Things
I'm bored... just here... talking to people... geh.

Eyes
Eyes can say so much more then the mouth
Watch the eyes, what do they tell you?
Nothing?
Something is hidden there, you just have to look.
Everyone sees, but do they really see?
Do they know?
Do they care?
No.
They wouldn't, would they?

Do you feel bad?
Remorse?
No, you wouldn't..
You made the sacrifice for a normal life, its understandable.
There is nothing left there.
Nothing left for that lost, scared, scarred little girl.
She is alone.

Look at the eyes, what do they tell you?
Do more than just see them, feel them.

Run away!
Be afraid you coward!
Don't ever look back at the mangled body you left there!
Rotting
Disgusting
Its all over.
You can't see it anymore so it's all over.

She cries at night, can you hear her?
She screams out her pain, do you hear her then?
She hurts, do you feel it?
She wants it all to end, do you know?

Betrayed by the ones she loved she now hated their kind.
So much deeper, just look in her eyes.
And try to tell her
It'll all be alright
Just like
She would
Tell you.



I wrote that last night during a nervous breakdown. Its more healthy the cutting... I'm all depressed and shit because I'll go and read my friends journals and realize how out of the loop I am, does it even bother them that they dont see me? Do they even notice? Or have they replaced me? Was it that easy? I dont have any friends. They all say they're my friends, but are they? I never see them and they never see me, so they cant be my friends. I miss them horribly. Its like an empty hole right in my 'heart'. They used to be the net underneath me, keeping me sane. But now they they're gone I dont have anything there.

No one to catch me if I fall.

Bec.

Over
God I hate this. Really. I hate feeling like a fucking girl. I dont care, I really dont. Its not healthy to care about something like this so much later. I DONT CARE! Okay, well now that I have that off of my slowly growing chest... I have nothing else to say other then I wish I was dead and I swear to god if I had a genie.

They never thought I would actually do it.

But I will.

About this close.

Every night I slip further.

Never again will we be the same.


Kill me.


Kill me now


Please.

My new book. The thanks are funny and seriously misplaced.
I guess I'm saying thanks as an eighth grader and not as a ninth. Because if I were to thank anyone now it wouldnt be any of my friends cept Brandi. But I thought that I would post the beginning forward of my new book called 'The Possible Abductions of Rebecca Miller' in here because no one ever reads this thing... and I have nothing else to put and I feel obligated to update... but again, I dont know why, no one ever reads this thing. I never get comments saying... 'I miss you DONT KILL YOURSELF!' or 'Hey, sorry your bf broke up with you, he didnt deserve you anyway' or 'hey, wanna hang out sometime because we never see each other..'

Yeah, I'm not that lucky, or that loved... but anyway... here goes the forward and acknowlagements to my new novel:

Foreword


First of all I would like to clear the fact that the following scenarios are make-believe. None of this happened. Not ever. No. Never. My family is always telling me that they’d pity anyone who tried to kidnap me because I’m a spas. That’s why I’m writing these scenarios. But I’d also like to say… IF YOU IS EVER KIDDNAPPED DON’T AND I REPEAT DON’T EVER EVER DO ANY OF THESE THINGS FOR THEY WILL GET YOU KILLED. THESE SCENARIOS INVOLVE VERY STUPID CRIMINALS. IF YOU ARE EVER KIDDNAPPED I AM VERY SORRY BUT I CANNOT HELP YOU BECAUSE I WOULD PROBABLY EITHER GET KILLED OR I WOULD WET MYSELF (just like the gargoyle Wendy). DON’T REPEAT ANY OF THESE STUNTS IF YOU IS EVER ABDUCTED BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE STUPID.

Okay since that is said I think that Its time to acknowledge some of my bitches/ho’s.
Friends and Family… and a Celebrity or two
Wendy: My main sister ho. “Can I come too?” –rolls up window- “Ohhh” I can*t… doth. You know… I write this as a fourteen year old girl… so all of these inside jokes won*t make sense if I ever get this published…
Mommeh: I like your skin, wanna come in for some tea and Olay? Complementary loofa…
Johneh: STANLELY CUP!
Grammeh Bean: I can't believe that you kept Brandi up that late watching the Home Shopping Network…
Grampeh Bean: Relief. That’s all I want to say.
Brandi: I WANNA BE THE PRIEST! That shirt is very becoming on you. ITS YOUR TURN! Wendy+Ashley+Casey= Brandi’s Dream Night.
Kelly: Seksay Draco ass
Amanda: Shoot you in the butt! Thanks for being there and understanding because you were the only one who ever understood, silently. You let me have my moments but you never let it go to far. You are a great person, a great friend, and you will make a great woman when you're older. I see President of the United States.
Sarah Michelle Gellar: You ARE one of the greatest women on television and I hope to be just as successful as you one day. The world is truly a better place with you here. You were my hero in Buffy and I thought that I’d just put your name in here… oh and if you ever read this book for some reason I thought you should know that my mom once held me hostage all night playing that Buffy: Chaos Bleeds game. My mom hearts you.
Holly Marie Combs: You are one of the greatest women in television too. Our heroes are really girls, and they are butt-kicking (Piper and Buffy are my heroes. They gave me the courage to stand up to a pedophile.) Thank you for being Piper, the middle child of a screwed up family. I relate totally.
Matt Sorisi: Matt, you is nutZ.
Liz: YOUR SHEDDING ON MY DESK! Its not mine until Liz’s hair is ALL over it.
Teachers
Mrs. Orsini: Love the writing. Thank you for making my first semester of High School easy.
Mrs. Kwarsick: Your favoritest (that drove my spell check crazy) student made something of herself!
Mr. B (won*t put last name): You are a horrible man. You gave us all nightmares and I hope that you feel remorse for that. I LEARNED NOTHING IN YOUR CLASS except that a man can be pregnant for eighteen months and that if you don’t stand up for what's right then no one else will. Your actions gave me my voice and told me how to use it. As Me as my witness I will get you back for everything you put us through. I HATE you.