tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 24 August :: 11.59am
:: Mood: Playful
Lunga
I have a date tomorrow and Saturday if everything works out right.Lunga's gonna come from Durban tomorrow afternoon,then we are probably going to dinner and a movie,or maybe we will play pool I don't know.Then I might take her to this poetry thing they are having at club Night Shift tomorrow.Then she's spending the night and I don't know what we are doing on saturday.The whole spending the night thing's freaking me out a little.I mean it's not a big deal because I have no intention of anything happening,but it still somehow freaks me out for unexplainable reasons.Plus she's so cute!temptation temptation.
She's very little too.She's shorter than me(not really by much maybe an inch).She has really short hair,just a fuzz.She's lightish but not very very light(I don't really like this pattern of me repeatedly being with light skinned girls.I don't choose it though).And she's just small in general.Not thin but small.I don't know how to explain it.She's a tomboy if there was ever a name for one.Really funny.I like her.Or at least I like her company and that's good enough.She's going out of her way to come see me(45minutes)so I really appreciate that.
We will see how it all turns out.
For my birthday we are going to Durban for the weekend(Thursday through Sunday).On thursday and friday we are going to the Club(Roman Lounge this gay club),the saturday we are going to the beach for a Braai(bbq).And then sunday we are going to the market.I'm pretty excited.I have to say this is going to be the best birthday ever.I'm going to take a crap load of pictures to remember it by.Lunga's gonna come to the club with us.I don't know if I'm going to be staying with her(probably not) or staying in a hostel.I think I'd rather not stay with her actually.
This is getting too serious
lol
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 23 August :: 3.02pm
What Is Love?
What Is Love?
What is love
But constant strife
The broken wing of a dove
Who cannot move on with life
What is Love
But constant pain
constricts my heart,a glove
with nothing to gain
Shall I weep?
Shall I weep?
I'd rather the lord
My soul to keep
This is a poem I wrote today.It had me thinking.I'm not really the religious type but somehow the ending fit.And it's not really necessarily about me.I don't really have a lot to say except the Lunga and are hopefully going on a date this weekend and also maybe on my birthday(The Roman Longe).The Roman Lounge should be fun.It's a gay club in Durban.Pretty popular.My birthday's gonna be loads of fun
cheers
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 21 August :: 10.49am
Gay and Lesbian Film Festival
I went to the GLBTI Alliance Network of Pietermaritzburg's annual film festival on saturday afternoon.The films started at 5:30p.m,then around 7ish there was a free braai(BBQ),then after the Braai there were more films(they showed a whole season of Noah's Arc!!!!)and then after the films were done there was an after party at the Kismet Hotel and free beer and transportation was provided.I think it was the best time I've had since I've been here.I made a lot of connections with lesbians that live around here,I danced my ass off,got a little bit tipsy,and met a girl.Well two girls actually but I gave the wrong number to one of them by accident.Oh well it doesn't really matter because I like Lunga.I really like her.And she really likes me.We danced together pretty much the whole night.At some point during a slow song I told her I thought she was cute.She said likewise,then told me that she was going to try and talk to me but that one of my friends had told her that I had a girlfriend.We exchanged numbers,and she text me the next morning to tell me that the song we were dancing to was playing that morning.how cute.lol.
The only problem is that she lives in Durban and I live in Pietermaritzburg.They are really not that far apart,only 45minutes by car and 3hrs by bus but still.I don't know about the whole long distance thing.
Yesterday I hung out with one of Janice's friend from Pysch,her girlfriend,her girlfriend's cousin,two cubans,one brazillian,and two other girls at a bar called StageCoach.It was very nice.I had a great time,Janine payed for all my drinks,and we spent a long time discussing lesbian matters.Like how she knew I was gay when she saw me(that's the third time I've been told that?????)and how she wasn't sure so she and her girlfriend decided(in the bathroom nonetheless)to ask me what I think of the boys here.lol.I knew right away she was gay.She's pretty obvious.Her girlfriend not so much.She was asking me if I had met any other white lesbians here and I said no that I had just met the black ones the day before.Before that Phili invited me and Janice to her place for dinner and she cooked for us.It was delicious.She made spaghetti and meat sauce.yummy.
All in all I would have to say that South Africa is proving to be the best decision I ever made in my life.
