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2003 3 September :: 10.17pm
:: Mood: really upset.
:: Music: complete and utter silence.
i feel special.
d0ug1e06 (10:08:12 PM): hey jena
she ran away x (10:08:15 PM): hi
d0ug1e06 (10:08:17 PM): u looked nice today
she ran away x (10:08:24 PM): lol yeah.
d0ug1e06 (10:08:25 PM): i forgot to tell u
d0ug1e06 (10:08:30 PM): haha u did
she ran away x (10:08:34 PM): thanks, if youre being serious
she ran away x (10:09:09 PM): :-)
d0ug1e06 (10:10:10 PM): yeah i am being serious
she ran away x (10:10:57 PM): thanks.
that was just about the nicest thing anyones said to me in a long time. =] thanks david if you're reading this! you really made my day better.
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2003 2 September :: 4.01pm
school is dumb.
"dumb people are always blissfully
unaware of how dumb they really are."
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2003 1 September :: 9.04pm
:: Mood: thirsty
:: Music: limp bizkit - eat you alive
[after the party]
soo everyone started getting at my house around 2:00.. and it's like BOOM everyone started drinking. man it was crazyness.
i'd say by at least 4 everyone that was there was trashed. except for me, jim, rochelle, amy, and randi. we didn't drink anything. kelly and her friend came around 4 or so? i don't really know.. i wasn't paying any attention. but anyways, a little bit later kelly and rachel left, so it was just us 5 again.. i think it was around 7 o'clock or so when we all got so freakin tired of sitting in the house, playing video games, that we went and sat out on my front porch.. oh god. then "the drunk lady" came out. (*we named her that* - but her real name is Karen) oh god, so many freakin memories from her.. we were out there for a good 45 mintes, just crackin up. man was she trashed..
the drunk lady: "EVIL EVIL EVIL DEMONS!" -swings the plastic fish around and then violenty harrasses the palm tree-
the drunk lady talking to rochelle in her ear: "6 6 6" -messes up rochelles hair- "6 6 6!!!! DEMONS!!!!!!!"
amy: "so did you get hay?"
the drunk lady: "huh? i didnt hear you"
the drunk lady: "GET THE BALLS TO SAY IT AGAIN, YOU SAID IT ONCE, DO YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO SAY IT AGAIN!? GET THE BALLS!! THE BALLS!"
-here we are falling off our chairs laughing our asses off.-
rochelle: "she said, DID YOU GET HAY"
the drunk lady: "not enough! nope let me tell ya, NOT ENOUGH!"
"GET SOME HAY WHILE YOU STILL CAN!" -the drunk lady
the drunk lady: "so are all of you single?"
randi: "no, not jena" -points to me-
me: "this is my boyfriend jim" -points to jim-
the drunk lady: "HOLD ON. so let me get this straight, she has a boyfriend and none of you girls do!? now back in MY DAY........ when i got some hay, ALL MY GIRLS GOT SOME HAY!!!!!!!" -looks at me- "why aren't you hookin this girls up with some hay?!"
"CUT THE LAWN" .. "i need some hay" -rochelle
oh my god. that was the funniest shit ever. it might sound weird when you just read it like this.. but jim, amy, randi, and rochelle know what it's about. damn.. good memories.
later that night we took a walk.. hmm. thats all i can say. =] but i did have cotton mouth really bad.
great night. man.. great night.
-x|x- jena.
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2003 31 August :: 1.41am
:: Mood: happy cause jims here
:: Music: just talking to jim.
[a survey thingy]
Have you ever...
1. Fallen for your best friend no
2. Made out with JUST a friend yes.
3. Been in love yeah, i am right now.
4. Used someone yes
5. Been used many times.
6. Done something you regret of course.
Last person...
1. You touched jim
2. You talked to - jim
3. You hugged - jim
4. You instant messaged - nick
5. You yelled at jim
6. You laughed with jim
7. You had a crush on jim.
8. Who broke your heart don't want to talk about it.
Do you...
1. Color your hair sure do, all the time.
2. Have tattoos - i wish..
3. Piercings - bellybutton, ears
4. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both a boyfriend, jim.
5. Floss daily ha ha ha.. no.
6. Own a webcam yeah, but it's amys.
7. Ever get off the damn computer not really. unless jim and i do something
8. Sprechen sie deutsche i have to think about that one.. haha.
9. Habla espanol no.
Have u/do u have...
1. Considered a life of crime fuck yeah.
2. Considered being a hooker yeah, 9th grade summer.. ahh i remember that.
3. Considered being a pimp yeah right.
4. Split personalities - sometimes.
5. Panic too much.
6. Anxiety - yes.. especially when i have to do something i don't want to do.
7. Depressed 99.9% of the time, but don't tell anyone.
8. Suicidal most of the time, but again, i don't talk about it.
9. Obsessed with hate - yes.. definitly.
10. If you could be anywhere, where would you be dead.
11. What are you listening to weezer
12. Can you do anything freakish with your body no.
13. Chicken or fish fish.
14. Do you have a favorite animal no.
Current
1. Clothes black shirt, pink stripped shorts.
2. Mood happy cause jims here, and sorta tired.
3. Taste pizza and pop in my mouth.
4. Hair black and in a ponytail
5. Annoyance no one and nothing.
6. Smell pizza.
7. Thing I ought to be doing laying on the bed with jim ;)
8. Desktop Picture a blinki that says "i kill myself to get back at you"
9. Favorite Group i have a bunch.. can't just name one.
10. Book nothing right now. though i should be reading something.
11. Worry babies. lol
12. Crush jim.<33
Favorite...
