TheEdgeofYourAtmosphere
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2005 23 July :: 4.23pm
:: Mood: groggy
::phew::
[IM GUESSING I SUCK?] so cool.. i just had someone point out to me that im a bitch? all because i type what i like to say down.. and ya ill talk shit on my ex if i want to, but whats my business is my own so i really dont care what u say even if it is ignorant.. next time fill me in on who u r, okay, thanks =]
just an ordinary day for me once again. all i did today was basically feel like betty homemaker and cook, clean and be online all day, hehe. so i dont have much to write about, but i wanna share with u a song that has been stuck in my head for 3 days in a row...
dirty bitch, the messiah
scratch your itch, drug pariah
pink prick, extra blunt
gold plated, stunning cunt
heart thief, dark soul
sucks you dry, eats you whole
i hope something good happens to me sometime soon..
Ps. ozzfest is today, and i couldnt go pisssh, i hate being broke lol.
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TheEdgeofYourAtmosphere
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2005 22 July :: 5.59pm
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: Lil Wyte Ft. Josey Scott - Homicidal
well for the past few days i havent updated because ive been chillin with my cousins and a few old friends.. i had fun it was nice to get away for awhile and hit the scenery and the e-town. its been along time. i just got back from 2 days of skateboarding (well me trying anyways) and me getting broke off my ass. it was some funny shit. of course the usual bonding of the gonja and etc..stayed up all hours of the nite doing good ol' crazy crap. i saw decker yesterday for the first time in months boy ol' boy did i miss the fucker.. hes doing ok, but not the best of luck with things but hes cool; roland doesnt like him much so he didnt stick around. haha.. Ozzfest is tomorrow AND UNFORTUNANTLEY I CANNOT GOOO! FUCKING SUCKS DONKEY DICK. ugh but its ok mabey next year. hmm** i saw mike and alaina yesterday as well and of course i waved and all i got was a shitty ass mini wave with HIS fucking pinky.. wtf? is that dude.. AND I DIDNT EVEN GET A HELLO? from either of them fuck em' i dont give a fuck anymore.-- my leg is killing me, my cuz got his board swiped up from under him and i happened to be in the way.. and my leg got freakin railed. so my leg is all swollen and black&blue, oh pitty me. my mom is working on getting my my cell phone.. of couse i cant because no signs of a job piiisssh.. so she said possibly tuesday wooohooooo IM SO HAPPY!! but enough of me blubbering on and on about BS. its time for me to go clean. oh boy! lmao.
<3
Chelle
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TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere
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2005 20 July :: 2.22am
:: Mood: unstable
:: Music: Blink 182 - whats my age again
dead beat dad.
i found out my mom finally got a good lawyer, so hopefully my asshole father gets nailed pretty hard. i hate that fucker. he has done nothing but cause me and my mother suffering. now its his turn. me and my mom HAVE BEEN (not no more though) involved with CYS before because of him.. my mom gets no help from with when it comes to my needs. but fortunatey we make it, well i make it.. but my step- dad helps out and hes more of a father my real dad will ever be. i mean my real dad doesnt have to know where i am or w/e but im still his kid, he made me.. he should atleast have some dignity and gimme something? am i right or am i right?! i wont sit here and tell u how awful it was when he was around which he and my mom have been divorced for like 5 years or something i dont keep track.. but mainly im just venting a morsal.. but ill narrow my life when he was around.
1.i couldnt do anything ever
2.when my mom was working and he was home i had to stay in my room. or if he was watching tv i had to be quite so i wouldnt distract him. or go outside.
3.when they had little fishing games and stuff at lakes/ponds and what not for the kids he wouldnt take me
4.he was always drunk and fought with my mom
5.he was to drunk to come home for when i got off the bus and i couldnt get in the house. ex( when i was 11 he was at a bar all nite and my mom worked latenite and he was supposed to be home and i had to stay in the dog box with my dog to keep warm) it was winter.
6.he was always cheatin on my mother
7.never payed attention to us?
BUT NOW HE ISNT AROUND and me and my other are happy.. just the fact he is tormenting our lives and doesnt understand that i dont want to be apart of him, because he never wanted me to be apart of his life then, so why should i change my ways for him? piiisshh
enough said.. im sure ur tired of reading and listening to me. i just hope and pray this lawyer gets him, do u no how much money i would have in my name..ugh
ps ok mabey i was being a hypocrit alittle bit i did tell u how awful it was haha. but im sure i was very informative.
