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2003 23 October :: 7.08pm
:: Mood: crazy
Will this never-ending-cycle ever end? It feels like im trapped in a down hill spiral and i cant get it...feels like i cant breath, cant see, cant help myself at all...and den when i scream fo help, nobody can hear me, or they r sittin around me gawking me like i was on tv or something, like it wasnt real. I scream help help help, but nobody helps, they jus go about thier business and ignore the lil nothing me thats falling into a deep dark hole to never escape again...not dat it matters weather or not i escape, since i was jus like a black hole anyway, i sucked everything into my deep darkness and ruined everything fo everyone including the best thigns in my life. And so i jus sit there gettin sucked in, waitin fo my entire existence to jus be forgotten in sucha short period of time. And when im takin my last breath and givin my last farewell...i look up, and there you are, standin there before me, smiling at me, as if you had done this to me, as if this was exactly wat you wanted, and i as i look into ur eyes, i see, that this was, exactly wat you wanted...
How do you like my lil story there? Geesh my week well my like last week n a half has been so horrible, everything is screawing up, and im not sure if i can even stay here at my own house yet t nite...i had to leave again yesterday and i didnt get to talk wit britt again *sigh* But ahh oh well, i unno this whole journal thing rite now seems really dumb...ill write more latah i guess...bye!
Love always,
~*Jilly*~
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behindmysmile
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2003 22 October :: 8.22pm
:: Mood: calm
BRITTANY I LUV U MORE DEN ANYTHING IN DA WHOLE WORLD UR DA BEST FRIEND DAT ANYONE COULD EVER HAVE IM SO HAPPY DAT I FOUND YOU, YOUVE CHANGED MY LIFE SO MUCH AND I CANT BELIEVE DAT I FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE SO TRUTHFUL CARING HELPFUL SMART FUNNY *BLONDE* HEHE AND JUS SO MANY OTHER THINGS ITS WAY TOO MANY TO NAME OFF! I LUV YOU MORE DEN ANYTHING IN DA WHOLE WORLD AND NOTHING NOR NOBODY WILL EVER CHANGE DAT!
Love always,
~*ME*~ heh
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2003 21 October :: 4.19pm
Hey brittany EMAIL ME t nite cuz like yah i really wanna hear from you t day! But we've gotta leave like RITE NOW LOL bye sweetie luv you!
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2003 20 October :: 9.52pm
:: Mood: pissed off!!
Ahh..
Ppl r so fuckin gay sometimes, i mean really do they think dat im dat fuckin stupid! No im not dat fuckin stupid i know wat da hell is going on, urgh i dont wanna talk to anyone! Fuck everyone! Thier all jus fuckin stupid! Fuck everyone!!!
Omg look at dat its 9:45 and im going to fuckin bed!! Ahh aint dat scary...prolly cuz nobody wants to fuckin talk to me anyway! So fuck it i dont care! lalalalala all my friends r stupid ass fuckin retarts!! lalalalala
Bed time now!
Love always,
~*ME*~
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behindmysmile
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2003 20 October :: 8.46pm
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: Damn by youngbloodz
I miss Brittany!!
Omfg i friggin miss brittany! We havent really talked in like forever! This is really shitty, her puter is a piece of CRAP! Lol neways i jus really miss brittany!
Brittany-I miss you more den anything in da whole friggin world, you mean everything to me and im so sorry dat ive been busy and dat we havent been really talkin alot lately...i hope dat we can like talk more like 2marro or something! I jus miss you girlie!!
I feel like crying for ever! My mom is like sleepin already so i cant friggin call Brittany, and she aint online so i cant talk to her there, and she really hasnt been online all nite urgh i unno i hate not talkin wit her...i miss her!!
Neways nothign else happened really t day, i didnt have skool so it was pretty boring!
All xcept da fact dat me and Mike r going out! hehe i hope dat we go out fo a while but if not den i hope dat were still friends afterward cuz hes like one of my really good guy friends! Hehe im jus glad dat we've been talkin again!
Well im gonna go to bed...!
Love always,
~*Jilly*~
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2003 20 October :: 9.25am
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: My baby by bow wow
YAY!!
heh
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2003 20 October :: 9.08am
:: Mood: exhausted
ahhhh im tired...