1. Drink orange juice
2. Color(s) black and green.
3. Shoes i don't know again.
4. Candy i don't know again.
5. TV Show don't really watch tv.
6. Movie moulin rouge
7. Dance uh no.
Are you...
1. Understanding i try..
2. Open-minded - definitly.
3. Insecure - every day of my life.
4. Interesting whatever you think.
5. Hungry all the time, but i try not to eat.
6. Friendly most of the time, although i can be a total bitch.
7. Smart not at all, if anything i'm seriously stupid.
8. Moody very much.
9. Childish - yes
10. Independent no.
11. Hard working when i want to be.
12. Organized sometimes.
13. Healthy not really.
14. Emotionally Stable haha no.
15. Shy only around new people.
16. Difficult - yes
17. Attractive fuck no.
18. Bored Easily - yes
19. Thirsty - yes.
20. Responsible most of the time.
21. Sad definitly.
22. Happy only with jim.
23. Trusting to much.
24. Talkative with people that i know.
25. Unique not really..
26. Needy no.
Who do you want to...
1. Kill yes.. not telling who. =]
2. Slap no one
3. Look like no one, anyone who looked like me would kill themselves.
4. Be like i'm not sure.
5. Talk to offline - jim, kelly
On you...
1. Name jena
2. Nicknames jen, P
3. Hair color right now: black
4. Eye Color - dark brown.
5. Siblings two little sisters, one older brother.
6. How do you describe yourself ugly, fat, stupid.
7. What's your sign aquarius
8. Do you have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend yes, jim.
On friends...
1. Best Friend(s) amy, rochelle, kelly.
2. Friend(s) you hang out with - don't know.. no one really.
3. Friend(s) you have the most fun with - don't know
4. Friend(s) you've dreamt about don't know
5. Friend(s) you tell secrets to all of them.
On preferences...
1. Chocolate milk or hot chocolate hot chocolate
2. McDonalds or Burger King ick.. neither if possible.
3. Marry the perfect lover or the perfect friend perfect friend. friendship turns into love.
4. Sweet or sour - sour
5. Root Beer or Dr. Pepper dr. pepper.
6. Sappy/action/comedy/horror horror.
7. Cats or dogs dogs
8. Ocean or Pool i hate swimming.
9. Cooler Ranch or Nacho Cheesier COOLER RANCH. =]
10. Mud or Jello wrestling uh neither.
11. With or without ice-cubes only water with ice cubes, everything else.. ew.
12. Shine or rain rain.
13. Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring - winter, fall.
14. Vanilla or Chocolate strawberry.
15. Snowboarding or skiing i dislike sports.
16. Cake or cookies - cookies
17. Cereal or toast toast.
i was bored, so i felt like doing a survey thing.. ahh yes.
-x|x- jena.
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2003 30 August :: 1.31pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: a perfect circle - juidth
sooo, school sucks. and i went to the football game last night with kelly and jim.
kelly and i look so funny together (we were actually talking about this before we left to go.) because theres me in all black, black hair, dark brown eyes, and then theres kelly with bright white colthes on, light blonde/brownish hair and blue eyes. we just thought it was quite funny cause we are just really good friends (and cousins) but i don't care what people think anymore. and this time i actually mean that.
we got to the football game around 7:30 (cause we stopped at giant eagle, and we went to pick up jim.) we were walkin around for like 2 seconds, when aj came up and talked to us. she only stayed for a couple minutes, then she left. and we went and stood by the fence for a while. dunno, we talked to some people.. after awhile we went and sat on the hill and then jordan came to sit by us. he's pretty funny. haha we were all laughin. i don't know how long after that we went to sit by amy up by the band.. and then randi and nicole came over and talked to. we were only up there for like not even 10 minutes, and this lady came and told then they weren't allowed to talk to us.. so we left, and just messed around until the game was over. then we went back to get amy and walk her to her car. so we did. =) then we went back up with kelly and casey, and went to caseys house until our ride came.. which it never did. (kellys mom was supposed to come pick us up, but nooo.) kelly tried to call her like 50,000 times.. but i guess her mom wasn't home or something. i don't know. so we called my aunt loraine and uncle don.. and uncle don and jeff (kellys dad) came to pick us up. at like 11:20 they got there. kelly was staying over nikkies, i guess. so jim and i waited for them to come in the rain.. lmao. it was pretty fun though. we did get wet, but oh well.
all in all, it was a good night cause i got to spend it with my baby jim.
What's your usual [mood]?
i got this test off of my friend kathy.
-x|x- jena.
yesterday was 9 months for jim and i.
