idont wanna feel this small

idont wanna feel this small

:: 2003 24 November :: 3.48pm
:: Mood: blank

And the subject of my humilation t day would be..
Wow t day was great fun..me n duffey *sid* arent friends really anymore..i told her dat i heard dat she was talkin shit behind my bak, and yah blah blah..me and Becky Dawn arent talkin cuz i WAS talkin shit behind her bak..dont wrry it was purposly told to ppl da ti knew would tell her..and uhm yah i think dats it..

Omfg guess wat else?! Well yah steve was callin me at 3 10 exactly and like den katie called at like 3 05 and like it sounded important so i let her talk to my mom..and den like they got off and my aunt had to call my mom bak rite then..and then steve called and i had to tel lhim id call him bak..and den like yah my grandpa had a heart attack..hes in ccu..i guess he had one of the worst heart attacks dat yo ucould have.. =( Yah, member me sayin dat i couldnt live without my grandparents? Well yah this is his second one..and like the doctors told my grams cuz she works at da hospital dat he cant member anything..and like he mite not mak eit through da nite..HOLY FUCKIN SHIT..WAKE UP CALL!!! Ive been worried bout stupid shit lately..and den dis comes..HOLY SHIT!!!

oh well i dont care..i dont care bout anything..who cares..nobody..neways bye!! Gotta call steve n tell him whas going on den go to da hospital wif katie..

britt if u get on..im srry ill be bak asap!! But katie needs me rite now..if she didnt i woul dbe here..im srry luv you bye!!

1 alone | cant handle this

behindmysmile

:: 2003 24 November :: 6.36am
:: Mood: lonely

ahh..i got offline last nite..and after all of dat b.s. dat happened or dat i did, i bawled soo hard..and den Steve called *I was hoping it was britt but oh well* Den we talked fo a while and he made me feel so much better, cept he got into a wreck wif his dirtbike thingy..dat wasnt too nice..but den he had to call me bak in 5 and like den britt called!! Yippie doddle dandy!! =) we actually talked bout alotta stuff!! I luv her soo much shes awesome!! And britt im srry bout all of this okay? IM REALLY TRUELY SRRY!!! I LUV YOU!!

And den i wake up and megan is online..mhmm..i dont know anymore..she seemed kool n stuff, n ya know wat da funny thing is..i really cant be mean to ppl like wat my grams always says..I get along wif everyone..so dat was really hard pushin stacey n megan away..*no offence meg* but stacey more cuz she means/meant alot to me ya know? Oh well i dont care anymore, screaw her, screaw meg, screaw court, screaw everyone!! I DONT GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE!!

Megan jus says im confused rite now..maybe shes rite..maybe not..either way..I dont want to be friends wif anyone but britt..I will go to skool, as a loner, forever, never have any friends, jus sit in a table by myself every free time, sit in da furtherest desk away from everyone, dont talk to anyone, *cept dat lil justin kid dat sharpens my pencil when im too lazy to do it myself in lit comp!!* hehe but yah i dont know..forget everyone dats ever meant anything to me!! Im gonna like make a new sn and have only britt know it!! So dat way she knows im not talkin to anyone else.. =(

Q:If i jumped off a bridge would u follow..?
A:NO!!

Q: If you jumped off a bridge would i follow u?
A: I WOULD HAVE ALREADY JUMPED TO BE DA SOFT, WARM SPOT YOU LAND ON!! =(

skool now=EWWIE!! now ive gotta deal wif jess on da bus..cuz she knows something is up..im bout to call james n wake him up to comeget me..i unno latah everyone..i mean latah britt!!

love..me.. =(

3 alone | cant handle this

behindmysmile

:: 2003 23 November :: 5.01pm

Well i made an online journal community thingy fo all of us *Brittany me chelsie Megan and Hellana!!* But rite now theres some kind of error thingy, im gonna write to Andy *the dude in charge of this site* cuz like i really wanna get it to work..but its doing something stupid..but oh well ill get it to work some time..ill try gain 2marro!!

