spell out this love across the universe

Think about smoking cigarettes?

:: 2005 10 February :: 9.15am
:: Mood: contemplative

If you never read anything in my journal, click these links and read. kthanks.

Weed.

CMNT.

:: 2005 9 February :: 9.49pm
:: Mood: moody

So I woke up and after the whole staying home, not remembering what my Mom said ordeal, we went to the Sand Bar.. Matt my Mom and I made cabbage and noodles. Mmmmm, sooo good. Then my Mom made me some tuna. That was really good to. Around 2:00 Dustin came to get me to take me to the hospital for my ribs, but then he was like "Oh, well I have to go to Chucks- I thought I was just dropping her off.. I'll be back in an hour to take her." So my Mom got mad and had Matt take me. So I got there at 3:00, my Aunt Loraine gets off work at 3:30 [she works at the hospital.] and she came down and stayed with me. I was there for 5 1/2 hours.

I got there, got registered and everything and they didn't even take me back into the ER for 2 hours. Then when I did get back there, I wasn't seen for about 15 minutes. I had to give them a urine sample to make sure that I wasn't pregnant- I told them that I wasn't, but the nurse was like "Oh well we have to just to make sure because you're getting an x-ray." THAT WAS THE LONGEST 15 MINUTES OF MY LIFE. Okay, yes I knew I wasn't pregnant- but just the idea of it.. it scared me to death. I was sitting there and I kept telling myself that I wasn't pregnant I wasn't pregnant I wasn't pregnant. I don't know why I was so upset about it because I haven't missed a period or anything. I was just terrified. But finially after 15 minutes of horror, the doctor said "Okay, lets go get that x-ray." FINALLY. So I went back and got x-rays of my ribs to make sure everything was okay. And everything is okay- I have no cracked/broken ribs. I have a very bad case of bronchitus [sp???] and some Pleurisy or something that's making my ribs/that area so sore that it makes me feel like I have broken ribs.. so I'm very glad that all my ribs are intact. I didn't even get home until like 8:30. I have an inhaler that I have to take 4 times a day, and I have 2 prescriptions that I have to get filled. I know one of them cost $60, and I have no clue how much the other one costs.. I don't think I want to know.

So no school for me tomorrow because one of the meds I'm on makes me very drowsy. Ahhh, great. I hate this stupid shit;; I just want to feel better!!!!

:: 2005 9 February :: 11.00am
:: Mood: cranky

Well gee, where am I? At home. I called my mom last night to see whether or not I should go to school because she is taking me to the hospital today. She said to stay home. But I said "Oh, I think I should go because I've been missing a lot of school." So she said okay, and that she would try to get my brother to pick me up after school so I wouldn't have to go on the bus. She said that she'd call me and leave me a message on my cell when she gotta hold of him. Well I went to bed pretty early last night because I was exhausted. I guess she called me and talked to me and told me that Dustin would just pick me up and then take me to the Sand Bar and she'd take me to the hospital from there.

Well when I woke up this morning, I had no clue that she called me, and I do not remember her telling me that. So I tried and tried to wake her up.. but she wouldn't wake up. [Her and George closed the bar last night.. so they didn't get home 'til about 3:00] I just figure that I'd stay home just incase no one could pick me up because I can not ride the bus- it kills my ribs.

My mom woke up around 9:45 when Gabrielle woke up and started fussing came in my room and was like "Why are you home?" I thought she was mad at me; it turns out she wasn't.. but I guess she thought that she came in my room and checked on Gabrielle earlier and didn't see me. Hmmm..

I tried to call Kelly earlier this morning, but her phone went straight to her message box thingy, and I can't call her cell because she never has it. I probably fell back asleep though because my mom was like "Who was knocking on the door earlier this morning?" It was probably Kelly.

Hmmmm.. Becky's like the only one that comments on my journal anymore. Why have friends if they don't comment? I don't know.

Am I cool or uncool? [CLICK]

:: 2005 8 February :: 9.31pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Jim in my ear.

You are Cool!

You're pretty cool! People look at you and think.. 'wow.. that person is cool!' Congratulations. Use your position wisely and teach the dorks below you a thing or two. There's nothing like recruiting a cool person.

Cool quizzes at Go-Quiz.com

Well I called my mom because my ribs are hurting too much. I'm going to the hospital tomorrow [finally!] I kept putting it off saying "I'm fine" "I'm alright" but it's really starting to hurt now. My mom wanted me to just stay home tomorrow- but I told her that I actually wanted to go to school because I've been missing so much. Very mature of me- huh? ;) Right now I'm on the phone with Jim. I'm really tired because I can't sleep. I haven't had a good nights rest in so long- I don't even remember what that is. There is no school on Friday, and Becky is staying over on Saturday, then my sister Annas birthday party is on Sunday. I really hope I get to see Jim this weekend. I miss him.

