everything that has happened in the past week or so has felt hazy, almost druglike.
not in the good way. in the sense that things move either really fast or really slow.
i can't tell the difference between reality and dreams.
i didn't sleep for 4 nights in a row.
and now i've been sleeping for entire days at a time.
i don't want to die. it's just that i don't like waking up.

i'm sick. both mentally and physically. i threw up blood yesterday.
i'd like to think it's just nerves but i've been feeling light-headed and dizzy today.
something is wrong. but i want to wait it out and just shake it off.


people think it's just because of the break up.
it's not. sure i miss him. but i wasn't going to spend the rest of my life with him, and i realize this.
i just let myself fall too far.
i'm not sure if i should try moving on. he called me and said he wanted it to just be a break and that he was really sorry.
it's confusing. he's confusing.
he kissed me yesterday. we didn't mean for it to happen.
but i can tell stuff like that is going to happen.
i can tell he still loves me.
because we just looked at eachother and got caught up in it.
i don't know why he's doing this.

i need to take a walk.
or do something to clear my mind.

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