There's a First time for everything
I guess last night was one of those nights.

I think it's gonna rain
I just checked my "Body Mass Index." By qualifying standards I am obese. However, I have a problem with this. I mean there is no doubt that I could be slimmer, much slimmer, but not to the point that these health nuts think I should be. They say my ideal weight is between 122 and 164 pounds. There is no way I could even get down to the high limit, let alone the low limit.

Dream
I had a very strange dream last night. I'm not sure what it means. It had religious overtones so I'm not exactly sure where it came from either. It was very strange and I'm not sure what it means.

Alas My Transgressions Forgotten
Yes, it's that time again. Time for me to pbe philosophical about my life. This of course will invariably lead me to have a hopeless on some girl close to me that will never, ever know how I feel about her. Not that I have anyone in mind just yet.

Well I have a rough few weeks ahead of me. I know my grades won't be turning out like I would like them. I'm just considering what it would be like for someone who does not know they belong there. I guess the only reason that I am still in school is because I know I belong there. That's a new feeling for me. I'm not doubting that place I am in the world as I do on a regular basis with everything else.

My title for this entry, it seems so long ago. A different person, but the same. I was just realizing when I saw Jen today that I haven't changed one bit in the last year. No, now I have to admit that I was too pighead to believe what was going on this time last year. I should have taken advantage of it instead of running from because I was afraid of getting hurt or hurting someone. Now, I'm left with nothing but my own thoughts of so many emotions unfulfilled.

Thought
It's been wearing on me for awhile. Some people will just never comprehend. I want to say that we all operate on different planes of thought. It's all just very curious to me.

I could use examples from my own life, but I think it would piss people off. I'm not even sure they know that they do the things they do.

I know people who can't get past their base desires. They want to feel good and it doesn't matter. They do not know why they do the things they do. That is completely foreign to me. Not knowing why I am doing something. Everything must have a reason. In fact, it scares me to not know why I am doing something. Again, it goes back to me and not wanting to lose control.

There are also other people who are constantly flirting with the opposite sex. I don't think they know why they do it either. It's nice sometimes, but other times it's hard to understand. Why pretend you're interested in someone when you're really not? Do they ever think about that? Do they even attempt to understand how that makes other people feel? I've been told by people that I do think too much and I'm very conservative in my choices. I don't see a point in being with someone unless there is a serious future.

Then there are other people who just go through life to survive. I don't think they even have time to think on another plain. They are concerned with survival. I think that will be America's ultimate challenge, eliminate the need for people to worry about where the next meal is coming from. To me, that is the true measure of poverty. While I think about things like that, it does not consume. I hope it never does me, but it is a very real possibility that it will be part of life for the others mentioned above.

Housekeeping
Just wanted to do some house keeping things here and talk about my some issues I've been dealing with.

Rob: Were you talking about the essay or the sources?

I've been thinking about her again. I just have to keep pounding into my head that she does have a byofriend even though he is never around. No matter how much I respect her for what she is, and how similar we are, I have to remember that. I tried to think about what I would say to her if she confronted me because she thought I liked her. I'd tell her that I respect her for everything she has gone through. She certainly could have given up and let her life be gripped by what she's been through, but she hasn't. I also want to tell her that people like her and I are the future. I just hope she never gives that up for something else.

Work's been going well. I finally got my hours down to a managable level. We don't really have the people to keep everything going at a decent rate, but it will come. We hit this last year about htis time and I was pulling my hair out because fo the idiots I had to work with. I don't anymore, they all got trained or quit. Now, I learned not to care as much about what happens on my shift, as long as I'm not the one being blamed for it. We also are going through all this new procedure. I like, it's something new to learn. I think the problem last winter was that there was nothing new to learn, nothing to master. That's also why I'm gald I switched to days when I did. At the end of that I was getting bored too and I ended up walking out that one day. I guess if I can keep myself busy with new stuff, trying to improve upon my skills, then I'm happy.

I went to see Prof. Stark last week. The reason I didn't go sooner was that I felt I was behind in his class. I went the day the paper was due because that was the first time I had felt caught up. I had been behind in all my classes, but I had two papers due in other classes before his, so I did those first. When I told him all this he immeadiately assumed it was because I put his class on the bottom of my priorities. It's not true, while I guess it is. I don't think he liked that too much.

I think that's it. The rest of it is emmotional crap that I constantly subject myself too. I like to study, and let's just say I'm trying to find common themes and ways to rectify problems in romantic relationships based on my own personal experience.