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2003 27 August :: 6.27pm
:: Mood: irritated
:: Music: eve 6 - think twice
school
let's see.. first off, here is my schedual.. i would have posted this a lot earlier, except i lost my other one.. haha
1st pd. survey of science
2nd pd. health (mon. wed. fri.) gym (tue. thur.)
3rd pd. algebra 1 (blah nasty person!)
4th pd. advanced word processing
5th pd. u.s. history
lunch b
6th pd. child development 1
7th pd. global studies
8th pd. english 10
blah, shitty schedual. i have to practicly run up and down the stairs all day.. ahh. oh well. hopefully i get to see jim a lot in the halls. i do have global studies with kelly, so it's all good. :)
school sucks, and it's only the 1st day..
god, i hate people.
179 more to go
-x|x- jena.
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2003 26 August :: 2.42pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: jims playstaion game
soo, i guess my pictures don't show up?
-shoots them-
oh well. i guess i won't post anymore..
-sighs-
who cares.
SCHOOLS TOMORROW
just shoot me.
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2003 25 August :: 4.38pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: jims playstaion game
_@#!*&$!
ashley (kellys friend.) and kelly came over last night. ashely was stayin over kellys house, so they came over my house and chilled for a good couple hours. we just messed around on the computer, talkin, on the fone, playin the playstation and listening to some music. i think they walked over about 12-1? i don't really remember, but they left about 4-5. or somewhere around there, i don't know. ahhh.
my mom took jim and i to centry three. i got a new purse.. like i need anymore of those. but anyways, i got a new one, and some safety pins, and some little buttons. they're cute. but we only stayed there for about 30-45 minutes, because i only had 50$. ha. thats all i had left. o.0
thats all.
school starts on the 27th.. ahhh.
random picture of the day:
-x|x- jena.
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2003 24 August :: 1.01am
:: Mood: confused and feeling weird
:: Music: sugarcult - pretty girl
babies?!?!
so uh, i had this dream last night about fuckin babies. i woke up all confused and stuff. haha.
my dream:
i guess i got pregnant, and my mom kicked my out of the house or whatever. soo i was still in school, and so was jim. but jim got a good job and we got a little apartment and blah blah. i guess in school everyone was talking about how jim and i were screwed for the rest of our lives cause we were havin a kid. but we didn't really see it that way. so i had the baby, and it was a little girl. we bought her clothes, and everything she needs. and all i really remember about the dream before i woke up is that we were so happy. i don't think that i was ever that happy in my whole life. =]
so all day yesterday i was thinking about babies. i'm just kinda freaked out by it though, cause the more i think about it.. the more i want to have a baby =/ . whoa i'm weird. kelly and i went shopping, and i was all lookin at the baby clothes/toys. they're all so cute. i mean yeah i know i'm not ready for a baby.. but if it ever accidently happend, i'd be happy.
so anyway, jim didn't come over again today. godddd, i am so freakin mad! i mean, okayyy please don't tell me you are going to come over, and then not be able to! (i know it's not his fault because his ride didn't come.) but still it freakin upsets me. i mean jesus, school is starting in 3 damn days. it sucks. oh well.
i went shopping for some school clothes today. haha me and kelly shoplifted. (hahaha kelly) god, it was great. lets see.. i still have to get a couple more pair of pants, a new purse, some underware/bras/socks and some odds and ends. my moms dropping jim and i off at centry three today or maybe tomorrow, so i can get the rest of my shit. ahh i can't belive school is almost here! god, it makes me feel like shit. another year is gone.
in a happier note, on the 29th- it'll be 9 months for jim and i. aww, i can't believe it's been that long.. i love him more and more each day. =D even though we fight sometimes, it's okay. I love him.
random picture of the day:
-x|x- jena
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2003 23 August :: 2.32am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: mudvayne - world so cold
just rambling
so um jim didn't come over yesterday.. i guess he just wanted to stay home for a night, or something. but he just didn't want to come over.. so, i couldn't give him the food i brought home for him from the resturaunt we went to yesterday.. but it's still in the fridge, so i guess if he comes out sometime today he can eat it.. if someone else doesn't first.. but my mom knows not to eat it, cause i got it for jim. and dustins not home.. so i don't really think anyone will eat it. but i don't know.
i went over kellys about 2 hours ago, and we watched a movie.. i think it was called 'the marrying man' or something? i don't really remember. but oh well. it doesn't really matter. so i got back over here a little bit ago, and i just came in, turned on my stereo and sat at my computer. in less than a second, i was crying.. [yeah, i bet you think that i'm stupid.] but i just really seriously miss jim. i don't know what came over me. i mean, yeah i do miss him when he's not here, but i usually don't cry. i just saw him yesterday.. i mean i stayed over his house. so i was with him the day before, but i don't know what came over me like i said. so i called him, and woke him up and just said hey.. i just wanted to hear his voice. god i really do love him more and more each day..
i really hope he comes over tomorrow.. i seriously miss him. =( i don't know what i'm going to do when school starts, it's going to be rough. i hope he gets his license soon.. so he can drive out to my house all the time. beacuse it's going to kill me not to see him for almost a whole week except for in school.. i doubt we'll have any classes together. ahh, i don't know what i'm going to do. it's going to suck so much.
ahh school. starts in four more days god. i'd much rather kill myself than go back to that hell hole and be around everyone again. god it makes me hate people even more. i don't know.
it seems i don't know about a lot of things. i've said "i don't know" about a zillion times. jeeze. who cares.
looks it's me.
