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2003 28 November :: 2.48pm
:: Mood: content
Wtf is wrong wif me?!
Urgh i really dont know wat to do anymore..Sometimes i can be soo happy..and then the rest of the time..i jus feel like id rather die the most painful death than take another breath..
I dont know wat to do anymore..I hate skool, and everyone there..dat used to be my escape place..that used to be da place where i would go to get away from my house and my fucked up parents..now i go from hell to an even worse hell..and den bak to hell again!!
*I had another crazy episode t day brittany =( ..mhmm this is crazy dude, this one was worse..ill tell u bout it another time if u remind me*
Steve is all mad at me now..Britt dont like him neither..i dont know why..but im sure it has something to do wif how im always leavin to talk wif him..well im not sure..dats jus wat i think..i dont have any idea tho..
Well im gonna go now..gotta go shoppin wif my slut/bitch/cunt/fuckin asshole mother..*gotta get britts present* and duffey and becky dawn n glors..got the rest of ppls presents..but ive still got a bit of pplz left!! =)
well bye now!!
love..me..=/
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2003 27 November :: 11.10pm
:: Mood: relaxed
:: Music: My baby~~By::Bow wow
Well lets see here..t day was fuckin awesome!! lol it started out shitty..and den i got to see my baby Steve. I luv him soo much! I cant even begin to explain how i feel fo dis kid..Hes so sweet and sensitive..and *sucha great kisser* My mom likes him kinda..but my step dad loves him lol!! They were talkin upstairs while watchin the game fo like an hour or something lol..Oh gosh and my mom found out dat he was turnin 17 t day..and like kinda freaked out lol..but shes kool wif it now..
Lets see wat else to write bout..Well okay i know..
Okay Chelsie thinks dat like i dont luv her and all of this shit..and same goes fo sidnee n becky n ashley n all of those pplz well ya know wat..i do care bout em..its jus britt means more to me..and dats it..no more needed to tell..ya'll need to jus accept da fact dat your never going to amount up to brittany..ur never gonna mean as much to me as brittany..but i do care bout all of you..jus not as much!! SO JUS ACCEPT IT..MOVE ON..STOP ACTIN LIKE YOUR ALL DEPRESSED OR SOME FUCKIN SHIT!! Ex stacey omfg!! Shes not my best friend..brittany is..no matter wat..and she jus wont accept dat and jus be friends wif me..it drives me fuckin nuts!! *chelsie dont u dare take this da wrong way..i do luv you, alot!! Your a really really great friend..so dont think dat i dont car ebout you*
I dont know..im jus in a really good mood..Steve omfg he makes me feel so comfortable and loved and relaxed *maybe da was da massage tho* lol I dont know..he jus is soo sweet, and fun and funny and caring and oh gosh i dunno..im done..
latah everyone!
love..me!! =)
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2003 27 November :: 9.59am
:: Mood: *In A sHiT LoAd oF PaIn*
Looks like everyone around here is really happy..i sold be really happy seeings how its yah thanksgiving t day..but yah dats nothing to really be happy about this year..its more depressin than it is happy!! We've gotta go to my step dads moms which is going to suck cuz everyone there hates me and i hate everyone there. And then we've gotta go to my moms parents which is going to suck cuz i really dont like my grandmother on dat side..and cuz my grandpa is gone and ainnt gonna be there..its gonna be so awkward..and Kirsten or my brother aint going..katie is still i think? Not sure..but im glad Joshie is going..*ill xplain him latah..* But yah also a good thing is Steve is coming over..WOo HOo!! =/ Im kinda glad but kinda not..i dunno..im still in alotta pain, i really cant move my arms or my legs, it hurts to walk, it hurts to even touch something, joshie gave me a hug this morning and i thought dat he was stabbing me in da bak a million times!! But yah im gonna get going..a bubble bath sounds nice bout rite now..*plus ive gotta clean mwaha* and leave soon..but yah ill be bak latah! Bye!!