What's the use in having a permit if you never use it? Uhhhh.. I don't know, I wish I knew the answer. But anyways, my brothers friend killed herself the other day.. I just found out yesterday, he's really upset about it. I just wish I could say something to console him- but we really aren't as close as we should be.. so what can I say? I feel terrible though.

I notice when I get sad or something's wrong in my life I often tend to write a lot in my journal, I take up useless space.. rambling on about things that don't really matter. Why? I'm not really sure. It doesn't make me feel better. Or maybe it does. I just don't know.

I really should be doing my homework, but then again- I don't want to. How's that quote go? "You can't avoid responsibility tomorrow by ignoring it today." I know that's not exactly it; but it goes something like that.

Oh yeah, those quiz results are definitely right. I am too cool for school. <3

:: 2005 8 February :: 9.10pm
:: Mood: disappointed

You're The Sound and the Fury!

by William Faulkner

Strong-willed but deeply confused, you are trying to come to grips
with a major crisis in your life. You can see many different perspectives on the issue,
but you're mostly overwhelmed with despair at what you've lost. People often have a hard
time understanding you, but they have some vague sense that you must be brilliant
anyway. Ultimately, you signify nothing.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

And ummmm- no.. It's not a crime to leave me a comment once and a while.

:: 2005 8 February :: 5.20pm
:: Mood: upset

I knew today was going to be a bad one when I woke up 10 minutes before I had to walk out the door to get drove to school. During those 10 minutes I woke my sisters up, got a shower, tried to wake my mom up to get the stuff to wrap around my ribs [but she failed to wake up.. and kept telling me "in the fridge"] got dressed, blow dried my hair, put on makeup, shoes, my hoodie, and walked out the door.

I got to school about 1 second before the bell rang, got to class 2 seconds before the late bell rang. 1st period went really fast, I think because we didn't do shit except watch some dumb thing on tv about our chapter. I just sat in a daze thinking about my ribs hurting.

2nd pd. Geom. went really slow, we got our seats changed, tests back.. I got 62/100 oh wow, at least I didn't fail horribly I guess. I now sit by Tim, Jodi, and I don't know who sits behind me because I was hurting to much to actually pay attention. Nichole sits like 3 seats away with no chance of talking to me.. but once again I sit in front of the teachers desk. Damnit, now I might actually have to work in that class.

3rd period English was probably one of the better classes of the day. I got in there and Mr. Baker was like "Well, where have you been?" so I told him about me being sick, cracking a rib ect. We were working on our Writing assesments, and he was talking to me.. haha; I didn't hear him so I was like "Sorry, I didn't hear you- I can't hear outta my left hear because of my ear infection." After that he went on this big thing about making sure he talked really loud for me- and put his hands up to his mouth to make sure I heard him.. haha. We also listened to "Are you ready" songs, as we do everyday now to 'get ready' for our writing assesments. hahaha, "R U Ready?" by Craig David- we couldn't understand the lyrics so Tim printed them out for everyone on the computer.. I will NEVER FORGET this song for as long as I live.. "the Artful Dodger" LMAO.. sorry guys and girls- but you had to be there. It was the best part of my day. Ahhh.

4th period was.. 4th period. What can I say about accounting? Besides Nichole and I have NO CLUE of what were doing.. and now we have some big project due this coming Monday.. wtf; I'm doomed in that class.

5[A]th period was LUNCH. Well what can you say about lunch? I forgot my money, because I left my little money purse in Gabrielles diaper bag. So I had to write my name on the little book- haha. I'm a big loser.

5[B]th period I had gym with Steph; we didn't do anything because Mrs. D was there [She's the best.] and since I have a cracked rib.. I can't really do anything anyways. Nice.

6th period I just had study hall in Mr. Maleckys room- I just took it easy, went to my locker, restroom and took a nap.

7th period I had Child Development. We're reading A Child Called It It's about child abuse.. everyones supposed to read up to chapter 5, I haven't been there.. so I had to read from chapter 1-5 and I'm on chapter 5 already. I read 5 chapters in 1 period. I hate reading like that because I can read really fast and I have to stop just because everyone else is a slow reader.. okay- blah.

8th period is Biology, I hate that class. I'm so behind in there because I missed the last like 2 weeks of school but Mrs. Foglia is okay and lets me make things up when I want to. Blah, I just don't like science. It's boring.

God, I thought I was going to die on the bus ride home. Our bus ride is really bumpy because I live out in the country, so it's all back roads. God, I had to move to the front of the bus [well, I usually do anyways.. but today I did it because I was in such pain.] So I was sitting up in the front seat minding my own business. This one kid in the middle school, I don't know his name- but he's so loud. I turned around and told him to shut up. This other boy Brandon Berdine, said something like "don't take that from her, say something back" so I was like "Do you have something to say to me? Say it to me, not the seat, and not to your friends" haha, we got into this fight and I ended up telling him off. When I finially did turn around he kept saying things like "Oh, I need to calm down." "I need to go back to the Elementry center" haha. Yeah, he definitely needs to take more meds.