Geesh i woked up fo nothing t day! Hehe no skool t day! But i still woked up early to see if butthead was going to be online, at least i tried to wake up early hehe...i really hope dat she goes to skool tho cuz dats not good fo her to be skippin skool fo stupid reasons like i dont got skool :o) {BRITTANY haha} lol neways im dead tired, after not sleepin a week and den gettin some sleep, i went to bed round 3 last night...i unno, but im still really tired...so im going to bed now! I'll write latah t day! hehe
Love always,
~*Jilly*~
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2003 19 October :: 3.05pm
But look at dis too!!
Brittany is the #187 most common female name. 0.117% of females in the US are named Brittany. Around 149175 US females are named Brittany! source namestatistics.com
Gamester is a very rare last name. Very few last names in the US are Gamester. Be proud of your unique last name! source namestatistics.com
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2003 19 October :: 3.04pm
:: Mood: unique
hehe look at dis :o)
Jillane is a very rare female name. Very few females in the US are named Jillane. Be proud of your unique name! source namestatistics.com
Dahms is the #13311 most common last name. 0.001% of last names in the US are Dahms. Around 2500 US last names are Dahms! source namestatistics.com
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2003 16 October :: 7.36pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable
Look at dis...
SwissCheese530: i personally think she should move bak here
J d shortier 623: i personally kinda of agree
SwissCheese530: cept she wuld prolly convince her parents to move by u
SwissCheese530: cuz shed rather b wit u den any one here
J d shortier 623: oh wateva dats sucha lie
J d shortier 623: u dont even know chelsie:-(
SwissCheese530: wut dont i kno
J d shortier 623: everything
J d shortier 623: u have no idea whas been going on wit me and her
J d shortier 623: u think everything is jus sunny n bright well its not
SwissCheese530: at least u get to tlk to her
J d shortier 623: yah ok like when?
J d shortier 623: we dont talk very much anymore
J d shortier 623: i mean we talk sometimes but lately we havent really
SwissCheese530: i havent tlked to her in like weeks
J d shortier 623: well why not?
SwissCheese530: okay and when we tlk its like we dont evn kno eachother anymore
J d shortier 623: u could have IMed her a millino times
J d shortier 623: well den tell her dat!!
J d shortier 623: Tell her how u feel im sure she'd try n fix things
J d shortier 623: but u sould try n fix em too!
J d shortier 623: urgh ur away msg is bull i hate it>:o
Auto response from SwissCheese530: Im sucha waste of space.......
doin hw bbl
my name for all of u that dont kno its chelsie and for those of u that have forgotten
SwissCheese530 signed off at 7:24:11 PM.
Urgh i dont even know anymore! Everyone is so friggin stupid!! Chelsie so could have seriously talked wit her, she could have helped things, and knowin bout *perfect* n how sweet britt is she would have changed things and made everyone happy jus like she always does...*Not dat shes really happy, but as long as everyone else is happy things r okay* So i really personally think dats Chelsies fault! But ahh it dont matter wat i think anyway...
Ya know wat, i was thinkin and like one time me and Britt were talkin bout wat would happen if she moved bak here, and she asked like if i thought dat we'd be closer if she moved bak here,and isaid no and said some lame ass excuse as to why, cuz i really couldnt explain wat i was thinkin at da time, but now i think dat i can explain it...
Like i think dat if she moved bak here, we wouldnt have dat special bond dat we do cuz shes away and i cant see her ya know? Like the one thing dats special bout eachother is dat we cant ever see eachother, and like we cant get in dat many fights, and like well were so far away, and we both miss eachother alot dats why we try n keep dis friendship of ours going, cuz we know dat some day we'll be bak together n still da perfect pair of friends, and its like since were so far away we kinda like wait fo dat point in time ya know? Wow dat really dont make sence either, i know wat im taklin bout it, its jus it wont come out in words, Like if we lived by eachother den it would be too easy to stay friends, and then soon we would jus like become those friends that r jus there and u semi talk wit and semi care bout, but could really care less if they moved or something ya know, but like since were so far away from eachother its harder and i think dats one thing dat really keeps our friendship going, *The fact dat its hard to keep long distance friendships going, and da fact dat we care so much not to lose one another* I dont knw if dat makes sence either lol, but oh well im jus going on and on about lil nothings...
