Some facts about me: I think I am a broken person.

:: 2007 4 May :: 7.11pm

I'm home. I feel like I'm in high school again.

In other news, I'll be able to graduate college in four years instead of five.

Who's up for saving $7000? ME!

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:: 2007 3 May :: 12.52am
:: Mood: excited

So, this was a really exciting night for me.

I discovered Mike Gravel. I am in love with his stances on the issues. I think he might be a bit too extreme for the general population, which leads me to believe that he won't make it past the primaries, unfortunately.

Then, when I was reading the postings on Mike Gravel's site, I stumbled across Sugar City Cane. It's a company that is totally green. They produce ethanol by growing sugar cane with hydroponics on acre wide buoyant platforms in the sea near the equator. You should definitely check it out! The site takes a little while to load because of the background, but you can read the text if you highlight it with your mouse while you're waiting for it to load. This could be one of those great solutions to peak oil, while at the same time reducing global warming. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Michelle

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:: 2007 2 May :: 2.22pm

So, what is this saying about us?

CMU Students Find Work in Michigan

:: 2007 2 May :: 2.11pm

I am done with exams. My brain hurts too much to describe. I just wrote ten pages (front and back = one page) for my two english exams that were back to back. My hand hurts. I am done.

:: 2007 2 May :: 7.51am

one more day.

spud

:: 2007 30 April :: 1.22am
:: Mood: lost
:: Music: benton falls

i've been whacked out for the past few days. i'm trying to make it better, and it seems to be working, it's just taking a long time to heal up.

hanging out with kevin was nice. i hadn't done that in a while.

moving out was a pain in the ass, but whatever, it's over now. except i'm probably going to have to pay for some repairs, due to burn marks in the carpet.

almost getting arrested was pretty uncool as well.

all in all, a busy weekend, and i'm glad it's over and done with. not that it was bad, i'm just very overwhelmed.

i guess i'm baby sitting tomorrow night. i've never really done that before. should be interesting. and it's food money for the trip.

oh yeah, i'm going on a trip to williamsburg, VA. wish me luck. we're leaving super-early wed. morning, and will be gone for about a week.

i drank every night this weekend. shannon would jokingly call me a lush. bruce jokingly called me an alcoholic. i call me in fucking college, the weekend after exams.

i really want to smoke.

fuck.

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:: 2007 29 April :: 12.48pm
:: Mood: distressed

Why is it that when everything feels like it's falling apart, we put on a smile and walk away?

The center cannot hold. Exams this week. I haven't studied yet. I will. I'll get to it. I feel like I'm in a Hemingway novel. Or Faulkner. Dewey Dell.

Will the circle be unbroken...

I'm ready to go home, but I feel like I'm sentencing myself to prison. It feels like a loss of freedom. But maybe I don't deserve freedom. Maybe I've never had it, just the illusion of it. Maybe.

:: 2007 24 April :: 6.37pm

Is there an impeachment in his future?

Perhaps.

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:: 2007 24 April :: 3.41pm

i'm sitting in the computer lab trying to finish my journal/critical analysis for my modern american literature class. it's horrible. my brain is being so stupid. i'm getting distracted easily, and i'm having problems comprehending the questions i'm suppose to use as prompts. i'm not stupid! writing these are so painful and tedious. i've gotten six done, and i only have two more to go, but they're on two novels, the sun also rises, and as i lay dying. stupid. i don't mind doing them, but i'm having so many problems concentrating! it's so frustrating!

that's all i wanted to rant about.
good afternoon.

:: 2007 23 April :: 8.00pm
:: Mood: amused

I think Patrick, my fish, is addicted to eating. He just ate twelve Beta pellets in two hours. He eats three in a normal day.

:: 2007 22 April :: 6.11pm
:: Mood: amused

This was a long weekend. I went to the School of Music formal last night. It was really fun, but the room was super hot from all the people dancing.

Moved the room around today because of "Residence Life Order Day."

Basically had to put the desks and beds back in the same places they were at the beginning of the year. It was really gross. The bottoms of my feet were black from all the dirt on our floors that were under the rug and the beds. I sneezed a lot too.

In other news, during the ten minute walk from the parking lot to the dorms I got a pretty good sunburn.

It is summer.

:: 2007 17 April :: 4.58pm

I'm sitting here, listening to music, burning a purple candle and reading over my term paper for literary analysis [see few posts previous]. I have more papers to write, but I haven't yet. I'm just enjoying playing with my candle wax. It's very soothing. And purple.

I was reading over my paper and thinking about what my professor said to me when I went to his office yesterday. He was telling me about how his wife was in Ohio defending her thesis. He said, "I'm telling you all this only because I have a feeling you will be doing this in the near future."