Not too much happened t day! But everyone got journals..YIPPIE SKIPPIE!! lol but neways gotta get offline now, so be bak latah britt if u get online read da entry before this one! I luv u soo much and mis syou! latah babe!

Everyone else, LUV YOU ALL TOO!! =) hehe

love..me!!

3 alone | cant handle this

behindmysmile

:: 2003 22 November :: 9.50pm
:: Mood: good

Wow..i actually feel good..
Well t day, i had like soo much friggin fun!! *Thanks chelsie fo everything t day, i had a friggin blast*

I was surposed to call steve at 9 when i got home..but like uhm yah i didnt cuz i was hopin dat britt would come bak and would wanna talk to me..but nope..i guess ill jus try gain 2marro.. =( even tho shes busy then too..

I jus dont know wat to do anymore..i heard soo much lately..and its jus like wtf? Its stuff dat i would never expect to be true..but i guess if i think bout it..it is..but oh well i dont really care anymre..

BriTt ReAd::

J d shortier 623: u gotta take care of her down there fo me sinc ei cant..:-\
Rockergurl215: if u wanna ask that from time to time dont worry u can talk 2 me "OK I PINKY PROMISE I WILL"
J d shortier 623: thank u soo friggin much emily..dat means alot to me!! U better take care of her;-)
Rockergurl215: ::OF COURSE THATS WAT IM HERE 4 ::
Rockergurl215: and plus ur tha bestest friend any 1 could ever ask 4

Awwe ur best friend is soo sweet! srry dat i was talkin wif her! I luv u lots gotta go cuz im not feeling good..if u wanna talk call me, if not den i hope we can talk 2marro if not den wateva but i luv u and miss u soo friggin much!! Bye!

cant handle this

thoughtskill

:: 2003 22 November :: 7.33pm

Jill spent the day with chelsie today.
n she met megan n everyone...
i wish i was there.
but instead im here.
that breaks my fucking heart...

4 alone | cant handle this

behindmysmile

:: 2003 22 November :: 12.00am
:: Mood: restless

Geesh ive already wrote in here 3 times t day..oh well lol..
Well hey im jus writtin this to britt really:

Brit srry i had to go, but im like dead tired and like ive gotta wake up early 2marro..gotta take cassie home, den gotta go to courts house to get my math book n binder, den gotta drop wilson off at her dads..den gotta go to da bank..den gotta drive to chelsea..to go to chelsie's haha chelsie who lives in chelsea..okay srry lol, neways yah im doing dat 2marro..and den im pretty sure dat im goign to courts after i get bak from chelsie's if not den ill be here, but i prolly wont be online..cuz i promised steve id call as soon as i get home..and if i dont call him 2marro nite he said hes gonna cry..lol long story nvm..lol alots happened in da past couple of days dat we really havent been talkin..lol yah im going out wif a dude named steve as u will hear bout in da other 3 entries i wrote t day =)

Neways courts bout to get offline so i am too..have a great day 2marro luv u lots n miss you bunches! latah babe!

1 alone | cant handle this

behindmysmile

:: 2003 21 November :: 11.09pm

awwe sweet! becky dawn is fine wif me n steve!! YaY! Im soo happy shes kool wif it..and she like is really excited..cuz thier like good friends lol..but yah dats it latah!

cant handle this

behindmysmile

:: 2003 21 November :: 10.49pm
:: Mood: relieved

Im very wise beyond my years.. =)
Awwe i luv givin advice..ex on things dat i know lots bout..like boys..yippie..steff never really talks to me about stuff like dat..i tell her things but she dont really talk wif me like bout boys..other thigns..but not boys..but she did t nite! And i helped her!! WOo HOo! I luv when ppl r happy.. =) makes me feel better lol

Oh gosh, steff called me boy crazy..im not boy crazy am i? I dont think so..but alotta ppl seem to think so..my mom also thinks i am but dat bitch is crazy lol newyas..

me done latah!

love..me..! =)

cant handle this

behindmysmile

:: 2003 21 November :: 6.11pm
:: Mood: giggly

Sad to Happy, Happy to Sad, wen will this ever stop..?
Oh wow..im going out wif Steve now..i hope dat becky dawn is okay wif it..i think dat she will be cuz like after skool t day when i was walkin her to her bus, shes like so whas up wif u and Steve *fo da million time* and im like i unno, shes like well do u like him, im like i unno kinda, and shes like i used to have da biggest crush on him, im like well hes a kool guy, and shes like yah he is, and im like well yah ive gotta get going babe, and i left..I really hope shes okay wif it..but i dont think dat it'll last very long anyway..

