joslyn_julia
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2005 11 June :: 10.36pm
hello despondence.
here i am again.
i hope to leave soon, never to behold your dark embrace again
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joslyn_julia
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2005 11 June :: 10.02pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: the smiths-- asleep
so i am really out of it again. i want to sleep, don't wake me up, i don't want to eat. just sleep and ignore the world around me. it turns out rei has a girlfriend. that would have been nice to know when he was telling me that i am beautiful and blah blah blah.
i am such a fucking stupid child. why would anyone like me, and why did i actually believe that he would seriously mean any of what he told me. he was just trying to get tips. fuck, i hate being alone and i want to have something so much that it hurts.
i was all by myself at the coffee shop, so i finished my drink and left to come home and just broke down in tears. i don't want to wake up on my own anymore. i scratched and dug my nails into my arm just to release this hurt. make it go away....
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joslyn_julia
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2005 9 June :: 4.59pm
so i can't help but think. how the fuck am i going to get my computer??
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joslyn_julia
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2005 9 June :: 4.23pm
so i just talked to my room mate and she definitly rocks. she is in track and she is really nice.
god. i am excited for college!
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joslyn_julia
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2005 9 June :: 3.40pm
:: Music: Bright Eyes- Lua
Food at last
so i am now a vegitarian, but my parents wouldn't get me food to eat... so i just went and bought food. unfrotunatley none of it is all too healthy and it mostly consists of breakfast. so i can eat lots of breakfast and veggie dogs and veggie buffalo wings w/ blue cheese.
haha. if i could only give up dairy too... i guess i will have to wait until i am in the big city that i can go and eat like california rolls and shit.
oh, i will be so pretty by the time school starts. i will find love
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joslyn_julia
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2005 8 June :: 3.08pm
i love having a pool
i love working out, and i love the possibility of getting some
3 comments |
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joslyn_julia
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2005 5 June :: 11.05pm
so, i am that girl
you know, the perfect girl... the one that nobody notices because they are too full of shit looking at outward apearances.
when really, deep down, the only thing i want is to care for someone
to be the person who they run to everynight, just because it was the best comfort they can get. i want to listen, i want to feel. i want to be heard and i want to love again, is there anyone who will let me love them??
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joslyn_julia
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2005 5 June :: 10.30pm
so, the open house went well. kells stopped by, as did lizzy, pj, chris, lisa and some others.
i went and saw rei afterwards, and then again today.
he called me darling. i want to just like listen to him all day, because i just like being around him. he is a nice mysterious guy. and a very hot one. haha. yeah. any ways.... i am very excited about this summer.
i am now a vegitarian (for you kids that don't know) and also i am going to start modeling again, here sometime this summer. starting next month with my test shots to update my portfolio and jessica's photography portfolio. haha, yeah they might get me a wedding dress, and rei said he would be the groom, if we paid him to, so he can pay his bills. haha, that was a very odd and random situation done more in jest than actually being serious. fuck me. i love grand rapids and MS75
i look forward to me being a party girl all summer.
i love the summer, and i will love this fall even more so.
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joslyn_julia
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2005 30 May :: 3.49pm
so... my cat died last night
i am really sad because i have had her since i was little but she was really old and i know she was in alot of pain, so on that note things are better for her.
in other news, my open house is next saturday (June 4th-be there) and like none of the house stuff that has to be done is done so.... we gotta bust some ass.
8 comments |
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joslyn_julia
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2005 26 May :: 4.46pm
so, i feel better now.
hardly, but still better
tonight is the last.... i can't wait to not have it all looming over my head.
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joslyn_julia
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2005 26 May :: 12.18pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Bright Eyes-- First Day of My Life
so i had like a total breakdown in dufty's class, it just came out of like nowhere when i got to school this morning how much i seriously want to leave this town. If i had more gas in the car, and more money i think i would have just fled. the whole ending high school and "beginning life" thing is such a lie. i have been working for a long time and a helluva lot harder than most others but i still don't get paid for what i do. i put in soo much extra time at work but newbies who can't do shit get paid more than me. ah fuck. and i am just "beginning". fuck that. i want september here now.
i want college, and vegetarianism and to be rediculously good looking in chicago. i want the REAL real world. not cedar springs, and not the falsity that occurs here.
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joslyn_julia
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2005 23 May :: 8.55pm
so for those of you who have seen my house and are coming to my open house, alot has changed. i hope you like it. <3
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joslyn_julia
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2005 23 May :: 12.20pm
you people disgust me
6 comments |
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joslyn_julia
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2005 23 May :: 12.12pm
hi, this is an updayt.
i met a cute boy, and i scared rei. oops
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joslyn_julia
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2005 16 May :: 5.40pm
i don't care what they say, you were the only one....
the only one who at least pretended to care
1 comment |
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