:: 2005 19 April :: 8.16 pm

Yeah
I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now
But hey, what daddy always tell you?
Straighten up little soldier
Stiffen up that upper lip
What you crying about?
You got me

Hailie I know you miss your mom and I know you miss your dad
When I'm gone but I'm trying to give you the life that I never had
I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh
I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry
Cuz you're scared, I ain't there?
Daddy's with you in your prayers
No more crying, wipe them tears
Daddy's here, no more nightmares
We gon' pull together through it, we gon' do it
Laney uncles crazy, aint he?
Yeah but he loves you girl and you better know it
We're all we got in this world
When it spins, when it swirls
When it whirls, when it twirls
Two little beautiful girls
Lookin' puzzled, in a daze
I know it's confusing you
Daddy's always on the move, mamma's always on the news
I try to keep you sheltered from it but somehow it seems
The harder that I try to do that, the more it backfires on me
All the things growing up his daddy that he had to see
Daddy don't want you to see but you see just as much as he did
We did not plan it to be this way, your mother and me
But things have gotten so bad between us
I don't see us ever being together ever again
Like we used to be when we was teenagers
But then of course everything always happens for a reason
I guess it was never meant to be
But it's just something we have no control over and that's what destiny is
But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep
Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream

[Chorus]
Now hush little baby, don't you cry
Everything's gonna be alright
Stiffen that upperlip up little lady, i told ya
Daddy's here to hold ya through the night
I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why
We fear how we feel inside
It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby
But i promise momma's gon' be alright

It's funny
I remember back one year when daddy had no money
Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up
And stuck 'em under the tree and said some of 'em were from me
Cuz daddy couldn't buy 'em
I'll never forget that Christmas I sat up the whole night crying
Cuz daddy felt like a bum, see daddy had a job
But his job was to keep the food on the table for you and mom
And at the time every house that we lived in
Either kept getting broke into and robbed
Or shot up on the block and your mom was saving money for you in a jar
Tryna start a piggy bank for you so you could go to college
Almost had a thousand dollars till someone broke in and stole it
And I know it hurt so bad it broke your momma's heart
And it seemed like everything was just startin' to fall apart
Mom and dad was arguin' a lot so momma moved back
On the Chalmers in the flat one bedroom apartment
And dad moved back to the other side of 8 Mile on Novara
And that's when daddy went to California with his CD and met Dr. Dre
And flew you and momma out to see me
But daddy had to work, you and momma had to leave me
Then you started seeing daddy on the T.V. and momma didn't like it
And you and Laney were to young to understand it
Papa was a rollin' stone, momma developed a habit
And it all happened too fast for either one of us to grab it
I'm just sorry you were there and had to witness it first hand
Cuz all I ever wanted to do was just make you proud
Now I'm sittin in this empty house, just reminiscing
Lookin' at your baby pictures, it just trips me out
To see how much you both have grown, it's almost like you're sisters now
Wow, guess you pretty much are and daddy's still here
Laney I'm talkin' to you too, daddy's still here
I like the sound of that, yeah
It's got a ring to it don't it?
Shh, momma's only gone for the moment

[Chorus]

And if you ask me too
Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird
I'mma give you the world
I'mma buy a diamond ring for you
I'mma sing for you
I'll do anything for you to see you smile
And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine
I'mma break that birdies neck
I'd go back to the jewler who sold it to ya
And make him eat every carat don't fuck with dad (haha

2 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2005 15 April :: 9.01 pm

Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip? His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
He's chokin, how everybody's jokin now
The clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!
Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked
He's so mad, but he won't give up that easy
No, He won't have it , he knows his whole back city's ropes
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke
He's so stacked that he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo
This whole rap city
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him[Hook:]
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo The soul's escaping, through this hole that it's gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order
A normal life is borin, but superstardom's close to post mortar
It only grows harder, only grows hotter
He blows us all over these hoes is all on him
Coast to coast shows, he's know as the globetrotter
Lonely roads, God only knows
He's grown farther from home, he's no father
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose cuz here goes the cold water
His hoes don't want him no mo, he's cold product
They moved on to the next schmoe who flows
He nose dove and sold nada
So the soap opera is told and unfolds
I suppose it's old potna, but the beat goes on
Da da dum da dum da da[Hook]No more games, I'ma change what you call rage
Tear this mothafuckin roof off like 2 dogs caged
I was playin in the beginnin, the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhymin and stepwritin the next cypher
Best believe somebody's payin the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can't get by with my 9 to 5
And I can't provide the right type of life for my family
Cuz man, these goddam food stamps don't buy diapers
And it's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life
And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder
Tryin to feed and water my seed, plus
See dishonor caught up bein a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama's screamin on and
Too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another jam or not
Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail
I've got to formulate a plot fore I end up in jail or shot
Success is my only mothafuckin option, failure's not
Mom, I love you, but this trail has got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem's lot
So here I go is my shot.
Feet fail me not cuz maybe the only opportunity that I got[Hook]You can do anything you set your mind to, man

