And we just want sleep, but this night is hell. I'm sick and sunk and I blame myself because I make things hard and your just trying to help. I got no gas,I'm winding out my gears. This is one more day on the verge of tears. And now my head hurts and my health is a joke. And now I got to stop cause the headphones broke.

 

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Die Young and Save Yourself

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:: 2004 9 April :: 1.10 pm

Well...sad to say...but i am leaving woohu. :( NOT for good...i will come back every now and then for an update...and im still sending in two bucks to keep my account forever...but yeah...still...im heading over to Xanga now...lol GOOD BYE WOOHU!!!! I WILL MISS YOU!!!!! -
Leah

2 fuckers | Hates me

:: 2004 7 April :: 12.28 pm
:: Mood: confused

Well apparently Andy is now making everyone pay 2 bucks to keep your Woohu.com journal...and if your a new user its 15 bucks...im confused about all of it but he also said something about a "hard copy"...i dont kno....but if we send in 15 bucks i think hes gonna print our journal out in like a book or something...i dunno....hmmm...well i emailed him, hopefully it'll work out. Im not against leaving Woohu, in fact i opend up a new account on Xanga.com (i've had two there before, but yeah, anyways...) my username is worldowesme, so go there and check it out. I dunno im not completely ready to leave Woohu just yet...so i'll still be updateing here every now and then. But not as much as my Xanga one, so go here and check me out!!!

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=worldowesme

:D -
Leah

Hates me

:: 2004 5 April :: 8.17 pm
:: Mood: pissed

Ummm yeah i think i'll be staying with Woohu...Livejournal.com SUCKS...there whole layout is messed up and its so effin hard to customize it cuz you don't kno what half the shit is...lol thats why i like woohu there simple, but also have enough settings to make it look just as good as any other journal. Woohu i love you. lol well goodbye-
Leah

:: 2004 5 April :: 7.03 pm
:: Mood: sick/sad
:: Music: failure by design- Brand New

TOday sucks...im sick, sick of LIFE, sad, mad, SUPER PISSED, my feelings are hurt, and i just want to die. SO.....anyways....hmmm....WELL Bank Nine isn't playing cuz Matts and a-hole and decideds to cancle at the last minut....YEah me and Alex had the conversation last night...I think its mean that he says MAtt sucks....even tho...well..yeah...he does...but i don't like saying that people who play an instrument sucks cuz i think its mean. I kno how i would feel anyways. If someone told me i suck at guitar. Hmmmm.....sooo...well i really don't feel like living today, so im gonna go. WAIT MEST CONCERT AND PRESHOW PARTY ON APRIL 9TH!!!!! WooT W00t!!!! I MIGHT go...IF IF IF IF IF IF IF ERICA AND ALEX GO!!!!!!!!!! WooT w00t!!!! Now, goodbye-
Leah

:: 2004 3 April :: 1.17 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Brand New-Failure by Design

WEll today is gonna be one of those Butt sucking days....GOD i fuckin hate my life. You don't understand how bad i want out of it. School sucks, i fuckin hate it soo much yeah i kno alot of people say that and alot don't like it but if you can honestly say you HATE it, its gonna cause a problem considering by LAW you have to be there everyday ((WHICH is against the constituion to MAKE you go...)) BUT whatever. People are so gay i fuckin hate my life. My brothers a fag too he traded MY playstation game for some other one and the kid still hasn't given it back. Im gonna fuckin kill him.

1 fucker | Hates me

:: 2004 31 March :: 7.52 pm
:: Mood: my tummy hurts :(
:: Music: RAncid

i FINNALLY GOT MY RANCID LP!!!! WooT w00t!!!! YEAH YEAH!!! ((be jealous....)) :D anyways...uhh....DUDE The guy mailed it out MONDAY from CALI and i STILL got it before the poster which was mailed out THRUSDAY from AKRON ohio!!! DUDE its pissing me off....BUT anyways...yeah its sweet now all i need is a turn table lol well anyways i hafta pay for my super hot benji picture before too long...hmmm....I got FOUR f's and a D on my report card.....oh well....well anyways i dont feel good and i wanna talk to my bestestestest friend Alex so goodbye-
Leah

Hates me

:: 2004 30 March :: 5.24 pm

WOW i have really been neglecting to update this thing lately...hmmm...well...uhh...i'll do it later :D

Hates me

:: 2004 27 March :: 5.05 pm

WO it feels like i havent updated this thing in forever...anyways...Uhh yeah well my parents really arent that pissed off...they didnt really say much about it but again...THEY dont care...so yeah...in a way i kinda wish they did. :( BUT something i learned really quick is you cant have it both ways....WELL Kilby wants to take us to church with him sunday so yeah i think were going but i dunno if Erica Will be able to.....:( well im gonna go...goodbye-
Leah

