idont wanna feel this small

3 alone | cant handle this

:: 2003 16 December :: 3.57pm
:: Mood: pissed off

I had da worst fuckin day..i seriously am not goin to skool 2marro and if anyone trys makin me im gonna fuckin kill em!! I am NOT going bak to skool..i fuckin hate skool and everyone there!!

I wish i could fuckin die..steve is suspended now..till fri and he can only come fo da half day on fri and den i wont get to see him forever..

I got kicked outta my 1st hour class, and den second hour i stayed and yah wrote in my journal earlier..and den 3rd hour we had a test and i didnt do it..and den lunch i fuckin got soo pissed off dude..and i fuckin started bawling and den tyler franks said dat i looked like fuckin dyke and i could go suck his dick..and steve fuckin beat da shit outta him and now hes suspended yah..and den i didnt even go to 4th hour but crystal found me *i only knew her name id idnt even knw her beofre dis* and den she like hugged me and helped me stop cryin..and den krista long came in and like hugged me n everything and den crystal walked down to my class and told da teacher i was here but wasnt coming to class and den she took my to da counslers office and we talked fo a while..den steve came in and we sat there and talked to da counsler together fo da rest of 4th hour and den da fuckin bus ride home was horrible..omfg im gonna fuckin die..i hate my life..i wanna die..i sould kill myself..i am going to..fuck all of you i hate you.. BYE!!!

:: 2003 16 December :: 10.44am
:: Mood: bitchy

mhmm in tech class and bored..
Well lets see me and duffey r sittin here ni intro to tech and were like really bored and jus got done wif all of our homework so yah were jus sittin here readin through my journal and everything and yah its not dat interestin..geesh i luv dis gurl she like got me these really cute monkey pjs and like yah im wearin them over my pants thier so cute i luv her..yah shes always been there fo me no matter wat ive done to hurt her and trust me ive done alot to hurt her through the past few years..whew i luv her..i hope dat were friends forever cuz she really means lots to me..shes da best ever!!

I luv you sidnee dee anne Duffey

yah i hope dat britt feels better before i come down there..but if dat ass dont tell me wat she wants to fo x mas im not comin lol luv you lots bye

3 alone | cant handle this

:: 2003 15 December :: 11.09pm

im sick...blah.

theres nothing to say.

today=one month.
i love you jay..
<333. im sorry ..i wish i could make things better.

love ya daniel, dont worry bout this thing. it'll be okay..

i love you kevin =]

:: 2003 14 December :: 9.48pm
:: Mood: stressed

Oh my fuckin *god* t day was jus fuckin horrible..stacey is bout to make me fuckin kill myself..i wish dat she would jus be happy wif us being *friends* dats it..but she wont..and its drivin me friggin nuts!!

And britt..well i think dat she thinks dat stacey is going to like *steal her best friend* or wateva..but yah dats never ever going to happen cuz britts always goin to be my best friend no matter wat..hey it jus gives her a LITTLE ITTY BITTY taste of wat i feel like wif her and emily and her and court n her and everyone else..i dont kno anymore..

Wow i feel like total shit..my head is fuckin killin me and i dont know to do..urgh im jus gonna go lay down..since my mom is a total bitch and is makin me get offline anyway..well yah bye now.. =/

Sincerly the tru you dat hides behind every fake smile dat you own..

:: 2003 14 December :: 9.13pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: hands down..

and at any moment i could loose it all..
Everything right now is so great.. I have JILLANE ELIZABETH DAHMS..who i love so freeeakin mucho much! Who i am seeing in *6* days for the first time in so-long .. and i have my *jay* who i love oh-so MUCH! and at any moment i could loose it all.. ive lost soo many things before. i really need to hold on to these two. jill cuts herself more and more now. she did last night. and jay talked bout killin himself again tonight..god dang i swear to god if either one of them or both kill themselves im fukin killing myself, they are my everything. its jus so fuckin scary though. please, dont leave me you guys.

<3.

