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2006 23 August :: 3.47pm
:: Mood: intimidated
:: Music: I'll follow you into the dark - death cab
I'm leaving for Central tomorrow after my dentist appointment.
We went to IHOP last night, and then to Meijer, and then to the cemetery. Creepy shit.
Summer is over.
No more drunken nights of should be regrets, no more nights getting the shit scared out of us at the cemetery, no more lake parties, no more camping, no more going to work with a hang over.
Well, the last one, maybe...or not.
We'll see. I'm not quite sure what to make of this whole 'college' thing yet.
For some, an institution of higher education, for many others, well, what can I say? It's a party school after all.
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m&ms487
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2006 20 August :: 8.29am
:: Mood: exhausted
This is my last week here for a long time.
I called in sick today for work because, lucky me, I have a bad ass cold.
I'm leaving Thursday sometime. If you want to hang out, or give me kisses, or give me flowers, or give me presents, or write long nonsensical poems, or just want to have general relations with me, give me a ring before then.
Jessie, I know which one you want to do :).
Tomorrow is my last day of work, and fittingly I'm working until the desk closes.
Who knew!
Where are we going? We're going to a party, a birthday party, you're birthday party! Happy birthday darling, we love you
very
very
very
very
much.
Good morning everyone! Have a wonderful day.
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spud
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2006 16 August :: 2.01am
:: Mood: selfless, cold and composed? except for not.
:: Music: BnL - Born on a Pirate Ship
Mittwoch
man. so, i've been working on getting the truck ready. i took the cap off today. it looks better without it, but i need to put it on, so that way our stuff stays dry while we're camping, and so it doesn't blow away in transit. but it's pretty badass right now. and it's more fun to drive. i'm enjoying it, anyway. but the neighborhood nazis are sure to not be crazy about the truck cap now sitting on our front lawn, so i have to be quick about this. but it can't go back on until i wash the truck, fix the license plate lights, and replace that plate glass window on the front of the cap. which is proving to be a bigger bitch than i first anticipated. i can't even find a damn window to put in. lowe's said that they could have me one for 62 dollars, in about a month and a half. i basically gave them the finger and left. except, without giving them the finger. but i'm going to get up tomorrow morning and cruise plainfield looking for a hardware store. there's bound to be one somewhere. hopefully they can hook me up with some plexi and i'll be able to rig a setup to fit it into the opening. and there was this nasty-ass tar sealing the old window frame to the cap. it got all over my hands, and on my toe, and on the floor of the garage. sticky as shit. but i'm better now.
kevin is coming over tomorrow night. it's been awhile since i've had my fix. i asked mom for some booze. we'll see if that happens or not. either way it's bound to be a riot. but i'm feeling much more comfortable with my alcohol situation, which is good. i'm not so nervous all the time about it.
lifted weights tonight. that was a good time. we hit 'em pretty damn hard. i'll be sore tomorrow, but it feels good. i'm gonna try and bench 250 on thursday. wish me luck. that's pretty fraggin' heavy. but i did 245 tonight without too much trouble, so i'm feeling good.
now i have to go to bed, dammit.
be tired!
.
.
.
it didn't work.
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upchuck
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2006 15 August :: 3.22pm
Something I realized today driving home. I was listening to NPR (yes, I'm a nerd, get over it), and they were talking about Cuban-Americans and the way that the Cuban-American community feels about Castro's illness. Anyway, none of that is important other than to say that the new Cuban Americans, the children of the original population, the ones who were wronged (or righted depending on your perspective) by the new regime, are somewhat apathetic and non-political. It made me realize the penance of our generation. The obesity, the sloth, the lack of work ethic, I realized where it all came from.
The penance of our generation is that we have lost all interest. We have given into the machinations of man, the construction of society. Without knowing anything else other than freedom, with no direct oppression to fight, we choose apathy in a society where no choice is a choice. When choosing not to participate is just as valid as participation. If we only do what we have to in order to get by, we'll be just fine mentality. No inspiration, just talking puppets. Now how to fix that? How do you inspire the uninspirable? How do we take control of our own destiny? It's a question that every generation has to address, we can't let the answer be silent like so many of our voices still remain.
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Upchuck
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2006 15 August :: 3.08pm
:: Music: "Save Yourself" Sense Field
I've written factually. I've written from my heart. I've also written the crap of everyday life. But I've never written just to write. Just for the pure joy of putting thoughts on paper. For illustrating the great illusions (or delusions) of my mind. For once I'd like to do that, but I don't know how.