 .. 
"I have taken the broken shards of my heart and pounded them to dust. I place each precious piece in my hand and let the wind blow them in hopes you will catch them and make me whole."
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2003 22 August :: 5.15pm
kennywood
well, there isn't much to talk about kennywood..
i stayed at rochelles on wed. and thursday morning kelly and i walked up to caseys and we waited until about 11:30 for jim and mack to come pick us up. the ride was okay, until we got to mcdonalds, then it was better. (oh yeah kelly. =D) we didn't go in kennywood until about 1:00.. because of um, traffic? lol. but anyway, we met up with rochelle a little later, and then rochelle and kelly went off, and i stayed with jim and mack. then i found randi, and she stayed with us. we walked around rode some rides, i saw a whole bunch of people i don't like. but then again, i saw some 'friends'. all in all, i did have fun. and i'm just so glad that jim was there.. he made the trip great.
so we left about 10:00, and kelly went her way, and i stayed at jims. rochelle rode the bus home.
i got up around 10:00 in the morning, today, and jim and i got a shower, and then we got dressed/ate. he was supposed to come with me to go school shopping, but he wanted to stay home.. i was really mad but oh well. i ended up getting my mom not to go anyways. but we did stop at this really really really good resturaunt, (i forget what it's called) but we were supposed to take jim there but oh well, he wasn't with us. it's his own fault. =( but i did miss him. soo whatever though, we went to a couple stores, then we went home. i didn't buy anything though.
i guess later tonight i'm going to pick jim up, and then my mom said she'd take us to centry three this weekend sometime. so thats okay i guess. though i really did want to go tonight. but something always has to mess my plans up. jeeze.
oh! i forgot to mention that jennifer is coming over on wendsday! =D (my brothers ex girlfriend that i very much like) soo jim will finally meet her.. because i've wanted him to but my brother and her broke up before jim and i were together. ahh i just really can't wait to see her. this is great.
but i'm bored now, so i think i'm going to just post some quizes i took.
-x|x- lonely.
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2003 18 August :: 2.07pm
:: Mood: i don't know
:: Music: silence
could it be
just a song today.. maybe i'll write later.
i just.. don't feel so good. but jims here, so i really am happy. i missed him so much..
Masochist
The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla
Well I don't know what to say
Because there's truth to what you say
I know it kills you I'm this way
There's something different everyday
Could it be that I never had the chance to grow inside?
Could it be that my habit is to find a place to hide
Could it be that sometimes I say things just to disagree?
Could it be that I'm only being me?
Not easy living in my mind
A little peace is hard to find
My every thought is undermined
By all the history inside
Could it be that I never had the chance to grow inside?
Could it be that my habit is to find a place to hide
Could it be that sometimes I say things just to disagree?
Could it be that I'm only being me?
I know I hear the words you said
Over and over again
I just can't get them through my head
There's just too many voices
Must be like living with the dead
Waiting for me to begin
To do the things that I have said
And for this I'm sorry
So there's some truth to what you say
Could it be that I never had the chance to grow inside?
Could it be that my habit is to find a place to hide
Could it be that sometimes I say things just to disagree?
Could it be that I'm only being me?
-Staind
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2003 16 August :: 11.37pm
:: Mood: i don't know
:: Music: semisonic - closing time
Saints and Sailors
youre becoming solitude and soo loving your
apartment. its understandable. ppl suck, and
youve expected too much, now u expect nothing,
but then again you have no reason too..
what dashboard confessional song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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2003 15 August :: 8.56am
:: Mood: sad
lets see
how many people feel like shit..?
cause i sure as hell do.
-x|x- me.
p.s. IM me on aim.. i'm bored.
she ran away x is my name.
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2003 15 August :: 2.23am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: jim talkin in my ear
update from last entry:
i went over rochelles house with her around like 5:30, and we were just chillin and shit, then my mom called at 7, and she was like "where are you?" im like "rochelles, where else would i be?" she started like flipping out on me, because i wasn't home.. (when she told rochelle to make sure i was home by six the next day i mean, wtf? fuck you.) so i got home around like an hour or so later, and kelly came over and we were just talkin, then we went out on my back deck. (okay, now i haven't ate anything for about a day now. and i didn't eat dinner yesterday.) my mom was like "jena, do the dinner dishes" i was like WHAT!? I DIDN'T EVEN EAT HERE! omg, i was so pissed off. she said something else, and i just ignored her. then george was like "i hope your not planning on going anywhere until christmas" where the fuck do i go? that just pissed me off right there. i go about 2 places every fuckin 6 months. so fuck them. i hope i die in my room tonight. i called jim about 9:15, and i just cried with him on the fone for about a hour and a half.. i'm just about stupid. crying on the fone for a hour and a half.. jesus. i'll update what happens later today. god only knows what shits gonna go down.
