you know you've got everybody fooled

:: 2004 31 May :: 7.23pm
:: Music: lying from you - linkin park

"Figure .09"
Linkin Park

Nothing ever stops all these thoughts
And the pain attached to them
Sometimes I wonder why this is happening
It's like nothing I can do
Would distract me when
I think of how I shot myself in the back again
'Cause from the infinite words I could say
I put all the pain you gave to me on display
But didn't realize instead of setting it free
I took what I hated and made it apart of me

It never goes away
It never goes away

And now
You've become a part of me
You'll always be right here
You've become a part of me
You'll always be my fear
I can't separate myself from
What I've done
I've given up a part of me
I've let myself become you

Hearing your name the memories come back again
I remember when it started happening
I'd see you in every thought I had and then
The thoughts slowly found words attached to them
And I knew as they escaped away I was
Committing myself to them and every day
I regret saying those things
'Cause now I see that
I Took what I hated and made it apart of me

It never goes away
It never goes away

And now
You've become a part of me
You'll always be right here
You've become a part of me
You'll always be my fear
I can't separate myself from
What I've done
I've given up a part of me
I've let myself become you

It never goes away
It never goes away
It never goes away
It never goes away

Get away from me!
Give me my space back, you've gotta just (go)
Everything just comes down to memories of (you)
I've kept it in but now I'm letting you (know)
I've let you go! So..

Get away from me!
Give me my space back, you've gotta just (go)
Everything just comes down to memories of (you)
I've kept it in but now I'm letting you (know)
I've let you go!

And now
You've become a part of me
You'll always be right here
You've become a part of me
You'll always be my fear
I can't separate myself from
What I've done
I've given up a part of me
I've let myself become you

I've let myself become you
I've let myself become lost inside
These thoughts of you
Giving up on part of me
I've let myself become you

:: 2004 31 May :: 2.25pm

sorry i havent updated... i've been @ the jersey shore!!! woot woot! timmy's second birthdayy.. if u asked him how old he is, he'd say two! and hold up 5 fingers lol it was sooo cutee!!! chrissy nd TJ came for that night too omg TJ's taller than me now!!!! its not fair!!! i've got a year on him but hes got a couple of inches on me! i was like nooo lol ok ANYWAY! OMG!! WE HAD SO MUCH FUN THAT NIGHT!!! WE PLAYED FOOTBALL IN THE DARK ON THE BEACH AT 10 AT NIGHT!! OMG SO MUCH FUN! me and chrissy actually scored touchdowns against TJ nd matt lol it was funny... and then we kept having to move cuz the big sand trucker guy was gunna run us over =]~ hahaha... me and chrissy got ELMO PARTY HATS!!! SO TOTALLY GHETTO! lmaooo chrissy's new nickname is ghetto girl rofl... but our hats were soooo cool lol... we went to the beach yesterday but it was cold and i got sunburn so no fun there... but then when we got back my brother HAD to play mini-golf so we went nd we were talkin to the people in front of us nd the lil kid was like maybe molly's age but his personality reminded me soo much of thomas's lol it was like i was talkinn to him i thought it was funny... ok soo lets see... then we went to kellys for dinner and then this morning i ate lots of pancakes nd bacon lmaoo... then we left and a one hour trip took THREE AND A HALF HOURS i was going CRAZY! oyy and now i gotta go cuz i got finals to study for... oh and after thinkin bout him ALL weekend, i saw him when i got homee<3

:: 2004 29 May :: 3.12pm

Arg
Ah I'm grounded for god knows how long. Starting tomorrow. I walked over to my friend's house yesterday and I was supposed to call my mom when I got there but I completely forgot because I had other things on my mind and she came over there and got all pissed and starting tomorrow I'm grounded. So, yeah, I probably won't be updating for a while.
Things haven't been going so well, really, I've even taken up smoking. *SHAME*
Hopefully they'll get better. See you all later.