2 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2005 10 April :: 2.11 pm

Well im home... and i really miss you all. What all changed when i was gone? anything big and exiting. My vacation was really relaxing, got some sun, layed on the beach, swam in the ocean, got bit by a shark, ok so i lied about that last one...

anyway, im doing really good and im just totaly relaxed, but that car ride home sucked lol. i only have a few sea shells so im sorry if i dont have enought to give you all a little piece of florida, but i still love you all and i missed you all very much when i was gone.

im not ganna go into great detail because im just tierd and want to relax, but if any of you wanted to call me, that would be awsome, i wanna talk to all my friends again (my numbers 874-6388 by the way) but otherwise ill just talk to you bright and early monday morning.

i love you all and ill leave you with a song, beware its country, but the words are wonderfull...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2005 17 March :: 9.30 pm

i'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
i don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is another mistake to you

i've
become so numb
i can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
i'm becoming this
all i want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

can't you see that you're smothering me
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought i would be
has fallen apart right in front of you

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
and every second i waste is more than i can take

but i know
i may end up failing too
but i know
you were just like me
with someone disappointed in you

Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2005 6 March :: 8.19 pm

a brake line in my car went so my brakes= non existant... i get to ride the cheese log to school.... joy

1 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2005 3 March :: 4.25 pm

~~~~~WARNING... CONTENTS CONTAIN A RAP SONG~~~~~~~





Sway-Between you and Biggie, it was like whos gone whos gone who rules the the nigga kingdom and shit basically, you know what im sayin? i was like this is like a fuckin election
[it is that]
its an election and shit
[it is that]
me and Biggies situation is smaller than that,
me and Biggies situation is like...

*sirens* central... we got a black male shot...tupac shakur was shot several times in the chest

(tupac background)while im in jail, strangers is tellin me,
you dont know?
Biggie knows who shot you
they braggin, and thats why what im doing
I know what im doing,
Im destroying them

Im destroying them

*chorus*
now i wonder if they'll laugh when im dead
why am i fighting to live, if im just living to fight?
why am I trying to see when there aint nothin in sight?
why am i trying to give when no one gives me a try?
why am i dying to live, if im just living to die?

Biggie- check it
i grew up a fuckin screw up,
got introduced to the game, got an ounce and fuckin blew up, c
hoppin rocks over night, the nigga Biggie smalls tryin to turn into the black frank white,
we had to grow dreads to change our description, two cops is on the milk box missin,
showed there toes and you know they got stepped on,
a fist full of bullets a chest full of teflon,
run from the police picture that, nigga im to fat, ill fuck around and catch an asthma attack,
thats why i bust back, it dont fase me, when he drop, take his glock and im swayze,
celebrate my escape sold the glock, bought some weight, lay back i got some money to make, motha fucka

[Biggie background]- tupac should live, you know what im saying? just dont feed into it, if you feed into it, it's go' do nothing but escalate. you know what im saying? i know about the truth, i know what people write and read about the truth

*chorus*
now i wonder if they'll laugh when im dead
why am i fighting to live, if im just living to fight?
why am I trying to see when there aint nothin in sight?
why am i trying to give when no one gives me a try?
why am i dying to live, if im just living to die?

Tupac- its on me,
but still im havin memories of high speeds when the cops crash,
as i laugh pushin the gas when my glocks blast,
we was young, and we was dumb but we had heart,
and in the dark would we survive through the bad parts?
many dreams is what i had, and plenty wishes,
no hesitation in the extirmination of these snitches,
envious bitches, they still continue to pursue me,
a couple of movies now the whole worlds tryin to screw me,
even the cops tried to sue me,
so what can i do? but say true, sippin' 22's of brew
and now the medias tryin to test me, got the press askin questions tryin to stress me,
misery is all i see thats my minds state,
my history with the police will shake the crime rate,
my main man had two strikes, slipped got arrested and flipped, screamed "THUG LIFE!" and emptied the clip, got tired of runnin' from the police

*chorus*
i wonder if they'll laugh when im dead
why am i fighting to live, if im just living to fight?
why am I trying to see when there aint nothin in sight?
why am i trying to give when no one gives me a try?
why am i dying to live, if im just living to die?

Biggie-i was more shocked and everything you know what im sayin, but i wasnt more shocked of him
