sometimes like spicy food.
33. I tend to be materialistic
34. I procrastinate way too much.. like every single day of the year..
35. I love basketball..though im not playing it for reasons only some know..
36. Yeah i do chores..yippie fun..NOT!!
37. I am an extrovert and an introvert... depends on my surroundings.. *thanks to judy for explaining what this actually meant* lol
38. I have a foot phobia.. lol.. don't ask!
39. I used to love to write but now i cant..
40. *I am only truly happy when I am in Michigan.. the rest of the time I am only happy..*< 41. I really enjoy creative and personal gifts, even if they cost nothing.
42.I don't think any situation should necessarily be uncomfortable or awkward. But yet they often are.
43. The flush of embarassment still gets to me.
44. I am passive about what I like and what I don't like.
45. I think people should hug each other more.
46. I cant always find something good about each and every day..
47. I like to write poetry, even though it is mostly bad.
48. I have never really gotten burnt from the *sun* or *tanner* in my life =)
49. I wish I exercised more.
50. I don't care if my siblings like the same things as I do.
51. People think I am older than what I am in most pictures..
52. I am a proficient typer.
53. I think I have the best set of friends anyone could ever have.
54. I'm tired of procrastinating.
55. I don't like killing animals for food... but that makes me a hypocrite because I eat meat. Oh well.
56. I love cool breezes at night. But only in the summer.
57. When it comes to clothes, I'm DEFINETLY a winter person I love sweaters
58. I can stand in front of any group of people..and say whatever..very open and outgoing public speaker..exspecially good at debating =)
59. I love fires especially in a snow blizzard
60.I'd like to take more risks, but depending on the risk, I don't think they're completely necessary.
61. I kind of like broccoli...*which sounds crazy*
62. I dont like italian food..
63. I like to jump on trampolines.
64. I am usually very emotional.
65. I hate sleeping past noon. (but I do it anyways sometimes)
66. I don't watch much TV.. mostly just like Dawsons creek, n 7th heaven, n will and grace, n friends n stuff like that!! =)
67. I want more money.
68. I like deep conversations, but also conversations about nothing at all. hehe Britt sould know wat im talkin bout there
69. I have some great friendships.
70. I'm too afraid of rejection and failure. well the failure part I deal with not trying.. so that settles that...
71. I'm not married.
72. I do not like getting tickled.
73. I always try to give out hugs or other physical means of contact.
74. I predict that my parents will let me drive by myself..as long as my mom dont have to drive me everything lol
75. I love Christmas.
76. I think I am a sadistic.
77. I am addicted to Dr. Pepper..couldnt live without it!! heh
78. I love good books. Who doesn't?
79. I love german class or Intro to Media..*not the teacher..jus the subject..like the writtin not the other gay shit we do*
80. I shower quite frequently.
81. I've never seen Duran Duran in concert.
82. I'm not shy, I have a loud mouth and I am very critical...
83. I believe in choices and a free will.
84. I love rap music *exspecially rap with a meaning..like most all of tupac..n stuff like that*
85. I am not shy with people I meet at school or anywhere else..im a very open and outgoing person..i love meetin new people!!
86. I love aeropostal cloths..or pac sun!! *Only aeropostal cuz of the whole monkey thing* =)
87. I want to travel more.
88. I have never been in love.
89. I could live in my pajamas.
90. I love wearing rings AND bracelets. *though i tend to loss them alot of the time*
91. I'm scared of hurting those I love.
92. I'm scared of human relationships. People hurt people.
93. I love to play basketball..ex by myself..its a place where i think.
94. I never get what i want!! *not fair*
95. I dont really have an interest in getting high..but i love gettin drunk!!
96. It sucks to want things.
97. But it's cool when you get them!
98. Im not really into the whole 80's fashion deal..
99. I have a lot of acquaintences, but not many real close friends. Wish I had more.
100. I am a big sap, deep down inside.