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Test
-x|x- =( i don't know anymore.
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2003 14 August :: 3.42pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: silence
i had the worst day yesterday.
kelly rochelle and i went to the fair yesterday.. we were supposed to meet casey, matt and jim there. well.. this is what happened:
we were at the fair for about 20 minutes or so, and jim called and just like started kinda yelling at me. so i yelled back and i don't know what happened, i guess we sorta hung up on eachother. well after that we went down to the rides and rochelle met matt at the ferris wheel, she stayed with him, while kelly and i went on the round up. i guess rochelle didn't hear my fone ring.. and jim had called ilke 6 times. he left a message.. so i called him back. kelly and rochelle went on this other ride, i don't know the name of it. we just like yelled at eachother, and stuff.. he told me that he didn't want to come to the fair and see me, and he was really mad at me.. we got off the fone a couple minutes later, and i went to get kelly and rochelle. they just got off they're ride and asked me what jim said.. and i just started cry. like freakin balling my eyes out right in the middle of the fair. i didn't really care though, rochelle hugged me and said it was okay.. but i cried for like 5 minutes. i don't know.. i kept trying to call him back, but he didn't answer the fone.. i thought he left somewhere with some girl. (because of what he said on the message he left me on my fone.) so i was trying so hard not to start crying again. but after that i wasn't even in the mood to be at the fair, i just wanted to go home.. :( you could tell that i was upset/sad. a little bit later we found matt again, and then kelly got ahold of casey, and he came down. so i was like all alone, while everyone was with someone.. i was really getting depressed and you could tell. but i didn't care. jim called back around like 8:30-9:00 i think, and said he was sorry or whatever, but i didn't care, it didn't put me back in a good mood. casey was tryin to make me smile, but it didn't work.. i didn't even have any money, cause jim was supposed to come.. but thankfully rochelle was there, and she paid for me to get in, and kelly and her got drinks for us and stuff. and that was so nice of them. (thanks you guys, if your reading this.) jay came down and walked with us a little later, and about 9:30 him and casey left with ben and matt left to. kelly called her mom, and she didn't even come get us until like 11:00. so we just messed around, and talked and shit.
we got home, and went online. we got hungry cause we didn't eat anything at the fair, so we made some mac and cheese. and i put the pot in the sink, and put water in it. later that night after kelly roach and me were done eating, roach put the dishes in the sink, and filled them with water. well about noon today, my mom comes barging into my room and shes like "IT'S 12:00 GET UP NOW." i'm like okay? wtf? (i've been up since 11:00, because my brother had the tv up so freakin loud, it woke me up.) so i was just layed there for about 20 more minutes, and she comes back in and like is all yelling at me not to sleep my life away and she wants me in the kitchen "NOW" so i'm like "okay.." so i went out there, and she starts yelling at me for the 3 bowls that are in the sink, and the pot. shes like "WHY DIDN'T YOU SOAK THESE? THEY'RE HARD AS A ROCK" blah blah blah. i'm just like jesus christ. we did soak them. (which we really did.) so she went on and on and on and on about it. and she was like "who was here last night? wheres jim?" i was like "kelly and rochelle, jims at home." and she kept pressing the matter "why isn't jim here? where is he? didn't you see him last night?" i just said no, and walked away.. went into the bathroom and cried my eyes out again.
i didn't even do anything, and i'm gettin bitched at for everything. i mean.. jesus. i'm goin to rochelles tonight, but i have to be back tomorrow night by 6:00. so i can help her "tag things" for the yardsale this weekend. i don't know. i have to get away because i'm gonna shoot someone in the fuckin head. (not you rochelle! ha.)
i hope i die in my sleep.
-x|x- fuck this.
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2003 13 August :: 3.32am
:: Mood: afraid
:: Music: staind - so far away
a song
-x|x- afraid.
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2003 10 August :: 11.30pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: me first and the gimmie gimmies - i believe i can fly
"I'm the Marcia fucking Brady of the Upper East Side and sometimes I want to kill myself for it. So there's your psychoanalysis, Doctor Freud." -Kathryn from Cruel Intentions
I didn't really do anything today.. i got up at 11, and just layed in bed until 1. so i was being lazy. i got up and got a shower, and then i called rochelle and left a message, cause no one answered.. i got online and just did nothing then kelly called around 3/4 o'clock. i got a shower then we went down to the park for kellys aunts 25th wedding anniversary.. and we got bored so we went back home and got our bikes and rode them back down to mingo.. omgosh the walk back up this big huge hill was so bad. it took us like 30 minutes to walk up it! we were all out of breath, and sweating.. eww. "bike fest 03'" ahahah kelly.
we got home and got ready to go to richardson park to see casey. so we went there, at around 8:30, and got back home around 9:15
we're gonna go watch a movie in a bit. it's called "jewles" (based on a book by danielle steel) the book was awsome so hopefully the movie is just as good. i love reading romance books. they make you sorta just forget everything around you because you just get so tied up in the characters and whats happening to them.. it just kinda makes you feel good when you get done reading them. :)
-x|x- not all here
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2003 9 August :: 10.14pm
:: Mood: spunky-less
:: Music: sugarcult - pretty girl
i'm back?