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TheEdgeofYourAtmosphere
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2005 19 July :: 6.11pm
:: Mood: eager
:: Music: Spongebob
i want my phone asap.
.well today is dumb. so hot outside, so meaning i wont step foot on the grass. hah! im supposed to get a cell phone today.. keyword supposed ugh i hope so i hate not having a phone its so gay, im hopeing she gets a going. im going to my aunts house tomorrow, i cant wait i miss hanging out with her and bonding. haha my cousin roland is always there as well so its gonna be kickass. kelly wanted to chill today and go to the mall for some things. i told her my mom isnt able to take us, i think she got mad? so i dont think she wants to hang out, but thats ok. im not mad. just in 'hmm' mode.
GRR I WANT IT NOW.
i want alot of things. hmm :p
pss. i returned from the wireless store. looks like i didnt have enough money this time around. but ill eventually get it sooner-or-later. ugh im so pissed.
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TheEdgeofYourAtmosphere
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2005 18 July :: 11.43am
:: Mood: jittery
:: Music: Strata - New Machine
If the radio died, would you sing to me?
well this wont be such an interesting journal like they usaully are :p. yesterdayi went with my cousins for a bit had fun. then later on that nite i went out with a friend for awhile it was cool. i havent hung out with that person in forever so it was good to see there face. also lastnite before i did anything my friend mike called high as a kite i think not quite sure.. he told my mom he'd beat lmao thats not hard to figure out, haha. its 11:45am and im eating a big bowl of Cookies 'n' Cream Ice Cream, mmmm. too early though for me. but so yummy!!! ugh, i need to like get out of this house.. i mean ya ive been going places but i wanna go "out'" with someone. like the movies/mall/dinner, or just chill. im tired of doing the same things such as driving around.. smoking... hmmm something new! lol. i dont no im just weird and i want something to bitch about like always.. cant go through the day without a bitch fest i swear. so ill just sing to you..
Ps. later today i went to visit my cousins, i had an ok time. i wanted to see kelly today.. i miss her, me and her got real close. heh i hope we can chill tomorrow. so i dont no?
The fire department couldnt drown the city
They didnt even try 2 wash it clean
And what did uthink that I was sober?
Put me out cause Im on fuckin fire
A positive scab that's never healing
Regret that I kept this clean
The most that I can do for u is keep on lying
Its not a lie if u can let it sing
Let it bleed Take the red 4 what its worth woah
Watch the fire Fill your lungs with smoke for the last time
If you feel like dying you might wanna sing!
pss. JUST BECAUSE I GO OUT WITH SOMEONE TO CHILL OR WHAT NOT DOESNT MAKE IT A BF GF THING <--just letting everyone know that for if they see an entry.. so yes i am single. and i am looking. hmm
and also WHEN I SAY I LOVE THIS PERSON (EXAMPLE BRUCE) WHOSE A FRIEND OF MINE DOESNT MEAN I LIKE LOVE HIM FOR BF GF MATERIAL TYPE DEAL..HES IN IRAQ PEOPLE AND OF COURSE I LOVE HIM AND MISS HIM HE WAS LIKE MY BROTHER
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2005 17 July :: 12.13pm
:: Mood: down
:: Music: Blood Hound Gang - Bad touch, hahah
XOX OXO
OXOXOXOXOX
XOXOXOXO
OXOXO
XOX You're naked inside your fear
You can't take back all those years
The shots in the dark from empty guns
Are never heard by anyone
Never heard by anyone
XOX OXO
OXOXOXOXOX
XOXOXOXO
OXOXO
XOX
well today is just an ordinary day, im hopeing my mom goes through with what we talked about lastnite. like i know i talked shit onmy ex and he is no good really.. but theres something about him thats pulling me back, like i know i met other people and its nice to be single, but i was with that kid for a year in 1/2, could have been 2 in 1/2 years but we broke up before as well. im not sure what it is.. i do miss him and him talking to be doesnt help me at all of trying to get away from him. sometimes i think i need to be with him. last night i cried for 3 hours straight... my mom was in shock she didnt no what to do besides look at me. ugh, she couldnt comforted me alittle bit, all she said was 'well tomorrow u can go and do whatever' pisshh, what i wanna do she wont let me, she hastes Danny. God. and i dont no why shes keepin this grudge, she wont even let me be friends with him what the fuck? i dont understand her.. shes so fucking dumb sometimes, i no she wants to protect me and kep me from the mistakes she had made.. but i can do it on my own. =[
i dont need anyones help.
i can do it on my own.....