I came home and my Aunt Loraine was going to take Gabrielle to Greg and Tiffanys, but noooo- my mom left the base of Gabrielles car seat in the car, and she's at the bar. Oh my gosh, I can barely lift her because of my ribs. It just sucks not to be able to take care of your own daughter.. My sister Samantha has a basketball game tonight- so my sisters won't even be here to help me. Ahhhh. I'm gonna be hurting tomorrow.

<3

6 ! | CMNT.

:: 2005 7 February :: 11.08pm
:: Mood: depressed

You are a Drama Queen!

Congratulations, you should win the Oscar for performance of the year!
You're the type of girl who everyone knows - and loves or hates
You always speak your mind, going for a some shock value if necessary
Dramatic, yes - but it also almost always gets you what you want

Are You a Shopaholic? Take This Quiz :-)

You Are An Emotional Prude!

You think know everything, so interactions with people often frustrate you.
Life would be so much simpler if others would just stop talking!
You know what you want, and it's nothing but the best.
So you're often disapointed when others can't live up to your standards.
But only for a second, cuz you never REALLY expected them to be on your level anyway...
How Emotional Are You?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

:: 2005 7 February :: 8.57pm
:: Mood: depressed

I wish someone cared.

:: 2005 7 February :: 5.53pm
:: Mood: in pain

Basics
+ 001. name: Jena
+ 002. nicknames: Jen, P, Baby
+ 003. sex: female
+ 004. birthday: January 27
+ 005. age: 17
+ 006. star sign:
+ 007. place of birth: I think either Washington or Monongahela [sp?] hospital
+ 008. current residence: Eighty Four
+ 009. hair color: brown
+ 010. eye color: brown
+ 011. height: 5' 9
+ 012. writing hand: right

Body Ills + Skills
+ 013. do you bite your nails? no
+ 014. can you roll your tongue? no
+ 015. do you have any habits? I always move my toes around.. it's kinda weird.
+ 016. can you raise one eyebrow at a time? I can only move my left one
+ 017. colored hair: yes
+ 018. tatoos and where: none
+ 019. piercings and where: ears, belly button
+ 020. do you make your bed daily? yeah right
+ 021. which shoe goes on first? left
+ 022. speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at someone? No, I can't say that I have.
+ 023. what jewelry do you where 24/7? my watch, and always a necklace
+ 024. how many cereals are in your cabinet? *goes to count them* 7 boxes of cereal
+ 025. what utensils do you use eating pizza? none
+ 026. do you cook? sometimes
+ 027. how often do you do the dishes? I dunno, a few times a week now.. we have "chores"

Grooming
+ 028. how often do you brush your teeth? 2 times a day
+ 029. how often do you shower or bathe? once a day.. usually in the morning
+ 030. how long do these showers last? I'm not to sure.
+ 031. hair drying method: I put my hair in a towel, then when I have time I blow dry it
+ 032. do you swear? yeah, a lot.
+ 033. do you mumble to yourself? I think I do
+ 034. do you spit in public? eww, no.
+ 035. person you talk most on the phone with? Jim
+ 036. what color is your bedroom? white, though some may disagree with all the things on my walls.. lol
+ 037. do you use an alarm clock? yes, I used to have a big one- but now I just use the one on my cell phone.
+ 038. name one thing and person you're obsessed with: one thing- my school planner one person- Gabrielle/Jim
+ 039. window seat or aisle: depends on my mood.
+ 040. whats your sleeping position: again, depends on my mood.
+ 041. what kind of bed do you like? Jims.
+ 042. in hot weather do you use a blanket? Yes, always.
+ 043. do you snore? Jim says I do.. but I really don't think so.
+ 044. do you sleep walk? no
+ 045. do you talk in your sleep? not sure.
+ 046. do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Yes, Mr. Floppers.
+ 047. how abut the light on? yes
+ 048. do you fall asleep with the tv or radio on? no, it has to be quite.

When Was The Last Time You
+ 049. watched bambi? long time ago
+ 050. talked on the phone? about 4:30, when Jim called me.
+ 051. read a book? a few weeks ago.
+ 052. punched someone? 3 days ago.

Future
+ 053. where do you see yourself ten years from now? I really just don't even see myself in 10 years.
+ 054. who are you gonna marry and where? Jim, outside on my deck by the pool
+ 055. how many kids do you want to have: 2

Friends
+ 056. who are your best friends? Amy, Becky
+ 057. what friend do you hang out with the most? Kelly
+ 058. what friend makes you smile the most? Gabrielle
+ 056. friend that you fight with the most? Eh.. depends.
+ 060. one you talk to on the computer the most: Becky
+ 061. friend that you miss the most? none of them.. I see them all the time.