P.s. *Joshie* is kinda like my brother, ive known him my whole life, he was my moms friends son, and he wa smy and my brothers friend too, and like his mom is a crack addict and his dad is a drunk and leaves him for long times..so like he comes over to our house cuz my mom feels bad fo him kinda ya know? My mom is like his mom really..hes over soo much, and we see him soo often..but yah i luv him!! =)
Latah everyone..
love..me..=/
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2003 26 November :: 7.36pm
:: Mood: numb
Its all outta contral..
Omfg t day..has to have been one of the worst days ive had in a raelly long time..nobody likes me at skool anymore..everyone fuckin hates me..my grades r soo fuckin shitty..i hate skool!! And oh gosh then my family..
Well my mom is gone physco cuz of my grandpa n everything..and hey i dont blame her..my step dad is still his dickhead self..kirsten cant even stand up shes soo sick..everyone if fuckin crazy lately!!
My family hates me too..t day i couldnt even sit up straight..my arms my bak my whole friggin body hurts to move..i seroiusly wanted to kill myself it hurt so fuckin bad..And so my mom gave me one of her vicondins and like i went to go lay down and i slept fo a while..and den i came out a couple hours latah and my mom and bro said to jus leave and go bak to bed..*how sweet* and den like i come online..no britt or anyone..i feel so damn alone..steve is surposed to be comin over 2marro but i havent talked to him all day so i unno now..and dude then i go bak to my room and like i said tell me when dinner is done..and i like go in there n stuff and come bak out latah on, and like i come out into the kitchen and everyone is already ate and my mom is puttin everything away..and i said wat bout me and she said well get something dont bitch at me!! WTF?!?! I cant even eat wif my family..see the hate me..they dont wanna be around me..i dont wanna be around them..ive been screamin and crying and kickin and punchin and yellin all day long and nobody even notices..i feel like im jus da lil child they had but have forgotten about..dat they dont care bout..dat they lock up in her room forever..i dont wanna live anymore..im dead serious!! I fuckin hate everything..i jus wanna die!! Plz someone kill me..before i have to..
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2003 26 November :: 1.26pm
Everything dat once meant something..
Dnt mean shit anymore..
Everyone that used to care..
Dont give a fuck anymore..
Everything dat once was good..
Is fuckin hell now..
love..me.. =(
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2003 26 November :: 6.34am
WOo HOo!! =) Half day t day!! YaY!! I cant wait..lol But dat means i will barely see Steve!! =( mhmm oh well ill get to see him thurs!! On Thanksgiving!! YaY!! =) lol well nuffin else to write..hes really mad dat im not giong to be here fo christmas tho..he said he wanted to send christmas eve wif me.. =( oh well..i get to see da best person in da whole world sometime during break!! =) Wat a wonderful christmas present!! YaY!! lol im jus in a happy mood..
da only thing bad is my grandpa is going into open heart surgery in a few hours, and i cant even go to be wif him..my mom is and wilson is and everyone else is..but if i miss anymore skool i lose my credits fo my classes..*either days* phewie!! neways i hope hes okay..oh gosh..=(
neways latah!!
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2003 25 November :: 5.53pm
MWAHAHA DAT ENTRY WASNT BOUT BRITT AT ALL!! WOo HOo!! lol srry jus had to say dat..jus fo chels to read!! =)
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2003 25 November :: 5.47pm
:: Mood: frustrated
Urgh i hate being home alone..my mom is god knows where..prolly at da hospital..and wilson is prolly wif her cuz like her lil friends on da bus told me dat she got sick all over da classroom and had to move classes..ICK!! Poor lil shithead..i wonder how my grandpa is doing..i hope hes okay..i dont know wat id do without him..*sigh*
but on a happier note..I was wif Steve all day t day..and we skipped lunch and hung out in bak of da skool da whole time..hehe..and omfg he is like one of da BEST kissers ive ever went out wif or kissed lol!!!!
