Addicted To Him


Every day I look back on the past now, although now it gets harder and harder to recall the exact events taken place, I can still see one as if it just happened…
I grew up in a small town in Maine with my grandmother until I was thirteen. My grandma was having trouble with her heart the summer that I was supposed to be going into the eighth grade. I stayed in the house at her bedside reading to her more then I did outside with my friends. I even stopped dancing because I needed to be home for her. this made her feel guilty, I could tell, she kept apologizing for taking away my childhood. She was truly my best friend, she passed away a month before my thirteenth birthday.
I had family in Maine, for all I knew I didn’t have family anywhere. My grandma never told me about any family, so for all I knew I was an orphan other then my Grams. When the police came and took me to my friend’s house they told me that I should say my good-byes because they knew where they were sending me. I didn’t think that I would ever cry as hard as I did that night, of course I was wrong.
They day of the funeral I didn’t cry, I just stared. I don’t think I could have cried if I wanted to. I just kept thinking about death. I was sitting there looking out of the window during the wake when the police officer who had taken me to my friend’s house approached me.
“Gwen, can you go upstairs and pack?” he asked me in an overly friendly voice. I looked at him and he smiled.
“Sure, how much am I allowed to take?”
“Just clothes, the rest will be sent to you.” he smiled.
“Sent?”
“Yes, you're moving to California where you will live with your mother.” He said as I knew what the hell he was talking about.
“My mother is alive?” I asked more as a statement to myself.
“You didn’t know that?”
“No, I thought she died or something.”
“Oh, I see, so you’ve never had any contact with her?”
“Not that I’m aware of, no.” I put my head down. “I’ll go pack now…” I ran up the stairs. I shut my bedroom door quickly and stood there for a few minutes trying to take this all in. My mother was alive somewhere. She could have taken care of me. I wouldn’t have had to gone through all I had, all Grams and I had. She wouldn’t of had to worry about me so much. She would still be alive. This was all her fault! How could my mother just abandon me like that? Well… another voice in my head told me… maybe she had a reason, maybe it was for the best, now pack so you don’t get yelled at. I did what the voice told me to. I got two bags and filled them with my clothing and grabbed my laptop off of the desk and put it into its case.
I grabbed some books of mine that were about the cults and demons because if people were going to pack for me then I didn’t want them seeing these. I walked down the stairs and set my bags by the door. I walked up to Cara, Gram’s best friend, hugged her, said good bye and handed her the keys. I finished saying good bye to my friends and everyone, the tears finally surfacing.
The cop and I left my childhood home and went to the airport, where I was shown on a plane by myself. Window seat. I sat there waiting for the plane to take off when a man who looked about in his early forties came and sat next to me. Awkward silence. We sat in silence for about a half an hour after the plane took off.
“So where you headed?” he asked me after a while.
“California,” I said not even thinking.
“Well we all are honey, where at?”
“I dunno,”
“Oh, are you one of those foster kids?”
“No, I’m going to live with my mother for your information.” I snapped at him.
“Have you have met your mother?” he asked, shifting in his seat so he could face me directly. I didn’t look at him; I kept my eyes straight forward. Why wouldn’t he just butt out?
“No.”
“I bet you're a bit tense, I know what would get rid-“
“Sir would you like a pillow?” the stewardess interrupted.
“No, thank-you.” he said looking at her slowly.
“We’ll be serving dinner soon, I’ll be by to see what you two want, is that alright with you sweetie?” she asked me.
“Sure, whatever.”
“Because if you're hungry now, I can get you something.”
“No, I'm alright, thank you though.”
“What’s your name sweetie?” why won’t she just lay off? I asked myself.
“Gwen,”
“Well Gwen, I'm Aurora, if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Good, I’ll bring your dinner by soon.” Mmm yummy, in flight food, a voice in my head said. Shut up, said the other.
“Both of you just shut up!” I said. The man looked at me. I shifted in my seat.
“Anyway what was I saying, oh yeah, how old are you Gwen?” e asked.
“Twelve.”