so i went to bethany beach with the 'family' we can say that i was miserable. i don't like the beach.. let alone with my family for a whole week in the same freakin house.. without being able to actually go anywhere.. (as in kellys house, or up my aunts, or over amys/rochelles.) but with jim there, it was a little bit better.. i guess.
all everyone wanted to do was go the beach.. and i'm not a beach person.. it just really upset/pissed me off that if i didn't go, everyone got mad at me. especially jim, and i felt bad. :( so i went and sat there, and read a book.. thank the lord for sun block, or i'd practicly be the color of dirt right now.. :( i hate getting sun. i hate it. hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate it. hate doesn't describe it enough. i would be much happier white as a ghost.. so hopefully no one would notice me. haha but who cares..
we did some things.. i don't really feel like writing a huge entry detailing every day.. that would be pretty boring. but we went to the beach, shopped, jim and i got out 'old fashined picture' taken.. we look freakin so damn cute if i do say so myself. i'm gonna upload it on my picture album, so i'll make sure i put the link back up on here so you can look at it. i love it.. other than that, we didn't really do anything. i read a lot of books, and jim and i went the pool.. went for rides on the bikes there. he went in the ocean a lot. i just sorta sat and watched him. i don't like the water. i'd rather be sitting inside doing something like watching a movie.
but no use in complaining anymore. it's not like anyone wants to actually hear about it.
i think i've lost my "spunk"..?
hmm.. it's the 9th.. :-/ :(:(:(:(:(:(!!!!
-x|x- no spunk.
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2003 31 July :: 7.00pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: chevelle - don't fake this
leaving tomorrow morning
i'm just sittin here.. i got off the fone with my baby jim. i'm sittin here starin at a picture of us that's sitting by my computer and talking to casey.. i'm hoping jim gets her really soon so i can just break down and cry on his shoulder. :)
i guess were leaving tomorrow early in the morning for bethany beach. (in delaware) we'll be back either the 9th or 10th.. (which is next saturday or sunday) thats a whole week. i'm so glad that jim's coming with me.. other wise i don't think that i'd even go. i hate the beach. i'm not a very 'beachy' kinda person. i'm more of a 'sit in the shade and read a book/listen to music' kinda person. but hey, what can ya do? hopefully jim won't make me go into the ocean to much.. i don't wanna get tan or anything. >.< we get the "den" which is cool, cause it's the only room downstairs. :-D besides the kitchen and the living room/dining room. so yay.
earlier today my mom my sisters and i went and got our hair cut.. i just got layers, it's a little bit shorter.. it's not really what i wanted, but fuck it. who cares? i can't believe myself because i almost started crying after sam got her hair done. it looked/s really cute.. and i just kept thinking to myself "why can't my hair look like thaT???" and i actually started tearing up.. i am seriously pathetic. getting jealous of my own little sisters hair? wtf, i'm dumb. but then again, everyone knows that.
i'll write when i get back.. i bet that'll be a long entry. ha.
-x|x- me
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2003 30 July :: 11.18pm
:: Mood: sad
can't handle shit anymore
it just really hit me today, that i can't handle as much shit as i used to.. i mean, i almost started crying when my mom yelled at me.. (for "looking" at underware.) she was like 'whats your obession with underware? i saw you looking at them like 3 times." meanwhile, i wasn't even looking at them.. i just walked through them because it was the only way to get outta the one isle i was in. all the other ways were blocked by people.. i mean, jesus. she had no right to yell at me.. i didn't do anything. i had to stop myself from crying til i got home.. then i just went in my room.. blah, i don't wanna talk about it.
jim and i got into a fight again this morning.. well, it wasn't even really a fight.. i just sorta hung up on him because i got mad. i don't know what's wrong with me anymore, i just get mad all the time, for the stupidest little things. i'm so pathetic. i don't know why he's still with me.. he can do so much better than me..
i guess were goin to the beach on thursday night/friday morning (we don't know which one yet) i don't even want to go. i'm miserable anymore. i should be happy, i love jim with all my heart, i really do.. but i just can't be happy. but i guess i'll just make the best of it, and try to have fun or whatever..
i have to get myself back together, i'm practicly falling apart.. :(
"She was a fake. It wasn't easy to admit, but that's what she was. She pretended to be strong, even when her guts shook and her palms grew clammy. She led people to think she really didn't need anybody in her life, even though her soul cried out for it at times. She pretended nothing bothered her, and if it did, she played games with her head."
-x|x- not all here
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2003 30 July :: 2.30am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: staind - for you
just bored
Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.
Find your Role-Playing
Stereotype at mutedfaith.com.
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2003 29 July :: 8.19pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: korn - i did my time
i hate younger people
if i had the chance to kill everyone in the grade down from mine, i'd do it in a second. i don't think that even 5 of them have any sence what so ever! they're stupid! jesus christ.. they all should just drop off of the face of the earth and eat shit.
