Crimson Melodies

:: 2005 5 January :: 9.40pm
:: Music: Straylight Run- Existentialism on Prom Night

I know you're getting sick of it.
*sigh*

I'm sick of feeling so alone.
Feeling like I need to have someone to call my own.
=/

Looks like Michael might come back down. There's like, no way I can make everyone happy this time, so I don't know what to do. It looks Keely, Eli and Carly really want him to come... And I have a feeling that Aisha, Rhianna and John... and a few other people might be upset with me...

I hate it when people are upset with me. Looks like it's going to be that way, no matter what I choose.

*sigh*

...And my God, I feel so lonely.
I don't know... Blah.

Sing me something soft, sad, and delicate... Or loud, and out of key. Sing me anything...

:: 2005 4 January :: 7.59pm

Ahhhh, those cupcakes are deformed!!
Haha I'm at Rhianna's house. We were doing Science Fair stuff. We're making cupcakes for it!! ^_^ Yay. But some of the cupcaked came out deformed and stuff. One batch tasted like pretzels, hardy har har. We got, like, nothing done at first. XD We wrote our hypothesis and made 2 of the batches of cupcakes. Haaaaaa.

Aisha came, and we looked at stuff for formal. :D Yay.

I am soooo sleepy and I went back to school today, and I are sad... ;_;

And I've been waiting for so long just to hold you in my arms...

*sigh*

:: 2005 3 January :: 12.58pm
:: Music: Utada Hikaru- Simple and Clean

Wish I could prove I love you- But does that mean I have to walk on water?
I feel like I'm losing touch with the people I love again. I hate how I always feel this way, though...

I am going to be really upset if I waste my last day of break doing NOTHING. *sigh*

Yeah...

I'm just starting to give up on some things. =/
I have a feeling I'm going to mess this up. Again.

I'm going to try and make something work out for today.
So maybe I won't be so pissed at myself.

Spare me just three last words
"I love you" is all she heard...
I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever

:: 2005 2 January :: 4.08pm
:: Music: Slipknot- Eyeless

How many times have you wanted to kill everything and everyone- You say you'll do it, but never will.
Well yeah...

I've gone back to my regular emo self. Once again. -.- Damnit.

I'm sure I'll be feeling a little better by later today. I think I get to see my Prilly midget.. (Alek Prilliman is in town, bitches.)

But yeah...

People around me think I might have found someone new...
But, despite what they think- I'm still stuck on you. =/ *sigh*

Oh well.
Fire missiles.

:: 2005 1 January :: 12.00am

New Year. Same rotten lonely feeling.

I love Aisha and Keely and John so much.
Seems like Randy and I are kind of getting closer, too?
Wow.

Looks like I'm going to formal with Marcus. Well yeah.

Later.

:: 2004 31 December :: 5.47pm
:: Music: Evanescence- Lies

Nothing can just work anymore.
Well, so much for the "party". I think I'll call Marcus and Brennen up, see if they can come. Like, no one's coming, because someone else is having a party. It'll be like 5 people. Oh well. At least I'm not just sitting around this year?

I really want someone special to spend New Year's with. -.- Holidays always make me so emo and lonely feeling (Haha, like that's any different than usual.) But I really want a boyfriend. I've never really been in an actual relationship. The two "boyfriends" I've had... One lasted a week, and the other... Well, we talked on the phone... 3 times in a 3 month period. -.-

*sigh*

I know relationships are dumb and pointless at this age... But it really does feel good to have someone you can call your own.

:: 2004 30 December :: 6.09pm
:: Mood: Accomplished.
:: Music: Brand New- Okay, I believe you, but my Tommy gun don't.

I am Heaven sent.
I am officially THE best.

I got the Rejected Cartoon up top now, my ninjas.