Random
+ 062. do screennames/journal names with numbers in them bother you? yes.. I just think it's tacky.
+ 063. do you hate anyone? yes, maybe not "hate" but i strongly dislike them
+ 064. are you immature? if I'm with my friends, I can act immature just for fun- but in reality I'm really not.
+ 065. favorite kind of ice cream? OREO
+ 066. what grade are you in? 11th
+ 067. are you a virgin? no
+ 068. what is the ultimate thing you hate? girls.
+ 069. what do you think about the number of this question? uhh.. it's 069. wow, I'm amazed??

:: 2005 6 February :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: drained

I think that I've come to the realization that school truely depresses me. Not the "depressed" that you probably think that I'm talking about; but I mean just really depressed.. and no- I'm not trying to get any attention and no I'm not going to kill myself so don't get all excited or start rumors or anything.

I'm going to talk to my mom about just not going anymore. It will make everything easier anyhow. Online schooling or something.. my Aunt Di can help me.

It's not like anyone cares if I go to school or not- so really, what's the difference?

And just no one note me on here. Because the only time I even get any comments is when I'm depressed or whatever. Just don't say anything. KThanks.

Sometimes I cry and I don't exactly know the reason why.
I think of how my life could be but when I do I realize that�s not me.
I used to be happy all the time;
I never even realized that all these tears where mine.
I've had times when I've just given up, I just wanna die but I have no such luck.
I have these thoughts of just cutting in but it feels like such a sin.
I smile on the outside and I seem happy but you never see the pain I hide on the inside.
The pain is like a poison within me it starts in the heart and spreads so quickly.
I don't understand the way I'm feeling..
I guess pain is part of the process of healing.
I've heard the whispers inside my mind, why must this world be so fucking unkind.
I may seem immature with the words that I say; but maybe you'll see it from my point of view one day.
All theses things that I've shared and the words that I've said;;
Could never be compared to the things in my head

:: 2005 6 February :: 1.20am
:: Mood: my ribs hurt.

I definitely feel like I'm being stuck in the ribs with a knife or something because of my cold that I have.. it sucks pretty bad. But I'll get over it..

Our party was cool, but not a lot of people came- most family had to work; or they were sick. A lot of them were sick.. I feel bad because I probably got them all sick. Ahhhhhh.. Out of like the 4 friends I invited only Becky and Amy came.. NICHOLE isn't cool enough, lol- just playin' Nichole you know I love you. I wish Steph woulda' came.. :( But I guess she couldn't get a ride.. boooo. I got a lotta cute things, and some money [I definitely needed.] We ate pizza and had salad, it was so good.. ahhh, I was in the mood for that. After I played pool with my Aunt Diana, I got a cup- put a dollar in it and passed it around and said it was the "Jena Fund" lmfao, everyone was like puttin' money in it and everything. hahaha, I was just joking around and I actually got like 11 bucks.. I started Gabrielle a money bank for when she gets older- I have over 25 dollars already in just change and everything.. So I figured I'd just put that money in Gabrielles little bank. I gave Kelly half of it; so I only put like 6 bucks in Gabs bank.

It was about 8:00 I think before everyone started to leave, my Aunt Di took Kelly, Amy, Becky, Jim and I to Wal*Mart so I could buy Gabrielle some diapers, baby food, formula, water, and some new toys. It was soooo funny because Becky had her baby from Child Development with her, and we were walking around Wal*Mart with this fake baby in the Wal*Mart buggy car seat thingy, and since I was buying Gabrielle baby food ect.. it looked like she was buying the fake baby all kinda things, LMAO it was so funny- maybe you had to be there, but it was the funniest thing. Everyone was looking at us.

There wasn't enough room in my Aunt Di's car so I had to sit in Jims lap.. lol, that wasn't a bad thing. :-P I miss seeing Jim like I used to.. blah. Anyways we came home but Jim had to go home 'cause it's "girls night" and Jim isn't allowed to stay tonight.. teehee. So he left, I put the Wal*Mart things away, then we all just hung out in my room. Becky and I started to play Smart Mouth then Kelly came over.. So her and Amy started to play.. We were on teams, Becky and I kicked ass. Hahahahaha, "Cock" "Clit" all the funny words that had NOTHING to do with the letters.. oh man too funny. Again; you had to be here.

Gabrielle is up my Aunt Loraines for the night.. Amy is sleeping right now. Becky and I are sitting here talking. I'm about ready to go to sleep.. OMG, HOW COULD I FORGET!?!?! My mom and George got me a NEW CELL PHONE. Which mine is from like 1969 and it's like the size of a freakin' dog. Lmao, I can't wait until I get it.. it won't be in until today or Monday. It's a flip camera phone. I can't wait. That's def. the best present I got.. except for Gabrielle being at my party- that's the best present of all. :-P

Night!