1 fucker | Hates me

:: 2004 23 March :: 7.29 pm
:: Mood: depressed

WELL...today was boring....i got my money orders to send so i can get my shit...but yeah...hmmm...im thinking about quiting OWA....i fuckin HATE mrs Perna and i cant stand going to work anymore. I like it there but just not the schedual...so yeah....anyways....i got a project due tommorow that i havent even STARTED so im gonna go, byebye-
Leah

Hates me

:: 2004 22 March :: 7.55 pm
:: Mood: blah

Hmmm....yeah...uhh...well...i don't feel like doing this and don't really kno what to say....but...i DO have bad gas....hmmm...well...foods here. ::blinks::

Goodbye-


Leah

1 fucker | Hates me

:: 2004 21 March :: 11.53 am
:: Mood: Tired/cold

WELL i didn't get the poster....someone outbid me in the last few minuts. I KNEW someone was gonna try to so i was gonna watch it within the last few minuts but i forgot what time it was and was too busy looking at bank nine's website...lol oh well i got a SUPER EXTREMELY rare Rancid's first LP they EVER recorded....15 songs back when Epitaph was just starting and so was Rancid...theres only like 200 copies ever in the world and i bought it for 15 bucks!!! WooT w00t!!!! ANd not only that but a SUPER rare Good Charlotte Poster from overseas....for like 7....WooT w00t!!! And im bidding on a GC Promo poster from 2000 when their "new cd!!" as it says (really their old one) was about to be released and they were playing at a place in Tower Records......And im bidding on a Mest Promo Poster from This tour...and a 8 by 12 Benji Madden Picture (BE JEALOUS TIFFANY!!!!! WooT w00t!!!!!) lol so its all good...anyways my mom's bitching at my sister and i don't feel like listening to it so im going upstairs GOD I FUCKIN HATE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! goodbye-
Leah

1 fucker | Hates me

:: 2004 19 March :: 9.42 pm
:: Mood: depressed/sad

I feel really bad right now i don't kno what about well i do but im not gonna say cuz people read this and yeah....Today was okay i guess i didn't get paid cuz i forgot my time sheet....DAMNIT!!!!!!!!! I didn't go to the Talent Show either but thats okay. I might go to the Attic tommorow. It feels so weird being HOME on a FRIDAY night....yeah yeah its been a while...ANYWAYS i think im getting over Tom...im not sure...i've thought it before and realized later that im not. :( im really sad right now i seriously just want to die no one would miss me but oh well anyways im just gonna end this and finish crying goodbye-
Leah

2 fuckers | Hates me

:: 2004 17 March :: 7.25 pm
:: Mood: blank

HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TOP OF THE MORNIN TO YEH TODAY!!!
HAPPY ST. PATRICK' S DAY!!!!



Today was alright i guess....i slept from first period till 4th in ISS....then we watched Gladiator...so yeah i didn't even open my bookbag lol WEll then we went to Erica's house and made our PIMP shirts ((i tell you what....)) and yeah TOMMOROW is BATTLE OF THE BANDS! ! ! ! ! ! BANK NINE IS DEFEFINATELY playing!!!!!!!!!!! WooT w00t!!!! hmmm....well...uh...yeah....Me and Erica wanna start a fan club for them...we dunno yet tho whats goin on with that....BUT they're recording there EP here soon in just a few couple weeks.....well anyways im hungry so goodbye-
Leah

Hates me

:: 2004 16 March :: 1.28 pm
:: Mood: thinking

There's something that I hear entirely too often from people; the phrase, "I wish that'd never happened." Hell, I've said this myself on more than one occasion. You wish you hadn't said this or done that or went there, or met so-and-so. That you hadn't acted a certain way, that you wish you could erase an entire portion of your life, and that simple fact would change who you are today. A simple decision to go to a certain place, or say "hi" to a certain person altered your life with such magnitude that to not have done it would've sparked a thousand alternate realities. Some daily events that we think nothing of at the time can be such catalysts for our futures, such important things. At the time we don't even render it a cosideration, but little do we know that that person or place is what will make us us tomorrow.

So, in light of knowing that the person you bump into in the produce section could be your soulmate, or that going to the mall today could be the thing that determines your life's course makes me wonder why you'd ever want to change anything about your past. Whatever has happened to you, for good or for evil, obviously contained some sort of purpose, and in culmination, these events have put you where you are today. They have made you into yourself.