Sometimes I realize how much I've grown as a person over these five long years. Why five years? Well, it's easy for my to quantify. For almost five years now I have had the same job. What makes me so reflective you ask? (well, actually I ask, not because I want to know, I already know, but because I want you to know). No, a girl who I used to work with has reapplied for her job. So long ago it was. More than three years ago she left. Three years!!! Beyond making me shudder because I hate having worked there for so long, it is a reason to pause and think. I just think about how much I've grown in that five years.
Let's see. Five years ago, who was I? I know most of you know who I was. Have I changed? I'd like to think I have. Not in any of the important ways. I feel like I am remarkably more aware of the world. I feel more sure about myself now, but that is only momentary. That is a relatively new occurrence. I feel more breadth in my knowledge. I feel I know the system much better (what system you ask? The whole system, that thing underneath all of society that we call adulthood, I know the system much better). I feel more compassionate, but also more powerless. I have more faith in myself, but less faith in others. I have more faith in ordinary things than extraordinary things than I did five years ago. I feel less guilty, but I have more guilt. I know things that I shouldn't and don't know things that I should. Enough about me.
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2006 13 August :: 11.59pm
i updated myspace. because i'm a loser, and i had nothing better to write about since last night.
went to church like i said i would. went out on the boat like i said i would.
we went to aunt sally and uncle gerry's cottage. i had forgotten how nice it is up there. i just love it. and the water was so warm. i was sad we didn't have more time to go swimming. but it was nice just to get out on the boat. and apparently i have all of these reputations that precede me.
and i have this problem with finding these really cute shirttail cousins, which it kind of weirds me out that they're cute. and i sometimes get the vibe like they think i'm cute too, and they're just as freaked out about it as i am. it's interesting.
speaking of which, apparently i'm somehow distantly related to emily rowe. i thought that was interesting. and again with the cute cousins. meh, whatev.
time to go do something not at all productive, until i pass out.
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2006 13 August :: 2.48am
:: Music: yes
i'm going camping in a week. i'm moving into my apartment in a week. i'm starting school in two weeks. i'm going out on the boat tomorrow. i have to get up for church.
i'm frickin' tired.
i'll go to bed soon.
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spud
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2006 11 August :: 2.22am
:: Music: DMB - Crash
i love hudsonville ice cream. i like it better than plainwell ice cream.
primarily because i've never had plainwell ice cream, but secondarily because i grew up on hudsonville, and tertiarily because i like to tease shannon.
time for bed. setting my alarm for 9:30. hope i wake up.
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m&ms487
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2006 10 August :: 7.40am
She threw a fucking rock at us....
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2006 9 August :: 4.58pm
Updating is fun.
Okay, so we set a date. I'm not going to post it because if you want to know you'll have to work very hard to track me down. Admit it, I'm a difficult person to get a hold of.
I also now have a cell phone. A phone that I am not allowed to use. My number is also secret. So your all going to have to work to find out my secrets.
More updates later, I hope.
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spud
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2006 9 August :: 4.56am
ever since saturday, my sleep schedule has been all fucked up.
i mean, it was well worth it, but still. i'd like the turbulence to stop now.
i'm setting my alarm for tomorrow morning. hopefully i'll get into bed at a reasonable hour tomorrow night, and back into the swing of things by thursday. or i'll just keep on keepin' on.
tomorrow i have to make a couple of phone calls, and drive out to allendale to pay my rent.
blarg.
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2006 7 August :: 11.53pm
gramma' phone
seriously guys. please take the initiative to not make stupid spelling and usage mistakes. it's aggravating. i don't expect perfection. hell, i know my journal is all wrong most of the time. but at least i try. i see so many people not caring, and thus, not trying. it makes me sad.
i had a good weekend. saturday night i had dinner at panera with shannon. after dinner, we went to my dad's new house and changed the oil in the truck, fixed the tail light, carried the filing cabinet downstairs (holy god was that thing ever heavy. it is never leaving that basement), and walked to the ice cream place. then we came back to mom's and watched 'the producers'. i enjoyed it. not that we were paying all that much attention. then we had a nice long talk. it was very emotionally draining, but well worth it. i think we got to sleep somewhere around six.
sunday we lazed around the house in the morning. we went to meijer. i got some essentials. then we went to dinner at the fondue place by celebration. it was expensive, but it was flippin' sweet! the food was absolutely amazing, the ambience was spot-on, the waitstaff were all very relaxed and cordial. they had about seventeen pages of wine selections, all of which i was too young and too poor to try. perhaps when i'm older and wealthier we can go back. that would be fun. or we could find new different places. that would be fun too.
after that we went fishing. after fishing, we went straight to bed. i was pooped. and then this morning we just lazed around the house again until i had to go to work.
i missed kevin, but apparently they practiced yesterday. i'm a slacker with a girlfriend.
it was a good weekend. i have to pay my rent this week. and get some gas. so, that should cost me over 400 dollars. good thing i made over 400 dollars last week. damn.
