what if??
I am talking to J.J. online, and he went into this huge thing about how much he really did used to like me and how much i hurt him. see the thing is, J.J. is an awesome guy and i really liked him too, but it was all wrong.
first off, he goes to an all guys boarding school in virginia, and considering that, we could have never gone out b/c we'd only see each other every couple of months. That would be impossible.
second, i think i liked him too much for my own good. i hate "falling" for guys b/c that puts you in the position to get hurt. i don't like letting my guard down, letting people have the ability to get to me that way. he is an awesome guy, and soo cute. but i never really felt at ease around him, i never really beleived that he really liked me. i know one of his best friends and i HATE him, so i just assumed J.J. was jsut as much of an asshole.
But i must admit that is a really dick thing to do, making assumptions about him. and it turns out that he does come home more often that i thought so maybe it could have worked? i hate when this happens.
i hate all those "what if" circumstances. they suck. i HATE having regrets, and to be honest, i very rarely have any. but i think i might regret how i handled things with him. i completely blew him off, i just plain stopped talking to him. i was a moron for not beleiving it when he told me he liked me, i just ASSUMED(yes there's that word again) that he was making it up, that he had other motives...but WHAT IF he was sincere? WHAT IF i gave him more of a chance? WHAT IF i could have been happy with a guy for once?
why do i always have to screw everything up?

oh, and the reason i put starting line-best of me- as my song is b/c of the lyrics, it decribes exactly how things used to be:

tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and so alone
the worst is over
you can have the best of me
we got older but we're still young
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up

here we lay again
on two separate beds
riding phone lines
to hear that familiar voice
and pictures brought from memory
we reflect on miscomunication
and misunderstandings
and missing each other two
much too without you, let go

a little new at this
I'm not really sure how this whole online journal thing works, so i guess i will just talk about simple stuff at first.
Today was pretty uneventful. i was in class and Heather and I just decided that we didn't want to go to last period...so we didn't. we hung out at my friends house instead.
i was sopost to go to the movies with Greg and Ryan this afternoon...see school of rock-they ended up having to bail to go make show flyers for their show comming up this saturday. i was a lil disappointed, but no big deal. we'll just go another day.
life seems to be full of those little let downs that you can't control.