Messed up!!!

:: 2004 8 April :: 6.28pm
:: Mood: crushed

in love
im in love with someone that doesnt love me. we treat each other horribly and we dont understand each other at all. ive been in love w/ him for 6 months and never told him. ive given him something special and he asked another girl out days later. its killing me because i am so conflicted. i should have told him months ago but i dunno, i thought he and i could just be friends w/ benefits and i would be happy. but.....at the same time i wouldnt want to go out w/ him, i just want him to be all mine and no one else gets him. he isnt my type at all, but there is something about him. i just want to break down crying. i want him to know but i dont want to tell him. good gawd im messed up!

:: 2004 4 April :: 7.58pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Maroon 5:This Love

Sunday
Good sunday. Babysat w/ michelle. Made nice w/ Ginny which is good cuz she is sweet. Got needed $$. And i have a week of, im in a damn good mood! LoL! Write me!Byes!Mwah! XoXoXoXo

:: 2004 2 April :: 1.52pm
:: Mood: relaxed
:: Music: At Last

Segregation
I feel like im separating from everyone, i dont think i mean to, i just am. Probably because im not talking to amanda everyday on the phone and the same w/ jeremy. Instead im talking to chris, laurent, renne and other ppl. Damn, i knew this was going to happen if i switched schools.

:: 2004 26 March :: 10.13pm

No Life
Friday night, im at home.....dun dun DUN DOING HOMEWORK! LoL! I have to because i have stuff to do Satudaty night(which involves some homework too)....so its not that bad. Not nearly as bad as Amanda, being grounded for a whole freakin month! Poor girl! Love yaz!Byes! XoXoXoXoXoXoXo

3 thoughts | Tell me what you think!

:: 2004 23 March :: 5.23pm
:: Mood: amused

Canterbury
Staying at Canterbury, who would have ever thought? :-)

:: 2004 13 March :: 10.27am
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: Splash Waterfalls

OBGYN
Well.....OBGYN wasn't too bad. All chicks out there you dont have to worry about it, if you have a good doctor it will be fine. Ok ttyl Byes Mwah xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

5 thoughts | Tell me what you think!

:: 2004 1 March :: 6.57pm
:: Mood: Urg
:: Music: Sorry 2004

Blah!
Im such a mess...i cant choose between love and hate...its horrid! I just want to shake an 8 ball and choose whatever it tells me to! Urg! The worst part is he doesnt even know...he thinks i still hate him for what he did to me, and i have amazingly forgiven him because that is just how much i care for him. But some good has come of this, ive gotten really close w/ another friend who is great w/ complements! Ive been getting lots of complements lately, i dont know what the deal is. Ive been listening to rap......i never thought i would say that again, but the worst part is thats all i have been listening to! Gawd i dont want to have to pack to go to Washington to say good bye to family. And yet.....im still happy. Except i dont wanna go to the gyenocologist! Urg! Oh well....thats consequences i guess....still worth it! LoL Byes!

:: 2004 22 February :: 6.04pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Ying Yang Twinz

Saturday
OKay if ya wanna know about my weekend read Andi's journal or Gimpy's. Overall it was the best parade that ive ever been to, undoubtablly because of who i was with.Hell i was actually listening to rap and having fun...the ride home was hilarous. I needed to get out and walk around, im glad i did that instead of staying home and doing what you are supposed to do when your sick. I wish i could say the same thing for sunday but i was lazy today. tear tear i know michelle im a dork. ok im gunna go rest thanx to jeremy! keepin me up till 5 30 .......gawd ive gotta get my house re-wired so i can get some sleep! lol anywaysz ttyl

5 thoughts | Tell me what you think!

:: 2004 15 February :: 4.44pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: Fever for the Flava

Ummmm
LOL.......over all good V-day, enough said!

:: 2004 10 February :: 8.43pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Cure( thanx Jeremy)

Cosmo
One word gurls....cosmo. Go pick up this months issue, read the International Tips....its worth it :-)LOL ......i dont have anything else to say!!