PLS 327 Pol Developing Countries Essay
Thinkers, Globalization, and Industrialization
Developing countries have faced many struggles in the post-war era. The income gap between rich and poor nations has increased while conditions continue to change for development. Several social thinkers have laid out plans by which they believe developing nations can succeed. However, the conditions for development have changed in the postwar era that has caused many nations to reject this thinking while setting out on a new track for success. These nations have dealt with an increase in foreign competition, globalization, a perceived cultural bias against development, and democratization.
During the Pre-war era, fewer countries were developed. Those who were, either were growing regional powers (Japan and the United States), or conflictual European powers. Nations did not have to contend with foreign markets invading their country by flooding it with imports of higher quality and greater quantity. States have turned to import substitution industrialization (ISI) to promote industrialization within their own economies. Import substitution industrialization works by creating large trade barriers in certain industries where a nation is almost exclusively reliant on imports, and then either subsidizing domestic manufacturers or allowing them to develop on their own. This is an attempt to diversify the economy of the developing state. The problem with this approach is that it takes time for industry to develop. This leads to an increase in the gap between rich and poor at the beginning. Later in development, this gap begins to shrink if ISI is successful. However, the demands of global trade have ended most attempts at ISI.
Globalization has played a key role in keeping the rich countries much richer than the poor countries in the postwar era. By globalizing trade, industrialized nations have been able to open up markets to their goods. The sheer force of goods and the cooperation of international economic organizations have worked to destroy ISI programs in many countries. International organizations such as the International Monetary Fund (IMF), the World Bank, and the World Trade Organization (WTO), have made reduction of protectionist tactics a tenet of membership. Without membership in such organizations, developing countries would have severely limited foreign markets for their goods. So nations face a threat from the globalization of the economy by the already developed nations and the economic international organizations.
Developing countries are facing a cultural bias to development. Many influential thinkers such as Weber and Rostow have presented a case in which less developed nations lack a cultural quality that makes them inferior to the developed world. Weber argues that the reason Europe was the first to industrialize was the Protestant Ethic. This Ethic promotes Christians to be “diligent and frugal.” Weber theorizes, it would be difficult to industrialize because there would be no work ethic instilled in the people. This is how Weberians explain the economic growth of Asia in the late seventies and early eighties. They state that Asians possessed a similar work ethic to Protestants through the teaching of Confucianism. Rostow goes on to further demean developing nations “traditional society.” He states the countries are unlikely to not have “preconditions arise … endogeously but from some external intrusion by (a) more advanced society.” Under this thinking, developing countries are incapable of development because they do not possess an advanced sense of what it takes to become successful. This also provides justification of developed nations to either exploit nations who are developing, or to enter into a militarily controled mercantilistic relationship. The latter was seen in the invasion of Egypt by the British to open the Suez Canal. The Egyptians attempted to socialize the operations of the canal, the British did not see this as a positive move to their economy, so they solved the situation militarily. It seems that the West has a ethnocentric view at times when it comes to economic advancement.
Developing nations have also faced a burden by changes in their governmental structure. In the recent postwar era, there has been a trend around the world to democratization. Mitchell Seligson lays out the argument of others, “democratic political systems are less capable than their authoritarian counterparts of setting a clear economic agenda.” However, in the international system, this theory has been disproved. No where is there a clearer example of this than in the Marxists nations of Eastern Europe and Central Asia. In Marx’s Communist Manifesto, he presents the four stages of economic development. These are laid out as an eventuality that all capitalist states will socialize, and then communize. Marx paints a picture where the lower classes (proletariat) rise up against the upper classes (bourgeoisie). The only solution to Marx is one which the state represents the collective interests of the people, and not just a pawn of the economic elite. States who established a Marxist system immediately after the inception of the postwar era are now emerging from that authoritarian system, and are facing new challenges in democratization. Seemingly, democratization and capitalization go hand in hand because states are converting their economies as well.
States are also attempting to battle the income gap among their citizens by instituting social welfare programs. Certainly for men like Kutznets, the development of the social state should be unforeseen. If the income gap will eventual close following development, then it is better to let the situation run it’s course and adopt a laissez faire attitude towards social welfare. Marx would argue that the only reason for the existence of the state is to provide social support to its citizens. He takes a stand on the fact that war is a characteristic of the bourgeoisie-controlled state. He states that the upper classes “become antagonistic … with the bourgeoisie of foreign countries” and that it is then compelled to “appeal to the proletariat … [and] drag it into the political arena.” Meaning the interest of the upper classes have sent the state into war. Rostow actually states that nations should not concern themselves with the gap between rich and poor until the nation is developed. He justifies this by claiming that a welfare state will be a diversion to a developing economy. The welfare state is a relevant issue that will continue to exist until states can learn how to promote economic development without massive urbanization or unemployment.
So, developing nations will continue to endure problems in development. The resolution to a global problem of income inequality among states has not been solved. In many ways, the world today is worse off as a whole than it has ever been. Humanitarian needs are not being met around the globe, and nations continue to struggle. As for the thinkers, they must keep on thinking.

