theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2006 9 January :: 4.15pm
:: Mood: melancholy
I get knocked down; but i get up again.
you know i seriously dont care anymore.. but its funny cause i say i dont but i really do.. cause just a few things bother me. but oh well i guess its a part of life. im just tired of hurting anymore with friends, family, lovers, haters.. wtf whatever; anything. i just wanna be smiling. all i do is sleep anymore; noone ever wants to do anything and thats fine.. i got used to not doing so much of anything anymore so all i like to do is lay around and sleep. jasons not here so i have nothing to do and it bothers me to see him not with me. i dunno mabey i should let go or stay up and put up with this fight and try. but im not willing to let go yet; and i dont tend on wanting to. he told me if something better comes along, take it rochelle well what the piss, i dont think anything is going to come along and it isnt like i want it to. i just dont know EVERYTHING and i mean EVERYTHING is so fucked anymore. i just want it to be the way i feel it should be
My Goals after high school..
: Moving out
: Attending a school in Colorado
: Getting a job
: Finding my own place
: Meeting new people
: Graduate from the school
: Come back home for alittle while
: Get Engaged/Married (mabey)
: Have 1 or 2 rugrats (mabey)
: Get a better job
: Have Nicer things
thats all i think about
i dunno mabey im crazy; mabey the whole school thing isnt me. i mean the only reason why i stick around in HS is so i can get into that school in CO. and make my mother proud. bleh i dunno. er
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TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere
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2006 8 January :: 1.09pm
lastnite i went out on a date with this kid jon. i dunno it was ok i suppose. i just thought about jason the whole time and thats all that ran through my mind. i dunno im pathetic. but ya me and alaina just hung out and shit. just goofed around & had a good time..haha
i love it how my 'friends' like always have something better to do than do anything with me.. its like im not being a baby but forreal i ask em' all the time HEY! u wanna do something? and there like no i cant or some bullshit and then they go out with someone else or something.. wtf, whatever
GOSH, EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKED ANYMORE i cant take it, im seriously about to crack.
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denation
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2006 8 January :: 1.15am
What a night of uber hot buffallo wings, blondes, and Becky's hooters.
I have to get up for work in three hours or so. But I don't care.
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denation
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2006 7 January :: 3.58pm
HOLY SHIT
So, I'm staring to look up classes that I am interested in or that I have to take to get my Associate in Arts degree. I have to take like, 8 english credits, 1 psychology credit and one child development credit, 8 humanities credits (most of them being psychology so that I can take Education Psych), 8 social science credits, 8 natural science and mathematics credits, an introduction to education credit, and one wellness credit (I chose first aid) over the course of two years. All I can say is that I'm going to get my ass kicked.
But I couldn't be more excited.
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denation
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2006 6 January :: 8.23pm
I don't know what to think.
I'm just... really confused.
And I'm also a bit apprehensive. I don't want to feel like shit again.
Jejuan, call me or something.
Edit: Yeah, you're right. I have to just forget about it. Besides, I have other things to focus on.
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TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere
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2006 6 January :: 3.10pm
Yeah everything fucking sucks.
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denation
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2006 4 January :: 10.01pm
I want to get a part-time job somewhere else and drop down to part-time at BK. Does that sound stupid?
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denation
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2006 4 January :: 3.16pm
:: Mood: frustrated
why does it have to be so difficult?
Okay, here's my problem. Of course, I don't want to be stuck working at some dead end job for the rest of my life. I want to go to college, GRCC to be specific. I know what I want to do too: english and secondary education. But the problem is that I just don't understand how the whole system of college works (semesters, tuition hours, majors, minors, transfer, etc.), and why it costs so much fucking money. I mean, how can anyone in their right minds afford this shit. I looked at the only thing I saw that had a price, which was tuition hours, and it said that for a resident they'd have to pay 69.50/hour of "contact" with "an instructor or tutorial or laboratory equipment." So, if a class is two hours long (or however it works, I still don't know), I'd have to pay 139 dollars?!? What the hell is that? And I assume that I'd have to have a ton of classes throughout the semesters, or however it works (still don't know). And what if I have to pay for other basic classes, like math. Does that cost an arm and a leg too? I wish there was a person I could talk to or a website I could go to that would explain the basics to me, so I could start planning on going, that's IF I can find someway to afford it. It just can't be that expensive, if so many people are going to college. Yes, anyone who understands how college works must think I'm a fucking idiot, but I'm really flustrated right now. I've been all over the GRCC website, and I still don't know anything, and it makes me feel really stupid. Just really fucking stupid. I know I NEED to go to college. I want to go to college.