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2006 5 August :: 2.05am
10 hours - no lunch.
10 am start time tomorrow.
chris is tired. and will be for the next 24 hours, at least.
but once i get my paycheck, it will be all better.
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2006 4 August :: 11.30am
i was going to take a picture of my scruff before i shaved, but alas, i can't find my camera.
and i need to shave. so, it's going. bye bye. it only took two weeks, so i figure if i dedicated a solid month, it could be a full-fledged beard. however, i hopefully will never have to go a month without seeing shannon, and i will shave for her, so... there you have it.
libby just made me a mad lib. it was delicious.
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m&ms487
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2006 4 August :: 8.57am
I'm home from camping. It was full of experiences, some of which I had never partaken in before.
It was extremely hot. I went swimming. I slept. I ate. I made friends. I fried criss cross potatoes in a wok.
milk....milk was a bad idea.
michelle
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2006 3 August :: 1.37am
:: Mood: tired
worknstuf
so, i worked ten hours tonight. which means several things:
- OVERTIME!!!
- didn't get to talk to shannon.
- got out at 1am (which is just depressing).
but OVERTIME!
i'm trying to milk it for all it's worth, since it's the only positive aspect of the situation, and i really need the money.
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spud
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2006 2 August :: 2.49am
:: Mood: kinda ticked.
fucking come home already!!!
gosh. they're stupid, i'm telling you.
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spud
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2006 1 August :: 11.59am
:: Music: Incubus - A Crow Left of the Murder
sausage patties (not links)
this weekend was a lot of fun.
next weekend will be a lot of fun. i'm changing my oil saturday. it's been like 7,000 miles, so i figure it's time.
tomorrow i'm doing lunch with my cousin, before she goes to ireland. should be cool.
today i'm doing laundry, going to work, and lifting weights. because i'm cool like that.
i made a list. because i always make lists. it really helps to get all that shit out of your head, and onto something that is less likely to forget. and i can pull it out and add more later.
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m&ms487
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2006 31 July :: 7.17pm
Camping with matt and rueben and katie and joe tomorrow.
ah the bliss.
eating mother's stir fry. tastes odd. first home cooked meal in days.
callouses forming on my finger tips. beautiful music to my ears.
Plan B may be available without a prescription.
michelle
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2006 29 July :: 2.32am
well. another late night.
which would be fine, except i have to get up in the morning.
that could put a damper on things.
and i decided it's worth being a little late to the party, in order to go home and change my clothes and shower and stuff beforehand.
i'm so unprepared for life most days.
one week down. it don't take no guff.
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m&ms487
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2006 28 July :: 10.29pm
:: Mood: depressed
I can't help but feel that I'm wasting my life.
I'm wasting my talent.
I'm wasting.
I'm wasted.
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m&ms487
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2006 26 July :: 6.27pm
:: Mood: worried
I had a picnic with Kae and Aaron today.
Lovely rain.
I would be a toaster, so I could take two slices at once.
Sometimes I catch a glimpse,
Of the world which I see,
A beautiful scene, magical,
You could never know what I mean.
"Sometimes I think this cycle never ends, we slide from top to bottom then we turn and climb again..."
I listened to Transatlanticism for the first time today. It was beautiful.
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2006 26 July :: 11.50am
note to self:
REMEMBER!
(you will, won't you?)
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2006 26 July :: 11.28am
:: unentitled ::
oh man. less than a month now until i'm done with work. that's unbelievable. it went so damn fast. which is good and bad, i guess. i'm not getting as rich as i thought i would be getting.
hopefully the home improvement place in allendale needs a forklift operator. i'm fully licensed. i now have 3 months of intensive experience. that should be enough, i think.
in other news, shannon's this weekend was a rockin' good time. the movies were funny and felt good. the beach was warm, and freezing-ass cold. the blueberry pancakes were absolutely spectacular. and the talking was super-duper great.
i guess kevin and dylan might be coming over tonight. or maybe i misunderstood. that happens all too often. it would be fun if they did.
two weeks is a long time to go without any attention. i kind of backed myself into a corner on that one though. and i know it's just for me to prove to myself that i can do it. nothing more than that. i mean, why would anybody else give a shit? exactly.
i'm looking very much forward to the mackinac trip. i'm also looking forward to havoc at hastings, the following weekend (labor dabor). and there is also move-in to look forward to, which is something like 3 weeks away. two weeks. something. i don't even know. it's getting here much sooner than i anticipated, i know that much. but i'm pumped and jazzed and all that, just the same.
credit card bill (camping trip) - $100
bells - $100
havoc pre-registration - $20
internet @ apt. - $90
rent - $350
total - $660 (otherwise known as two weeks' pay)
gone.