But on da other hand it would be kinda better if she moved bak here, cuz den she wouldnt most likely be best friends wit Emily anymore :o) hehe jk dats mean, *evil laugh, whispers, But secretly i wish dat would happen* hehehe im so sweet i know haha neways im gonna get going fo now ta ta!
Love always,
~*Jilly*~
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2003 15 October :: 11.16pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Something wit Ying Yang twins lol
blah blah blah
Urgh t day was really a bad day i really dont want to get into details cuz "most likely" Brittany is callin me bak in like a couple minutes but yah i dunno im so happy dat were talkin i missed her goofy ass t day! *sniffle sniffle* I luv dat girl to death...
Oh wow lol i found out some really interestin things bout her t nite too so t nite is a pretty good nite heheh...Brittany ur sucha an ass im still mad atchu bout dat! ASSHOLE! *yells* lol
But dont wrry i still love you, with all my heart u mean everything to me! Your sucha great friend u jus need to work on ur "trust issues" lol :-p but really i do luv you ur da best
Aint got nuffin to say in here really...so ill jus get offline...latah everyone! :o) hehe another britt smiley! lol
P.s. Mike r we going out? cuz ryan told me dat u told him dat we were? So whas going on cuz i unno whas going on ya know...*confused* lol i still luv you ur da best! *KiSSeS*
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2003 13 October :: 9.03pm
:: Mood: thankful
Brittany Marie!!
Last but certainitly not least, Brittany, Brittany u r my best friend, and u mean everything to me, i really dont know wat i would do without you, ur seriosuly da best thing dats ever happened to me, i am so glad dat were best friends, and i know dat we always will be no matter wat! Without you there would really be no me! I luv u more den anything in da entire world...
baby britt623: i love you more then anything in all the world
Lil Jilly07: u sure? :-\
baby britt623: absoltuly possitive that i would bet mah life on it
baby britt623: i would never ever hate you even if you became a terrorist and killed everyone in the world and
baby britt623: killed all my friends n my whole family and wuz really fat n ugly n i donno!! but i would love u
baby britt623: alwaysn forever..forever n always n always n always
baby britt623: I FREAKIN LOVE YOU!
baby britt623: I WILL NEVER HATE YOU
baby britt623: AS LONG AS I LIVE
baby britt623: SA LONG AS THERES LIFE
baby britt623: AND LONGER THEN THAT
baby britt623: TILL I TAKE MY LAST BREATH
Awwe ditto babe...ur da best person dat ever lived n im sooooo friggin glad dat ur my best friend, no matter wat happens youll always be my best friend, and im always here fo you no matter wat! I luv u so so so much n i hope to talk wit u more like 2marro or something! Luv you lots chickie boo! Bye...
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2003 13 October :: 8.08pm
:: Mood: hopeful
Stacey Roo!!
Another person dat i luv more den anything would be my Stacey ROo!! Hehe i luv dat chicka so much shes like sucha great friend and sshes always there fo me when i need someone to talk wit, and i can always count on her no matter wat!! Im so happy dat we met cuz like i dont know wat i would do without her, shes so awesome and i couldnt love her more!
Angel4Lyf23: YUSS U ARE U THE BEST THING THAT EVER STEPPED INTO MY LIFE REMEMBER U MY EYES W/O I CANT SEE WITHOUT U I CANT BREATH U MAH HEART W/O U IM DEAD U MAH WHOLE LIFE AND I CARE SOOO MUCH ABOUT U SWEETIE I LOVE U SOOO MUCH AND DEEP DOWN IN MY HEART I WISH I WAS YA ONLY BEST FRIEND BUT I CANT MAKE U MAKE THAT DESTION THATS ALL U SWEETIE BUT U MAH BEST FRIEND AND ALWAYZ WILL BE NO MATTER WHAT AND I PREY EVERYDAY AND NIGHT DAT MY WISH OF US BEIN BEST FRIENDS FOREVER WILL COME TRUE!
Isnt she jus da sweetest person in da whole world!! I cant beleive im so lucky to have sucha great friend as her!!
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2003 13 October :: 7.53pm
:: Mood: flirty
Mikey Boo!!