dying, i was more shocked of him... Pac is a strong dude yo, i know dudes, you know what im saying, he was real strong, so when he got shot i was more like again? you know he alwasy getting shot or shot at, he gonna pull through this one again, make a few records about it and its gonna be over, you know what im sayin? but when he died i was like, woah, you know what im sayin, it kinda took me by... i mean even though we was goin through our drama, i would never wish death upon no one cause there aint no comin back from that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
in loving memory of Tupac Shakur ......

2PAC FOREVER!!!!

1 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2005 27 February :: 12.31 pm

message to tom: hey man i cant hang out today aparently my great aunt died and no one told me and her viewing is today so my mom wants me to come, i dont really know her but my mom pulled the " i really wish you would come..." aka come or you wont do anything all week. but i got some extra cash this week so maybe we can hang out at eden or sumn...

1 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2005 26 February :: 8.31 pm

Hey tom, i wanna hang out tomorow but my answering machine cut you off so i didnt get your cell number, if you could either post it here or call me tomorow, ill be home from church around 12:30, i hope you see this

Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2005 7 February :: 3.33 pm

today was ok.... i have good friends...
i love being able to fix things, im working on a lawnmower today and the persons like well it starts and it runs for a few seconds then shuts down, i think its the carb. so i took it in and looked at it and the kill switch is stripped so its shorting out the system, so tomorow ima repair that and ill prolly be done

Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2005 3 February :: 4.54 pm

They say freak,
When you're singled out,
The red, well it filters through.

So lay down, the threat is real,
When his sight goes red again.
Seeing red again,
Seeing red again.

This change, he won't contain,
Slip away, to clear your mind.
When asked, who made it show,
The truth, he gives in to most.

So lay down, the threat is real,
When his sight goes red again.

So lay down, the threat is real,
When his sight goes red again.
So lay down, the threat is real,
When his sight goes red again.

Seeing red again,
Seeing red again,
Seeing red again,
Seeing red again,
Seeing red again,
Seeing red again,
Seeing red again,
Seeing red....

They say freak...
When you're singled out.
The red, it filters through...

1 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2005 24 January :: 6.18 pm

so im actualy starting to look at my future, lets just say im not the smartest bulb in the box, so im looking at things i can do and i think i found a winner, mmi, its located in either orlando florida or phiniox arizona, and its a motorcycle repair trade school, im really really interested in it, so what do you guys think, orlando or phiniox?

5 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2005 21 January :: 10.45 pm

Silence is ringing in my head
Stuck on repeat
Not much longer, I’ll be dead
So just forget me
I’m losing my mind
And I don’t think you could save me this time
And it goes
On and on
And I just feel helpless
How long will this take to wear out
On and on
When will I get through this
Welcome to my own down and out
I’m falling deeper in this hole to disaster
I’m gripping what I thought control was falling faster
I’m losing my mind
And I don’t think you could save me this time
And it goes
On and on
And I just feel helpless
How long will this take to wear out
On and on
When will I get through this
Welcome to my own down and out
It’s dragging on
I’m wearing thin
I can’t stop these walls
They keep caving in
It’s gone too far
Where’s my mind
Why can’t I stop fear this paranoia
It’s a never ending story
And it starts with me
It’s a never ending story
And it starts with me
And it goes
On and on
And I just feel helpless
How long will this take to wear out
On and on
When will I get through this
Welcome to my own down and out
It’s never ending
I'm falling further
Welcome to my own down and out

2 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2005 18 January :: 7.48 pm

ben got his licence

2 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2005 13 January :: 9.04 pm

I tried to get over you
I tried to find something new
But all I could ever do
Was fill my time
With thoughts of you

I tried to go somewhere old
To search for my pot of gold
But all I could ever hold
Inside my mind
Were thoughts of you

I hear your music
And it's driving me wild
Familiar rhythms
In a different style
I hear your music
And it's driving me wild again

Don't want to let you take me down
Don't want to get hurt second time around
Don't want to walk that lonely road again

I hear your music
And it's driving me wild
Familiar rhythms
In a different style
I hear your music
And it's driving me wild again

Don't want to let you take me down
Don't want to get hurt second time around
Don't want to walk that lonely road again

Don't want to let you take me down
Don't want to get hurt second time around
Don't want to walk that lonely road again

Bring a ray of hope...

:: 2005 7 January :: 3.49 pm

Do not go gentle into that good night, but rage, rage on against the dieing of the light...

2 rays shine | Bring a ray of hope...