Hes sucha friggin sweetheart, hes jus like mike, cept hes a bit more of a perv but not really, i know wat he really wants outta dis relationship even tho he said dat he would do without, he wants to have sex..i know it..prolly cuz we talked bout it lol but dude he said dat i didnt ever have to do anything dat i didtn wanna..but now hes talkin bout coming to my house, and dat he wants me to come to his house..and hes in 11th grade..and has a rep bout that kind of thing, i mean like not dat he like plays alotta gurls, jus dat he goes out wif gurls dat he really likes..and has sex wif em alot alot!! So its not like hes a player..its jus he finds gurls he likes..and he has sex wif em..is dat real bad? I dont know if im ready fo dat kind of thing again..i mean he wants to meet my mom he wants me to meet his dad..I like him alot, but i unno..hes not going to be at skool monday..so ill have time to breath..ive never seen this guy, cept on challenge day, but like t day..i saw him before skool, I met his friends, and den he walked to my 1st hour, and den we met after 2nd hour, he walked me to my second hour, and den we didnt see eachother before 3rd hour but he skipped his lunch and came to my lunch, and den we walked to my 4th hour, and den like he walked me to my bus..awwe hehe, plus like he told me dat he would call me at 3 10..and den like i got off at 5 and now im callin him at 7..yikes! Alotta of him fo only da first day going out!

Well yah srry dats prolly really friggin long! Im gonna get going now..big day 2marro..going to chelsie's house!! Yippie skippie!! LUV U CHELS! =)

Britt plz if u get on..den like write in ur journal or something..and call me latah if u can..like at 9 or something..but if not den hopefully ill talk wif u like sun..oh wait no ur busy..uhm prolly monday!! I LUV U MORE THAN ANYTHING IND A WHOLE WORLD..NEVER EVER FORGET DAT!! Latah babe!

*Plus Cassie *mcCann* is here..shes hilarous were havin a blast!* lol

:*:M&M's and Skittles* =)

*Jilly n Cassie lol*

cant handle this

behindmysmile

:: 2003 20 November :: 10.47pm
:: Mood: excited

Well things got a little better for me. All cept i didnt talk wif britt like at all, and i know that something is bothering her, and now its bothering me cuz she wont talk wif me about it! So yah dat really sucks..

Then becky dawn was kinda mad at me lol..i unno i hate skool i never ever wanna go bak to skool..

But then Steve called while i was in the bath, and like yah he called me bak in 10 but we talked from like 9 10 until 10 o clock! dats not very long, but ive only really talked to da kid once, at that challenge day thingy! I talked to him yesterday after skool tho, but i was jus introducin him to my friends, and like we were talkin bout how hes gettin his licence soon *2 months* and like he said dat he would give me a ride everyday when he got it, and like i was like kool, and i was like well when u get it call me, and hes like well i dont have ur number and cuz i was leavin rite then i was like well ask becky fo it, and i really didnt think nuffin of it, but he called me t nite! I wa slike hello hes like hey is jill there im like yah this is, whose this and hes like take a wild guess, im like i unno whose this, and hes like ur fav person in the whole world, and im like omg it steve-o!! hehe hes sucha sweetie! Hes soo easy to talk wif! And its perfect timing, cuz me n mike jus broke up *sniffle sniffle* but like he kept hintin at how he wanted to go out, and like he keep sayin dat someone like me wouldnt go out wif someone like *stuff like dat* and he called me a FRIGGIN PREP..dats why i wouldnt go out wif him, cuz hes a skater dude ya know! Yah rite hes friggin hott!! Lol, but hes in 11th grade..i dont know how dat would work out, he told me dat i need to come sit wif him 2marro before skool at *his table* lol, i liked dis guy da first time we met..now i like him more hehe! But i unno hes crazy! And when he called becky to get my number she said *wat ur gonna go out wif my best friend now* awwe hehe..so i unno im gonna ask her bout him, and see if its kool dat we go out or not..but oh well hehe i unno im done now..

me n guys..bah! Jus cant get enough of em! =) hehe..