Hell yeah. I am awesome. :D

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

:: 2004 29 December :: 12.14pm
:: Music: The Killers- Mr. Brightside

Jealousy turning saints into the sea. Swimming through sick lullabies.
I fell asleep on the phone last night. Oops. I was supposed to stay up until 5 and listen to some radio show with John, haha. I ended up crashing at about 12:30 I think. Woke up at 4:30 to a dial tone, so I'm assuming John fell asleep, too.

Yesterday was one of my mood swingy days. I was all emo feeling in the morning... Then I got kind of angry with my mom for making me 45 minutes late...

But that's okay. Because Randy was 5 hours late. ;P
I somewhat attempted DDR. Then we watched all the good people play...

"Uh, how do you get upstairs?" :D

Then I talked to my most favorite wigger on the phone. Then he left me to talk to someone that I hate. Then he called me back and I fell asleep. Ha. Oops.

Good morning, America!

:: 2004 27 December :: 10.40pm

You could've made me not alone.
I just keep waiting for you, but you're never available.
I can't just sit around and wait forever... I can't.

I didn't need to say what I said. I hate updating my journal then deleting the entries.

:: 2004 21 December :: 10.18pm

Yes!!

Emo-ness is worn off again. It's funny how talking to John makes everything better.

I just went downstairs, bracing myself for a huge bitching, but my daddy gave me Christmas presents!! :D

Haggard and CKY 4, bitches.

Happy ChristmaHannuKwanzIkah to you!

2 Executed Notes | Leave Note

:: 2004 21 December :: 8.48pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Hawthorne Heights- Dissolve and Decay.

Maybe it is jealousy...
Well, I guess this means my good mood is gone.

I don't see how I can go through such extreme mood changes...
But right now, my heart is torn. It feels awful. I don't know how to describe it, but it's longing for somethnig- someone... It feels so... empty. *Sigh* I don't know...

I guess you can call this jealousy.
But, whatever it is...
It makes me sick to my stomache.

I don't know what it is about... this person... that bugs me so much. I mean, I don't even know them, but I know some things about them, and it makes me sick. My heart sinks whenever I hear about them...

And I have this aful feeling in my stomache.
Guess I have to get over it...

:: 2004 20 December :: 6.49pm
:: Mood: Owned.
:: Music: PaPa Roach- Scars

Pwnt. ;_;
Well, my ass got owned. John's journal has way better stuff than mine.

Plus, I can't even get the video thing to work... ; ;

(Or the sound...)

Oh well. He was the master of all, anyways.
I wuv my wegro bitch. ;D

Keely Lane is sexy.
...So is John... and I said it first. =P

4 Executed Notes | Leave Note

:: 2004 19 December :: 8.21pm

Edit: December 20, 2004. 7:20 pm.

I'm adding the Rejected Video to the top of my journal after school... :D (Envy me, John. ;P)

Redid my journal.

Because I felt like copying John. ;P REJECTED CARTOON THEME! I win. Emo kid. :D (If you haven't seen the rejected cartoon, then I bet my journal looks pretty ridiculous... XD)

I'm in a slightly better mood...

I feel like a stupid bitch. I overreact to so many things. -.-;

2 day week at school. Peice of cake...
Too bad I don't have anyone's Christmas presents.
...Or money.

Oh well.

:: 2004 19 December :: 11.47am
:: Music: HIM-Wicked Game

I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you...
Please forgive me for my words. When I get in one of those moods, I don't think. Half of the things I say when I get like that, I don't even mean. Please, just ignore it.

I'm terribly sorry if I give off wrong impressions.
I'm sorry if I make people feel like they can't come to me about things without me getting angry.

When I get into mood swings to that extent, I get woozy and feel lightheaded. I say things I don't mean. I just need to get that point across, so no feelings get hurt...

I'm not making sense.

Gomen nasai.

Ashiteru; I love you.

:: 2004 18 December :: 5.40pm

I don't think anyone has completely opened up to me...

They'll tell me most things, then hide some stuff.

...Am I not completely trustworthy?