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2006 13 May :: 12.51am
:: Music: acoustic alchemy - radio contact
man. i probably shouldn't make a habit of this having a nightcap after work, but gol' durn it sure is nice.
i mean, it's really cool to have my body go numb and all the little noises to go quiet before i go to sleep. and it's not like it's so much as to cause a problem in the morning. it's just enough.
i don't think it's a problem. i could stop if i wanted to. like this weekend. that'd be good.
wheee. i should've seen this coming. i just enjoy the fact that i can't feel my face far too much. but yet i can still type and stuff....
meh. i don't think it's going to be an issue. i mean, it might be, but as long as i just respect things for what they are.
no sangria tonight though.
tonight is white russian. it's much better when its not 2% milk and orange rum, let me tell you. there's a fun story.
it involves kevin having sex in my parents' waterbed.
good times, good times.
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2006 12 May :: 1.27am
WOO!!! SANGRIA!!!
driving hilos is kinda fun.
that is all.
oh, and it looks like i have a place to live this fall. yay!
and driving hilos is fun.
and i'm taking the truck into the shop tomorrow.
but you already knew that.
shannon is super-serial sexiness.
but you knew that too.
man, my fingers won't work anymore....
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2006 11 May :: 12.48am
:: Mood: sleepyish
:: Music: boney james - sweet thing
charlevoix was fucking sweet. i want to go back there and stay in that place and that moment forever and ever. but i can't.
that being said, i started work on tuesday. and i'm making calls about living arrangements for next fall. so far no luck.
work is pretty cool. the guys are nice and relaxed, which is cool. and the work is sort of interesting. i'm basically unloading semi-trailers right now. and sorting the stuff that we're unloading. it's lots of pushing and pulling and lifting and stuff. but tomorrow i take my hilo test. hopefully that goes well. there's a written portion, as well as a practical, with an obstacle course and everything. hopefully i do alright.
friday morning i made an appointment to take the truck into the shop and have them replace the steering relay rod. apparently it's like a 4 hour job. and it's all free, because it's a recall part. sweetness. maybe i'll get an alignment out of the deal. i'll be sure to bring a book.
so, life keeps on trucking, faster than i can keep up. but that's okay.
i don't have to keep up. because everyone is so wonderful to me.
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m&ms487
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2006 9 May :: 9.05pm
:: Mood: sad
I miss you. I wish you were here. But you aren't.
whatever.
Band awards dessert tonight. I'm receiving my department award on May 30 at honors convocation.
I got my honors band CD today. It is quite lovely. I like listening to people who can actually play.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
michelle
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2006 8 May :: 8.34pm
I'm printing off the pictures for the mr. robuck and mr. green present thing for tomorrow. I'm not sure if i have enough photo paper. oh well.
I didn't do my rough draft for english. I turned my test in late. I bullshitted my way through my presentation. I don't know how I got through the past four years.
Jessie, Josh, and I are going to the mall on wednesday! I'm really excited. I love josh, he's my favorite oboe player ever.
Graduation party is June 3. Everyone is invited. Ask for directions if you need to. We'll have good food and a classic rock band (my dad's band).
mmhmmm.
I got a flower for my flute choir concert because I was a senior. I was extremely excited. You have no idea. My solo went well, the piccolo song, not too much. Oh well, it wasn't my fault he was so sharp.
Band concert went well. Last band concert. I cried on the way home. I know, i'm a band geek. It happens.
Pictures are almost complete. I'm getting very excited.
Good night.
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2006 4 May :: 10.32am
:: Mood: lame
:: Music: tengo la camisa negra....
alas; earwax.
one more day. and i've done absolutely nothing to prepare for the journey. or even the simple fact that it's been a week.
i'm supposed to be waiting for a package to arrive. no word yet. if it's not here by noon, tough shit, because i have to go to orientation for work. but i can't find my birth certificate. and tomorrow i need to go to grand valley in the morning blah blah blah.
check out dungeonman 3, with new l337 gr4f1x. it'll kick your ass before you knew what hit you. but in a good way.
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2006 4 May :: 12.29am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: "Ballad of Curtis Lowe" - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Being tired
I don't know what it is anymore. This week I have ben so extremely tired. It may be recovering from Saturday night still, but I doubt it.
It was nice to let loose on Saturday night. It had been awhile. It's nice to go out, have some fun with some friends and not have to worry about anything. To know that everything is going to be taken care of and what tomorrow brings will just have to wait. That's part of what I feel that I will miss this summer that I had last summer. I discovered a different part of me last summer. The part that was mulled in a three month stretch of depression, but also someone who would show his pain, and wasn't afraid to act out. Someone who didn't have to be absolutely perfect all the time.
I guess that's the way I feel now. That I have to be perfect all the time. I didn't last summer. I didn't have all these concerns that I have now. All I had to worry about was trying to keep my mind off of what was giong on with Kim, what time I was playing that weekend, and making it to softball practice on time. I had class too, but it wasn't until after much of the summer had passed. Now, I feel like I have to be perfect, and that is going to lead to the inevitable crash that I experience because I don't feel like I'm doing anything good enough.
I've gotten much better about those times. They happen every so often and Ijust feel like it's coming. It's going to be one of those days that I just breakdown, cry myself to sleep, and then feel better afterwards. But the it just feels like the balance isn't there anymore. I had to miss a softball game today, for the first time in two years. I'm having serious doubts about my ability to go back to school after taking a semester off. Last summer, school was such a big part of redifining who I was. It was something that I drew confidence from. I hope it is now too. I just worry aobut it because there are other things I have to support me now. I guess I'll figure it all out and ina few days it won't be confusing anymore. I just wish it didn't have to be confusing in the first place.
