joslyn_julia
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2005 23 March :: 3.50pm
Woohuuu...
i want to dance whenever i look at my icon. lol.
i am soooo tired, and i missed lizzers today. :( Blh. i am trying to catch up on everything since my gpa has been sorta dropping, even though i still try with everything, maybe just not enough because i am bored with it all. oh well spring break is next week.
so apparently jamie wants to bone me or sumthing because he tried to drag me into an office and 'relieve me of my tension'. idk about that whole situation tho.... gotta keep thing strictly business, and i want to have him photograph me so... we will see.
any suggestions?
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joslyn_julia
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2005 22 March :: 7.53pm
well i am crispy.
i wore a skirt, and got lots of compliments
jamie wanted me to take it off and walk around in my skivies and my thigh highs
and after school i made kells smile.
my day is always made when i can get that kid to smile, because he is only so 'content'.
lol.
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joslyn_julia
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2005 21 March :: 4.21pm
:: Mood: determined
:: Music: Cake-- Love you madly
i have been pretty happy lately, but things have been odd. i um probably got a detention because i was trying to help tanya slim jim her car, and it took the whole class period for us to still not get it done. and then kelly was nice and brought me home....
last night i got grounded. we will see how that works out. lol. me grounded yeah right.
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joslyn_julia
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2005 20 March :: 9.27pm
i was at work for like 13 hours yesterday. my body hurts everywhere from it. and i am soo exhausted.
i was reading esquire and it is flippin awesome, every guy should read it. well not cedar guys because they wouldn't understand it, so every business guy should read it.
also i love nylon magazine
and
I WANT TO LOVE YOU MADLY.... *starts dancing* haha, yeah. my life feels like such a movie. lol
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joslyn_julia
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2005 18 March :: 4.16pm
everything is so well understood but i keep getting confused
fuck, i am tired.
stephen (steven?) is really nice, he amuses me. silly freshman.
real tired. i guess that is all i have to say
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joslyn_julia
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2005 17 March :: 6.17pm
:: Mood: anxious
here is my infinate question:
WHAT IF.....
2 comments |
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joslyn_julia
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2005 17 March :: 5.27pm
i feel so much better.
things are calm, today f*ing rawked
and yeah, i just really can't wait until we don't have school.
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joslyn_julia
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2005 17 March :: 8.17am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: The Eagles- Take it easy
Soo sorry.
thanks to who ever posted, but now i am more confused than ever. i should learn to put my foot in my mouth and not speak without thinking things through. i may have lost something that would have been great, but i may have saved myself from having to deal with a whole lot. idk anymore.
i will be here unsure for another 2 months. i'm sorry about my rage.
i would take it all back, just to be your friend, and only your friend.
1 comment |
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joslyn_julia
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2005 16 March :: 5.00pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: some mirror song from broadway
so, i started to work out to calm down
and then i got a head ache and wanted to puke
now i want to puke and sleep,
i feel so flippin wore out
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joslyn_julia
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2005 16 March :: 4.01pm
in all honesty, i am sick of this bull shit.
i am done. there is no tomorrow with you,
i want nothing to do with you, i don't want to even talk to you unless you have something worthwhile to say
i say things out of anger, but if it is always going to me like this
you don't deserve me.
you could have had the best of me, emotionally
i am caring and giving and supportive
but you are all fucking assholes who are unworthy of my fucking time
i'll be 18 next month, i can do whatever the fuck i want
and when i leave in 2 months you better know i will be so fucking glad to go.
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joslyn_julia
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2005 16 March :: 3.54pm
for my sake i would like it if everyone who reads my journal would leave me a llist of my pro's and con's.
you can post anon. it doesn't matter, because i want to know what you think.
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joslyn_julia
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2005 15 March :: 10.15pm
:: Music: Seether- Gasoline
i made chocolate chunk cookies and all of my friends get one, but mainly i made them for chad so he will maybe behave for once. lol, doubtful but worth a shot. i don't think i will see him tomorrow and it may be soo good not to, because i still don't want to deal with any of it.
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joslyn_julia
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2005 15 March :: 6.36pm
In response
i am looking for happiness, and someone to care for maybe someone to care about me
i could have been the best anyone could ever have. not like i am going anywhere or something but i seriously, might just quit iwth it. i odn't even feel like going to prom, and i wish i could take back my dress and just sleep. it could have been so much fun but why should i waste my time. it is only going to be one more dance that i don't have a date for, and one more crappy HS memory.
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joslyn_julia
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2005 15 March :: 3.31pm
well, that was a nice trip down memory lane.
i just went back and read a bunch of my past entries, and guess what i am just as fucked up now as i was then, if not more so.
except now i know that i won't get that guy who loves me that i am always dreaming about, just a friend that i am supposed to settle on talking too, not fooling around with. i get nothin.
no dice. i need something now, i have to find it. i am going to get messed up again, all of my old habits have slowly been resurfacing.
fuck
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joslyn_julia
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2005 15 March :: 2.54pm
:: Mood: empty
:: Music: Incubus- Here in my room
God is empty, so am i
if i am beautiful, i don't see it
i feel empty. god is empty.
fate is out to get me, not really but maybe
i will ruin myself in the end
there is no sleep for the wicked, that's what they keep saying
i sleep everynight, but i am bad.
bad wicked empty and feeling alone.
this is just one of those days, i can't feel the happiness
i hear the words. i have nothing to say
i can't push you, the motivation is here but you are blind
i won't find love
i'm too messed up. life is too queer.
i feel like it's all against me, have i turned my back it?
no, maybe. i can't be sure with my head in the clouds
but i am back. i can't have what i want, because i will never deserve it
i only deserve the tears, that's all i have ever been good for.
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