Doctorate. Getting a Doctorate. That's what he was talking about. Me. Getting a Doctorate. He thinks I could...I will...

I wish I had enough money. I wouldn't hesitate. I just...I don't...I can't. It's not feasible. I have to become a teacher and pay off my debts and become an adult, and, who am I kidding? What you truly want to do is never what you can do. It's what I learned in kindergarten:

No one ever said life had to be fair.

And it's not. We live in a society with a myth that's alive and well that you can work your way up. That may be true, but it's very unlikely. The rest of us just get to sit here, potential wasted, living at the hand of an unfeeling, unjust, and uncaring capitalist society.

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:: 2007 17 April :: 4.19pm

"Sex reminds her of eating spaghetti."

:: 2007 15 April :: 10.47pm

For you, darling

Get Your Sexy Name

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:: 2007 14 April :: 11.57pm
:: Mood: calm

I officially became a brother of Kappa Kappa Psi this afternoon. Now I am an active member. There was lots of cool stuff that happened that I can't talk about, which is a little lonely, but understandable. I know I'm finally around people that understand how I feel about music, and that is the best feeling in the world.

:: 2007 11 April :: 1.44am
:: Mood: cold

The crisp air feels soothing coming through the window this time at night. It penetrates the room with a sense of belonging.

:: 2007 9 April :: 3.36pm
:: Mood: amused

The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her if she is pretty, and to some one else if she is plain.

-Oscar Wilde From The Importance of Being Earnest

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:: 2007 8 April :: 5.10pm

stupor.

:: 2007 2 April :: 3.25pm

Today has been one of those days that float by without much thought or interest. At least in classes. I left my flute in one of my English classes, and I didn't realize it until I was getting my stuff to leave the class afterward. Luckily, someone turned it in to the English Department office, and all was well.

I have so many papers to write and assignments to do, but I'm lagging a bit behind. I like the feeling when I'm finished, but I just can't seem to get up the motivation to do it. I have all the ideas in my head, and I actually do enjoy writing them, I just have to make myself sit down and do it. I know, it's a common problem for many people.

I'm coming home next weekend for Easter, so that should be fun, except my family doesn't really celebrate Easter any more. I also get to hang out with pips and just have a weekend away from the dorm (yes!).

I haven't had much to say lately, I'm in a state of paralysis, emotionally and intellectually. I don't know how to describe it much more than that. It's nice, I don't really worry about much, or think about things, and it's less stressful, but it makes me feel like a bad person, a waste, merely floating by watching the scenery. Inactive. I think most of my [our] generation is in this paralysis, but they don't realize it. It seems much better to sit back and watch life go by, filling the hours with jokes and friends, and avoiding any real intellectual stimulation for the simple reason that it hurts. It hurts to realize that you could be wasting your life. It hurts to question your faith and your ideals and your direction in life. It's much more gratifying to sit back and enjoy life, accept, assume, do nothing.

:: 2007 31 March :: 10.22pm

Yeah, that's right. I'm EVERYWHERE.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are
1,166
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

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:: 2007 31 March :: 12.53am

Talking to Rueben who is walking back to the towers after a night of fun.

He is complimenting my body parts. Oh goodness.

He just quoted Green Eggs and Ham...and can't remember it. :)

kiddypoo's.

kiddypoo's are evil, I guess.

:: 2007 26 March :: 3.27pm

hair is gone. very short. pictures later.

:: 2007 25 March :: 1.59pm

Happy belated fifth birthday, journal!

:: 2007 25 March :: 1.21pm
:: Mood: busy

Today is a super busy day. I woke up at nine and cleaned the dorm, went to breakfast (where there was a fire alarm and I had to stand in the rain for ten minutes with two really drunk girls who couldn't walk), and went to the music building for the KKPsi bit class service project. We polished the marching band tubas and faltos and all those good things and enjoyed some silver polish fumes. Now I'm in the UC (university center) studying for my KKPsi final exam and waiting to get my hair cut! I made an appointment for five and I'm getting about eleven inches cut off. I will have before and after pictures on facebook eventually.

After this I have my final exam and I'm a bit nervous. I'm the only one in the entire group that hasn't been in marching band, and thus, I don't know the fight song, or the Alma Mater, or Go Chips. We have to sing it (as a group), and I'm going to look like an idiot because I forgot to listen to it when I was at my dorm with a computer that has speakers!!! GAH!

Anyway, after my meeting, I have an annotated bibliography to do and who knows what else I forgot.

I'm just having some odd days lately. Not sure why. Silver polish fumes, perhaps?