Simon Kutznets, “Economic Growth and Income Inequality,” in The Political Economy of Inequality, ed. Frank Ackerman (New York: Long Island Press, 2000), 44
Max Weber, “The Protestant Ethic,” in From Modernization to Globalization, ed. J. Timmons Roberts and Amy Hite (Oxford: Blackwell, 2000), 73
W.W. Rostow, “The Stages of Economic Growth: A Non-Communist Manifesto,” in From Modernization to Globalization, ed. J. Timmons Roberts and Amy Hite (Oxford: Blackwell, 2000), 100
Rostow, 102
Mitchel Seligson, “The Dual Gaps: An Overview of Theory and Research,” in The Political Economy of Inequality, ed. Frank Ackerman (New York: Long Island Press, 2000), 7
Fredrich Engels and Karl Marx, “The Communist Manifesto,” in From Modernization to Globalization, ed. J. Timmons Roberts and Amy Hite (Oxford: Blackwell, 2000), 33
Kutznets, 47
Engels and Marx, 33
Rostow, 106

Crush
Well just to update. For the two of you who asked who my crush is, don't worry about it now. It's gone. I'm not sure what it is from my point of view. For the last few days I've been able to think about other things than her. I guess I'm disappointed, but I'm also glad. I'm glad that I don't have to feel like I'm hiding someting when I'm around her. I'm also glad that I can just act normal and not stress about the situation.

I have decided to do one thing though. Hopefully this all works out but I want to spend time talking to girls. Hopefully this will help me get over my fear of all you female type people out there. Once a week, not with the same person every week (at least for right now), to just to talk or cuddle. All interested apply below.

2004
Well, it's 2004. Six minutes into the New Year. No resolutions for me this year. I had eleven last year, and I think I may have only kept one of them. Perhaps my recent longing has destroyed that one as well. I can't even get through six minutes without being pessimistic. I guess that is the nature of me.

I feel like criticizing something tonight. Dick Clark, an American Icon. "Times Square, the crossroads of the world." How egocentric. I find it quite amusing that EST is like seventh to the last to experience the new year, yet everyone makes like the year doesn't really start until it hits there. Not only would that have to make people around the world mad, but I would think that even the people on the West Coast would be mad that everything is focused on the East Coast. I'm just glad that I'm in the EST time zone.

I couldn't sleep last night. I laid in bed from 2am-7am and I couldn't fall asleep. Finally I got up and my mom made me some hot chocolate. Then I watched cartoons. Just like i was a little kid. I got some pajama pants for Christmas and they feel really good. So I watched cartoons and drank my hot chocolate. Then I went and got my pillows and blanket out of my room and i fell asleep on the couch. Finally, how I was able to sleep, was that I just relaxed. I was so tense and up tight. I guess because of what is going on at work. But I had to control my breathing. It's not like I hyperventalating, but I ws breathing shalow and I couldn't slow down the pace.

Well, Happy New Years Everyone. Hopefully you had somebody to hold tight to you and to kiss at midnight. Because I wish.

To update
Well I've been recently reminded of several things. One most importantly is the fact that this is used by many people to keep in touch with me. Of course, if you are out there you never say anything.

Another thing I've been reminded of is how lonely I am.

Yet another is how much guilt I have. Th majority of that guilt revolves around my faith. Many of you out there know about my faith and my conviction, and many of you don't. That's why I feel guilty. For those of you who do know how I feel, and think that because of that I don't struggle, I do. This is one of those times. I lied to my sister when I told her I didn't know how to help her. The way I made it through high school was my faith. Of course, that also let me down. Because of what was going on when it was my time to be a leader in my school, I felt too guilty to accept it. Because of a relationship I didn't feel like I could accept that responsibility.

Every once in awhile I get glimpses of how life could be different. I feel like there is something more out there. Right now society seems like it's in a holding pattern. The 60's, 70's, 80's, all had definitions. We came off the eighties in which the "Me" Generation exerted itself.What can we term the 90's, and what about our youth, what will we be. I'd like to think that we as a collective group are bound for something more, something great. I'd like to feel that way, I'd like it to be that way, but who knows if it will be. I've just been racking my brain because there is so many things that can be done. So many things wrong with the status quo. We could be different, and I really don't want to feel guilty about that too.