I really like dis kid..hes soo sweet!! oh well latahs!! =)
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2003 25 November :: 6.31am
skool..urgh.. =(
Yippie everyone is all like happy wif eachother again!! YaY!! =) Dats good..me glad!! =)
awwe omfg u sould have heard some of the stuff that steve was tellin me on the phone yesterday..he was sayin stuff about how he wanted to take me up to his cabin durin the summer *its up north* and he was talkin about how he wanted to take me to this certain place where we could lay on the beach and watch the sunset, and he said, exact words *We could lay together all nite and watch the suns beauty from the lakes shore, and nothing could be more perfect..* AWWE!! if u really knew me..youd know how im in luv wif sunsets/stars!! YaY!! He was also tellin me about how he was in luv at first site..and how he wants to know everything about me, and how he wants to be wif me forever, and how he wants to be my baby's daddy *long joke behind dat* And how he wants 2 kids, and how'd he be a stay home dad, and how he wants to be near me all the time..and when hes near me he feels like a king *haha* and how when he has a girl he mite be tough in front of his friends, but when hes wif his gurl, its all bout da gurl and da gurl is da princess!! Awwe =) Im glad i talked to him last nite.. =)
This one is by FAR VERY FAR better than Mikey..mikey was nothing compared to him!! Nobody can ever compare to him!! =)
Oh and i already told him dat he mite be second but nobody will ever be my 1st cept fo britt..and hes kool wif dat SOO BOOO YA!! *sticks tongue out at certain ppl den giggles* Plus he said dat i will always be second but, his younger brother dats *handycapped* will always be his 1st..AWWE!! hehe..his bro is really awesome and sucha friggin sweetheart tho!! =)
neways latah!! =)
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2003 24 November :: 9.22pm
:: Mood: confused
I wish i could kill myself rite now..if only i had da fuckin guts..well i guess ive got da guts..jus hmm i unno..
haha they all think im soo happy now cuz im PERKY..haha im soo good its not even kool..rite now i jus wish i would die..and omfg my grandpa could be dead rite now..i wouldnt even fuckin knw..aint dat a bitch..im surposed to be offline in case something does happen so my mommy could call..but i wanna talk to britt so me stayin! =)
latah..
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2003 24 November :: 8.09pm
:: Mood: confused
*sTiLL c0nFuZeD*
Ya wanna know wat i figured out..
LIFE FUCKIN SUCKS!! AND EVERYONE CAN JUS FUCKIN GO TO HELL FO ALL I CARE..*cept britt* =)
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2003 24 November :: 3.48pm
:: Mood: blank
And the subject of my humilation t day would be..
Wow t day was great fun..me n duffey *sid* arent friends really anymore..i told her dat i heard dat she was talkin shit behind my bak, and yah blah blah..me and Becky Dawn arent talkin cuz i WAS talkin shit behind her bak..dont wrry it was purposly told to ppl da ti knew would tell her..and uhm yah i think dats it..
Omfg guess wat else?! Well yah steve was callin me at 3 10 exactly and like den katie called at like 3 05 and like it sounded important so i let her talk to my mom..and den like they got off and my aunt had to call my mom bak rite then..and then steve called and i had to tel lhim id call him bak..and den like yah my grandpa had a heart attack..hes in ccu..i guess he had one of the worst heart attacks dat yo ucould have.. =( Yah, member me sayin dat i couldnt live without my grandparents? Well yah this is his second one..and like the doctors told my grams cuz she works at da hospital dat he cant member anything..and like he mite not mak eit through da nite..HOLY FUCKIN SHIT..WAKE UP CALL!!! Ive been worried bout stupid shit lately..and den dis comes..HOLY SHIT!!!
oh well i dont care..i dont care bout anything..who cares..nobody..neways bye!! Gotta call steve n tell him whas going on den go to da hospital wif katie..
britt if u get on..im srry ill be bak asap!! But katie needs me rite now..if she didnt i woul dbe here..im srry luv you bye!!
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2003 24 November :: 6.36am
:: Mood: lonely
ahh..i got offline last nite..and after all of dat b.s. dat happened or dat i did, i bawled soo hard..and den Steve called *I was hoping it was britt but oh well* Den we talked fo a while and he made me feel so much better, cept he got into a wreck wif his dirtbike thingy..dat wasnt too nice..but den he had to call me bak in 5 and like den britt called!! Yippie doddle dandy!! =) we actually talked bout alotta stuff!! I luv her soo much shes awesome!! And britt im srry bout all of this okay? IM REALLY TRUELY SRRY!!! I LUV YOU!!