Michelle

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:: 2007 23 March :: 12.19pm

I'm really tired and this chair rolls very smoothly. It's an office chair and I'm ALONE in the computer lab. It's Friday, so OF COURSE I'm alone in the computer lab. No one has FRIDAY classes except for me. Exception. Exceptional. Exceptionally tired. Gah.

I have a quiz in fourty minutes. It's extra credit. But it is of vital importance to my grade. VITAL. I haven't studied much. Rolly chair. I'm dysfunctional today. They shouldn't have let me outside. On the PROWL. Eh, cats?

You know, they outlawed the sale of "tobacco" pipes and bongs on Tuesday (well, that's when it went into affect, at least). You can't buy bongs anymore. You can't buy crack pipes anymore. At least not in Michigan. Do they think that making paraphenlia illegal is going to reduce illegal drug consumption??? I've seen a bong made out of an Aunt Annie's salad dressing bottle. No. It's not going to reduce it. GAH. If anything, it's going to make the general population more creative. Stupid.

Quiz in thirty five minutes. Who knows what neutral omniscience is off the top of their head? Ooohh, me. wait. no. never mind. but it was right next to the Oedipus Complex in the book. That's when a guy wants to get rid of his dad so he can take his place with the mom. Mother/Son sex. The Electra Complex is the feminine form of that. Good to know.

it's nice outside. a tid bit windy, but that's okay. i can see the catholic church from here. it's a small red brick building with lots of bushes. i hate those people who got to church on sundays because they feel bad about partying the night before. they ask to be forgiven for there sins. how can those people think they are better than anyone else?

Quiz in thirty minutes. better study. printer activated. vocabulary words out of a list. bowling tonight, though, and i have a faint craving for a hotdog. one of those nasty ones that you get a football games wrapped up in aluminum foil, all smushed and gooey and warm. one of those.

i'm so tired. i need to go to bed. how am i going to make it through this class? i already acted like an idiot in my last class. the prof asked why the great gatsby was a great book, and i said because people can relate to it, all people do in it are drink and party, and because of the clear modern language and descriptions riddled with metaphors and similes, it's easy to understand and relate to. in the back of my head i though "you can't argue that a book is great, there is no way to prove it" and there isn't. there is no way to prove one thing is better than another. it might be more symmetrical, more correct in language usage, it might employ dramatic irony, metaphors, similes, but to someone, a technical car manual may be the best piece of literature they ever read and for another it might be Shakespeare, or Judy Bloom, or some trashy novel they got at the grocery store for five ninety nine. You can't say that something is the greatest book, or the best, or good, or not good. you can't prove it. you can argue, but you can never prove it.

twenty five minutes.

michelle

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:: 2007 22 March :: 11.21am

I called Rueben and he was in class. Opps. My mistake. Never mind.

Listening to bad nineties music. Makes me laugh. Blink 182. Fuel. heh.

There was a lovely thunderstorm last night at four in the morning.

spud

:: 2007 20 March :: 8.09pm

my six-month foray into the world of recreational drug use has certainly altered my perspective on some things.

namely: scissors, patterns in carpet, jambalaya, and probably some more important things as well.

although i don't regret it, i'm beginning to think it's time to be done.

it was enlightening, but i think that it long ago ceased to be experimentation and has not yet become habitual.

i think somewhere between experiment and habit is a happy medium in which to dwell.

:: 2007 19 March :: 8.34pm
:: Mood: aggravated

I just got done screaming at the top of my lungs for ten minutes, so I thought I'd share:

On CNN tonight (w/ Paula Zahn), there was a panel of professionals (lawyers and such) commenting/discussing the war.

Paula: How do you justify what we are doing in Iraq right now?

Conservative Constitutional Lawyer: Well, I can tell we're succeeding because there hasn't been a terrorist attack on United States soil since 9/11.

[michelle screams for ten minutes]

First of all, just because we haven't had an attack doesn't mean the war in Iraq is preventing that. Before 9/11, the previous attack was in 1993 (the first time the WTC was attacked). Let's do the math, shall we? Eight years. We've only been in Iraq for five years [note, this is the start of the fifth year]. Plus, did we forget that Iraq had absolutely NOTHING to do with the terrorist attack on 9/11. Did we forget that the bombers came from Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan? NOT Iraq.

Last night on CNN, Col. Alan King was asked why we shouldn't follow a strategy that outlines prompt withdrawl of troops (the plan made by the Democrats):

[Paraphrased, but close]

"We shouldn't withdraw troops because it will cause a huge outbreak of violence and gas prices would go up, and that would be a huge inconvience/hardship on our economy right now."

Jesus Christ.

Only 50% of troops believe that we will succeed in Iraq, and only 32% of the American people approve of the "war".

What happened to a government BY THE PEOPLE?

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