3 not real | & you can't save me

:: 2004 28 May :: 9.32pm
:: Music: in the shadows, the rasmus

aaaah i got the rasmus cd!!! yayyyyyy! woot woot! ive been watching ive been waiting in the shadows for my time ive been searching ive been living for tomorrows all my life! in the shadows<3

omg the lead singer is soo cool im beginning to think his voice is cooler than jordans!!! aah! and omg he loooks sooooo cool... he looks hot with eyeliner nd his feathers cominn outta his head lol im like in love w/him!

i feel really bad i kinda blew off shawn today... aah! its torturing me cuz i feel HORRIBLE! he asked me around 3 if i wanted to go to the movies nd i said i had a game nd he could come if he wanted so hes like alright nd then my game got rained out so i called him to tell him not to come but i was @ kaitlyns house when i called him nd hes like u wanna go then? and i said omg i didnt even think of it im @ kaitlyns nd hes like oh ok... and im like u can come w/us to 86th street if u want nd hes like no i told my friend i'd go to the movies w/him nd i was like ok well i'll ttyl then nd hes like ight bye and i feel bad cuz he asked me to chill before kaitlyn did and i went with kaitlyn! and i feel SOOOO BAD! i kept tellin kait come on lets go to the movies nd shes like i dun wanna and OMG I STILL FEEL BAD!!! I FEEL GUILTY!!!!! someone, ANYONE tell me how to stop being guilty...

i told kaitlyn im gunna apologize to him next time i see him... and if i dont talk to him by monday im gunna call him monday nd be like "hey im sorry for not goin w/u on friday u wanna go to the movies tonight?" oyy LEAVE ME A COMMENT PLEASEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

:: 2004 27 May :: 9.33pm
:: Music: velvet revolver - slitherrr

this is a good song.. BUT SO IS 'IN THE SHADOWS' BY RASMUS!!! woot omg good song! one of my new favorite bands... its YC,SOTY, and now them! woohoo!!! omg i wanna write a long entry but i have nothing to write about!!! grrr!!!! ok well i must go now so bye...

:: 2004 27 May :: 4.19pm

omg it was soo funny we did the cha-cha slide in the middle of lunch wow i was cracking up it was great... who did it? oyy i cant remember everyone... um me and athena n jaime n mike and lorraine and evelyn n lucy.. wow it was hysterical

today was the last time im gunna see my kids!!! omg im so sad!!!! and i dont think me nd adrianna can go to their graduation cuz we have finals that day!!! ::tears:: i took LOTS of pictures today though! i got 2 pics of najee lolol adrianna we're never EVER gunna forget najee lol i cant believe james wasnt there he;s the cutest little kid EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

everytime i try to fly i fall without my wings i feel so small, i guess i need you baby, and everytime i see you in my dreams i see your face, its haunting me i guess i need you baby<3 i've had a sudden obsession with that song! i cant remember if i updated yesterday lol i know im a loserr with no memory...

em's mad at peter nd i feel bad cuz hes upset! im tryin to help him but theres only so much i can do, i mean, she wont listen to me when i talk about him... omg now i feel horrible hes so upset he really really really likes her!!! ughhh this suckss... im outt... i dont have anything left to type...

shoutouts to that special someone<3

:: 2004 26 May :: 3.54pm
:: Music: Duality - Slipknot

I push my fingers into my eyes
Today has been an odd day. It's felt like I've been on drugs the whole time and the whole day has just been a dream. Like it wasn't really me living it, it was just some big movie or something. Then during the last part of school I had the worst stomach cramps known to man. They weren't like oh-shit-I-got-my-period cramps they were like, Midol-cannot-even-try-to-cure-the-evil-Antichrist-pain. And it's not even that time of the month, nor is it near that time. They've gone away for the most part now, but I still feel a bit dizzy. Oh yeah, I was talking to my ex boyfriend yesterday on the net, and he was grilling me to see if I liked this certain boy and then he said, "You know I would get really mad if you dated anyone else." Then he avoided me all of today. I still want to be his friend, but I will never like him the way he wants me to. Arg. On a lighter note...or louder note, I bought the new Slipknot album last night. $9.95 at Wal-Mart, baby! It's not too bad. "Duality" has grown on me so much. I didn't even used to like Slipknot that much. Well I have to go to my dad's soon, and I really don't want to go because I'm not in that great of a mood, and whatever mood I'm in, HE'LL go into that mood to let me know "what it feels like" when I'm in that mood. He can be so childish.

:: 2004 26 May :: 2.31pm

sorry i didnt updae yesterday... OMG! crap its late i gotta do my plan but i'll write more when im done with it!

:: 2004 25 May :: 6.59pm

If there is one person you can't stop thinking about, post this same exact sentence in your journal.

:: 2004 25 May :: 7.05pm

I <33 Marissa
I told you I'd make you one hun!

Wub ya!