LET ME LEARN FROM MY OWN MISTAKES
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TheEdgeofYourAtmosphere
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2005 16 July :: 11.03pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: STP - Sour Girl
today was interesting excluding the fact that earlier today i believe i already posted a fucking entry, lol. dont mind it i was rather annoying. but today is a sappy day, i hated it. i talked to my mom about my ex and such.. she didnt freakout like i thought--but i sure did and i hate it when i upset my mother because she gets sick. ugh i regret saying so many harsh things to her today. so i guess what me and my mom talked about is going to have to be waited on and see what goes. im not sure what i want to do; kinda confusing. also im tired. there isnt shit to do, so i might as well sleep it off. so sickening isnt it? i know. but im telling you this for ur own good. nothing ever happens to me. so i just play it by ear. :)
I'm trapped again in endless rain
I divorce the thoughts of you I love with me,
I divorce your innocence and my guilt,
I divorce the lying sellout confidence,
I'm divorcing every mother fuckin' thing
I divorce the love bled meaningless,
I divorce the makeshift harmony,
I divorce the taunting acts of violence,
I divorce the pastime of jealousy,
I divorce control,
I divorce the faith,
I divorce the virtue,
I divorce the rain,
I divorce the excuse,
I divorce the greed,
I divorce the need,
I divorce iniquity in this mother fuckin' bullshit life,
Just want it all to go away,
Just want to run away to die, take it, myself, my life
Text book fucking mental, off me and pitch me in a hole
I'll always be your shadow,
And veil your eyes from states of ain soph aur,
I can't be the hero anymore
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TheEdgeofYourAtmosphere
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2005 16 July :: 6.12am
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: Goo Goo Dolls - Dizzy
whoa whoa whoaaaaaaaaa
IM SO FUCKING HYPER; AND I DONT NO WHAT TO SAY SO HEY! LETS GO SMOKE SOME HAY... dont mind if i do. woo woo wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lmfao ill edit this later on in the day. but its 6:14am and i didnt sleep yet. wooweee
---And now we're grown up orphans
That never knew their names
We don't belong to no one
That's a shame
But if you could hide beside me
Maybe for a while
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell em your name
Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are---
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TheEdgeofYourAtmosphere
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2005 15 July :: 10.41am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: NIN - march of the pigs
hmmm
i just woke up its 10:41am. i wish i would have slept late, but im feelings sickly today. nothing special has been happening of course its only me nothing ever happens to me. and i wish it would, heh; im a loser:) im staying at kellys, i have been for like ever haha, but its cool me and here always have fun. lastnite i was surprised that i saw my cousin roland. i never really get to see him anymore, we all took a blunt ride right quick. it was nice to spend some time with him.. me and him are like -- well.. were LIKE brother&sister. it was kelly, roland, curt, puckey and me. we had fun. but it wasnt long thogh, just enough to get skee'd.lmfao. so yeah total greatness.the kid that i was interested in well i dont no about it. its hard to explain i mean i was so into him and then i get pushed away, sometimes that hurts, you know? -sigh-. also lastnite i saw alaina and mike, whoa, long time no see for real, they didnt talk much really, but thats ok.. i liked seeing their faces again. today i think me and kelly are going to look at cars with her dad, then pizza hut cause she gets to have a free pizza, woot woot. porbably after that getting skee'd again lmao. thats all we do really, i mean we live in a boring ass town so what more do u want from us? hahaha i mean im not bragging or anything im just saying hmmmm.
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TheEdgeofYourAtmosphere
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2005 14 July :: 5.13pm
:: Mood: PMS
:: Music: Staind - So far away
Bullshit. all bullshit
i think mabey i should just give it time. i mean i just got out of a hard relationship with a guy for a year. so i think i need a break for a bit anyways, who knows mabey something will happen, i mean if its ment to be it will succeed. i hope so. oh yeah i talked to my ex like 5 mins ago. and he was tryin to hard to get on my nerves and win me back, no fuck that. i cant deal with all this stress im serious, hes the type who will assume shit u no.. "oh yeah i bet ur bf is there now and hes older and has a job' um no correction i dont HAVE A BOYFRIEND. 'let me meet him *laughs*' hhahahahaa fuck that dude. im not dumb hed try to pull some dumb shit!!!. see hes just stupid; i dont no how to explain this shit, so to kill him off i told him bullshit lies.. obviously it worked cause he told me' ull regret this rochelle' pish i dont think so. im so happy! lol but who knows hes so crazy x3 he might try to kill me hahaha fuckhead. i cant take it im forreal.