I LUV U BRITT, AND HOPE UR NOT MAD AT ME! I LUV U SERIOUSLY MORE THAN ANYTHING IN DA WHOLE WORLD, NEVER FORGET IT!! I LUV YOU!! =)

cant handle this

behindmysmile

:: 2003 20 November :: 6.41pm
:: Mood: restless

I've finally become my own worst nightmare..
Urgh t day was pretty bad..i got sick at skool t day, so i had to go to courts n stayed there da whole day..n hung out wif her awesome friggin mom, im soo glad i work wif dat lady shes soo friggin awesome i luv her! But den we picked up court n we hung out n stuff, and den she brought me home! Dat was fun since i aint seen her a lil while, but i still feel like shit, and like i only came home so dat i could talk wif britt, but now shes gone.. =(

I think britts mad at me, shes been actin really weird lately.. =( And i really think dat shes upset bout something..she jus wont tell me wat..Britt i know ur not fine so dont friggin lie to me! Talk to me, im always going to be here fo you, and im srry dat i wasnt!! I luv u, so talk to me!

Ahh, 1 month and 2 days fo me n mike.. ='( i guess dats kinda good fo me..but oh well, i guess i dont really care..neways..

Nuffin else really happened t day..so write more latah! Bye!

BRITT I LUV U AND IM SRRY! PLZ TALK TO ME!!

love always,
me.. ='(

cant handle this

thoughtskill

:: 2003 19 November :: 11.13pm

everyone wants to die ...

so what if im one of them.

2 alone | cant handle this

behindmysmile

:: 2003 19 November :: 9.52pm
:: Mood: cold

How about i jus fall over and die? =(

2 alone | cant handle this

behindmysmile

:: 2003 19 November :: 6.34am
:: Mood: *sTiLL TiReD*

Ahh britt ur sucha mofo! =) I luv you tho! Ur da best person in da whole world, if you read dis in da morning, have da best friggin day ever! I luv you soo much! Latah chicka..p.s. dont forget to read da other entries not jus dis one :-p Luv you latah!

I WUB YEW!!

love..me! =)

cant handle this

behindmysmile

:: 2003 18 November :: 9.42pm
:: Mood: *FuCkiNg TiReD*

Omfg dude i seriously feel like a zombie, im soo tired i cant even really think..its only 9 30 rite now! I feel like i could jus roll over and die!! My whole body hurts im soo tired..im not sure dat i can keep going on like this much longer..i feel like im slowing dieing, FROM BEING SLEEP DEPRIVED!! *dont ask i cant spell* =(

No becky dawn t day..ick! I miss her already dang it! I really want her to come bak soon! 2marro rite after skool im going to visit her..i think dat im going to take like a face mask thingy so i dont get wat shes got.. =) hehe But yah im really worried bout her, so i got all her hw and im takin it to her 2marro! i really cant wait to see her!! Well neways..

Ahah t day i was sendin steff pix of like all these diff ppl like mike and kristie n steph and angela and amber and trixi and courtney and brittney n all these fun ppl =) and like shes like do hve any of brittany! OH YES HOF KORSE I DO! IVE GOT PLENTY WANT TO SEE SOME?! hehe so i showed her a million and shes like awwe shes so pretty and so did kristie and chelsie and lisa and cassie and duffey hehe..hehe britts so friggin lucky shes sucha friggin cutie pie! PLus shes da best person in da whole world! Shes sweeter than sweet, shes da smartest, funniest, craziest, specialist, i unno she da BEST! i luv her more than anything! hehe!

I unno early t day, it was bad..now its GREAT! i luv britt she makes my whole life better..write more latah bye!

1 alone | cant handle this

I	l0ve
y0u	nich0las