Anyone who knows anything about it, please explain it to me.
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TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere
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2006 3 January :: 10.26pm
:: Music: 30 seconds to mars - beautiful lie
Lie awake in bed at night
And think about your life
Do you want to be different?
Try to let go of the truth
The battles of your youth
Cuz this is just a game
It's a beautiful lie
It's the perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful it makes me
It's time to forget about the past
To wash away what happened last
Hide behind an empty face
Don't ask too much, just say
That this is just a game
today was boring as always.
i slept like all day in school.
and i had some guys tell me they wanted to see my 'tatas'
nothing new.
but ya..
anyways. im tired; and i miss jason. i miss alot of things. haha im so dumb!
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TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere
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2006 2 January :: 4.04am
:: Mood: Sad/Tired
:: Music: Sr71- in my mind
Happy new years
My new years was alright. i didnt get to drunk lmao. but i was feeeeling good!. i went to alainas and had fun; i needed to try and get my mind off jason. didnt really work though, i balled my eyes out but ya.. so i talked to him today and i told him i needed to see him; i think alaina is takin me to see him this weekend; cause if i dont im going to go fucking insane. im to upset to do anything, i never been this choked up. but to top that all off i started to think back in the past and shit so that wasnt to good. but what a way to start off the new year right? hah. its BS i know. but i have to get to bed its 4am omfg. and i have to get up at 10 to go with alaina to bentleyville. so ya RISE AND SHINEEE! errr
i miss him so much, boy oh boy am i outta place anymore. yikes. :(
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denation
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2006 1 January :: 12.58am
2006
Happy New Year. Time to start a bunch of resoultions.
And yes, I have a ton.
And this year, I hope to actually keep half of them.
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TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere
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2005 30 December :: 11.42am
Yeah..
Jason: well regardless of what happens i still want us to be close and i still want to be around you i meen if its decided not to be together that doesnt mean me and you are going to end. id fucking go through hell before you were taken out of my life
Yeah me and him had a long convo about us.. and i dont really wanna talk about it but yeah just know im not in the best of shape. =( he just means so much to me..
Update i was reading this girl emily's xanga (the one who keeps trying to ruin things for me) and shes basically obessed with jason. so yeah i want to to kill the bitch; and not just that but she will IM me and ask me dumb shit (like its any of her buisness?) and tells me things about him that she knows (LIKE I FUCKING CARE U STUPID WHORE!!) i really dont care. just leave me alone. k?
update he said he isnt done with me.. but were not together anymore
:(:(:(
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2005 29 December :: 3.43pm
teehee
im having a good break. my baby came over tuesday but left today (so im saddd) but we had a nice time.. a very nice time ;). we went to the mall/movies with jena and kelly yesterday to see the new jim carrey movie called fun with dick and jane, we all liked it. Saturday im going to jasons house to stay then sunday were all going out to the movies (me, him, his mom, his brother and his gf). so this should be fun. lol im all nnneerrrvvvoouuuss. but yeah so excited!
i adore this kid so much! xoxo.
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denation
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2005 27 December :: 7.15pm
I finally know everything that has happened so far.
Damn you Severus Snape.
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TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere
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2005 27 December :: 12.17pm
:: Music: la la la
TODAY IS THE BESTEST DAY EVER!!
my bbbaaaabbby is coming over today; i'm so excited!!!
so i mostlikely wont be online. lol so i will update later. hes staying until thursday and im so HAPPPPY! hehehe..:):)
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