Whew its kinda weird how much me and someone dat i barely know anymore *Not that i knew her mucho much before anyway*..have in common..Weird..yesh..but kool!! =) hehe

:: 2004 8 January :: 8.46am
:: Mood: _BlAnK_
:: Music: Miss u blink 182

hey hey lala herrr... obviously
today was _______ [make it what u want]
i was at school most of the time. congrats kayla for the poetry contest [remeber u told me u would give me a fraction of the winning money] [lol] and she also is gonna do free throws so wish her luck!!!
bailey and kristi r ok now... i knew they would get over it. they were to good of friends to let it all go.
and it was hard b/c i love both of them so mucho!!! i couldnt take sides.
ne wayz, marks g/f jenn keeps callin mah brothers celly n he gets really mad about it.
ok well i g2g hollA

(�`�.��)(�`�.��)
`�.(�`�.��)�.��
`�.�.�� I LoVe YoU
�.�`* �.�*��)
(_�.�* �.�* Love always, LaLa~

cant handle this

:: 2004 7 January :: 8.38pm

Whew finally home!! Thank god..cept mymom is already being a bitch oh wells!!

Neways yeah i got to talk wif britt finally and chels..hehe i missed tho fluzz's mucho much!! Hehe..thier da bestest!!

And im talkin wif Tara again!! Yayay i missed dat gurl soo much..we used to talk bout everything..and she is someoen dat i could always trust..but im sure she dont member dat..=/

Neways meg is back home..yayay!! i missed dat asshole =)

N whew i cant believe how much i missed my baby gurl ali jean!! Shes da bestest..n she understands me..unlike alotta freaks here..oh well gots to go now..latah!!

love.me!!

cant handle this

:: 2004 7 January :: 8.03am

Its over-*
Winter vaca that is.
Ah, tis was fun.
I don't want to go back to school.
I don't want face him.
I don't want to live another day without you.
I don't want to wait 6 months.
I don't want this to be over.
I don't want this to last any longer.
I don't want to spend another second worrying bout this.
i love you. i hate you
i cant live without you

:: 2004 6 January :: 8.18pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: katie being weird..=)

Well i jus wanted to say hey in this thing since its been a while..and yeah i dont know wat to say really..

Well i jus wanna say dat i luv you lots britters and i miss you soo much and i hope dat i can go home 2marro so dat i can talk to you I MISS YOU TONS!! and yeah i wanna talk tyou soo much

Yeah other den dat...i really dont wanna leave here cuz its fun here..katie n me r gettin alone better and talkin bout stuff and its really fun to be able to talk to her..shes great. But yeah im gonna miss her when i leave..maybe ill come bak to visit her sometime =) I luv my cuzie wuzie!!

hehe yeah neways luvya chels n miss n meg n ali n mike n all of you boogers =)

love..ME!!

3 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 6 January :: 6.15am
:: Mood: ishy
:: Music: invisible

hey
hey hey lala herrr
today was eventful [yeah right] bailey and i woke up at 12 n took showers then brooke took us to tj maxx and ross [dress for less]
lol. then my mom called saying that she was already at baileys ready to take us to practice... so we went to mcdonaldz b/c we were really hungry and we were pullin like 65 on side streets. lol. nicholas parkway was backed up b/c they were pavin the rodes so we had to take the back way.
when we finally got bac to b's house we had to go straight to vball practice. cameron, robert debearos, one of his friendz, david, and cathryn came to watch. now baileyz takin another shower and im sittin here talkin to robert [fun]. and now guess what???? im gonna go!!!
hollA
<333 LAlA

6 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 5 January :: 10.29am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Duffey complaining to mrs rodman.. =)

Hey were jus sittin in class again..since i cant get online at katies house really..cept it dont matter cuz we've been majorly busy lately..yeah last nite was da best..i aint seen steve in a while tho..a couple of days..=/ dunno..oh well tho..

Yeah gotat go tho..britt i miss you loser..hope to talk toyou t nite or something..i mite be on after we go to da tanner and after we go over to whas her faces house and all of dat good stuff..=/ i unno..but yeah ill try n get on t nite..if not email me..

luv you too chels and miss n megz!! =) latah everyone!!

:: 2004 3 January :: 2.42pm

Hey ....
Whats been going on...
I hung out with geoffrey and andy wednesday night, thursday night, friday night, and this morning before geoffrey left. i had tons of fun..last night we built sand castles *wink* it was great =P
he left this mornin round 11 to go back to Indiana (where he lives)..
I miss him already.
<3.

