...closing my eyes and pretending i am at teh show
oh man, my throat doesn't hurt, but when i talk i sound like an old person with emphysema.
but it sucks b/c it stopped me from goign to the anti-flag show.... BUMMER. why don't parents understand that teenagers don't care about health, just having good times that we can remember at that point in our lives when we REALLY DO have emphysema or something like that?

. what a buzz kill! they're NEVER down, and i mean never. and i love them, and all my friends are going...and did i mention they're never down? i tried to explain to her that my physical heath isn't as important as this, lol...but for some reason, she didn't see things my way...i wonder why?

things have just gotten weird with you. i don't know how to act any more. i'm about to give up.

maybe you just need a friend...

If i had to pick the one song that describes me the best, it would have to be Our Lady Peace, clumbsy. WOW....it couldn't have been written about anyone else.

Throw away the radio suitcase
that keeps you awake
hide the telephone in case you wake
realize that sometimes you're just not okay
you level off but it's not alright now
you need to understand
there's nothing strange about this
you need to know your friends
i'll be waving my hand, wathcing you drown
watching you scream
quite or loud

maybe you should sleep
maybe you just need a friend
as clumbsy as you're been
there's no one laughing
you will be save in here

throw away this very old showlace
that tripped you again
try and shrug it off
it's only skin now
you need to understand
there's nothing fake about this
you need to let me in
i'm watching you.......

in case you're not as anal about reading into lyrics.....it's about someone who doens't open up, won't talk to his/her friends. i love the line, i'll be watching you drown, watching you scream, QUIET OR LOUD. it's amazing, liek i know you need help, i can see you're struggling even if you're only screaming on the inside. WOW, lol i love that song. JULIA you got me thinking about how much i LOVE this band, i don't care what people say about them, i liek em'..

ahh...i'm so sick of being sick! every time i cough i feel like blood is going to come out because it hurts so bad. i don't think my throat has ever been in so much pain!!!! oh well, life goes on.
my grades suck, i'm failing half my classes. and not just like kinda failing, but like 20 percentages....WOW.....but in the other half, i have all A's...lol. mother, don't you want to put this reporty card on our fridge?

peaks......

i left school early today...i'm sick...symptoms:
stuffy and runny nose
headache
sore throat
stiff neck
hot flashes
a cough(which kills with my throat)
and a hurting heart...

i was reading my friends journal and it brought up something that i have always felt..JULIA, that was awesome. she mentions how she overhears people on their cell phones with their other half and they're all like, you say goodbye first, i love you more..blah blah blah, and she thinks it's cute b/c you know they're at the peak in their relationship. however, soon, you know all that will end and they will just click at the end of the conversation and all the sparks will be gone.
the problem with me it, i always think about how that "peak" doesn't last forever, so i never both trying to obtain that. with all my past guys, i've pushed them away before they ever got really close because i knew i was just going to be hurt/crying in the end. i never wanted to get to the good point because i knew it was jsut going to ripped away from me. my problem is that i KNOW nothing lasts forever, and the great feelings are one of them.
everyone says that in a relationship, the good stuff made all the bad worth it b/c of all memories. but, my problem is that i've never had that good stuff, i've never had anything to look back on and say...i'm going to miss that. i'm a depribed soul. :(

you know it's bad when you're playing emo music....


to feel anything is to feel weak....


well i guess that i am at my weakest.

just need some reassurance....
just tell me that everything went okay. just tell me that i don't need to worry or stress over tonight. please, just confort me. tell me that you sat in your chair, while she sat in your bed and you two discussed things rationally. please tell me that there was no touching, no cuddling, no kissing.if anything happened, i don't think i could continue our "one wayed path".
please tell me that all emotions you had for her are gone, and even after tonight, are STILL gone. please tell me that tonight closed the door forever with her and opened mine. all i need right now, is some assurance, that i'm still your girl, and that after "talking" with her tonight, you don't want her back.
PLEASE JUST CONFORT ME.

Your hand intertwined with mine,
Your arm slowly and softly moving up mine,
My heart beats faster,
I'm scared.
We are moving so fast,
As fast as all the others,
But i want this time to be different,
I want you to be mine,
But i don't want to stop you,
Because these sensations are pleasant,
You give me tingles down my arm,
And goosebumps up my legs,
But i don't want to stop you.

-That was a thing i wrote last March about my ex(no it's not about my currents boy)

good stuff
Aww...G.C. is over right now, playing Scrabble with my mom and sister. It's so cute seeing how well he gets along with my family, and how mcuh they all love him. My sister is even talking about hanging out with him tomarrow night and going to DaDa's(without me b/c i have school, but that doesn't bother me at all, i think it's cool that they are getting along so well)...ANYWAYS, my family is really outgoing, so they are all talking and joking around non-stop. it's great
It makes all this seem so "official", him hanging out with my rents and sister, sharing family stories and all that jazz. They asked him why aren't we going out and blah blah blah, at first i was liek "i'm goign to kill you guys", just because that can get akward, but he was like...because i want to do this right and we are on that one way path to going out, but we need to hang out for a while first, or something like that. My sister just thought it was really cute how he was like..one way'd path...with no turns, lol. well, i better get back out there...later