Bad things happen, people will leave you; infact, everyone leaves in the end. But what is an ending anyway? Why focus so much on where you think you're going? Why not focus more on where you are?
Whilst everyone has goals, and some sort of provincial outline they've dubbed their "Five Year Plan", why should five years matter so much? You're not living five years from now...you're living in this moment, this day, and this second. If you focus all your energy on the future, you'll have completely missed the present. I'd hate to look back on my life and see only outlines, only endings and beginnings. Just sketchy and hollow pictures of what could have been something full and happy. Some people say the only part of a story that matters is the ending, but I say the middle in the most important and influencial. In retrospect, don't look back on your life and see only beautiful or tragic endings. A story, your story isn't defined by the beginnings and endings of it, it's defined by the middle...by what you did with the time you had. Whether said event ended in death or bliss, there's something more important than the way in all turned out.

If whomever reading this is still with me, then I suppose my entire point is that compared to eternity, our lives are pathetically short. Too short to harbor regrets or resentments for things that you can't even remember why they started. In fact, in probably doesn't even matter anymore, whatever is was has most likely come and gone a thousand times. Things are never as catashrophic or as important as you make them, and hindsight is always 20/20. There's going to be things you wished you done differently, another path you think you should've chosen that would've ended you up in a different place. But who knows? People get out of things what they put in and something you thought was wrong or bad might just turn out to be amazing in the end. =D

Hates me

:: 2004 16 March :: 1.03 pm
:: Mood: bored/cold

SNOW DAY!!!! SNOW DAY!!!! SNOW DAY!!!! SNOW DAY!!!!
WE HAVE A SNOW DAY TODAY!!!! WooT w00t!!!! LOL yeah yeah well i didn't think we would....i didn't even think it would snow. I mean i kno they said that but come on...in the middle of march?!?!? Insane...i tell you what.....hmmmm.....ALL last night i couldn't stop thinking about Tom.....GOD FUCKIN DAMNIT!!!! WHY must i be alive....everything would be easier if i just died. I really don't want to live. Anyways....ummm....yeah....goodbye-
LEah

Hates me

:: 2004 15 March :: 6.59 pm
:: Mood: sad

i NEED to get over Tom....Tiffany sent me an email with a link to Britny's profile pictures and what not...and when i saw the pictures of Tom (especially the one with him and her...) i just started bawling....i don't kno whats wrong....i've seriously NEVER felt this way about anyone before. I can't explain it, but i would do ANYTHING for him. Or anything to get over him, and while part of me does wan't to get over him, another part doesn't because i know how i feel i can't picture feeling any other way. And i don't want to. But at the same time i don't want to feel like this. I don't kno what to do....every time i see him i get so sad....GOD i FUCKIN hate this and i think out of all my friends Tiffany is probably the only one who understands (i kno they all do but not to the extent that she does...) cuz shes been in love with Marky for close to 4 years now....its insane...i know...but im kinda thinkin thats how its gonna go with Tom.

2 fuckers | Hates me

:: 2004 14 March :: 5.09 pm
:: Mood: depressed

Dude seriously some serious shit happend last night....it really scared me....but im not gonna post it cuz i don't kno who all reads this and yeah its kinda something i wanna keep to myself im just not in a good mood, and i dunno but im really worried about something. But other than that today was BORING i went to my little cousins first birthday party and i hardley knew ANYONE there....not only that but Cristie, my cousins wife who is my little cousins parents making him my second cousin, lol it was at her parents house and they live in like this fuckin million dollar home that her dad designed along with some other million dollar homes he designed close by....seriously...there fuckin rich. Its insane. But anyways....blah. I don't want to go to school tommorow....i have ISS for like 3 days. Or a week. I dunno i don't member. And also, Erica, i love you but i CANT like DAnny and it WOULD backfire in my face it ALWAYS does so i just can't let myself like anyone....hes awesome he really is but i can't let myself....:( i love you goodbye-
Leah

1 fucker | Hates me

:: 2004 11 March :: 8.44 pm
:: Mood: Depressed
:: Music: Rancid

I really miss my cousins. I don't kno why i guess cuz although they live around here i never get to see them.....:'( i miss the ones far away too. I went to Wal-Mart today and got a shitload of pants and some truckers blank plain plain blank truckers hats to make BANK NINE groupie hats....lol WO me and Erica are sooo gonna be groupies....we're gonna make tshirts and stickers and everything and sell them at their shows. :D i love those guys....well Alex and Craig anyways (they're really the only ones i talk to out of them....) Specially Alex hes my new best friend. Hmmmm....I really don't feel like doing anything today. Im on my period and all i wanna do is eat junk. I don't GET IT i've never gotten like that before when i was on my period....WHY NOW?!?!??! oh well i don't care....ANYWAYS....ON TO THE NEXT SUBJECT!!!!!!!!!! hmmmm....well....uhhh....yeah....goodbye-
Leah