:: 2005 5 February :: 11.14am
:: Mood: exhausted

So yesterday was okay. I stayed home from school; then around 6:00 Jim and his mom came to pick Gabrielle and I up from my house, we went to his house.. ordered some things from up Kuzins, I drove up and got them.. teehee. Jim doesn't like that I have my permit.. I don't think he wants me to have the freedom to just go do what I like. I don't know if he thinks I'm gonna go out and "meet boys" lmao, yeah.. I know hundreds of guys just lined up waiting for me. hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

I came home at around 11:00, I called my mom and left a message on her cell phone saying that I would be staying up Aunt Loraines because I didn't feel like walking the 20 steps home.. and then at like 12:35 [I remember the time exactly, because she fuckin' woke me up.] she called and was like "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU???? I TOLD YOU TO BE HOME EARLIER, YOU BETTER BE HOME IN 5 MINUTES." I was like "I am home, I'm up Aunt Loraines, I called and left you a message on your cell.. LIKE YOU TOLD ME TOO, so shut up." then she was like "No you didn't. It doesn't say I have a message." I was getting really mad, so I just hung up. It really pissed me off. Don't fucking call me at 12:30 at night and start screaming at me just because SHE didn't check HER messages. Haha, grow up and think before you speak. Ahhh.

On another note, Kelly and I's party is today.. I don't even feel like going- but I will. Blah. I know I'll perk up by then though.. I just hope some other friends come beside Amy and Becky.. I know I forgot to invite a lot of people though; so if no one shows up- it'll be my fault. But for real, don't make up excueses not to come, if you don't want to come just say so. Nothing pisses me off more than lame excuses.

I'm tired and bitchy, so I'm gonna go.

:: 2005 3 February :: 8.31pm
:: Mood: tired

Well, today was pretty shitty again. I feel like shit, so I got up didn't get a shower, went to get my permit.. *PASSED* [now I'm a drivin' gal!!!] haha.. then I went to get MORE meds. I have a "Bad Virus" thus I have a 2 terrible ear aches, my upper back hurts, and I'm still coughing. I want to die.. and I'm not going to school again tomorrow. Wow, I've been missing a lot of school. I want to just finish school online or something.. which I just should because I'm so behind in everything already, but I don't know. I guess I should talk to my mom about it.. I was going to do that in the first place, but I changed my mind. I don't know what to do. I'm just so tired right now..

Kelly and I's birthday party is this Saturday.. I'm STILL sick; but we're not changing it again. I will go if it kills me. Jim and his mom are going to see Jeff this weekend again.. they wanted me and Gabrielle to go with them; but since I'm sick and the party- I can't. I hope Jim stays home.. but I don't know..

I'm going to bed. Night.

CMNT.

:: 2005 2 February :: 6.38am
:: Mood: crappy

No one will ever guess what I did in the shower this morning.. it was something I hardley EVER do.. now GUESS before you read more..

Read more..

I know, it's to overwhelming. Like whoa!

[Edit//5:23 pm] I didn't feel like writing a new entry, because I didn't feel like it, so I'm adding to this one. I feel like shit, but I went to school for the FBLA trip. Nichole and I placed 5th in Desktop Publishing. I feel like shit, I have an ear ache in each ear, and I'm very hungry. Jim called me and I yelled at him for no reason, basicly because I'm just tired, sick, and I just want to sleep.. but can't ever seem to do so because I'm always being disturbed by my sisters, the phone or Gabrielle. It just sucks. My Aunt Loraine just called me back and told me that I needed to either go to the doctors tomorrow or to the Emergency Room tonight because it's not good to have ear infections for long because it can cause damage or something.. I don't know. I got my report card today, I pretty much suck in everything. But I'm too sick to give a shit. I'll worry about that later. Gabrielle is hungry.. time to go be a Mommy. [//edit]

:: 2005 1 February :: 9.31pm
:: Mood: blah

I just wanted to update saying that.. I miss Jim.

and that if you have a myspace to add me. Because it is way cool. ['Cuz I said so.. duh.]

CMNT.

:: 2005 1 February :: 5.08pm

Nothing ever seems to go my way no matter what I do, it always gets fucked up.

God, fuck it. I don't give a shit anymore. Everyone and everything can go to fucking HELL.

[Edit//6:45] I want some orange juice.. right now and I don't fucking have any. Why? Because nothing ever goes my way. Piece of shit. [//Edit]

:: 2005 31 January :: 7.21pm

So today was dumb.. I woke up went to school felt like shit, Kellys dad came to pick us up from school so Kelly could get her permit.. but the place was closed.. So we're prob. going tomorrow. After that I came home, did my chores [yes.. we all have CHORES now.. lmao] then I learned that my.. BIRTH CERTIFICATE came in the mail today.. I almost peed my pants. I can finially get my permit. So I'm going tomorrow with Kelly.. hopefully I don't fail. Teehee.