And I,for one,have made some pretty fucked up decisions
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 17 August :: 10.47am
I got shit faced drunk yesterday,cried and lamented my obvious demise.That being I'm lonely and miss my cat
sigh
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 16 August :: 12.23pm
I miss it
I need to stop smoking.My memory is shot to hell right now.I couldn't even remember one of my closest friend's name for like two minutes.It's horrible.And the shit they have here makes me so tired.I'm always sleeping and not getting up for classes because I just lose my ambition and I'm always so tired.So I'm gonna only smoke on saturdays.And I'm definitely gonna stop smoking cigarettes.That shit is wack anyways.It doesn't compare to Black and Milds.I had another crazy ass dream last night.It was insane.It's probably becuase of the fucking spliff too.In it I was a criminal on the run,and I got to meet whoopi Goldberg and that was nice.it must have been my dying wish or something becuase immediately after that I had a gun cocked to my head...but the person didn't shoot me.craziness.
I wanna feel the softness of a female body next to me at night when I go to sleep...
I miss it
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 15 August :: 12.12pm
Rant
I had a dream that I was at a wedding chapel getting ready to get married to one of the study abroad girls Cara.I don't really know what else to say about this except that she is hot.
Distance DOES NOT make the heart grow distant.sigh
Why is it my luck that I would fall for an Asexual girl?why?Of the one percent of the population who are Asexual,why did she have to be part of it?
I'm done
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2006 12 August :: 12.17pm
Durban
Thursday was Hip-Hop Free Style Thursday at The Big Chill.It was pretty cool to see all these guys come out and spit their rhymes.There's something so different about South African rap.Maybe because it's not full of money and bullshit,it's genuine.Me and two other girls went,and at first we were the only girls amongst over thirty guys.It was fun though.We played pool(which is only 2rand here.2 rand equals like 25cents!)and I won 4 out of 5 games.Yes I know I'm a shark.I played against guys too and I still won.But some of those guys were ridiculously good at it.Amandla was there,but I made a point to ignore her.We said hello to each other at some point,smoked a cigarette,then she invited me to this performance she is having at the downtain museum on the 19th.I might not go.
Yesterday Phili invited me to her poetry thing and I went.It was nice.Phili is such an activist.She told me she would come see me before she went to play basketball but she never came.A couple of the girls had decided that they wanted to go to Durban to spend the weekend there,so they had left on thursday.I wasn't going to go,becuase they planned on spending a shit load of money that I did not have to spend.Lucky for me one of our male friends decided that he was gonna go to Durban as well so he gave three of us a ride there.It was beautiful.New York but so much less hard and gritty.We went to a place called Bean Bag Bohemia that had a great atmosphere.I ordered a Vodka and Red Bull,my new favorite drink,smoked a few cigarettes,and sat back,relaxed,and listened to everyone talk.I was in a chill mood that night.After Bean Bag we went to De La Soul,a bar/club.It was very upscale.We felt disgustingly underdressed compared to the other girls there,but we didn't know.We received many dirty stares.I ordered a cosmo,watched MTV on their flat screen,smoked some cigs and watched girls prance around in various states of undress.
Overall I had a very nice time in Durban.It really is beautiful.It's only a few feet above sea level,so my ears popped a lot on the drive there.I was the only one that came back with Desmond at 2a.m in the morning.Everyone else stayed .I like how quiet it is now without everyone here.
Last night I had a dream.I don't really want to get into what happened so much as I want to point out something.In it,we were friends again.
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 8 August :: 4.45pm
just a little taste
I washed clothes today and hung them up outside in the backyard...talk about going back to my roots.lol.I love it though.The washing machine and the dryer are both free for us,which is great.I love Lodge.That's the dorm I live in.It's so quaint and historic and beautiful.I have to take a picture of it.Today I'm going to a BBQ.They are apparently very popular here.This time it's bring your own Braai(meat).So I bought a big ass piece of chicken,already seasoned.I can't wait to be high,drunk,and just overall merry.
Plus tomorrow is Woman'd Day over here,which is apparently a really big day.We have no classes,and various women are going to be speaking.One of the new friends I've made Philli,is going to be speaking about why domestic violence still persists.She's a post grad student,very intelligent,loves to play basketball.She's good at it too.If you can't tell I think I might have a minute crush on her.I don't want to be the rebound though.She and her ex-girlfriend just broke up.It was pretty messy too.Shaking my head.Lesbian drama persists everywhere.