And den i wake up and megan is online..mhmm..i dont know anymore..she seemed kool n stuff, n ya know wat da funny thing is..i really cant be mean to ppl like wat my grams always says..I get along wif everyone..so dat was really hard pushin stacey n megan away..*no offence meg* but stacey more cuz she means/meant alot to me ya know? Oh well i dont care anymore, screaw her, screaw meg, screaw court, screaw everyone!! I DONT GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE!!
Megan jus says im confused rite now..maybe shes rite..maybe not..either way..I dont want to be friends wif anyone but britt..I will go to skool, as a loner, forever, never have any friends, jus sit in a table by myself every free time, sit in da furtherest desk away from everyone, dont talk to anyone, *cept dat lil justin kid dat sharpens my pencil when im too lazy to do it myself in lit comp!!* hehe but yah i dont know..forget everyone dats ever meant anything to me!! Im gonna like make a new sn and have only britt know it!! So dat way she knows im not talkin to anyone else.. =(
Q:If i jumped off a bridge would u follow..?
A:NO!!
Q: If you jumped off a bridge would i follow u?
A: I WOULD HAVE ALREADY JUMPED TO BE DA SOFT, WARM SPOT YOU LAND ON!! =(
skool now=EWWIE!! now ive gotta deal wif jess on da bus..cuz she knows something is up..im bout to call james n wake him up to comeget me..i unno latah everyone..i mean latah britt!!
love..me.. =(
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2003 23 November :: 5.01pm
Well i made an online journal community thingy fo all of us *Brittany me chelsie Megan and Hellana!!* But rite now theres some kind of error thingy, im gonna write to Andy *the dude in charge of this site* cuz like i really wanna get it to work..but its doing something stupid..but oh well ill get it to work some time..ill try gain 2marro!!
Not too much happened t day! But everyone got journals..YIPPIE SKIPPIE!! lol but neways gotta get offline now, so be bak latah britt if u get online read da entry before this one! I luv u soo much and mis syou! latah babe!
Everyone else, LUV YOU ALL TOO!! =) hehe
love..me!!
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2003 22 November :: 9.50pm
:: Mood: good
Wow..i actually feel good..
Well t day, i had like soo much friggin fun!! *Thanks chelsie fo everything t day, i had a friggin blast*
I was surposed to call steve at 9 when i got home..but like uhm yah i didnt cuz i was hopin dat britt would come bak and would wanna talk to me..but nope..i guess ill jus try gain 2marro.. =( even tho shes busy then too..
I jus dont know wat to do anymore..i heard soo much lately..and its jus like wtf? Its stuff dat i would never expect to be true..but i guess if i think bout it..it is..but oh well i dont really care anymre..
BriTt ReAd::
J d shortier 623: u gotta take care of her down there fo me sinc ei cant..:-\
Rockergurl215: if u wanna ask that from time to time dont worry u can talk 2 me "OK I PINKY PROMISE I WILL"
J d shortier 623: thank u soo friggin much emily..dat means alot to me!! U better take care of her;-)
Rockergurl215: ::OF COURSE THATS WAT IM HERE 4 ::
Rockergurl215: and plus ur tha bestest friend any 1 could ever ask 4
Awwe ur best friend is soo sweet! srry dat i was talkin wif her! I luv u lots gotta go cuz im not feeling good..if u wanna talk call me, if not den i hope we can talk 2marro if not den wateva but i luv u and miss u soo friggin much!! Bye!
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2003 22 November :: 12.00am
:: Mood: restless
Geesh ive already wrote in here 3 times t day..oh well lol..
Well hey im jus writtin this to britt really:
Brit srry i had to go, but im like dead tired and like ive gotta wake up early 2marro..gotta take cassie home, den gotta go to courts house to get my math book n binder, den gotta drop wilson off at her dads..den gotta go to da bank..den gotta drive to chelsea..to go to chelsie's haha chelsie who lives in chelsea..okay srry lol, neways yah im doing dat 2marro..and den im pretty sure dat im goign to courts after i get bak from chelsie's if not den ill be here, but i prolly wont be online..cuz i promised steve id call as soon as i get home..and if i dont call him 2marro nite he said hes gonna cry..lol long story nvm..lol alots happened in da past couple of days dat we really havent been talkin..lol yah im going out wif a dude named steve as u will hear bout in da other 3 entries i wrote t day =)
Neways courts bout to get offline so i am too..have a great day 2marro luv u lots n miss you bunches! latah babe!