I ESPECIALLY HATE WHEN PEOPLE DO SOME STUPID SHIT FOR ATTENTION!!! i swear to god, people that just "cut" for attention, give people that cut a bad fuckin reputation. it pisses me the fuck off. i mean, i don't ever talk about cutting.. ever, to anyone.. and it just pisses me off when people sit there and practicly SHOW THEY'RE "CUTS" OFF. get a fuckin life you stupid fucks!
jesus christ, you need to learn to be yourself, because there are a lot more people in this world with a lot more problems.
everyone just needs to stop doing things because you think it's "cool".. most likely what you're doing is pretty fuckin stupid.
-x|x- fuck off.
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2003 29 July :: 1.19am
:: Mood: drained
jim
8 months today baby.. i love you so much. i hope know we'll be together for the rest of our lives, and i mean that with all my heart.
you're my whole life baby.. you're the light in my darkness.. and if you weren't here, all i'd have is mr. bang.. and he just doesn't fill that spot in my heart like you do.
jim+jena
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2003 26 July :: 10.18pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: some rap SHIT
i woke up at like 10, and amy, her mom, sister and i went down the to the firehall to start doin shit for amys grams *suprise* birthday party.. but first we went to a couple different stores to get some other things that we needed (like balloons, and table covering and some other things) so we got those things and we went back to the firehall.. amy and i worked on covering the tables with the table covering stuff.. and we had to get all the same kinda chairs.. which doesn't seem like a big job, but it fuckin is god damnnit!! after a while we got tired of doin that, soo we started cuttin up the fruit for the fruit salad.. there is so much food for tomorrow. lol amy allison and i had a grape fight. it was fun.. lmao, i got hit right between the eyes!! (god damn you amy!! hahaha!!) later when we finally finished covering the tables, there was a little bit left over, and i was messin around, and made a cape for myself outta it.. oh man, it was great shit. haha.. we finally got finished with everything around 4:00.
we came home and helped amys gram wrap some baby shower presents.. lmao, SHE HIT ME IN THE FACE WITH THE SCISSORS ACCIDENTLY.. haha anyways, later we went to wal*mart and giant eagle.. (giant bird.. haha amy) and we got the rest of the things that we needed for tomorrow.. so we came home, and made pretzel salad, and jim came down for a while.. then amy and i ordered a stromboli from kuzins, and then here we are..
jim's outside waiting for me to get done writing in here..
i'm exhausted.. ahh jesus.
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2003 25 July :: 11.40pm
:: Mood: mad
fuck this.
i'm at amys.. i'm stayin til monday sometime, then jim and i are probably going to go back to my house if he wants to.. whatever, i don't really know yet.. today we woke up around 10, and then we went to washington to get amys moms check cashed.. and then we came back to bentlyville, and stopped at burger king.. -sighs- so i got a double cheese burger with fries and a coke. i only ate half of the burger, and only about 10 fries, and some coke.. when we got home, i got a shower and then we called randi, and walked around until about 5.. then randi went home, and amy and i waited for her mom to get home so we could go to wal*mart, and go out to eat.. we went to dennys, and i got a piece of french toast a dippy egg, and some of those home-fry things? i forget what they're called.. i tried to eat it all.. but i didn't.
i've been really annoyed lately with just everyone.. i don't know why anymore. i just can't take peoples shit as much as i could anymore. it just fuckin pisses me off.. i swear i'm gonna fuckin blow soon.
7 days to the beach.
xx.jena
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2003 24 July :: 1.01am
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: staind - so far away
life.. who cares anymore?
Personality Disorder Test
xx.jena
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2003 23 July :: 2.28am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: die trying - oxgyens gone
just a survey
Part One: Personal Information
1. NAME: jena
2. SEX: female
3. BIRTHDAY: 2-22-87
4. WHERE DO YOU LIVE: pennsylvania
5. HEIGHT: 5'9 i think.
6. SHOE SIZE : 10 1/2
7. FIRST CRUSH: i don't even remember
8. PARENTS: darlene and jim
9. RIGHTY OR LEFTY: righty
10. WHATS YOUR SIGN: aquarius
11. WHATS THE FIRST IMPRESSION OF YOU: quite, nice, easy to make smile.. lol
12. EVER BEEN IN LOVE: yeah.. i am right now.. jim<3
13. PUPPY LOVE: yeah, i guess.
14. HAVE A TATTOO: no, but i want one.
Part Two: How do you like your men?
