::
2009 29 October :: 4.09pm
:: Music: Johnny Cash
When the Man Comes Around
I had a dream a few nights ago. Freaked me out.
Started with me sitting in some stupid classroom. The teacher ranting about something, I dont remember what now.
Im sitting there and suddenly something happens. Im looking at my hands trying to guess what. I cant figure it out, or better yet why Im in a class room. I feel like I always have. So I get up and start walking out of class. My mind freezes on a image of the teacher holding a paper rolled up ready to hit something with and asking me in a snarling voice, "Going somewhere Mr. Edly?"
I respond with a quick "Buzz off." Open the door and head out. He stares at the doorway for a moment before running out and shouting at me to get back in there. After I round a corner he goes to call for security or some such.
When I reach a door that goes outside Im met with opposition of guards. "Going Somewhere kid?"
-"Ya, where ever I damn well please."
"Kids shouldnt wander off the school, nor should they leave class. So why dont we go to the office and call your parents, aye?"
-"Fat chance Im..."
Thwack...Im hit with something on the back of the neck and black out. My eyes open again as I sit in a chair in a waiting room, cuffed to a desk. Im so confused! Who keeps someone locked in a building like this? Im 22! Then it hits me. Im in a school...Im...Im 12 again to everyone else.
Flash forward
Im running in a field and jump a fence. A police officer in pursuit. Im so confused.
This dream confuses me so much.
It ends with the officer falling off the fence and him watching me run into some trees.
This whole thing was so vivid in the moment. I woke up after having it enough to converse to myself about it so I would make myself remember. I hate having dreams when for the longest time I dont have any at all that I recall.
You light me up little girl like the 4th of July
I love you more than every single star man in the sky
You are the best damn thing that ever happened to me
Want to take you home ____________
You are a damn fine lady like no other
Want to introduce you to my father and my mother
___________________________________________
Can't wait to get you home and get you under the covers
::
2009 26 October :: 3.56pm
:: Music: Cage the Elephant
Back against the wall
Something is there...I don't know what...DAMNIT!
Tonight I'll have a look
And try to find my face again
Buried beneath this house
My spirit screams and dies again
Out back a monster wears a cloak of Persian leather
Behind the TV screen
I've fallen to my knees
I said you got me where you want me again
And I can't turn away
I'm hanging by thread and I'm feelin' like a fool
I'm stuck here in-between
The shadows of my yesterday
I want to get away
I need to get away
Blanket of silence
Makes me want to sink my teeth in deep
Burn all the evidence
A fabricated disbelief
Pull back the curtains
Took a look into your eyes
My tongue has now become
A platform for your lies
I said you got me where you want me again
And I can't turn away
I'm hanging by thread and I'm feelin' like a fool
I'm stuck here in-between
The shadows of my yesterday
I want to get away
I need to get away
Now you know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
Oh god
I ain't got no other place to hide
Chained down
Like a sittin' duck just waitin' for the fall
You know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
Deep in the jungle
Camouflaged by all the fallen leaves
A hand holds up the sky
While shamefully I make my plea
The alters callin'
But my legs won't seem to stand
Guess I'm a coward
Scared to face the man I am
I said you got me where you want me again
And I can't turn away
I'm hanging by thread and I'm feelin' like a fool
I'm stuck here in-between
The shadows of my yesterday
I want to get away
I need to get away
Now you know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
Oh god
I ain't got no other place to hide
Chained down
Like a sittin' duck just waitin' for the fall
You know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
Now you know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
Oh god
I ain't got no other place to hide
Chained down
Like a sittin' duck just waitin' for the fall
You know
Yeah you got my back against the wall
well, my truck is done, apparently. but i don't have all the money up front, so i have to wait until friday when my check comes, and in the meantime offer the dude something as collateral. but at least i have wheels again. and now, no money for gas. *puts barrel in mouth*
another circumstance that makes me want to do bad things with guns is conservapedia.com. now, anyone who sees that name should have a pretty good idea of what it is. and if you don't, a few appropriately aimed clicks around the site should pretty much fill you in. i don't know whether to be amused or disheartened, but either way, i'll share some highlights.
first up is the "conservapedia commandments," which are their equivalent to the "editorial policies" found on wikipedia.
CONSERVAPEDIA COMMANDMENTS
1. Everything you post must be true and verifiable. Do not copy from Wikipedia[1] or elsewhere unless it was your original work.[2]
2. Always cite[3] and give credit to your sources,[4] even if in the public domain.[5]
3. Any content you create or change (including edits, new pages, images and links) must be family-friendly, clean, concise, and without gossip or foul language.