--its like everytime i meet some1 my ex trys to fuck it up, i dont no how to back him off. im forreal im going to end up dying from so much stress; one day ill just croak. ugh people make me so sick its bad enough im rambling on about BS and im pmsing. eww i no sorry.
I LOVE IT WHEN MY EX THREATENS TO KILL ME. god, just do it already; stupid fuck
i wonder if kelly gets tired of me, i dont think she does cause if she did, shed shipped me off to fucking YuKon. LOL i love her.
HEAD SHOULDERS KNEES AND TOES KNEES AND TOES lmao im on jet dude. im so hyper its called jet.
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2005 14 July :: 12.00am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: nothing but the fan running
welp, ill never have good news towards my life. im always going to get put down. whenever i think i met someone, someone special it always fails. -sigh- im cursed i swear.. :(
i thought.... yea thats right i fucking thought. ugh!
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theedgeofyouratmosphere
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2005 13 July :: 6.21pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: Twiztid - Darkness
well today nothing happened, and it feels like nothing will ever happen, UGH. im having a bad day fucking people sicken me. anyways i am so sore from yesterday and for some odd reason i woke up with bruises all over my body; it looks like i got the shit kicked outta me. hmm i dont know. i dont think im doing anything today anyways beside watch tv and listen to music. ((he still hasnt called)) and i figured he would so thats what i am waiting for. :( for some reason its like if i dont hear from him.. i feel like shit!!!!! its not supposed to be like that haha im supposed to be happy 24/7.. pish! :-p yeah so fuck it..
ps. bruce pissed me off today basically, he said some things to tick my clock and im livid. and i no hes over in iraq and i do wish the best for him, but right now, i hate the thought of him UGH!
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TheEdgeofYourAtmosphere
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2005 12 July :: 10.38pm
:: Mood: chipper
lemme tell you..
Monday -- i slept.
Tuesday -- Me and kelly went to Idlewild today, we had so much fun, but of course im not a "rider" really so i kinda felt bad i mean she surely coulda had more fun with some1 else other than me, but it was nice of her to take me. she said she had a wonderous time so im guessing i was smooth enough HAHA. yeah but me and her are so close i love her to death, were always together and im not complaining at all. <3. we went to Soak*Zone and shit; so fun. i loved ever minute of it. i didnt get burnt though really and im surprise i was hopeing id get some sun on me im so white.. well i am white but i mean fair skinned. lol im such a fuck. ahahaha but anyways im having a wonderful summer, it just keeps*getting*better*and*better. wooooooooooooooooooweeeeeeee
xox
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TheEdgeofYourAtmosphere
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2005 11 July :: 11.27am
Nothing really has been happening lately.. nothing interesting anyways! ive been staying at my friend kellys alot, which is cool i love her to death.. :) but also ive been down lately not so much of me missing bruce or anything i mean i do and i want him to be careful over there in IRAQ its a scary thought you know? but this guy that im like 'getting to know' hasnt called, and i want him to he acted all interested and now its like nothing -sigh- oh well i guess you never get whatcha want in life. and it blows. also i dont no if i updated yesterday i have a awful memory, my ex danny, ripped off my friend mike and took his money and got punched in the face and it makes me mad because hes going to sit there and harrass my friends (mostly the guy ones that i have) all because i dont wanna be with him; and hes jealous. UGHA im so sick to my stomach anymore. i dont no whats a-matter with me its so dumb
all my love.
xox
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TheEdgeofYourAtmosphere
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2005 9 July :: 8.06pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: nothing but the TV
fucking retard
i'm staying at my friend kellys house today, ive been here so much.. but i enjoy it because i love her to death!! im for real<3. lastnite we went for a ride with one of our friends. then today i went with kelly to work, well i woke up at 12:00pm and went down to see her, she ended up working til 7:00pm. even though i dont work there i helped them out alittle bit stockin some shelfs. i thought i could be nice lol.. then i get a distrubing phone call from my mom saying my asshole ex boyfriend is causing trouble and tried to jump my buddy mike, OMFG im so pissed off fuck that lowlife loser i hate him, just because i dont want him back he thinks he can do stupid shit to MY FRIENDS! uh no i dont think so.. starting shit=not cool at all. hes crazy and i mean litterly he isnt stable at all every1 knows that.. i try to stay away from he, he was never good to me.. so why should i bother with him. i hope he rots in hell for everything. hes so stupid ugh. im so sick to my stomach, always bullshit lol. everywhere i turn i swear. eww. anyways ya me and kelly always have funNn. and im hoping i could be even more happier soon ;) *wink* so yeah.
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