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2003 21 November :: 11.09pm
awwe sweet! becky dawn is fine wif me n steve!! YaY! Im soo happy shes kool wif it..and she like is really excited..cuz thier like good friends lol..but yah dats it latah!
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2003 21 November :: 10.49pm
:: Mood: relieved
Im very wise beyond my years.. =)
Awwe i luv givin advice..ex on things dat i know lots bout..like boys..yippie..steff never really talks to me about stuff like dat..i tell her things but she dont really talk wif me like bout boys..other thigns..but not boys..but she did t nite! And i helped her!! WOo HOo! I luv when ppl r happy.. =) makes me feel better lol
Oh gosh, steff called me boy crazy..im not boy crazy am i? I dont think so..but alotta ppl seem to think so..my mom also thinks i am but dat bitch is crazy lol newyas..
me done latah!
love..me..! =)
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2003 21 November :: 6.11pm
:: Mood: giggly
Sad to Happy, Happy to Sad, wen will this ever stop..?
Oh wow..im going out wif Steve now..i hope dat becky dawn is okay wif it..i think dat she will be cuz like after skool t day when i was walkin her to her bus, shes like so whas up wif u and Steve *fo da million time* and im like i unno, shes like well do u like him, im like i unno kinda, and shes like i used to have da biggest crush on him, im like well hes a kool guy, and shes like yah he is, and im like well yah ive gotta get going babe, and i left..I really hope shes okay wif it..but i dont think dat it'll last very long anyway..
Hes sucha friggin sweetheart, hes jus like mike, cept hes a bit more of a perv but not really, i know wat he really wants outta dis relationship even tho he said dat he would do without, he wants to have sex..i know it..prolly cuz we talked bout it lol but dude he said dat i didnt ever have to do anything dat i didtn wanna..but now hes talkin bout coming to my house, and dat he wants me to come to his house..and hes in 11th grade..and has a rep bout that kind of thing, i mean like not dat he like plays alotta gurls, jus dat he goes out wif gurls dat he really likes..and has sex wif em alot alot!! So its not like hes a player..its jus he finds gurls he likes..and he has sex wif em..is dat real bad? I dont know if im ready fo dat kind of thing again..i mean he wants to meet my mom he wants me to meet his dad..I like him alot, but i unno..hes not going to be at skool monday..so ill have time to breath..ive never seen this guy, cept on challenge day, but like t day..i saw him before skool, I met his friends, and den he walked to my 1st hour, and den we met after 2nd hour, he walked me to my second hour, and den we didnt see eachother before 3rd hour but he skipped his lunch and came to my lunch, and den we walked to my 4th hour, and den like he walked me to my bus..awwe hehe, plus like he told me dat he would call me at 3 10..and den like i got off at 5 and now im callin him at 7..yikes! Alotta of him fo only da first day going out!
Well yah srry dats prolly really friggin long! Im gonna get going now..big day 2marro..going to chelsie's house!! Yippie skippie!! LUV U CHELS! =)
Britt plz if u get on..den like write in ur journal or something..and call me latah if u can..like at 9 or something..but if not den hopefully ill talk wif u like sun..oh wait no ur busy..uhm prolly monday!! I LUV U MORE THAN ANYTHING IND A WHOLE WORLD..NEVER EVER FORGET DAT!! Latah babe!
*Plus Cassie *mcCann* is here..shes hilarous were havin a blast!* lol
:*:M&M's and Skittles* =)
*Jilly n Cassie lol*
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2003 20 November :: 10.47pm
:: Mood: excited
Well things got a little better for me. All cept i didnt talk wif britt like at all, and i know that something is bothering her, and now its bothering me cuz she wont talk wif me about it! So yah dat really sucks..
Then becky dawn was kinda mad at me lol..i unno i hate skool i never ever wanna go bak to skool..