“Twelve! You don’t look twelve!”
“I’ll be thirteen in three weeks sir.”
“Well that explains it, you're almost a woman then, in some cultures. Have you started your period yet?”
“Sir I would really prefer it if you leave me alone, I have a headache.”
“Do you know what the number one cure for a headache is?”
“No, sir, please, I wanna go to sleep.” He ignored me and leaned in really close so that I could feel his hot breath on my head. He pushed away my short silvery blonde hair and whispered into my ear.
“Sex.” He pulled away and started to laugh. “You do know what that is don’t you kitten? Its when a man and a-“
“I know!” I yelled at him. “Just stop, please!”
“Are you still a virgin, Gwen?” he put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it so I couldn’t pull away.
“Yes, I am, and I plan to be for quite some time.”
“You're going to California, that won’t last long sweetie pie.”
“Whatever, sir, look, I’ve had a long day, so will you please just leave me alone?”
“I'm just trying to make you feel better.” he kissed my neck and an alarm suddenly rang out inside of me, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t talk. Where was that annoying stewardess? Help! Someone help me! I screamed in my head. I was frozen where I sat. It seemed like the whole plane had shut off.
Finally I found my legs; I stood up and walked down the aisle to the bathrooms. I shut the door behind me and slid down the door so I was sitting on the ground. I put my head in my hands and cried as hard as I could.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door. I stood quickly and opened it to see the man I had been sitting next to. He was smiling widely, his tie was loose around his neck and he was breathing heavily.
“Good idea, coming to the bathroom, I didn’t catch on at first…” he pushed me back into the bathroom.
“No! LET M-” he covered my mouth to muffle my screams. I felt his lips on my face and his free hand rub my back. His free hand started to move down then up inside my shirt. His fingers reached my bra and they didn’t even pause for a second before he unhooked the clasps in the back. I tried to push him off but the problem was, there was no where to push him. Tears were streaking my face as I tried to scream for help. His hand shot down quickly and unfastened to button on my jeans.
“You have the most beautiful green eyes.” He whispered in my ear. He pulled down my pants and committed the biggest violation that has ever happened to my body. My muffled screams weren’t enough to draw attention to the little bathroom stall I was being raped in. I pushed and scratched but he seemed relentless. Finally I heard the lock click and he got off of me. He zipped up his pants, smiled, and left me there on the floor.
I cried so hard then I thought that my eyes would fall out. I didn’t realize that I was sobbing though, but after what seemed like an eternity I was brought back to earth by a knock on the door.
“Hello? Are you alright?” it was Aurora, the stewardess who spoke to me earlier. “Gwen?” I opened the door. “Oh my god, are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, I'm just upset over my grandma.” She nodded. She held her hand out to me.
“Come on; let’s go back to your seat-”
“No! I mean, I don’t want to go back to my seat.”
“Why?”
“I don’t like the guy I'm sitting next to, he’s creepy.”
“Well, there is a seat left in first class, I’ll upgrade you there, you’ll be more comfortable.”
“Are you sure?”
“Oh yes.’
The rest of the ride I sat in first class and stared out of the window. My life was turning into hell. I had just lost my innocence to a forty year old man in a plane’s bathroom, not exactly how I would have pictured it. When the plane landed Aurora walked off with me into the lobby of the airport. She stood there with me and waited for someone to pick me up. The man I was sitting next to came off of his plane carrying his bag. He looked around the lobby then he spotted me. He smiled wide and waved at me. I turned around and almost threw up when I noticed a dark haired man and a red haired woman walking towards Aurora and me.
“Gwen?” the woman asked me when she approached. I nodded.
“Hi, I'm your mother, Dana Evans, and this is your stepfather, Jared Evans.” Jared shook my hand then Dana hugged me.
“Hi.”
“Have you been crying sweetie? You look kind of worn.” Dana said taking my hand. I pulled it away from her grasp.
“No, I’m fine.”
“Well I have to go, bye Gwen.” Aurora waved and walked back on the plane.

2 I can't keep going under | I've got to breathe