sometimes what is felt is more important than what is heard

10 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2007 11 November :: 3.09am

i have way way way to much shit.

anyone want anything?

:: 2007 9 November :: 12.27am

uggggh, i don't want to be couped up at home tonight alone. :(

Step on my dreams

3 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2007 8 November :: 12.33am
:: Music: the voices (they're everywhere)

going to maryland. leaving tomorrow. should be fun.

jessica is super-cool. and awesome. and having to tolerate me. which sucks. and so is everyone else, but they're just not faring as well in their tolerance as she is. which is unfortunate, although not entirely unexpected.

i'm fucking tired. and i haven't done shit this week.

oh well. maybe at the end of this tunnel i'll find myself. or at least someone else who can find me for me.

:: 2007 7 November :: 2.05am

i'm excited for tomorrow :D

Step on my dreams

:: 2007 6 November :: 4.07pm
:: Mood: disoriented

cardiopulmonary recussitation

"Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever.
All I know can be shown by your acceptance of the facts; they're shown before you.
Take what I say in a different way and it's easy to say that this is all confusion.
As I see a new day in me, I can also show if you - and you may - follow.

Speak to me of summer, long winters - longer than time can remember,
The setting up of other roads, to travel on in old, accustomed ways.
I still remember the talks by the water; the proud sons and daughters
That knew the knowledge of the land spoke to me in sweet accustomed ways."

and stuff and things.

all in all, though, feeling good. just very lost. and my concept of time is completely out the window.

Step on my dreams

:: 2007 5 November :: 7.22pm

just wondering if anyone has a barn/garage i could use tomorrow to do axle bearings on my truck.

doesn't need to be heated just something to keep the wind off my back.

thanks guys.

:: 2007 4 November :: 10.44am

note to self;
not all pirates can drink like they do on tv.

:: 2007 3 November :: 4.23am
:: Music: kevin and jessica

i think i'm a good person.

it's amazing how i can be so alone, and yet so complexly together with so many people.

i wrote this earlier. i had an idea about reincarnation, which seemed poetic at the time:

My soul is an old man swimming.
Am I his final foray into the waters?
Or does he have life left in him yet?
At times he is very adept,
So well used to his aquatic occupation.
At other times he is old and tired,
Barely floundering on the surface.
Despite his age he has a spryness about him.
But is that enough to carry us through?

--------

all questions, no answers. oh - how the mighty fall.

it's so disjointed. primarily due to how i have fallen. or at least that is how i feel at this particular epoch. different times will give rise to different emotions.

fucking A.

8 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2007 1 November :: 10.46pm

http://homes.realtor.com/search/listingdetail.aspx?zp=49319&typ=7&sid=5639a10a295d4919ad00f7b7d0f7866b&pg=4&lid=1091376452&lsn=32&srcnt=200#Detail

just a reminder for myself.

Atman

:: 2007 1 November :: 2.33pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Seether

Tale of Predictability
So, I finally dropped out of trig. Since I couldn't maintain a 60% in that class, I figured it was a good idea, especially considering how the plastics degree works. Time for a job, though I have virtually no faith in actually finding one, as I haven't been able to get employed since Cutco came to me.

I'm reading Tale of Two Cities, and I really don't get why everyone praises this garbage. It has the same predictability any other author from the past has, where you can just expect the worst to happen and be right 90% of the time. It is especially awesome how authors stick their noses up in the air and say, "Television is so predictable with their happy endings and perfect conclusions, writing will never be that way." Yeah, you guys show us. Make your books predictable with their sad endings and 'thought provoking' conclusions. No, I'm sure nobody will be able to pick up on your subtle hints of the main character being a modern day jesus christ. *ROLL EYES HERE, LOL*

I'm just tired of reading this rubbish, and I'm thankful this is the last time I'll have to read anything like this. Dickens pretty much told you the ending in the very beginning, or gave you enough hints to come preeeeeetty damn close to figuring it out for yourself. So now I read all the parts in between with 'character development' and 'suspense'. Really, just kill off Sydney Carton who is actually pretending to be Darney. I don't give a flying fuck about anyone else, just stop trying to pretend like you are going to do otherwise.

There is a short chapter where it convinces someone who hasn't read a book from the past like everything will be ok, because Dickens just wanted to fuck with people, and build development. Just...bleh.

Manic McGee...does anyone remember that? That book is the very last I remember reading that was required to be read that I enjoyed. Characters died, lessons were learned, and good times were had too. Not this MARTYR MARTYR MARTYR shit that I have to read years upon years in a row. A life is a fragile thing, our innocense died, good and bad, I get it, I get it. I just don't CARE. That one story...1944 maybe? Chris would remember it. That was pretty good too, though Chris's constant reminders and assertions that I was the crazy athletic guy and he was the kid who PUSHED said athletic kid off a tree trunk was kind of unnerving. Thats why I never let him in my treehouse.

Fuck, I think I wall of text'd again. Anyway, later kiddies.

8 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

5 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2007 1 November :: 3.10am

as much as i feel like a lot just happened, i also feel like nothing's going to change. which is both good and bad.

and i just never know what the fuck i'm supposed to do with it all. it's like god's cruel joke.

puts all the fucking pieces in my hand, and just expects me to figure it out. the only flaw being that sometimes i have extra parts that i made myself, and sometimes i'm missing a few parts that slid under the couch. but i can't just give up on the puzzle because the parts sometimes come alive and bash me upside the head, until i put them together. and then the next shipment arrives, the moment i torque down the last bolt.

it's bullshit, i'm telling you.

and also, i have to remember that, while social relationships are like atomic bonds, once the bond is separated, sometimes they take an electron with. and sometimes they give you one. and sometimes you just trade a few. i think it works. too bad nobody else understands it.

5 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2007 31 October :: 2.17am

i carved a pumpkin tonight. it turned out well.

i also baked the seeds, which also turned out well, considering i forgot them in the oven for over half an hour.

and i got a sharpie tattoo of a skeleton from lindsay. nice work, linz. looks badass. oven mitt and all.

now time to sleep, so i can sort of act normal tomorrow-ish. although i don't have any plans for the evening. i may wind up studying, or something ridiculous like that. but c'mon, it's fucking halloween. i can do better than that. what'd i do last year? i don't remember. and the year before that i hung out with gunnie.

i always wind up being pretty boring on halloween. like the time i read harry potter while i was giving out candy. i enjoyed it, but it was very solitary and slow. which i guess i need sometimes.

i really want to play again. it's seriously beginning to hurt me inside. i just want it. so fucking bad. maybe this thing with robby is an answer.

:: 2007 31 October :: 12.47am

I'm calling on you guys for some help here. I know money is tight and everything but my boss really needs some help, she doesn't have insurance.

the past week or two she's had this bump on her finger and its gotten worse and worse and now she can't move her finger, she took her son to the doctor today for something and the nurse said she should go to the emergency room because its infected and if she doesn't get it taken care of the infection could spread into her whole hand. She didn't have insurance so its going to cost a boatload of money for her to get something done.

she finally went to the ER tonight after alot of persuasion from Heidi and i, while we we're persuading her i told her that i would try to raise some money to help pay for the bill.

She is one of the nicest people i know and is always helping anyone that needs help, so if i have ever brought free pizza to a party you we're at or you shared some pizza with me that i got for free, i ask that you please donate some money for this. I'm going to put in $50 of my own money.

let me know if your interested, i'd appericate it alot