We Were Meant To Live for So Much More

:: 2010 20 May :: 1.53pm

sometimes life makes me feel like we will always be stuck between a rock and a hard place. thankfully things somewhat pan out. and thank God that our land lord is willing to work with us and can understand how life happens.

a long weekend of work and weddings in MI is coming up.

:: 2010 18 May :: 9.35am

almost done with school for the semester... thank god. and it seems funny to me how many people are now photographers that I know. at least we all have our own niche, which makes me not as bothered by it.
This week shall be filled with cleaning and rearranging... then off to MI for Garrett and Amanda's wedding. I need to find a job like asap, but right now i feel way too sleepy to even think about what i have to do for my exam in 30 mins.
everything will pan out... i have to believe that much.

:: 2010 14 May :: 1.28pm

i'm quite amused by the way that people lie to make others feel better after a breakup. Ah well, perhaps in the end we shall find that the truth always comes out... but i'm not going to be the bitch to ruin everyones day!

although i am very amused!

:: 2010 28 April :: 10.10am
:: Mood: indifferent

The end of the semester is nearing and I am ready for it. These next few weeks are going to be a flurry of activity.

I just finished my last French Oral Exam about forty minutes ago. I am actually sad that I'm not continuing on in French, but I don't have the time. It seems like a waste that I'm just stopping after all the work I've put in over the past two years, but I need to keep going. If I just stopped to work on whatever tickled my fancy, I'd never leave college.

I have to meet with my academic advisor in a few hours to have him sign a modification of my major. I just need him to okay a few switch arounds so that I can graduate. When you sign your major they make you pick what electives you want which is dumb because when you're a sophomore you don't even know what you like and what classes will be offered that fit into your schedule.

I have class at two and three-thirty and get to present a paper on The Role of First Lady shaping policies and attitudes in the United States. After that, I have a review for Ancient Literature and a close reading paper to turn in.

I have a review session for Social, Liberalism, and Fascism at 8pm to finish up a study guide.

Tomorrow, I get to go to the Office of Student Life at 9am to find out if I am in the top ten for CMU Homecoming Ambassador for next fall. Then, it's off to the final Kappa Kappa Psi meeting of the year to finish up elections and install new officers. Finally, I have an interview at the Writing Center at 5:30pm.

Next week I have four exams and the my surgery on Thursday for my acid reflux. I guess I feel a bit indifferent toward the surgery. I've been living like this for so long that I don't really want to get my hopes up. The surgery does work in most cases, but there is a chance it won't. At least it will be a chance for me to relax during my 23 hour hold and get some intravenous pain medication.

Then, in just three weeks, my summer classes start. It's hard to feel excited about the end of the semester when I'm not really going to have a chance to relax; BUT, I would rather be taking summer classes than working at Meijer forty hours a week killing my soul.

Whatever may come, may come.
Whatever will be, will be.
I will keep going, I will survive,
Because all I have is me.

-Michelle

:: 2010 15 April :: 12.00am

so i should be either doing hw or sleeping, but lacking motivation to do either... i'm online.
Ohh yeah, and happy birthday to me

2 Meanings | What is your life meant to be?

:: 2010 6 April :: 4.54pm

is a break still a break if you are doing homework the whole time? I love the overload of work that I am expected to be doing... not. More like I am ready to rip my freaking hair out!

:: 2010 5 April :: 12.09pm

I applied for a position as a summer programming intern today at the Chippewa River District Library. I need to get away from Meijer as soon as possible, and December is not soon enough.

:: 2010 30 March :: 5.34pm

someday better things will come our way...

1 Meaning | What is your life meant to be?

:: 2010 26 March :: 10.53pm

I will probably cut some bitches in the next few hours.

:: 2010 22 March :: 4.35pm

Well, i wish it would get green and warm. I feel like I am totally falling behind with everything. I am tired, sick, and have a lot to do! I wish that mike could find a job, and we could pay our bills, and that I could feel accomplished for once.

Life just feels so hectic lately, I don't know what to do.

:: 2010 17 March :: 4.41pm

my head is killing me... my throat hurts... i think i am generally just falling apart.

:: 2010 16 March :: 4.06pm

it should also be said that i seriously need to change my layout

2 Meanings | What is your life meant to be?

:: 2010 16 March :: 3.58pm

there is something to be said for the fact that everytime i go to write on a friends wall on facebook, not only do i get distracted by looking at other wall posts but then i feel so sad after being distracted that i don't write them anything...
I would say i am crazy, but that probably isn't news
Of course it could be that part of me that wants to have people want to be around me, but whats the sense in that if they all just piss me off or let me down anyways.

I guess I should just stick to reading... at least in books I can't get hurt

:: 2010 9 March :: 9.40pm
:: Mood: accomplished

Spring Break is going well thus far, but seeing how I have to work the next 5 days, I'm not sure it's going to get any better. I had my endoscope on Friday morning (I love starting spring break by getting a camera shoved down my throat). They implanted a device called a Bravo Capsule in my esophagus three inches above my stomach. I carried a companion computer around with me until Sunday morning that gave real time readings of the pH level of my esophagus. I got to record every time I ate and laid down, and they will overlay that with my readings to judge if my reflux is bad enough to warrant surgery. The pH of the stomach is suppose to be fairly acidic (around 3) and the pH of the esophagus is suppose to be fairly neutral (around 7). I had a reflux incident on Saturday afternoon that read at a 1.9 and most of Saturday night I was below a pH of 4. Although the test is done, the capsule will hang around for a couple of weeks until it comes out au naturel. They also did a biopsy of my stomach during the scope because I have gastritis. The leading cause of which is a bacteria which can cause ulcers and ultimately stomach cancer if left untreated.

Before I went on Spring Break I applied and got accepted to present at the Women's Studies Interdisciplinary Round Table on March 15th. I am one of three presenters-of the other two, one is my former Shakespeare Professor (he has a Doctorate in English Literature) and the other is a faculty member at the Clarke Historical Library on campus. It's in the library auditorium which seats about 400 people and is the same place that they had Jennifer Granholm speak the last time she came to campus. My presentation is a Feminist Literary Criticism of Amy Lowell's poem "Patterns" and then an exploration of fashion in 2010. It posits that we need to create a dialogue about current fashion and asks if fashion is either an instrument of repression for women or a tool of freedom of expression and individuality. There will be pictures of Lady Gaga.

I am graduating in December and then on to Graduate School. I got excited today and looked at the Teach for America website. It's something that I really want to do, plus I need some kind of teaching experience if I'm ever going to get a job as a professor at any kind of college, even a community college, which is where I want to be, at least to begin with. I can't wait to get out of Michigan for a while. I want to come back, but I just need to get out and meet other people. I'm looking at a school district in South Dakota that is on a reservation, but it really just depends where I get placed if I get accepted. Things are starting to move, and it's getting exciting!

On a side note, all of my classmates and friends are getting engaged, married, and having babies, and it's scaring the crap out of me. I'm not old enough for this stuff yet!

Also, you should see Alice in Wonderland. It's quite a good film.

Michelle