:: 2004 7 February :: 10.26am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: "Amber is the color of your energy" song

Urg
I need to make a decision on something but i don't want to have to. How do you guys decide really important things? Reply asap...i need to kno soon! Byes p.s. thanx jeremy if you read this....i cant even say. your friggin awesome! mmmwwaahhh byes

:: 2004 28 January :: 4.51pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Pearl Jam

Weekend
lol.....last weekend was interesting. too much to type. but something good came out of it, i have become more open with something personal and it is nice to have enough confidense to tell close friends along w/ ppl at my current school.and by the way, the events of the weekend didnt change or alter what i already knew ;-) lol!!anyway, i was thinking seriously about going to Fort Myers IB....it might be a really good option for me....tell me what you think!! xoxoxo byes

:: 2004 20 January :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: Jet: Are you gunna be my girl?

Oh gawd lol!
Ok...here is the story.

Monday morning A FRIEND (for all of you know who that is) IM'ed me and was like "im going to be in the cape, call me" so later we talked again and i was like"so you wanna get together?" and of couse he was like "ya sure" why else would he tell me he was going to be in the cape right? so later i call when we told me to (around 4 ish) and like i was trying to figure out a place for him to take me that is in the cape. but when i called he seemed to already kno and he was like"call me later or ill call you" and that was all i heard lol! well i waited for like 2 hours for him to call and he never did so i eventually called him....and he was all like" you never called me!" lol!!! apparently he had told me to call him 20 minutes later so he could get directions to my house so he could pick me up but i never heard that lol!!! i was like ooppppsss. to make this even better after i asked where he was and he was waiting for someone in a church parking lot to go a party w/(and he was like 30 min away from my house and he was trying to figure out a way to my house), apparently he was going to take me to that party lol. so he got to the party and got into a fist fight or something of the sort and by then he was kinda down so he didnt feel like doing anything which was fine but i guess it was good i didnt go other wise i would have been there for the fight and i would have hated that. so ya...that is my stupidity opppps lol

:: 2004 18 January :: 11.31pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: the sound of the rain

poems
this is my favorite poem of all time

SOMEWHERE I HAVE NEVER TRAVELLED, GLADLY BEYOND

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond

any experience, your eyes have their silence:

in your most frail gesture are things are the things which enclose me,

or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me

though i have closed myself as fingers,

you open myself as fingers,

you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens

(touching skillfully,mysteriously) her first rose

or if you wish be to close me, i and

my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,

as when the heart of this flower imagins

the snow carefully everywhere desending;

nothing which we are to percieve in this world equals

the power of your intense fragility:whose texture

compels me with the colour of its countries,

rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes

and opens;only something in me understands

the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)

nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands

E.E. Cummings

:: 2004 18 January :: 6.20pm
:: Mood: surprised
:: Music: Love Actually CD

Shocked
What a weekend! I went to the movies last night and some many different good and bad things came out of it. I put my self in an...interesting position and great things came out of it. Im glad i went, porbably not for the reason most of you'll think but for something else. I guess im being paid back for the past horrible weeks. Ying and yang is working in my favor right now. :-) Ok ttyl laters byes

:: 2004 13 January :: 8.07pm
:: Mood: even
:: Music: Puddle of Mudd

Please answer these
fill this out cuz i wanna

see what you say - this should be funny

1. Quiet or Loud?:

2. Short or Tall?:

3. Weird or Original?:

4. Nice or Mean?:

5. Friendly or Selfish?:

6. Normal or Special?:

7. Smart or Stupid?:

8. Boring or Fun?:

9. Pretty, hot, alright, ugly?:

DO YOU THINK I'M...

1. A psycho?:

2. Athletic?:

3. A nerd?:

4. Funny?:

5. Ghetto?:

6. Shy?:

7. Two-faced?:

8. Obnoxious?:

9. Immature?

10.Mature?:

11. Conceited?

FOR THE OPPOSITE SEX ONLY:

1. Would you ever date me?

2. when would you ask me out??

3.will you ever scam with me?

4.Would you hold my hand if I was scared?

5.Would you ever kiss me?

6.Would you ask me t! o a dance?

7.Would you do more than kiss me?

8. On a scale from 1-10 how sexy am I?

9. would you ever cheat on me?

10. whould you ever try to hurt me??

11. do you think i would make you happy?

12What do you think I would be like as a girlfriend/boyfriend ???