I was considering asking Amandla to the movies tonight,but then the Braai came up.So then I was considering inviting her to the Braai,but I don't know.I asked Philli if it's ok to be the first to call her even though she technically asked for my number.She said to stop with the bullshit and just ask her.lol.I don't know.We'll see
ta ta for now
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 4 August :: 1.56pm
Sindi
And,as promised,a picture of Sindi.I will take it down eventually of course,but I wanted you,dear friend,dear reader,to see what a beautiful girl South Africa had the luck to create.
taken down. : (
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 4 August :: 1.36pm
Amandla
It was totally random how I met her.But I will start from the beginning.I was at Mginty's(the local watering hole).She was with a group of friends right next to my table.We made eye contact and she winked at me.I wondered what that meant.Could she tell I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen?Throughout the whole night she kept making eye contact with me.I couldn't resist I was enthralled.She is so beautiful.Long Dread Locs.A nose ring.Small stature that fits her perfectly.I finally said hello to her and smiled.She responded,then she and her friends left.We remained at the bar until it closed.Throughout the night I couldn't keep her off my mind.At the time I didn't know her name.I was determined to see her again,and I figured Mginty's would be it.No such luck.A couple of days passed by.
Yesterday we decided we were going to the campus bar to drink and smoke.It's called the Big Chill.Yes original right?Went in the back sat down and started smoking.We spotted a cop and hid the blunt.He came up to us and asked us what we were doing.We said we were just smoking a cigarette.He snorted.He knew what we were doing but he couldn't do anything about it.He left finally,but us Americans were too shook up to continue the process.It didn't really matter,because at that point I was already feeling good and was in my own little world.So I didn't really notice at first that somebody had spoken.She said,"so we meet again."It was the mystery girl.So beautiful with her locs down.She was with her friend.She smiled at me and I smiled at her,then I felt myself reaching out to shake her hand as I said,"We never really met formally.My name is Freda." "Nice to meet you Freda," she said, "I'm Amandla." I told her that was a beautiful name and she said likewise,then giggled.She said my name like it was the most beautiful thing that she had ever heard.I was blushing furiously.She and her friends sat down(a skinny light-skinned boy who liked to be called Simple,and a cute little baby dyke named sizza or some such name.it fit her perfectly).We made eye contact frequently throughout the night and she smiled at me.I couldn't help blushing and smiling back.Finally it was time to leave.We were going to Mginty's,as usual.I didn't want to leave without saying anything to her,so I went up to say goodbye,but before I could speak she said, "so when are we meeting up again Freda?"I was momentarily speechless,enthralled by the way my name rolled off her accented tongue.I stuttered as I responded that we were going to Mginty's.She wanted to know if we could chill tomorrow.I tried to contain my excitement.I told her that I was going to club Night Shift.She said, "why don't we exchange numbers Freda?Is that ok with you?" So we exchanged numbers and then I left.
Seated at my favorite spot at Mginty's ,right next to the torches,I could barely stop from staring at the spot I had seen her in the other day when I first noticed her.
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 3 August :: 6.01pm
I've smoked almost every day since I got here.What's that say about me and what's that say about SA?It's so cheap here!!!it's so cheap we get it for free.lol.crazy I know
Our kitchen has a balcony where we can sit and smoke a cigarette.We bought an ashtray for it.From the balcony you can see the mountains that surrounds the whole of PZB.When the sun's setting it's breathtaking.So beautiful.
There's a club here called the Feral Cat Project.You find homeless cats,you feed them till they trust you,you grab them and bring them to campus and the vet neuters them,then you let them out and keep feeding them.The cat's end up staying becuase they are being fed.As a result there's a shit load of cats running around campus,especially around my dorm area.I'm planning on joining that club soon.
I'm so homesick.When I'm not with all the other students who came with me I feel so alone and so different.I've already made friends because that's just my nature but still.That culture shock is hitting me hard.I miss my bestfriend,I miss my parents,my sisters,Jody,everybody.I miss the familiarity of my surroundings.Woe is me.sigh
On the other hand PZB is soo beautiful and I think it was the best decision I ever made in my life.I've been able to get away from all the shit that was dragging me down.They say you shouldn't run away from your problems but in this case it was necessary.I'm getting lots and lots of exercise(whew) and fresh air.There's nothing better than this
Or is there?