Wednesday is the RCL or RLC [I forget the order???] for FBLA.. Nichole and I are competting in Network Design. I'm gonna get all dressed up on Wed. WATCH OUT!

:: 2005 30 January :: 9.34pm
:: Mood: sleepy, tired of coughing

It's kinda weird how everyone agrees with me on this entry. And the notes I got about it.. But anyways.

Amy got a journal on here now. I don't think she's written an entry or anything yet. But hello Amy, now you can be cool like Becky and I!! Nice. And yes, that's cool because I said so.

Today was boring.. I woke up around 6:20 with Gabrielle, went back to sleep for an hour or so then my Mom woke up and we started putting away our Christmas decorations. Yeah, we just put them away today. Haha. After that I sat around the house.. then around 4:30 we all went up my Aunt Loraines to eat dinner. That was very good. Greg and Tiffany were up there [the ones that lost the baby..] they seem to be doing okay. I don't think seeing Gabrielle bothered them any. I was scared at first; but towards the end of the night they both held her; and I just hope they're okay.

My gram is doing great. My Aunt Diania on the other hand isn't. She can't have kids and her husband is a jerk. [as you know.. right Kel?] Well, she went home crying. I just wish things could be different for her. It's kinda hard to explain what exactly is wrong with her.. you just have to be part of my family to understand.

In other news my brother Dustin is going to jail on Feb. 18 for his second DUI. Jim called me a few days ago.. or maybe a few weeks ago; I'm not sure. But he called and told me. I just remembered today. He's in there for a month but he has work release.. which is a good thing. I'm scared for him; I don't know what it's like in jail- and I don't want to find out- but I know he'll do alright.. I'm just hoping for the best.

Back to school tomorrow.. I'm so behind in everything again. I doubt I'll ever get caught up.. but that's life for ya. Haha.

Tw1st3dxDr3ams (9:34:21 PM): pssh, I wanna be cool.
BECKY, YOU ARE COOL. Because I said so.

:: 2005 29 January :: 10.33pm
:: Mood: sick, but in a GREAT mood
:: Music: Meet Joe Black [the movie] on tv

Well, if people don't care about what I say, why read? Why pay attention to just some 17 year old girl that makes everyone try to feel bad for her because her life is so much harder than everyone elses. I don't think I said or implied that, but I did imply that you shouldn't think that your life is so hard, because things could always get harder.
People do read, and I think some people get mad because I actually have the balls to say shit that normally would not be said. Is that wrong to say those things? No, I don't think so. I say what's on my mind.. if you have a problem, please don't read. It's not hurting me any.

In other [sad] news, a few days ago my cousin Tiffany lost her baby.. she was 3 months along. She's not doing well. I feel horrible about it; but what do you say to someone when something like that happens? I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I don't want to pry.. so I'm not sure what to do. I'm scared to even bring Gabrielle around them because I don't want to set anything off. I would feel more terrible than words could express.

In better news my Gram is home from the hospital. She was only in for 2 days, but ANY hospital time is bad. I don't like when she's in the hospital. But she's up and ready to go to the mall already. [lol Kel] So I'm glad she is. That's why Gabrielle's up there right now, she makes my Gram feel better.. and plus it will be a year that my Pap died on February 14.. so that date is coming up fast.. no one is going to do well then.

I still have a fever or 101.4 and I'm coughing non-stop. I've been on meds for 4 days now. It should be stopping.. but I don't know. My mom is getting worried. But I think everythings okay. This is the first BAD things I've actually had all year.. except for my kidney infection when I was 5 months along with Gabrielle.

Kelly and I moved our birthday party to Feb. 5. Because of just a whole bunch of things.

So for the past week or so, I haven't been calling Jim. He'll call me but I'll only talk for a few seconds. I think it's starting to bother him, because he's calling more and more.. today he actually asked me to his house. I usually just say "Jim, I'm coming over tomorrow" or something like that.. So yeah, I definitely like how he's acting really cute and caring.. like it used to be. Now all we need is some together time withOUT his mom, or my mom. Just him Gabrielle and I. That's what I think.. I'm going to call him as soon as Gabrielle falls asleep. Right now she's just laying in her crib talking, cooing and just making little noises. Too cute. Way to cute.

I know, this is probably stupid.. but I kinda miss Jeff. [Jim's brother] Yeah, he was a little pain in the butt sometimes.. but he was nice sometimes to. Things are a lot different since he's been gone. I mean we weren't close or anything. And I really don't think that he even liked me.. I think he kinda disliked me; but anyways he was so cute around Gabrielle. Almost like he was a different person. I liked that person he was around her. But I know he's not coming home for a while.. and I don't really know what even made me think of him..

Amber had her baby today, Mason Ryan. Congrats Amber and Josh!