4. When referencing dates based on the approximate birth of Jesus, give appropriate credit for the basis of the date (B.C. or A.D.). "BCE" and "CE" are unacceptable substitutes because they deny the historical basis. See CE.
5. Do not post personal opinion on an encyclopedia entry. Opinions can be posted on Talk:pages or on debate or discussion pages. Advertisements are prohibited.
6. The operation of unauthorized wiki-bots is prohibited.[6]
7. Unproductive activity, such as 90% talk page edits and only 10% quality edits to Conservapedia articles, may result in blocking of the account.[7] See the Guidelines for more detail.
Edits which violate these rules will be deleted. Users who violate the rules repeatedly will be blocked. Administrators have discretion to act on matters not specifically mentioned here, such as vandalism and sockpuppets.
i find number 3 interesting, in that most of their articles consist primarily of the latest gossip, mixed with some history here and there. for 4, i'll admit i thought it was stupid to change it from BC to BCE, but at the same time the old notation was constantly under debate, and at least now there's a universal standard we can all stick to. what's so wrong with that? it does seem kind of messed up to base our entire timeline on a dude whose records of existence are hazy on the details, to say the least. and i would love to see them sick an admin on a sockpuppet.
------------------------
next, we have their article on the current president of the united states. (we'll take this one paragraph at a time)
"Barack Hussein Obama II aka Barry Soetoro[1] (allegedly[2][3][4][5][6] born in Honolulu Aug. 4, 1961) is the 44th President of the United States, and previously served as a first-term Democratic Senator from Illinois (2005-2008). Obama and his running mate Senator Joseph Biden won the presidential election[7] after 23 months of campaigning that spent over $700 million,[8] much of it raised from undisclosed or fraudulent donors.[9] Obama spent far more per vote than McCain did: Obama spent $7.39 per vote, while McCain spent only $5.78 per vote.[10]"
talk about another dude with some hazy life details, i can understand the skepticism to a certain extent. but more than that, they are just brutally bashing the living hell out of this guy, no pun intended. and all because he's *gasp* a democrat. i feel bad for him really, if half the stuff they say about his past is true. a rough life, and now given the helm of a country aimed straight at the gutter, with little to no help, not much experience, and a bunch of people constantly accusing him of being a muslim, kenyan, indonesian terrorist. the only thing i'd probably accuse him of would be getting in over his head. beyond that, does it really matter? soetoro was his stepfather - so, nonbiological (not that it would matter anyway). and barry's just a boring name. and, given the constitutional stipulation for the separation of church and state, along with the freedom of religion, he is perfectly allowed to be muslim if he wants to. his being muslim (not that he is, necessarily, but just for the sake of argument) should not affect his governmental policies and decisionmaking in any way, just as it was so HORRIBLY AGAINST THE CONSTITUTION for president bush to allow his christianity to influence his procedures while in office. not that bush was a bad guy. he was nice, wanted to be liked by people, made me laugh and feel good about myself. i have no problem with that. but, once again, perhaps he was just in a little too far over his head.
"As President Obama has pushed for establishing a Palestinian state over the objection of Israel's Prime Minister,[11] inclusion of Turkey in the European Union[12] and holding Guantanamo detainees indefinitely without trial.[13]"
this is not even a complete sentence. if you're trying to make an encyclopedia, that is unacceptable.
"Obama's budget and stimulus bill advanced his socialist idea of 'spreading the wealth.'[14] [15] His health care plan would force employers to purchase health care or pay a fine and will force many into a poorly run single payer system.[16] To announce his trip to Berlin in July 2008, Obama used posters which show a marked similarity to posters of Lenin and Che Guevara.[17][18] During Obama's youth in Hawaii, he developed a strong, almost Father/Son relationship with Frank Marshall Davis, a high level Communist Party functionary[19] while Obama has stated that his favorite professors in school were themselves Marxists. "
well, add socialist, marxist, and communist to the list, i suppose. and if he was born in kenya, as they would seem to believe, then why and how does he get to hawaii to promptly find himself a mentor to aid in developing his innate communist tendencies?
i could keep going, but i think that's more than enough. i do like some of the subheadings in the article though:
-Obamunism
-Barack Obama's Uncharitableness/Liberal Elitism, and Social Darwinism
-Early Life - Birth certificate controversy
-Obama is likely the first Muslim President
^^^ okay, hang on right there. i have to read some of this.