But then Steve called while i was in the bath, and like yah he called me bak in 10 but we talked from like 9 10 until 10 o clock! dats not very long, but ive only really talked to da kid once, at that challenge day thingy! I talked to him yesterday after skool tho, but i was jus introducin him to my friends, and like we were talkin bout how hes gettin his licence soon *2 months* and like he said dat he would give me a ride everyday when he got it, and like i was like kool, and i was like well when u get it call me, and hes like well i dont have ur number and cuz i was leavin rite then i was like well ask becky fo it, and i really didnt think nuffin of it, but he called me t nite! I wa slike hello hes like hey is jill there im like yah this is, whose this and hes like take a wild guess, im like i unno whose this, and hes like ur fav person in the whole world, and im like omg it steve-o!! hehe hes sucha sweetie! Hes soo easy to talk wif! And its perfect timing, cuz me n mike jus broke up *sniffle sniffle* but like he kept hintin at how he wanted to go out, and like he keep sayin dat someone like me wouldnt go out wif someone like *stuff like dat* and he called me a FRIGGIN PREP..dats why i wouldnt go out wif him, cuz hes a skater dude ya know! Yah rite hes friggin hott!! Lol, but hes in 11th grade..i dont know how dat would work out, he told me dat i need to come sit wif him 2marro before skool at *his table* lol, i liked dis guy da first time we met..now i like him more hehe! But i unno hes crazy! And when he called becky to get my number she said *wat ur gonna go out wif my best friend now* awwe hehe..so i unno im gonna ask her bout him, and see if its kool dat we go out or not..but oh well hehe i unno im done now..
me n guys..bah! Jus cant get enough of em! =) hehe..
I LUV U BRITT, AND HOPE UR NOT MAD AT ME! I LUV U SERIOUSLY MORE THAN ANYTHING IN DA WHOLE WORLD, NEVER FORGET IT!! I LUV YOU!! =)
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2003 20 November :: 6.41pm
:: Mood: restless
I've finally become my own worst nightmare..
Urgh t day was pretty bad..i got sick at skool t day, so i had to go to courts n stayed there da whole day..n hung out wif her awesome friggin mom, im soo glad i work wif dat lady shes soo friggin awesome i luv her! But den we picked up court n we hung out n stuff, and den she brought me home! Dat was fun since i aint seen her a lil while, but i still feel like shit, and like i only came home so dat i could talk wif britt, but now shes gone.. =(
I think britts mad at me, shes been actin really weird lately.. =( And i really think dat shes upset bout something..she jus wont tell me wat..Britt i know ur not fine so dont friggin lie to me! Talk to me, im always going to be here fo you, and im srry dat i wasnt!! I luv u, so talk to me!
Ahh, 1 month and 2 days fo me n mike.. ='( i guess dats kinda good fo me..but oh well, i guess i dont really care..neways..
Nuffin else really happened t day..so write more latah! Bye!
BRITT I LUV U AND IM SRRY! PLZ TALK TO ME!!
love always,
me.. ='(
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2003 19 November :: 9.52pm
:: Mood: cold
How about i jus fall over and die? =(
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2003 19 November :: 6.34am
:: Mood: *sTiLL TiReD*
Ahh britt ur sucha mofo! =) I luv you tho! Ur da best person in da whole world, if you read dis in da morning, have da best friggin day ever! I luv you soo much! Latah chicka..p.s. dont forget to read da other entries not jus dis one :-p Luv you latah!
love..me! =)
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2003 18 November :: 9.42pm
:: Mood: *FuCkiNg TiReD*
Omfg dude i seriously feel like a zombie, im soo tired i cant even really think..its only 9 30 rite now! I feel like i could jus roll over and die!! My whole body hurts im soo tired..im not sure dat i can keep going on like this much longer..i feel like im slowing dieing, FROM BEING SLEEP DEPRIVED!! *dont ask i cant spell* =(
No becky dawn t day..ick! I miss her already dang it! I really want her to come bak soon! 2marro rite after skool im going to visit her..i think dat im going to take like a face mask thingy so i dont get wat shes got.. =) hehe But yah im really worried bout her, so i got all her hw and im takin it to her 2marro! i really cant wait to see her!! Well neways..
