sometimes what is felt is more important than what is heard

:: 2008 5 November :: 1.53pm

kimbo got tko'd. lol.

2 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

rayray

:: 2008 4 November :: 9.11am

So I've basically spent the last day and a half in bed..
I made an attempt at work yesterday. I felt perfectly fine, then all of a sudden I'm sweating profusely, feeling like I am going to vomit, and then I passed out.
I've been shakey, cold, then extremely hot.
The littlest movement makes my head throb so bad I start balling.
My head hurts even more when the lights are on.

I feel like ass, and look just as worse.

My sister, Derrick, and Seth are coming up in a couple of weeks.
Im really excited about that because I miss them all..

:: 2008 2 November :: 2.32am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3M4VacJ4NU

done this1 million times but nobdy understands still. except mishy. kimbo = not shit and washed up. anderson silva is king. nobody will ever be as dominate as he was/is. 1:01 spinning back elbow knockout, who does that? no one. sickest move ever in mma. respect anderson or die.

edit. 4:45 is the sickest bjj triagle you will ever see in your life. and 6:02 is the most disgusting knockout you will ever see in your life. spiing beck
elbow. ouch!.

edit # 2. Spelling wasnt the best, but i still have to give him props. nobody will ever match his skill of fighting. kimbo is chump, lenser is chump, everybody ever is chump compared to him. regardless who it is, it could be fedor at 185 and andersons clinch is to good for anybody to withstand. his strikes are all sniper style. the just hit, and you feel it. love the man, many kudos. plz dont retire in 09!

edit # 3: im sure most of you know this already but i just want to say it. most youtubers (90.5%) of them are morons and try to ethug out.

1 Bastard | Step on my dreams

:: 2008 2 November :: 2.32am

:: 2008 2 November :: 1.45am

this is how i roll. Oberon, our summer ale. An American wheat ale with the color and scent of a summer afternoon. i dont need to dress up. Im Jay motherfucking Zulla. happy halloween peeps. i hope everyone had as fun a time as i did.

3 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2008 31 October :: 1.17am

FYI: my turds are tapered.

also, i bowled a 163, 149, and 169 tonight.

my average is 147

4 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2008 30 October :: 4.18pm

You have confirmed your interview schedule on 11/6/2008 at 4:00 PM. Please report to the HR office at Sears Auto Center. For more information, please call 6162857721.

spud

:: 2008 29 October :: 1.26am
:: Mood: contemplative

recollections
::

i feel like i've lost a lot of my pizzazz. (or maybe you spell it pissass. depending on how many laxatives i took that day.) you know? i feel like i used to have more vitality, more everything. not that i was a driven, self-motivated type of person. not that i was spastic or rambunctious. i just feel like i had an undercurrent of motion that just isn't there anymore.

nowadays i let the simplest things prevent me from getting anything done, and i really don't feel the need to try and innovate, or make new things happen. i'm content to attempt, and fail, to merely recreate those which have come before. nothing outstanding. nothing superb. i just settle for okay.

but that really doesn't seem right. i don't want just an okay life. i don't want just okay friends. okay coworkers. okay family. that's not how it works for me. i feel like everything about my life up to this point has been outrageous. and now it's just mellowing out. i guess it's my job to keep it outrageous. but i have a lot of fucking jobs right now, which i guess is what's bogging me down. so, adding the job of unbogging myself to the pile doesn't really work. it'll just exacerbate the problem.

so, i just need to get a few things out of the way, one at a time, so that i have a bit more freedom to have some of that guilt-free, sporadic, funtime. where my energy is put to its most effectively pragmatic use. because clearly i don't get shit done when it comes to actual work. but give me something fun to do, and i'll forget to eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom, i'm so diligent.

and faking myself out to think that the "work" stuff is actually "fun" stuff doesn't cut it. believe me, i've tried. although, i have discovered that some of the "fun" stuff is actually "work". but since it falls under "fun" in my classifications, i can still do that, at least.

i guess we'll make it happen eventually. and until then, i'll just have to tough it out. but i want to be fun and exciting again. none of this boring, grumpy, old man nonsense. that suits me at times. but i don't think this should be one of those times.

i'll get there, and i'll enjoy it. but i'm not there yet. and there's no sense in rushing it.

1 Bastard | Step on my dreams

:: 2008 27 October :: 11.37am

the sun came out today.

2 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2008 27 October :: 5.46am

All my eggs are now in one basket.

Chapter 2: the beginning.

3 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2008 26 October :: 9.54pm

Its hard to forgive what happened.

Its also hard to lose a friend that close.

what to do?

:: 2008 26 October :: 3.52pm
:: Music: blink 182 - always

for once, i'm enjoying the rain

2 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2008 26 October :: 1.19pm

it really sucks losing sombody i was that close with, Its not worth my pain for that though.

also, with all the depressing entry's lately, i bring you ken, the lawn jockey

2 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2008 25 October :: 4.11am
:: Mood: numb

"regret nothing, Live every day as if it we're your last"
Since red flannel I've learned alot about myself, alot more than I care to know.

I know now that I try and change myself to fit in with someone else.
I know what its like to say "I love you" and truly mean it
I have cried, I don't do that ever.
I have driven to points where I feel nothing at all, then I cut myself just to see if pain even exists, it doesn't.
I have compleatly handed my heart to someone
who had no idea what to do with it, and later crushed it.

I knew what I was getting into, she warned me, told me not to do it.
I've also learned to listen.
I've learned lies hurt more than the truth.

In the past month, I've felt the best I ever have in life, I feel the worst I ever have right now.

This girl has driven me to do things I've never considered ever before, I wish I could put into words the way I'm feeling now.

flexeril can't even take these feelings away.

When the time comes, just remember.
"Regret nothing and live every day as if its your last."

Erin Marie Crisp,

Again, I've never been as sorry as I am now about how much i hurt you.
again I'm sorry.

Justin McW,
You we're right, my knife is definatally not sharp enough.