Awwe omg, me and Mike have been talkin again, and its so awesome, i luv dat kid hes so friggin cute!! I cant wait till i get to see him again!! I luv dat kid, i think dat im startin to get a *crush* on him hehe...hes soooo sweet n sooo cute n soooo awesome!! I luv him...
LIDSTROM12: ya i want to see u now:'(
J d shortier 623: awwe i wanna see u rite now too!
LIDSTROM12: ya so i can kiss u all over and over and again:-D
LIDSTROM12: well so i can kiss u:-D
LIDSTROM12: god i love you:-D
J d shortier 623: awwe i luv you more!! :-D
LIDSTROM12: i love u even more:-D
J d shortier 623: no way I luv u more!! :-D
LIDSTROM12: i don't think so i love u more!!:-D
J d shortier 623: I do think so i luv uway way more!
LIDSTROM12: do you know ive been thinking of you ever since that one weekend out at the lake
J d shortier 623: awwe omg r u serious? y?
LIDSTROM12: because i couldn't forget you
awwe isnt he sucha sweetheart i luv dat kid to death!! *KiSSeS*
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2003 13 October :: 12.50pm
:: Mood: tired
Today i skipped skool fo like no reason at all...on my fav day too...i really skipped to talk wit Brittany, cuz we havent been really talkin all dat much lately, so yah i skipped to talk wit her t day, but it doesnt seem to be workin out dat way...shes leavin now...so i guess ill jus call James n ill go over there fo a while...so yah a waste of precious learning...lol jk oh well who cares...
Nothing else happening t day...jus gonna be bored all day long...
I'll write more like latah t nite or something bye!
Love always,
~*Jilly*~
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2003 13 October :: 2.59am
:: Mood: cranky
Urgh ill write in dis one before i go to bed again too...
Well nuffin really happened t day...but yah ya know who ive like been forgettin bout lately?
Sara Mutimer!! Of all ppl...i unno how da hell i could forget bout someone like her, but i did...cuz like when britt called me last night i unno wat made me think of her or how britt reminded me of her or wateva, but like i started thinkin bout it, and i have been forgettin bout her...
Sara was da ONE person dat was ALWAYS there fo me no matter wat! She was there when Jesse died, when Debbie died, when anything was going on in my life, big n dramatic or small n no big deal really, she was always there and she always listened, and she alwyas gave da best advice ever...
She meant a lot to me, jus as much as Brittany does now...and now ive forgotten bout her...how is dat possible...?
Ahhh ya know who else i forgot bout...Emily...oh my my, me and dat girl used to email eachother every single day and it would be really long and we could talk bout anything! Anything at all...she meant alot to me too, like before it used to be my best friends...1st Sara, 2nd Emily, and 3rd Brittany, now its 1st Brittany 2nd Stacey and 3rd prolly Steffanie or Tiffany...I really miss those emails from Emily, i really miss Emily...geez o peets dat girlie is like prolly in college or sumpthin by now...omfg she prolly is!! Holy fuckin shit! Ahhh...damn...Ya know, another thing dats funny is, dat me and Emily have always said dat once i was into highskool n shit, we were going to go on a road trip jus us girls ya know...but looks like those plans are shot...i unno im gonna email dat chicka n see how she is, den maybe ill send her a letter cuz she dont get online anymore, and Sara too...i unno i miss those ppl...
Before i always told myself dat Sara n Emily were two ppl dat i could seriosuly NEVER LIFE WITHOUT! And now look, im forgettin bout em...funny how those thigns work out aint it...*sighs*
Well im off to bed, latah everyone...
Love always,
~*Jilly*~
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2003 12 October :: 2.54pm
:: Music: Welcome to Atlanta remix
New Journal
I jus started a new journal thingy so dat i could have everyone read it and everything ya know...uhm yah...
Lets see here t day was okay i guess i didnt really do much yet...rite now im at katies house and im gettin ready to leave and go out to lunch at 4 30 and my ride will be here at 4 15 so ive got a lil bit till den ya know...
Urgh i havent really talked to Brittany in a couple of days n i miss her goofy ass...*sighs* Shes prolly wit Emily havin da time of her life tho...neways...
Nothing to really write bout t day but if i think bout something to write bout den ill be sure to inform you...lol bye!
Love always,
~*Jilly*~
P.s. I need more friends on this thingy so yah reply if u wanna be *friends* lol
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