Ahah t day i was sendin steff pix of like all these diff ppl like mike and kristie n steph and angela and amber and trixi and courtney and brittney n all these fun ppl =) and like shes like do hve any of brittany! OH YES HOF KORSE I DO! IVE GOT PLENTY WANT TO SEE SOME?! hehe so i showed her a million and shes like awwe shes so pretty and so did kristie and chelsie and lisa and cassie and duffey hehe..hehe britts so friggin lucky shes sucha friggin cutie pie! PLus shes da best person in da whole world! Shes sweeter than sweet, shes da smartest, funniest, craziest, specialist, i unno she da BEST! i luv her more than anything! hehe!
I unno early t day, it was bad..now its GREAT! i luv britt she makes my whole life better..write more latah bye!
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2003 17 November :: 10.36pm
:: Mood: numb
Uhm..t day was an okay day i guess..Becky Dawn wasnt at skool t day so dat really sucked..*whines* and shes not going to be at skool 2marro either..shes really really sick! She said dat she would try n come jus fo me, but i told her not to, even tho i miss her and really want her to..Ahh its crazy dat me and Becky *Dawn* r friends tho..cuz last year..she was best friends wif Jamee, and me n Jamee got really close n we kinda excluded becky, i didnt really like becky all too much, i mean we were okay, but i wouldnt go outta my way to talk wif her or anything ya know? And like she really ditn like me cuz i was *stealin her best friend* even tho we werent even dat close me n Jamee, she jus liked to smoke n shit and so did i, and she loved to go to riot everyone fri and so did i, and becky dont smoke or nuffin, and she didnt go every fri so ya know..Jamee n I did alot together! But i would never want her to be my best friend..*Ive already got a really great one..and..* cuz shes not a very good friend really..becky deserves mucho better! Hehe i luv dat girlie shes awesome!
Lets see 1 month fo me n Mike..but im thinin dat were gonna break up soon, cuz hes ignorin meh, i unno i really really like him, but i didnt thin it would work out anyway.. =( Oh well..
Plus i think dat britts mad at me fo some reason, i unno y but she jus seemed upset/mad at me t day! I sure hope she isnt, tho i prolly did something wrong, i didnt mean to..well dats enough fo now im gonna jus go to bed..cuz i didnt sleep last nite, n im pretty sure britt went to bed hehe =) but yah latah..
*I feel like a god damn zombie* zZzZzZ..*starts snoring* =/
Love always..me..of..korse.. =)
I LUV YOU BRITTERZ!! hehe! =)
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2003 17 November :: 8.53pm
:: Mood: loved
gymnasticfrk: sidnee loves you
J d shortier 623: uhm where'd dat come from?
gymnasticfrk: just cuz i thought i should tell you how much you mean to me
gymnasticfrk: and that was the silly way to say it
gymnasticfrk: i don't know what i'd do with out you
gymnasticfrk: your one of my closest friends,
J d shortier 623: whoa duffey u feelin okay?
gymnasticfrk: i'm bein serious
J d shortier 623: awwe well dats sweet sid!! I luv you too!:-D Thanks fo everything ur sucha sweetheart n sucha great friend! *Jilly luvs yew* :-P;-)
gymnasticfrk: thanks!
gymnasticfrk: i love you more though
gymnasticfrk: its a proven fact
J d shortier 623: Ahaha ur soo funny!!
J d shortier 623: I luv you way way more!!!
gymnasticfrk: nope!!
J d shortier 623: YESH!
awwe sidnee is soo friggin cute! i luv dat lil girlie!! =) Shes sucha great friend..i dun know wat i would do without her..
Well i think dat im going to get going and go to bed now..since i didnt sleep AT ALL last nite..too busy thinkin bout some of da shit my bestest buddy britt said to me..ahh oh well..neways nitey nite! =)
Brittany I LUV YOU SOO MUCH! *Ill try n get dats stupid pic to work* luv u lots chicka latah!
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2003 17 November :: 4.10am
:: Mood: stressed
Will they ever honestly understand..?