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 2 August :: 10.38am
Sindy
Classes started over here and I already feel behind.lol.Well not really but it's just a little fast paced.The great thing is that all the classes are 45minutes long and I typically have three classes a day and 1 class on fridays in the afternoon.All my classes are done by 2p.m.I know crazy right?But I love it.Most of my classes start at 7:45a.m though which is a killer!I already missed three classes today.not good.
Yesterday we went to go see "Cars" at the movie theater for two bucks each.there was like 15 of us.it was a cute movie.We don't get to watch television here(nope no tv)so watching some cartoons was nice.
I'm still a little homesick but it's called culture shock and I guess I'm not over it yet.
I met the most beautiful girl.You won't believe me until I post a picture of her.So beautiful.Then I met her friend who just broke up with her girlfriend and is going through some rough times.This same friend happens to be my friend in the U.S's friend.So random.The world is so small.
But this girl.Yes.Sindy with an S.Beautiful.I met her at the bar she works at.My gay friend Brian told her that I was interested in her,she smiled and called me over to talk to her privately(as opposed to in front of the 6 or more people that was at out table).She lives in my dorm Lodge.I cannot explain to you how beautiful she is.I just have to post a picture of her.Which I will do soon.
So far everything's going very well.I sort of don't want to leave.There are so many hot gay girls here.sooo many.Everywhere on campus and off campus.I don't want to leave.lol.I'm happy here.The simplicity,the slowness with which things move.The beautiful people.
I haven't left yet and I already miss it
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 30 July :: 2.49pm
:: Mood: sad
I'm feeling just a little bit homesick...
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 29 July :: 4.46pm
I've only been here for a couple of days and already I have met som gay people,kissed a girl,and been to the best club ever.I love South Africa
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 27 July :: 6.00pm
:: Mood: happy
I've never done so much walking in my life before.I had really bad jetlag yesterday so after dinner at the el sombrero(I had steak which was delicious) I went straight to sleep.They have no black and milds here so I've picked up a cigarette habit.Not.Good.And the girl I hang out with is a chimney.Speaking of girls...
Mandy is beautiful
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 26 July :: 4.13pm
South Africa
I'm in South Africa.It's beautiful here.I can see mountains from my window.I'm excited.I'll post more later
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 23 July :: 9.07am
:: Mood: contemplative
I'm about to leave for church and I figured I'd do a quick update.Today is 'D' day.I gotta finish packing.I feel like I've been packing for days with no end in sight.And I don't even have a lot of things!
Yesterday me and my parents went out to eat and on the way there we were trying to figure out why the itenirary for the hotel me and my friend booked said one single bed in the room.Then my mom was like "who would think to book two girls in the same room on one bed.who would think two girls were a couple?" then my father said "Sally,the world is changing(then he laughed merrily).And South Africa is very gay friendly."
First I didn't know my father knew that South Africa was like that and second he didn't sound judgemental in any way when he was talking about it.He was very lively and open-minded.It gives me so much hope that they won't disown my ass a second time when I tell them.lol
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 22 July :: 9.05am
:: Mood: tired
I started packing yesterday night.I stayed up till 3a.m and I'm still not even close to finishing.I'm tired but I have so much crap on my mind I can't stay asleep for long.I've been up since 8:30.I have to go to the bank,then to the mall with my bestfriend,then come back and continue packing,then I might be going to the movies with my friend tonight.Sunday I'm not going anywhere except for maybe to church with my parents.I have to make sure everything's packed and ready.My room looks a big mess right now cause I'm getting ready to wash clothes and there's just stuff everywhere.I hate packing I really do
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 21 July :: 10.46am
Time
I don't like the sound of a ticking clock
it reminds me of times that have past
of things done of faces seen of feelings had
of pain that cut deeper than any knife ever had
or a paper cut
so deep it surpasses my
subcataneous fat and reaches to the bone
seeps into the marrow until it becomes part of my beating
heart
ticking along mocking me
as if to say
i will not let you forget
time keeps in footstep to my every stride it's like a shadow
time has carved weariness a long my shoulder till it
haunches over
like an old lady it has weakened my spine
time has made me grow like mold on a rotten fruit
redering it impalatible
I have grown sour from time
time has become my enemy
like the changing of moon to sun moon to sun
I run away from time
but with my every move and my every
groove
there's the hands of time mocking me
as if to say
wait,you cannot run away from me
only I can make your pain go away
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TapDanceOverYourHeart
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2006 21 July :: 10.16am
My sister left me a message on myspace saying how much she'll miss me when I'm gone.I was so touched.She doesn't say a lot and she's not really good at expressing emotion but when she says something I know she means it.I'm going to miss her too
I went to the Colloseum Night Club yesterday.I think I had more fun than I ever did before while there.It was me and three of my friends.Leanna got pissed ass drunk and spent most of the night feeling up my breasts and giving me a lap dance,not that I mind,but it has been a while since you know...