:: 2005 29 January :: 5.25pm

once again.. read >>this<< before you read my journal. k thanks.

:: 2005 29 January :: 2.51pm
:: Mood: bitchy

Once you enter highschool things change. Your best friend becomes a backstabbing bitch, your boyfriend becomes a prick, homework goes in the trash, cell phones are being used in class, detentions becomes suspention, soda becomes beer, gum becomes weed, bikes becomes cars, lolipops becomes cigarettes, lipgloss becomes makeup, french kissing becomes sex. Yeah highschool does change everybody.

I think it's funny how little 9th graders like to use words like "Muah" and "hun" okay, those aren't cool.. and you're not either. Or how some people get a lotta slack basicly because they're sluts that play sports, or how people think because they "give it out" they can get any guy they want, or think because they have seniors as friends they think they're "safe"? What is "safe"? "Safe" from being beat up? "Safe" from what exactly? I think it's also funny how just because I had a baby that I'm now considered to be a whore; but I've only had sex with one person. Yes I've had sex with Jim probably a lot more than most people would with their boyfriend of 2 years but that's my business.. not everyone elses. It's great how just because you miss school you're considered "skipping" haha, I'm sick you whore. I have a fuckin' doctors excuse. Call me, I barely have a voice.. and when I do get it back; I cough so much that I loose it again. It's rad how when the tables are turned and your boyfriend is caught cheating on you.. kinda sucks huh? It's halarious how everyone thinks one/two months of dating someone is SUCH a longgggggg time. Grow up; try 2 years bitches. It's not as glamorous as it seems. Think you "hate your Mom"? Try thinking what it'd be like without her.. My Mom owns a bar and is never home.. when she is home she's sleeping in her bed and the only time you get to talk to her is for 2 minutes on the phone a day and the only time you get to see her is when she's leaving at 11:00 in the morning. Asshole, appreciate your Mom.. who knows when she'll be gone, and when she is; you'll want her back. Think schools soooo hard? Bitch, try having a baby, doing homework keeping a house in order, 2 little girls from killing each other and keeping yourself sane, fuck off because it can be a lot worse than just having homework.

Stupid little whores think lifes all about sex, drugs, and getting in everyone elses business. Grow up a little.

COMMENTS ARE WELCOME, GOOD OR BAD. Leave it Anonymously if you'd like.

10 ! | CMNT.

:: 2005 29 January :: 12.14am
:: Mood: TIRED AS HELL.. ahhh

Read.
Yes, read this song.. it'll make you think.

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal? It�s a natural plant that grows in the dirt. Do you know what�s not natural? 80-year-old dudes with hard-ons. That�s not natural. But we got pills for that. We�re dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect, but we�re putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now. Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad. I can�t watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases. Like: �Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?� Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it. Half the time I don�t even know what the commercial is� people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean. I�m like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that? That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now� It is all about self-esteem in the schools now. Build the kids� self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs? What�s going to happen to our porno industry? These women don�t just grown on trees. It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks. And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time. You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east. Terrorists masterminds. Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don�t you think? They�re not masterminds. �OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?� �Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can�t I just�� Who�s the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?�

Americans, let�s face it: We�ve been a spoiled country for a long time. Do you know what the number one health risk in America is? Obesity. They say we�re in the middle of an obesity epidemic. An epidemic like it is polio. Like we�ll be telling our grand kids about it one day. The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004. �How�d you get through it grandpa?� �Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere.�

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle. I�ll sit at a drive thru. I�ll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter. Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large. You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There�s room in the back. Take it! Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It�s only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there�d be a Microsoft? Of course not. You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think, �You�ll see. I�m going to take of the world of computers! I�ll show them.�

We�re in one of the richest countries in the world, but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago. There are homeless people everywhere. This homeless guy asked me for money the other day. I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol. And then I thought, that�s what I�m going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard. People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they�re just going to waste it. Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit? Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He�s homeless. I walked behind this guy the other day. A homeless guy asked him for money. He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don�t you go get a job you bum. People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy. This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants. Outside his pants. I�m guessing his resume isn�t all up to date. I�m predicting some problems during the interview process. I�m pretty sure even McDonalds has a �underwear goes inside the pants� policy. Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I�m sure it is on the books.

4 ! | CMNT.

:: 2005 28 January :: 9.49am
:: Mood: blah

all my happy birthdays from people..
daddysbaby414519: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

anna banana15330: HAPPY BIRITH DAY JENA!!!!!!!:-D:-*
anna banana15330: ps ilove you!!:-P

cutegirl1012006: HAPPY BRITHDAY !!!

ch3rriXkiss3s: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Caster Troy 2k3: Happy Birthday:-D:-P

Tw1st3dxDr3ams: Happy Birthday Love!!!

vanished x heart: happy birthday! love yaaa! :-*

honey7child: happpy birthday!!

x Trisha Paul x: Happy Late Birthday!

ajenkins2005: oh yeah Happy belated birthday!~

Penguinattack22: hey! sorry I didn't IM you yesterday, but happy birthday!