"The argument that Obama is a Muslim includes:
* Obama declared in prepared remarks, 'The United States has been enriched by Muslim Americans. Many other Americans have Muslims in their families or have lived in a Muslim-majority country - I know, because I am one of them.'[109]"
oh yeah, this is good. the first sentence of the quote is just a simple statement. end sentence, move on to the next one. subject of the sentence is "many other americans". so, saying "i am one of them" is in no way incriminating - although, neither is being muslim. also note the bolded words that they carefully selected, while once again ignoring the standard grammatical rules of the english language.
i'll stop ranting now, but it is pretty interesting stuff. i highly advise checking it out for yourself.
went to a party last night for handyman matters. got pretty drunk. said some things i shouldn't have, but for the most part i don't think anyone really cared. they know bruce, so it's not too surprising.
lions suck. again, not surprising. i've never really gotten into football, though. i enjoy watching, but i'm not invested in any way. it's just something to do.
don't know what to do with the rest of my day. probably just screw around online. maybe read a book or something. pretty lame day.
Suburban days, they last so long,
In shop and office,
We sing our song we all sing...
We ain't got nothing, nothing to do,
A big fat nothing, Nothing for me, Nothing for you...
Suburban dreams, Just out of reach,
Work til you die, that's what they teach you at school,
With that in mind, what's there to lose?
My friends and I, doped up on tv fags and booze.
Hear them all singing...
[CHORUS:]
We're the ones that you've forgotten,
But we will not be denied,
Coming out of the shadows,
We rock the satellites!
Suburban Nights, They get so hot,
People get angry, We sing our song we all sing...
A Global terror they say, We are at war,
But I ain't got time for that cos,
These bills keep dropping through my door
[CHORUS:]
We're the ones that you've forgotten,
Out of mind, out of sight,
Coming out of the shadows,
We rock the satellites!
All these people who, criticize us,
We're only saying what we're seeing with our own eyes..
This one way system, It ain't - It ain't paradise,
Not everybody, Wants to race, wants to fight...
Hear them all singin...
[CHORUS:]
We're the ones that you've forgotten,
But we will not be denied,
Coming out of the shadows,
We rock the satellites!
We're the ones that you've forgotten,
Out of mind out of sight,
Coming out of the shadows,
Coming live via satellite...
I think my Ego has some issues to talk to me about. Its growing too big for its own good. Its attempts to satisfy both my superego and id just fails. It overcompensates both and ends up rushing into recovery mode. The superego and the id just end up bashing the ego together making a mess in my head. Neither of the two parts is getting what it wants because the ego fucked up. It doesnt know how to tag things on one side and make the other end understand its meaning. This sersious lack of inner correspondence is my fault. My black hole. Every problem it eats only makes the hole grow and become worse.
When do i get my cut in this process? when do i get to let go of the leash making this mess?
If you want me to just cut my losses and start over, then fucking give me a sign about what to do once Ive cut and run.
::
2009 9 October :: 7.54pm
:: Music: Gossip- Heavy Cross
We can play it safe, or play it cool/ Follow the leader, or make up all the rules/ Whatever you want, the choice is yours/ So choose...
Last night I found myself begging Paul to agree to move out of state.
I'm feeling restless again.... it's time to make a change.
::
2009 8 October :: 8.24am
:: Music: The Killers- Read My Mind
I never really gave up on/ Breakin' out of this two-star town./ I got the green light/ I got a little fight/ I'm gonna turn this thing around.
on the corner of main street
just tryin' to keep it in line
you say you wanna move on and
you say I'm falling behind
can you read my mind?
can you read my mind?
I never really gave up on
breakin' out of this two-star town
I got the green light
I got a little fight
I'm gonna turn this thing around
can you read my mind?
can you read my mind?
The good old days
the honest man
the restless heart
the promised land
a subtle kiss
that no one sees
a broken wrist
and a big trapeze
Oh well I don't mind
if you don't mind
coz I don't shine
if you don't shine
before you go
can you read my mind?
it's funny how you just break down
waitin' on some sign
I pull up to the front of your driveway
with magic soakin' my spine
can you read my mind?
can you read my mind?
The teenage queen
the loaded gun
the drop dead dream
the chosen one
a southern drawl
a world unseen
a city wall
and a trampoline
Oh well I don't mind
if you don't mind
coz I don't shine
if you don't shine
before you jump
tell me what you find
when you read my mind
Slippin in my faith
until I fall
He never returned that call
woman, open the door
don't let it sting
I wanna breathe that fire again
She said
I don't mind
if you don't mind
coz I don't shine
if you don't shine
put your back on me
put your back on me
put your back on me
The stars are blazing
like rebel diamonds
cut out of the sun
can you read my mind?