13.Have i been out with you before??

13.what whould you want me to do in our relationship??

JUST SOME RANDOM QUESTIONS

1. What do u think I'll be when I grow up?:

2. (a) Do u think I'll get married?:

(b) If u do..who do u think I'll marry?:

3. When is my birthday?:

4. Who is my best friend?:

5. What song (if any) reminds u of me?:

6. Do I remind u of any characters on TV?:

7. If u could rename me...what would my name be?:

8. Have u ever had a dream about me?:

9. Do u think I'm a virgin?:

10. If u could give me anything...wh! at would it be?:harvard

11. If u could promise me anything..what would it be?:

12.If there is anything you would want what would it be??

13.if i could promise you something what would you want??

14.Have i ever hurt you?

:: 2004 7 January :: 4.23pm
:: Mood: Questioning
:: Music: Kelis:Milk Shake

???
Whut do you think of Milkshake?Either you hate it or love it

:: 2004 7 January :: 4.21pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: lol

???
I kno the tru meaning of this, do you?

KELIS

Milk Shake

My milk shake brings all the boys to the yard,
and there like,
its better than yours,
damn right its better than yours,
i can teach you,
but i have to charge

I know you want it,
the thing that makes me,
what the guys go crazy for.
They lose their minds,
the way i wind,
i think its time

la la-la la la,
warm it up.
lala-lalala,
the boys are waiting

My milk shake brings all the boys to the yard,
and there like,
its better than yours,
damn right its better than yours,
i can teach you,
but i have to charge

i can see youre on it,
you want me to teach the
techniques that freaks these boys,
it can't be bought,
just know, thieves get caught,
watch if your smart,

la la-la la la,
warm it up,
la la-la la la,
the boys are waiting,

My milk shake brings all the boys to the yard,
and there like,
its better than yours,
damn right its better than yours,
i can teach you,
but i have to charge

Once you get involved,
everyone will look this way-so,
you must maintain your charm,
same time maintain your halo,
just get the perfect blend,
plus what you have within,
then next his eyes are squint,
then he's picked up your scent,

lala-lalala,
warm it up,
lala-lalala,
the boys are waiting,

My milk shake brings all the boys to the yard,
and there like,
its better than yours,
damn right its better than yours,
i can teach you,
but i have to charge.

:: 2004 4 January :: 12.33pm
:: Mood: amused and sad
:: Music: Lithium by Nirvana

:-)
yesterday was interesting....lol. my hair is no longer blonde, its like dark but still has blonde in it. that took 2 hours.then i had plans w/ friends to go to Beatniks which i kept but i didnt wanna...i wanted to be somewhere else w/ someone else. i then talked to another friend when i got home and found stuff out and that made me think. i hate thinking about crap. then my parents come home in a cab w/ 2 friends who are absolutly hilarious when they are trashed all they wanted to do was fight and then run away! they left around 3......i laughed. i bet they arent feeling very good right now. i have to go back to skool tomorrow...i dont wanna.i have a math project that i will do last minute that is in the back of my mind.packers are playing Seattle today so i have my fingers crossed. byes

3 thoughts | Tell me what you think!

:: 2003 25 December :: 1.25am
:: Mood: X-masy

Woohoo
Well, ive already gotten my presents a week ago but im still happy...happy that x-mas is gunna be over lol! Sorry.....ok well im in Washington and ill be in Wisconsin soon but then i will return home right before skool starts to make things extra fun! sorry im so bleak..its been a tuff x-mas and im actually really looking forward to it being over. ill be happier next journal i swear. lol ttyl byes all and although im bitching about it have a merry x-mas and new year(get lucky but dont tell me about it) lol byes

3 thoughts | Tell me what you think!

:: 2003 15 December :: 4.21pm
:: Mood: Blank

Secret santa
ok santa isnt so secret this year.....here are your people!