6 ! | CMNT.

:: 2005 28 January :: 3.52am
:: Mood: sick, coughing, tired

I woke up about 10 minutes ago.. I woke myself up coughing.

YESTERDAY WAS MY BIRTHDAY. and I didn't even get a happy birthday from ANDY. *sighs* I guess I'm not good enough. On that note; I didn't get an IM from anyone on woohu. I guess everyone hates me. *looks around* :(

I didn't have cake and ice cream for my birthday like "normal" people do for their birthdays; I got Pizza Hut Pizza and my mom took a piece and stuck 17 candles in it, they sang I made a wish then I only ate one piece. It really pissed me off though because I TOLD George to get the "dinner for 2" at Pizza Hut which is 2 med. pizzas and you can get 2 things of breadsticks for like 17 bucks, which is pretty good. Because I wanted there to be enough so I could invite KELLY OVER.. but nooo- what the fuck does he bring home? NOT WHAT I SAID. He brings home 1 med. pizza,[that cost $16!!!!!] and expects that to be enough? Ugh, I was so mad! It's like "No, don't worry about what Jena said.. she only FUCKIN' EATS AT PIZZA HUT EVERY OTHER FUCKIN' DAY!!!!!!!!!!! But NO; she wouldn't know what the deals are." So Kelly, I apologize for not inviting you over.. I have stupid assholes that live in my house.

So in other news I was quite upset that Jim hasn't even offered to help watch Gabrielle since I've been sick.. I would have THOUGHT that he might come over and be like "Jena, you rest you're sick.. I'll take care of our daughter." But what do I get?? Nothing. *sighs* He didn't even come over to see me on my birthday yesterday. But hey; he called.. yeah..

No school again today.. sorry kids. I'll be back Monday.

My Gram's in the hospital again. I guess she's dehydrated, and she's very weak because she doesn't hardly eat anything, so we're all praying for her.

Amber is getting induced today; good luck Amber!

4 ! | CMNT.

:: 2005 27 January :: 8.19am
:: Mood: sick

today's my 17th birthday.

*sighs* i'm sick.

lets xx hug <--AIM SN; IM me and tell me how much you love me/happy birthday.. that'll definitly make me feel better. :-P

13 ! | CMNT.

:: 2005 26 January :: 10.27am
:: Mood: sick

A pictures worth a thousand words
But not worth the words I need to hear
I miss you so much that it hurts
And tonight, I wish you were here with me
So I could ~~make you see~~
The stars, they lay across the sky so perfectly
They remind me of
All the times, when we used to _{sit underneath} them,
those summer nights
And fall in love

:: 2005 26 January :: 9.04am
:: Mood: sick

..No school again, I don't have a voice because I'm coughing every 5 seconds. I can basicly only whisper. Kelly stayed home I think.

I just want to get better.

:: 2005 25 January :: 4.10pm
:: Mood: sick, in PAIN, wanting to die

No school again, sick. Upper respitory infection, asthma, and a slight kidney infection. Yes; I went to the doctors today at 11:30; I have 3 perscriptions. They cost almost 70 bucks.. but I definitly think I'm worth it. haha, yeah right. Anyways they are Amoxicillin for my kidney infection, Cyclobenzaprine which is a muscle relaxer.. [they fuckin' knock you out like BOOM] because part of my problem was my headach that went all the way down my back into my spine ect. and Theophylline which is used for asthama, bronchitis, basicly to help me stop my chronic cough that hurts like hell.

I ordered a new birth certificate. Yes, I lost my original one. But in better news I got my physical again; so that means all I need to do is wait for my birth certificate and then I can get my permit. Hahahaha, I still don't think it's gonna happen; but lets hope for the best. *sigh*

Sorry I haven't replied to notes/noted anyone back.. hello- I'm sick. *cough* *spudder* *pain* I'm not on the computer much anymore and when I am it's just looking something up or writing an entry.

I'm gonna go get something to drink. Only 2 days 'til my 17th birthday.. I'm expecting some big gifts in the mail gals 'n' guys!

:: 2005 23 January :: 9.12pm
:: Mood: amused

sorry; but I have to say it.. Xanga is really quite retarded, gay, useless, "trendy", and in about a month or so; no one is going to use it anymore.

yeah, sorry if I hurt anyones feelings on my FRIENDS LIST.

other news; I think I have a kidney infection. Yay. [sarcasm] I'm not going to school tomorrow; so eat it.

and now; I am tuning back to the Steelers game.

:: 2005 23 January :: 12.04pm
:: Mood: cold

4 days until my 17th birthday

I'm still very sick. What's wrong you ask? I don't know. But I feel as though I am dying.