1. BOXERS OR BREIFS: both are sexy. o_0
2. LONG OR SHORT: what the hells that supposed to mean!? lol
3. DARK OR BLONDE: both are cute
4. TALL OR SHORT: tallllll
5. 6 PAC OR MUSCLAR ARMS: -shrugs-
6. MR. SENSITVE OR MR. FUNNY: a bit of both (just like jim. he's perfect)
7. GOOD GUY OR BAD GUY: bad guy
8. DARK OR LIGHT EYES: light eyes
9. HAT OR NO HAT: hat
10. EARS PEIRCED OR NOT: doesnt matter
11. FRECKLES OR NONE: none, but a couple are definitly cute
12. STUBBLE OR NEATLY SHAVED: neatly shaved!!!! ahh!! lol
13. RUGGED OR SPORTY: rugged
14. ACCENT OR AMERICAN: american
Part Three: Foods
1. CHOCOLATE MILK OR HOT CHOCOLTE: hot chocolate
2. MCDONALDS OR BURGER KING: burger king
3. COKE OR PEPSI: pepsi
4. ROOT BEER OR DR. PEPPER: dr. pepper
5. TEA OR COFFEE: tea
6. MILK/DARK/WHITE CHOCALATE: milk chocolate
7. VANILLA OR CHOCALATE: vanilla
8. CAKE OR PIE: depends on what kind.
Part Four: Pick one
1. MARRY PERFECT FRIEND OR PERFECT LOVER: perfect lover.. friendship is part of love
2. CATS OR DOGS: dogs
3. 1 PILLOW OR 2 : two
4. W/ OR W/O ICE CUBES: water with ice, but nothing else.
5. TOP OR BOTTOM : top!!
6. WINTER/SPRING/SUMMER/FALL: fall/winter
7. SKIING OR BOARDING: i've never done either
8. BIKING OR BLADING: um, i don't like outdoor things.. lol
9. ROCK/RAP/R&B/PUNK/ALT/SKA/TECHNO/SWING/COUNTRY: rock, punk
10. NIGHT OR DAY: night
11. GLOVES OR MITTENS: gloves
12. DRESSED OR UNDRESSED: dressed
13. BUNK OR WATER BED: water bed. ^-^
14. MAKE PLANS OR GO ALONG: go along
15. TRUTH OR DARE: truth
16. MTV OR VH1: mtv
17. OCEAN OR POOL: neither, i don't like to swim.
18. SHOWERS OR BATHS: mmm shower
19. LOVE OR LUST: love
20. SILVER OR GOLD: silver
21. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS: diamonds
22. PENCIL OR PEN: pen
23. SUNRISE OR SUNSETS: sunrise
24. BLIND OR DEAF: blind, i gotta have music!
Part Five: Favorites
1. COLOR: green, black
2. NUMBER: 18
3. SUBJECT: ..nothing
4. CLOTHING BRAND: black stuff. lol
5. SHOE BRAND: doesn't really matter.
6. SPORT TO PLAY: nothing are you kidding me?! hahaha.. me.. play a sport?! lmao
7. DRINK: alcoholic-- mikes hard lemonade and smirnoff.. and non-alcoholic-- orange juice, water
8. ANIMAL: dogs
9. HOLIDAY: valentines day, and halloween
10. FAVORITE LINE FROM A MOVIE: "i'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her." - notting hill
11. BAND: have more than just one--- incubus, staind, fingereleven, our lady peace, eve 6, the used, nothingface, smile empty soul, linkin park, mxpx, kittie
12. MOVIE: moulin rouge - shakespear in love - girl, interrupted
13. PLACE 2 CHILL: don't really matter.
14. FLOWER: hmm.. white roses
15. PERFUME: i don't really know..?
Part Six: Future
1. HOW MANY KIDS: 2 or 3
2. COLLEGE: no
3. JOB: dunno yet.
4a. WHAT DOES YOUR IDEAL B/F OR G/F LOOK LIKE: jim.
4b. HOW DO THEY ACT: just like jim does. he's my baby forever and ever.
Part Seven: Would you could you? if so; who, what, where, why, how?
1. Move anywhere: maine with my baby jim
2. Dye your hair: i do it all the time.. different colors.. whatever i feel like.
3. Meet one famous person: don't care.
4. Live with one person the rest of your life: jim
5. Name one thing you love: jim.. he's my everything.
6. Name one thing that embarrasaes you: myself.
7. Do you like school? fuck no.
8. Do you like to talk on the telephone? only with certain people.
9a. Do you have your own line? no
9b. Can we have your number? no
10. Do you like to dance? lol sorta.
11. Are you scared to ask some one out? i have jim, i don't need to ask anyone out.
12. Have you ever gone skinny dipping? lol, yes! plenty of times!
13. Have you ever thought you were gonna die? yeah, but mostly i just wish i would.
14. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? just one.. his name is mr. bang, oh, lol and jim.
15. Have you ever broken/fractured a bone? yeah, a couple actually.
16. Do you have any piercings? yeah, bellybutton, and ears
17. Do you wear braces? no, used to though
18. Do you consider yourself a good listener? yeah.. 98% of the time.
19. Can you swim? uh-huh. don't really like to though.
20. Do you sing in the shower? not anymore.
21. Do you think cheerleading is a sport? fuck no. fuck cheerleaders.
22. Have you ever stolen anything? yeah all the time.
23. What's on your ceiling? my lights..
24. What's you worst injury ever? i have a couple.. once when i was skating on ice with kelly and i fell and had to get stiches on my chin, and secondly when i spraned my neck!! lol
25. What's the hardest thing about growing up? being jealous, getting hurt by the people that you love -or used to love.
26. Do you believe in love at first sight? yeah, i do.
27. Have you ever been in love? yeah.. i am right now.
28. What are you wearing right now? my tank top that says "i have issues" and my joe boxers.
29. Favorite place to be? anywhere with my baby jim.
xx.jena
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