Amanda....has Kelsey
Michelle....has Anne
Anne......has me!
Kelsey.....has Ali
Ali....has Michelle
and I have .......Amanda

:: 2003 13 December :: 11.58am
:: Mood: anxious

Holy shit
Midterms.......less than 96 hours away and im starting to freak. Each subject is a 2 hour test and it last for 3 days and im kinda unprepared. It is 20 % of every one of my grades. It could change my grade by a whole letter! Grrrrr and oh by the way Alis was fun, i needed that! Thanx yaz and happy b-day seriously early lolz! Byes i g2g to a study group

:: 2003 7 December :: 11.51am
:: Mood: frustrated

OMG
i now kno where the dumbest ppl in the world are.......the Rich Girl show! OMG grrr i just wanna choke them!grrrrr, they cant do anything for themselves!

:: 2003 7 December :: 11.09am
:: Mood: surprised
:: Music: Nirvava:Smells like teen spirit

Guitar, Michelles, and x-mas cards
Ok learning guitar, just had a lesson, harder than expected, but thats ok. Just got back from Michelles had a good time, it was lazy and that was what i wanted. Im so glad i didnt have to do anything. ;) I dont have the energy anymore, and i hope @ alis i dont have to do anything either. And by the way thanx for a friend at canterbury for the x-mas card, that was really sweet.Byes!

:: 2003 1 December :: 12.48pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: Nirvana:Paper cuts

Hey hey hey!
BACK FROM WI! Yay! I actually did have a pretty good time. Went to the Packer v. 49er game and we won! Woohoo! Monday worked on a project, tuesday and wednesday worked on food! Thursday ate and left my friggin aweseom cuzzin Becky and went to Algoma and met up w/ my best friend. Shopped w/ her and another close friend Heidi and went to Chinease. It worked out that Kelley and I went w/ her and her 18 yr old bf who drove us to the movies and he brought our R tickets(thought i ahould use him lolz) and saw Love Actually again! Ive seen it 3 times now! Saturday did my older ppl visits and left town. Flew back yeterday, my 2nd plane was 3 hours late, we even had to switch planes! That is almost worse than your lesbians on your flight Michelle! LOLZ! Anyway I got back late and had TONS to do but i made it (so far)......im in ancient history right now so i should probably go......lolz tear tear SOMEONE my playboi isnt here today but i will see him for 2 full days! YAY! LOLz okay ttyl and Amanda how could you tell me about that concert???grrrrr lolz cant wait to go w/ anne and amanda on thursday(we'll have a tubular time!) Byes

:: 2003 22 November :: 1.16am
:: Mood: confused

???
Ok so this dude.....he isnt apparently a player but he is a "playboi".......whut the hell? apparently there is something behind this but i have no idea whut it would be. it sounded like a playboi is better than a player in the sence that they dont use gurls, just kno them. but...apparently there is more to playboi but becuz im a gurl i cant kno, which pisses me off cuzz i already kno 2 much.can someone pluhezz help me out here?

:: 2003 21 November :: 9.34pm
:: Mood: sad

:-(
Just my luck, i fall for a player! Ok it has been a lloonnnggg time since i like someone ALOT and he is a player! Apparently he has a different girl in his bed every week! And he goes far w/ ppl. GGRRRRR! This blows chunks, i like him alot 2! Tear tear(for real)! Oh well, ill just go back to being cold hearted cuzz i cant stand players.:-(

:: 2003 18 November :: 6.09pm
:: Mood: WOOOHOOO

!!!
Happy b-day Michelle! 3 years till you can do seniors!lolz

:: 2003 17 November :: 11.07pm
:: Mood: excited

LOLZ
Hehe ok i dont kno how many of you watch Average Joe and im like ashamed that i admit to it but it is so addicting! Ok for those of you that dont kno whut the deal is they put this really funny sweet chick w/ the 16 fat ugly nerds. She thinks that they are gunna be really hot but GUESS NOT! Well she starts really falling for these guys that are ugly but really sweet and she has her list down to 3 guys. Well now they just added a twist.....they added 3 of the hottest guys i have ever seen in my life! and i mean HOT!!! like you look at them and you have an orgasim!!!LIKE OMG! So Fucking Hot!(and if you kno me, you kno i dont just say that about anyone). my heart started beating 100 miles per hour just looking at them! LOL Hehe ok ya i kno im pathetic but tune in next Monday night and you will see whut i mean, it is well worth it NBC Mon nights 10pm!MMWWAAAHHH Hot alert!LOL