4 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 4 January :: 11.23am
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: lalalalala

MWAZ
yo pimps n hoes, lala herrrr,
poor bailey: her b/f david treats her like crap, n kristi... i understand where shes coming from n i dont think she should stop liking david. if bailey told her that she doesn't care then i think that kristi is assuming that bailey doesn't mind her hanging out with david.
then i can c baileys point of view.
bailey never thinks she is really inncluded in what rach and kris do. they'll blow her off and wont even think twice about it. i think that bailey feels insecure with david and i think that that's b/c he went to the movies with another girl (cough cough) i'm not takin ne 1's side b/c i luv all of these ppl so0o0o0o much n i agree with kayla, i think it is just middle school romance, nothin to screw up a friendship over!!
hollA
(�`�.��)(�`�.��)
`�.(�`�.��)�.��
`�.�.�� I LoVe YoU
�.�`* �.�*��)
(_�.�* �.�* Love always, LaLa~

:: 2004 3 January :: 9.10pm
:: Mood: indescribable

awwe man!! Whew im at katies so i dont have very much time..plus steve n mike n katie are all watchin jeepers creepers we jus rented it..and yeah thier gettin mad cuz they want me out there cuz im da only one dats seen it and thier scared lol..=)

Well this has actually been fun time here fo once..and omfg new years was da best ever!! *Britt i have to tel you some thigns..good *really good* and kinda realy bad..=/ ut oh wells*

Steve stayed da nite last nite and is stayin t nite..cuz katies mom my aunt lefted..hehe i luv katie =) shes soo sweet..but yeah liz n danielle and katie and me and steve and mike aare all going out t nite..and were goin rockin bowling and den were going to like prank some pplz ya kmow fun stuff like dat..liz n danielle are comin over bout 11 or so..so yeah i dont know wato tsay

I miss yu freaks soo much..ex britt n chels n my baby ali..i miss you ali sooo sooo much!! Its weird not talkin to you..but newyas yeah im gonan go..luv you lots everyone bye!! =)

:: 2004 3 January :: 11.56am
:: Mood: tired

hey hey,
sorry i havn't been keepin up with mah journal. i havn't been home. i went to sarasota for x mas and then the day after i went to kentucky where i stayed with mah friend becky and got to c all of my friendz that i havnt seen for like 2 years! it was so fun and they all changed so much. i got sum abercrombie clothes from there mall ( which is so much better then ours) because we dont have it. compared to theirs our mall sux.
yesterday was my bro's b day (15) so he got his permit and was drivin me every where. then mah family went out to eat and nick got a free cake. and today he is takin the risk of driving the family to sarasota for a party @ grams. then last night there was bailey who "forgot" to tell me she has a boyfriend. oops, slipped her mind. but we talked about it and shes really really sorry. and then i found this really cute louis vuitton (which i now have an obsession over) purse on ebay and bailey might get it for me for mah b day! if she does i will love her to DEATH!!lol
i g2g hollA
(�`�.��)(�`�.��)
`�.(�`�.��)�.��
`�.�.�� I LoVe YoU
�.�`* �.�*��)
(_�.�* �.�* Love always, LaLa~

:: 2004 2 January :: 3.24pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: miss y0ou...

.the worlds a ugly place...
but your so beautiful to me.

Last night was the shit.
I talked to Jay for a while round 9iish..than i hung out with Geoffrey -n- Andy. Tis was fun. We hung out till 11ish..than i got home and called jay again ..he didn't feel good =[ we talked till 12:30 or 1 n then he went tO sleep n so didd i. i love him oh so much <3. i want to see him soon..

its been 5 days since ive talked to kevin. i called him a couple times, he's never home. i miss him. blah.

i talked to *michelle marks* last night..i love her! ..we might hang out tomarrow! <3333

i talked to court to yesterday..i misS her tOo.
<3.

Jilly is at her cousin's..i hope she comes back soon...

jay calls me punkin
i like it.
<3.

:: 2004 1 January :: 4.50pm

`Never again...
`Hubby is MEAN.
Its 2o04..weee...

So last night, emily came over (i invited kevin daniel n kimmy but no one else showed..big surprise.) we went to subway n the movie store n than ran 'round the neighbor hOod. we met thez 2 guyz..there realley kool..were gonna hang out again latah. One of 'em is from indiana and tha other one lives around the storms feild, but he's here every sat. cuz his gramma lives a few houses down..

thats it.
later.
<3.

:: 2003 31 December :: 6.14pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: jays song

...
So Cal 1449: my wifey brings all the boys to the yard and they're like she's better than mine, damn right she's better than yours, you could borrow her but i love her too much!