Hates me

:: 2004 10 March :: 7.14 pm
:: Mood: Depressed
:: Music: Story Of The Year

Well today has been gay....i dunno why its like im in a good mood (GREAT MOOD) for a while and outa nowhere either something will set me off or it'll just happen anyways and i get really pissed off and sad....its like the stupidest stuff too or sometimes nothing at all. Im so sick of this life. Fucking Mrs. Perna's pissing me off too....like today we took this test cuz yesterday we took one and NO ONE had any idea of what was going on....so yeah we ALL failed so they made it into two parts and gave us a cheat sheet, well i STILL didn't understand it OR the cheat sheet but i still tried really hard cuz i mean i don't want to fail TWO classes and yeah i really did try but i only did about 5 out of 17 problems and i kno i only got 2 right....YEAH.....MAJOR FAILAGE THERE!!!!! lol Well anyways Mr. Muntz was like "you might wanna take a look at this" to Mrs. Perna and she started yelling at me about how i didn't "put any effort" into it and i "never put any effort into anything" and all this other bull shit and i TOLD her i did like a million times and all she said was "thats what the cheat sheets for" even tho i told her i didn't understand THAT EITHER!!!!!!!! Finnally i was like whatever and walked away but then she started yelling at the WHOLE FUCKIN class and that REALLY pissed me off so i yelled at her and said "SORRY IM TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND!!!!!" and yeah she kicked me out of class....but whatever shes such a bitch i swear i FUCKIN HATE HER!!!!!!!!! ANyways.....yeah.......she thinks she knows everything, and that really pisses me off she acts like she knows SOOOO FUCKIN much about "kids today" when we have disscussions she always talkes about peer presure and smoking and shit like "yeah its hard i kno you'll all do it if you haven't already" and all this other bull shit saying "if you don't you'll get made fun of and you wont get to be in the group" I MEAN COME ON THERES NO FUCKIN PREASURE TO DO ANY OF THAT SHIT AND EVEN IF THERE WAS ITS YOUR STUPID ASS WHO DOES IT MOST PEOPLE DON'T AND YOU DEFINATELY DON'T GET MADE FUN OF!!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY SHES SO FUCKIN RETARDED I WOULD KNO I'VE BEEN IN THAT SITUATION BEFORE AND SHE GOT PISSED OFF AT ME WHEN I WAS ARGUING WITH HER ABOUT IT AND I WAS LIKE "I THINK I'VE BEEN IN THIS SITUATION A BIT MORE TIMES THAN YOU HAVE!!!!!" and yeah....seriously....shes a fuckin idiot....WO Blink 182's coming!!!!!!! WITH THE USED!!!!!!! WooT w00t!!!!!!!!! Im gonna try to go to all 3 in Ohio but yeah if i can't DEFINATELY THE ONE WITH THE USED and then the one a month later in June....hmmm....and we got WARPED coming up!!!!!!!!! ::throws arms up:: WooT w00t!!!!!!!!! well anyways im gonna go now. -
Leah

1 fucker | Hates me

:: 2004 9 March :: 8.44 pm
:: Mood: depressed

Well today has been a little hectic.....FIRST of all...i was SOOOO scared, cuz last night i heard that my friend Craig got beat up really bad but then i found out he DIDNT but i was sooo scared and Alex was freakin out and now hes pissed at Zac for lieing.....::SIGH:: the drama......and also, my friend Mitch (one of my BEST friends) has been taking Vicaden (is that how you spell it???) and a whole bunch of other super heavy pain killers (they're his dads for his legs) lately and has been taking WAY TOO MUCH.....and im really worried. I keep telling him not to but everyday he comes to school all effed up....im really scared. And not only that but apparently someone brought a loaded gun (45) to school today...he didn't shoot it or anything.....i don't even think he intended to, but they found it in his bookbag 6th period. Yeah. Thats a little scary. THEN to make things worse me and my mom got in this huge fight about how she doesn't care and all that other shit and she kept saying she did and i was like "yeah, only when its convienient for you" and she got all pissy and was like "fuck you!!!" and i was like "Proof right there...." GOD theres so much fuckin drama in this life....and not only that but i mean its hard enough going through all the "normal" teenage shit i don't need all this other stuff to worry about. I should just kill myself. I mean i wouldn't...but i should. Bleh. Well, then FATASS would miss me. lol. Hmmm....well, im gonna go eat. Latter kiddies-
Leah

Hates me

:: 2004 8 March :: 7.43 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: The Ataris

All You Can Ever Learn Is What You Already Know

Is this how it was intended?
The sunrise over smoke stacks in the Midwest, the beauty of this abandoned factory.
Christmas lights blinking on and off all out of time
in what used to be the bleakest dreams of middle class America.
I'm trying to believe in you, but all these satellites and shattered dreams are blocking out my view.
Please don't forget who you really are, because nothing really matters when we're gone.