2 alone | cant handle this

:: 2003 14 December :: 5.33pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: green eyes

for jay..
I LOVE JAY SO MUCH!! HES SO SWEET N GOD HE JUS MAKES ME FEEL SO GOOD BOUT EVERYTHING!! when im talking to him or around him i jus feel like everything is okay. everything is more then okay, everything is perfect i love him so much. hes so funny.
1 month tomarrow!!!
<3333333333333333333333333333333*
i love you jay. i really doo.

:: 2003 14 December :: 4.55pm
:: Mood: numb

*You left..i ran wif you*
Wow..today sucked ass..went to work early..den yah went to tanner..courts..den yah bak to work..but left.im surpsoed to be at work rite now but i lefted..i hope i get fired.. =/ neways..

I dont know wat to say rite now..im bout to go to bed tho..latah..

Sincerly the words whispered from ear to ear, only to break someones heart..

LaLa91

:: 2003 13 December :: 11.37pm
:: Mood: sick

hey hey this be lala. of course! uhhhhhh im so sick n sooo tired. at kayl's party lilia kristi kayla n i all got only 4 hours of sleep, im so delirious i'll like walk around and forget where i am. i went shoppin with mama today. got a wallet a ae shirt n ae blanket (they r all christmas presents) and i finished up all of mah friend's presents. dont get all offended if i didnt get u ne thing because i was only able to buy for like mah closest friends ya know??!?bailey came over tonite to spend the night but she was so sick that she had to go home, i think that was a smart choice because we both rn't feelin good n mah brother has a cold... SICK PEOPLE EVERYWHERE!!! ahhh that's right they are comin after u! lol
im talkin to mah hom! mia rite now, shez in a bit of a dilema. gotta help her out! i cant wait till christmas!!! santa!!! we go way back, he was mah pen pal back in ummmm 1445. we had some good times. ne wayz ima go to bed now because i am TIRED!! o yeah and if u all want to u can go to mah vball game on monday. itz $1 @ gulf n we play diplomat! sure to win!! (but keep ur fingers crossed ne wayz)
(�`�.��)(�`�.��)
`�.(�`�.��)�.��
`�.�.�� I LoVe YoU
�.�`* �.�*��)
(_�.�* �.�* Love always, LaLa~

:: 2003 13 December :: 10.59pm
:: Mood: restless

*Whatever happened..i wish i could fix it..* =/

Well work was interestin t nite..Justin is soo awesome luv dat kid..heather is always fun..had fun wif tiffany early t day..shes hilarous luv her..mhmm nuffin really happened..hung out wif tiff, went to courts but she wasnt there went to work worked..all day..came home..and now bed..den wake up go to work..work all day..come home..and den bed..sounds like an interestin life dont it? yah i thought so too..

Sincerly the hidden truth behind every broken heart..=(

5 alone | cant handle this

:: 2003 13 December :: 12.33pm

courtney is here =] i love her sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!! <333... last night evan piked up me n court n sarah n we went to the moviez.. it was really fun. my hubby was there =]. Ryan, Shane, Matt, Jon, Danielle, Amanda, n some other people were there..! It was really fun =] i squeezed jay'z guts out just like i said i would ..hehe. -n- i met this kidd named matt. hes in my laungage arts class and hes really nice. jay spilled water all over my shirt and matt was drenching me in popcorn.. it was awsome <3*.. jay switched seats wit matt cuz he was mad ='[ I LOVE JAY THO HES SOOO AWSOME N SEXYFUL!!!

i love courtney g. stephenson!! <3*
i love jay m. gamester!!!!!! <3*

:: 2003 12 December :: 11.26pm
:: Mood: lonely

If only i had a friend.. =/
I jus wanted to say britt if u get on n read dis..i luv you and i miss ya babe..n hopefully we'll talk 2marro nite..*got a double at work* so prolly wont be home till latah..but neways ur da best luv u lots chicka latah!!

If ya need me call me otherwise..forget i ever existed..