:: 2004 24 May :: 8.02pm

i just found out that the end of my favorite line from a song is "i can live without you" instead of i cant lmaoooo oh well i still count it as cant lol

LOVE IS LIKE NOVACAINE!!!!!!

ali i miss talking to you alot!!! we never have our long conversations anymore i miss you!!!

im starting to work on the pages for the yearbooks for my close friends... cuz im not just signing like near my picture im writing pages lol... like on computer paper... that i can stick in lmaoo.. i gotta get started on decorating my softball book too... ima bring it on friday so that people can start writing in it...... i cant believe im never gunna see half of these people again!!!! no!!! omg im gunna miss katie SO much... OMG it suckss she lives so far away im never gunna see herrrrr...but ima take her on a buddyday next yearr so we can spend a whole day together...its hot out lol... mike barrett's my new best friend lol dont ask... shes the blade and your just paper... sryy if i just start singing songs randomly lol.. eww why are my journal colors black and PINK? ughh what was i thinking... i need to change that...
woot check out me nd mike's convo!

BlindedByTears2x [8:03 PM]: hey best friend!
streetsk8ter4638 [8:03 PM]: hey best friend
BlindedByTears2x [8:03 PM]: what ya doin best friend
streetsk8ter4638 [8:04 PM]: nothin best friend
BlindedByTears2x [8:04 PM]: so best friend what cds u bought latelyy
streetsk8ter4638 [8:05 PM]: jay z
BlindedByTears2x [8:05 PM]: u are kidding, right best friend?
streetsk8ter4638 [8:05 PM]: yes best friend
BlindedByTears2x [8:05 PM]: just makinn sure best friend
streetsk8ter4638 [8:05 PM]: i got sublime
streetsk8ter4638 [8:05 PM]: rufio
streetsk8ter4638 [8:05 PM]: starting line
streetsk8ter4638 [8:06 PM]: which isnt too bad
BlindedByTears2x [8:06 PM]: whoa best friend has some cashh
streetsk8ter4638 [8:06 PM]: even tho there kinda emo
BlindedByTears2x [8:06 PM]: i dont like them...
BlindedByTears2x [8:06 PM]: oh well if u like them best friend then i like them
streetsk8ter4638 [8:06 PM]: lol

lolololol

'this may never start' ... what if me and him never start? will i be ok? i dunno... 'my heart's beating faster'

streetsk8ter4638 [8:10 PM]: cool man
streetsk8ter4638 [8:10 PM]: i mean girl

good catch there mike!!! lol hes so cute

i NEED to watch the inferno tonight... i wanna see katie screw up the mission lol

i just randomly broke out into:
BlindedByTears2x [8:14 PM]: MIKE!!!!!
streetsk8ter4638 [8:15 PM]: KRISTEN!!!
BlindedByTears2x [8:15 PM]: MIKE!!!!!
streetsk8ter4638 [8:15 PM]: KRISTEN!!!
BlindedByTears2x [8:15 PM]: MIKE!!!!
streetsk8ter4638 [8:15 PM]: have you ever tried ass?
BlindedByTears2x [8:15 PM]: lmaoo

im sorry our convo is just hysterical lmaoo... i gotta go finish my collage nd i wanna work on my softball book so laterrrr!! mwaa

my last minute dedicationss to ali cuz i miss you babyy call me laterrr mwaa love youuu

:: 2004 24 May :: 6.19pm

omg yesterday was SOO MUCH FUN!!! it started with MJ just spraying me n meg w/the hose nd then it turned into a HUGE water fight w/molly n coco n me n meg n then we HAD to get shawn cuz me AND meg both love shawn lol so we get him n then we get alex who came outta shawns house looking for him n then adam came back to shawns nd we got him to and we were out there for like an hour it was soooo much fun nd i was like in heaven when he was tryin to get the hose from me and he like had his arms around me lol but it was soo fun cuz we were both like hysterical laughing nd soaking wet... ::sigh:: hes soo effin perfect! oyyyyy... ok so anyway we changed n then he ordered a pizza for me n him n alex n adam n then we played round up n it was soo cute cuz adam kept being it firstt nd he always went for me first cuz he knows he can catch me even though it takes alot cuz i run fast but victor kept goin around cars, alex kept hiding, and no one can catch shawn so he went for me nd shawn kept tryin to distract adam so i could get away it was so sweet lol it sounds like its not alot but if u were there it was like total 'aw' and then he got my cell# laterr nd he called me nd told me to come over n chill nd we watched a movie ((X2 -- good movieee)) n i was like with him for such a long time!! from about 2 to 9 lol yayy<3

today me nd meg took a 2 mile walk around the track... it was fun...

dinner timeee mwa ali leave a commentt luv yaa like a siss call me laterrr<3

1 not real | & you can't save me

:: 2004 24 May :: 4.17pm

Ooo my London After Midnight shirt came in the mail today. It's so perrrty. <33