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2006 24 July :: 10.00pm
So I'm sitting here at Mica's and we're looking for wedding music.
Today she listened to some of the classic songs, and she didn't like them. I too think the traditional stuff is just a little too stuffy for us. Does anyone have any good ideas on wedding music for the cermemony itself. We will be good on reception music, due to our unique and diverse musical taste.
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m&ms487
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2006 22 July :: 6.46am
:: Mood: listless
I haven't slept in 28 hours, and if I go to bed soon I'm looking at about four hours of sleep before the park picnic and then work until 10 tonight.
I had my CMU orientation yesterday morning. Very informative. I got some of the classes I wanted, the others I dropped and added the correct ones. Twelve credit hours, not bad.
BIO 101 (and lab)
CSP 10something (computers and society, i know...but i had to fill a gen ed requirement)
ENG 235 American Literature
COM10something, intro to speech and communications.
All fun things. No ensembles, no music classes right now. Because I had to change schools so quickly, I can't be in their music program until next year. However, I may still pick up my entry level music classes and an ensemble next semester, until then, studying by myself is the only option I have.
We went to IHOP and played mau. I drank real coffee for the first time in my life, with a lot of cream and sugar mind you. The waiter made us triple strength coffee (three bags of coffee grounds in the pot). That shit really gets you. I believe that is the reason why I am not tired at this time.
Driving home from IHOP I witness the most beautiful sunrise, so, I took out my writing journal and compiled a few thoughts I will share with you here.
July 22 2006 6:30a
The dew soaks thorugh my clothing as I sit here, witness to this event. So few times have I been so aware of this constant change of my home. Something so beautiful would be more cherished if it were rare. We prize the true diamond because it is rare, but would we not just as easily be careless with it if it were common to us? Would we not use it as an adornment fabricated to eventually break to keep the economy going. The slogan would not be "Diamonds are Forever," rather they would be quite common place and often disposed of, losing all significance of importance. Beauty is only acclaimed in the rarest of forms. A perfect sunflower is often only left for the birds to admire.
This magnificent event before me may be prized by another people, another culture, because of its rarity, such as in the north. The sun sets for half the year, and is risen for half the year. Do you think they are not joyous after six months of darkness when the sun rises, illuminating their world? It seems beauty and admiration are only warrented for the rare, but never the equally admirable but common.
-michelle
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2006 22 July :: 12.27am
So, I got rejected on that State Department exam thingy. Oh well. I thought it would be cool but I wasn't really counting on it.
On a happier note, I got a five out of five on my assignment for SS300. That's five percent because the prof works on a strict 100 point scale. I also got 21 out of 25 on my midterm. Not bad, expecially considering the calss average was a full letter grade worse (18 of 25). I guess that's all, now just one more job option closed.
Did I mention I was looking for a job? Oh yeah, I am, despite the fact I already have one. Want mine? Trust me, you don't want it.
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m&ms487
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2006 18 July :: 10.27pm
why do i keep on missing everything?
why do i ruin everything?
why?
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2006 17 July :: 12.43am
:: Mood: much better
:: Music: genesis (yes, still)
alrighty. i'm doing a lot better. and to evidence the change of spirit, i now entail the assistance of a webcomic, directed particularly at one shannon rench, who i assume will be internet stalking me tomorrow sometime before i talk to her.
i could be wrong though.
because they want to know what the hell is wrong with you.
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2006 16 July :: 3.05am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: "Swamp Music" Skynyrd
So, I'm very tired right now. Jessa can attest to the rambling discourse that comes out of my fingertips tonight. It make take the form of fully formed sentences, punctuated in strange ways, or short choppy sentences. Ones which really aren't, not should they be............. and lots of ......'s
Anywho. When looking at places for receptions today. With Mica, my fiancee. Her sister and her friend Johanna (friend, not sister).
Then Mica went dress shopping. I almost cried when she left. Even the thought of her being in a wedding dress makes me all taery eyed. It makes me think of what that day is going to be like (don't worry, long ways off, in normal terms). But I just can't think of what it will be like when I see her for real. I don't know how I am going to make it. I guess I'll just have to do my best.
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