Rockergurl217: well ud ont act like u wanna be my friend, even tho i know u do cuz i know u need me
Rockergurl217: admit it jill, you need me, and the only reason u dont like emily n all them is cuz i dont need you as much with them
Rockergurl217: n dont sell me out to emily:-P:-P...ill pick who ever the hell i wanna be best friends
Rockergurl217: with
J d shortier 623: yah u already choose her..i was jus in da way..and p.s. dis sentence::admit it jill, you need me, and the o ..fuckin rude..but tru:'(
Rockergurl217: i didnt fuckin choose her
Rockergurl217: u live a million milez away...if u lived here we wuld be two loners in a corner n we'd be each others only friends not bcuz ppl dont like us but cuz we dont need anybody but eachother really, (or at least thats how i feel) but u dont live here and ur not availble for me 24/7..
Rockergurl217: i would choose u over anyone
Rockergurl217: ide choose u over the rest of my life, over emily, over courtney, over kevin, over chelsie, over all of them combined, over ANYTHING
Rockergurl217: get that through yur head and make it stay there!!!
I hate to admit it..but shes rite..and im sick and tired of always being sucha bitch *and horrible friend* to her..Like seriously, all of my other friends, they think dat im da best friend there ever was..cuz im always there fo em..ill listen when they talk *actually listen ya knwo* and ill do things fo them, and im da peacemaker n everything..ya know..but wif britt im jus dis evil fuckin friend..and i really dont know why.. =(
Brittany--you are rite..about everything..I do need you ..more than anything in da world! I do luv you! I do want to be friends..and dat is da reason dat i dont like those lil chicken heads! =) hehe..but seriosuly i tried tellin u dat before..ex da part bout chels..member i said i was jealuos of her..* well i was jealous of da rest but her mostest* Yah dats most of da reason y..but oh well theres nuffin i can do bou t dat ur rite..but p.s. why was it sucha bad thing when i had other friends..like Brittney n Stacey? Well im srry and i cant stay dat im going to change..cuz you dont even think dat i will..im srry tho..and i luv u more den anything in da whole world! But ive gotta get going..even tho its only 4 20 *=)* Im gonna get going n start gettin ready fo skool..ick..luv you!
Love..me..korse.. =)
P.s. Im wearin my JD n BG..Best friends..shirt t day!! =) My mommy found it yesterday..yippie skippie!
I LUV YOU BRITTANY MARIE GAMESTER! AND I ALWAYS WILL NO MATTER WAT!
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2003 16 November :: 11.06pm
Ahh ppl r so fuckin stupid..they say one thing..and do another..dats fuckin stupid! And not to mention all da shit they talk bout EVERYONE includin da ppl they say r thier friends..wateva dats fuckin stupid if youve got somethign to say to someone..DEN FUCKIN SAY IT..
wateva fuck everything..fuck you..fuck skool..fuck life! Dats all i gotta say..
Fuck ALL of yew!!
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2003 16 November :: 1.56pm
:: Mood: contemplative
Omfg dude..i was sittin there, and i was lookin at da diff moods there, and like i asked my mom, wat contemplative meant and she said like *someones thinkin about something* and i was like okaythanks..and den she said *like someone is contemplating suicide..like i am* under her breath like i couldnt hear her!!
Wtf..am i surposed to take care of her too? I cant even take care of my damn self..let alone take care of friggin my MOTHER!!
I really dont know wat to do anymore..
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2003 14 November :: 9.43pm
:: Mood: crazy
Britt im at home..so call t nite if you'd like =( latah..
Urgh t day was crappy..i ended up going to skool..it was..SHITTY!! I fuckin hate skool and everyone there..*cept some special few* n one of those few, we got into this arguement t day..urgh it was crazy =(
Ya know i jus dont know wat its worth living fo anymore..wat da hell do i have to live fo..? NOTHING! Im losing everything and everyone..*including my damn mind* Im losing grip..on things i once loved..on things i once cherished..
Oh gosh and not to mention my mom..she hasnt left her room fo like a week now..shes drivin my insane! All she does is take drugs..smoke..n starve herself to death every single day..so i have to take care of myself and wilson..im not da fuckin mom..this is fuckin crazy!!
I jus dont know wat to do anymore.. =(
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