Fell in love with his keno waitress.
They honeymooned in Memphis; they were married by the drive up window.
Trailer parks, neon signs, and an empty box of Lucky Strikes: all used up from the dashboard of America.
I'm trying to believe in you; this world sold its fate for parking lots and drunk sincerity.
Please don't forget who you really are, because nothing really matters when we're -
You'll be saddened to know the train tracks you once walked as a young boy are now nothing but a graveyard.
Please don't forget how small we really are, because nothing really matters when we're gone.

Hates me

:: 2004 8 March :: 7.08 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: As Wicked- Rancid

Hmmmmm....i almost didn't come to school today but i decided to (why i don't kno) but i ended up leaving right after first period.....then i went home...put in some Rancid....and slept. Yeah. Now im sitting at my moms house.....being bored-ed-ed....and talking to Tiffany about some stuff that i can't say on here cuz im not exactly sure who all reads this lets just say it has to do with someone with the initials A.K. and N.W.....and.....yeah....Tiffany of course. Hmmm....i was thinking today about different ways people could kill themselves and what i don't get is why people slit their wrists or anything else like that with knifes....cuz one....its really messy, it hurts, (who wants the last thing they ever feel to be physical pain??? i mean obviously they're feeling pain anyways....but still....hmmm...) and its sickning...if your gonna do it with blood then shoot yourself. Which would probably the easiest, fastest, painless-less way possible....but then again putting a plastic bag over your head is easy too. Thats done in a matter of minutes....cuz you pass out after 2-3 minuts...then it only takes 4-5....IF even that....and its alot easier than strangling yourself with a rope....or by hanging yourself....that hurts. Unless you break your neck first. But that usually doesn't happen. Overdosing wouldn't be AS bad...but still that might cause a little bit of pain on the inside...that is, untill you pass out. But all in all the easiest way of killing yourself goes in this order:
1. Shooting yourself
2. Strangling yourself with a plasic bag
3. Overdosing
4. Strangling yourself with a rope by hanging (unless it breaks your neck....which is unlikely...it would be a 2)
5. Slitting your wrists/stabbing yourself

If your going to do it id say either one or two. Its the easiest. BUT anyways....hmmm....Blah. i don't feel like typing anymore. BUT then again.....i do. im hungry. Im gonna go eat some Chili.-
Leah

Hates me

:: 2004 7 March :: 4.14 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: AFI

Yesterday at jens hotel party was fun we swam too much tho lol but then during the night well im not gonna go into detail but i got really sad and wanted to go home because of some stuff and then everybody got mad at me, but after a while we talked about it and they understood and everything but im still im not ina good mood....i swear im starting to scare myself. All i can ever think about is dieing, and i don't want to do it myself but im starting to think it may be the only way. I cant do this anymore im so sick of this shit.

2 fuckers | Hates me

:: 2004 4 March :: 7.55 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: MxPx-Never learn

Dude im in such a bad mood today....i don't kno why....everyones pissing me off SO frickin easily i DONT understand it.....i hate my life. Theres so much god damnit just forget it ANYWAYS well tommorow im going to the attic and then saturdays Jen's hotel party thingy and my finger hurts. Bad. Also....my ear. i DEFEFINATELY need some money, im shit broke. I get paid tommorow but not much and i owe my brother 10 bucks. So yeah. Well anyways..........goodbye-
Leah

1 fucker | Hates me

:: 2004 1 March :: 7.32 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: some gay shit my brothers playing

Today has been really blah. seriously. its raining all day too. I fuckin hate my life....i cant even tell you how much easier everyones life would be if i was just dead. Im not even kidding. i would never kill myself but if i had the choice i would die right now. i dont kno whats wrong but im probably gonna stop doing things for a while and stop hanging out and doing stuff it only makes me happy for a while and then i come back to this and its worse every time. Plus....GUYS. EVERYTIME i start to like someone it turns out like shit. i dont even think im over the whole T-O-M thing....i dunno but im starting to take an intrist in Hunter....only i found out this Sammy chick likes him. I mean me and her arent like best friends or anything but shes a nice girl and obviously likes him alot. I just want to die.-
Leah

1 fucker | Hates me

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