Sincerly the forgotten child.. =/

3 alone | cant handle this

:: 2003 11 December :: 11.03pm

R.est. I.n. P.eace.
Jillane Elizabeth Dahms..died December 11th 10:48 pm.
Cause of death-a broken heart..and a shattered soul..
Funeral wont be held-on the grounds that nobody would attend, so why waste our money..
Body will be barried-in and old cemetary where nobody ever dares steppin into anymore..*the forgetten place..wif forgotten ppl and memories..*
Her tombstones last words will read as follows-All i wanted was for everyone to be happy..but i guess taht was a little too much to ask for now wasnt it.. =/

Sincerly..a writter..who wishes to remain nameless..since they didnt care either..since nobody ever really did..=/

:: 2003 11 December :: 10.02pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable

Work-da only place where i can be totally fake..and get away wif it..*cuz were surposed to act like were soo happy and smile all da time* so yah i luv work!!!!

Mhmm had a bad day..but dont feel like tlakin bout it rite now.. =/ i think im going to bed now..mhmm i dont know..=( bye!!

:: 2003 10 December :: 9.18am
:: Mood: nauseated
:: Music: *Hands down*

I wonder to me..
Me and britt had a very interestin convosation about me not believing in god and all of dat bs..

Rockergurl217: well can their be a special heaven
Rockergurl217: jus for me n lyk 3 other people
Rockergurl217: ?
J d shortier 623: 3 other ppl?
J d shortier 623: who mite dat be?
J d shortier 623: cuz u can..but im not so sure bout 3 other ppls..
J d shortier 623: and why we have to call it heaven..dat implys something todo wif god.
Rockergurl217: hmm
Rockergurl217: then "jill n brittanys after-life party"
Rockergurl217: how bout that?
J d shortier 623: no cuz i cant go..
J d shortier 623: member..Jilly is giong to hell..:-\
Rockergurl217: no
Rockergurl217: all of us mother fuckers r jus g onna lie in the dirt
Rockergurl217: thats nasy as hell anyway..prolly worser then hell!
Rockergurl217: nasty*
J d shortier 623: hahah:-P
J d shortier 623: but hey did u knwo dat even satine believes in god?:'(
J d shortier 623: :-\**
Rockergurl217: brb ass:-P
J d shortier 623: fine leave!
Rockergurl217: yesh..everyone but yOUI!
J d shortier 623: not everyone..
Rockergurl217: yea!
J d shortier 623: and personally i dont think dat i sould have to believe in something jus cuz everyone else does..and jus cuz *its da rite thing to do* and really hes da one causin pain and grief in dis world..hes daone dat kills every friggin body..and he made us all da way we are..some of us r friggin killers..O:-) haha but neways yah i wouldnt want to dedicate my life to someone dat has soo much power over us and is takin advantage of dat power and causin pain to da rest of us lil ppls
Rockergurl217: no actully
Rockergurl217: I THINK UR WRONG
J d shortier 623: well i think ur wrong
J d shortier 623: i think we have totally diff beliefs..dats bout it..
Rockergurl217: who sed i believ ein anything;-)?
Rockergurl217: :-P*!
J d shortier 623: hah u fucker:-P
J d shortier 623: do u even believe in god?
Rockergurl217: probably
J d shortier 623: probably?
J d shortier 623: lol dats weird
J d shortier 623: so u dont know wat u believe?
J d shortier 623: dude ya know wat..i think im going tobe come jewish!! lol
J d shortier 623: dat would be sweet
J d shortier 623: but i wonder if i would still celebrate x mas..since i have my whole life..
Rockergurl217: lmao
Rockergurl217: lets make our own religon jilly!
J d shortier 623: sweet!!:-D
J d shortier 623: dats even better!!

wow aint dat great..jus thought id write something in here t day.. =/

Brittany u mean everything to me..i luv u soo much!! Thanks ur da bestest!! BEST FRIENDS FOREVER NO MATTER WHO COMES ALONG!! =) haha luv yo ubye!!