I'm really glad that Jody and Leanna planned it as my going away "party" it was very nice of them and I was very touched.I took lots of pictures so that I won't get so homesick when I leave.
I went shopping with my mom yesterday to buy things that I need for the trip mostly toiletries and a throw blanket for the plane cause my mom said the ones they give you are dirty and not soft. I also bought a watch, a shirt, and two pairs of comfortable shoes from Target.I'm going to my best friend's bbq today then she and I are going clothes shopping tomorrow.
two and a half more days till I leave
p.s sometimes something sparks my thinking process but I don't know how to put down what I'm thinking in my head.
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tapdanceoveryourheart
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2006 19 July :: 10.54pm
Visa
I received my visa today.I'm leaving for South Africa on Monday at 12:30.I'm nervous and apprehensive and excited all at the same time.People I wouldn't even have expected to called me or left me a message saying goodbye and that they will miss me.I was very touched.
I bought a digital camera to capture all the memories.It's a sony.Over 400bucks spent but it was worth it honestly.I can store over 500pictures on there.I don't even think i'm going to take that much pictures.I'm not really a picture person.
All I have left to do is to relax.Tomorrow I'm going to the movies(sneaking into two and paying for one...yes three movies lol),and hopefully I'll be going to Wal-Mart to buy some toilettries and padlock for the safe they provide in the rooms.Then friday my best friend's having a bbq.so I'll go to that after I go to the mall to buy some clothes.Then saturday I'm gonna start packing everything then afterwards I'm gonna go to the mall to finish reading Model Student.Then sunday's church and finishing packing and staying up as late as possible so that I'll be able to knock out on the plane for as long as possible.
wow.I don't want to go...
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2006 18 July :: 2.12am
:: Music: movie:Tsotsi
I just saw a movie: Tsotsi.I would recommend everyone watch it.It was wonderful.I'll get into more details tomorrow
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2006 17 July :: 5.23pm
I'm going to Jamaica!I'm going to Jamaica!I'm so excited.After I come back from South Africa(November 27th hopefully) I'm leaving for Jamaica right after that for a month with my best friend.We are staying at her grandmothers house so we don't have to pay for a hotel room.Yes.I'm so excited.South Africa,Botswana,Namibia,Zimbabwe,Mozambique,Jamaica!!!!6countries.I'm so excited.
7more days to go till I'm outta here
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2006 17 July :: 1.27am
sometimes the hardest thing is to tell yourself the truth
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2006 16 July :: 9.17pm
:: Music: Book: Citizen Girl
I know this might sound nerdy and I don't really care but I love to read.I really do.I've forgotten how enjoyable it is to just get sucked into a book.In the past two weeks I've read almost four books.Mostly becuase I have a lot of time on my hands.I've missed it so much.Ever since I came to college I haven't really had time to sit and just read,read,read,which is what I'm most good at.If there was a job where all you had to do was read constantly,I'd be perfect for it.I'm reading this new book Citizen Girl that my oldest sister gave me to read.It's so good and humurous at the same time.It makes me really nervous about the work world though.All the bullshit bureacracy that you have to deal with once you enter it.All the kissing up,all the late nights.It's like slavery all over again,except for a paycheck that barely leaves you able to take care of your family.
Today this girl I used(used to)like asks me to braid her hair.At this moment as I'm typing I have gotten into an argument with her over the phone becuase she wants her hair done this minute and I told her no becuase I was supposed to have been done her hair.Every day she says she's coming and she just wastes my time.So I said no.And she has the nerve to tell me she dont know why I'm saying no since I sit on my ass all day.excuse me?Is that supposed to make me want to do her hair.Damn straight I don't do shit all day.I deserve that shit.Basically the point of the story is that I'm very proud of myself becuase I told her no and didn't back down and frankly don't give a fuck what she thinks about that.It's so exhilirating.
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