P.s. I heard a rumor about a certain ex-girlfriend of mind trying out at a certain place's amateur night. Not sure if it's entirely true, but I definitely wouldn't doubt it.
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2006 3 May :: 1.01am
:: Mood: not tired enough
it's been cool hanging out with kevin for the past couple of days. we split the bottle of jägermeister last night, while we watched dogma. that was a lot of fun. we're both badasses, but at the same time, kind of classy. and that's fucking sweet.
going to chicago tomorrow with mom and libby. should be fun.
job training on thursday.
friday we leave for charlevoix. chris = indescribably excited.
oh, and i got my final grades for school.
Statistics: A
German: A
EuroCiv (history): B -
EuroCiv (literature): B -
and i'm going to have to go into the office on thursday and bitch some people out, because they didn't give me credit for my band class. however, i'm excited, simply because i'm not on probation. after one year of college, my cumulative gpa is a whopping 3.5. which i was pleased with. i just keep shooting for above a 3.2. and apparently, i keep hitting the mark, and indeed, going above and beyond it. which is nice. but i know the road will only get steeper as i get into my major courses. it's all uphill from here. but at least i have a semi-safe start. which pleases me greatly.
alrighty. so, i guess we're getting up at seven tomorrow. suppose i'm not getting much sleep tonight. that's what i get for taking a fucking nap.
i didn't mean to, honest!
but i'm feeling much better knowing that i'm starting to have things to do again. and i'm just coming to grips with my new/old life again. that transition has been more traumatic than i initially suspected. at least i'm having some help along the way.
love you guys.
and i miss my girlfriend.
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m&ms487
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2006 2 May :: 4.29pm
I took the ap statistics test today. Three hours of exciting fun with my space shuttle. Woot.
It was absolutely horrific.
I don't understand what is wrong with me. I feel the need to hide under the covers and eat chicken noodle soup. Interesting.
michelle
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2006 30 April :: 9.39pm
:: Music: ryan's guitar / kevin's WOW
shannon's last weekend was fun. i had a good time. met jesse. met uncle dan. had dinner wit sum folks. it was nice.
i'll be going up to charlevoix with them this coming weekend. i'm looking very much forward to that.
ummm... other stuff...
got a 98% on my stats exam.
the GTI is dead, and we're not going to insure it anymore. hopefully i can get it running still, so if we wind up selling it, we won't be entirely raped. i don't want to sell it though. it's a fun car. but if i can't drive it, then what's the point?
steelcase this summer. orientation thursday.
wednesday i'm going to chicago with mom and libby to get some work done on the mini.
stuff, etc.
i'm getting distracted and forgetful. i'll come back later when i'm more sharp.
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2006 30 April :: 7.10pm
:: Mood: enraged
I think i lost my fucking bioethics test that I didn't remember I had due tomorrow. Fuck.
I had the bitchiest lady at work today. She actually made me cry. I had to go to the manager's office and sit down for a few minutes because she verbally attacked me. I don't normally get that upset, sure I have people who I want to strangle, but for some reason this lady just made it so fucking personal. I was trying to tell her that she was wrong in the nicest way possible and she was like "don't you shake your head at me like that" and "You people owe me for my time fixing your mistakes" and "don't tell me that I'm wrong, you're wrong, I'm not wrong, I deserve a twenty five dollar gift card, and that's what you need to give to me to make me happy".
And of course my manager gave it to her. It was all because she was "overcharged" on a twenty four pack of water. Well, the upc on her water and the upc on the receipt didn't match, meaning there was no fucking way it was the same product. NO WAY IN HELL can that happen. Well she wanted not only the price that it was marked, but the "sale" price from last week. Okay, I can live with that, it's like fucking five dollars, and she wanted a gift card, okay, a little much, but whatever, and then when I wouldn't give her the michigan scanning award (if a product is marked lower than what it rings up at the register you get the difference back plus ten times the amount UP TO FIVE DOLLARS) because the fucking upc didn't match the upc on the receipt, which it has to to give the award, she wanted to be upgraded from a ten dollar gift card to a fucking twenty five dollar gift card. Which, my manager did of course. There wasn't even a "thank you for your fucking help". Nope. Not at all.
I haven't cried because of a customer since the first day I worked at the service desk.
Whatever.
Fucking bitch, and she wasn't even fucking right.
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2006 30 April :: 12.15am
:: Mood: annoyed
Last night was nothing that I expected it to be. Prom was fairly lame, I had a much better time getting ready than at the dance itself. I love Josh so much, he's so much fun. I think he's the male version of Jessie; scary, I know.
So this time it wasn't just about it, it was about being together.
If I could only mix the cola and the grenadine together, I'd have the perfect cherry coke, but no one makes them the way I like them anymore. They use to when I was little. It's just not as good as it use to be, I guess.
I loved my hair last night. I even slept with it in and it stayed, but I took it out in the morning before I went to pick up summer. I had a shit load of bobby pins in my hair. Went to flute choir this morning on four hours of sleep. Took a nap this afternoon, and now I can't go to sleep. I feel like a restless zombie, my whole body is on a fucked up schedule. I have to work tomorrow, and I have a ton of homework just waiting for me to start on it. I don't want to start on it.
I've put in four good years. Time for a break.
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2006 23 April :: 12.10pm
:: Mood: slightly disoriented
:: Music: QOTSA - song for the deaf
last weekend of the semester....
so, friday was pretty busy. class at 10. class at 2. radio show at 5. open swim at 7. dishes and dinner after swimming. then it was off to the big lake at 11. we left the big lake around 1 or so, having done all that we set out to do. saturday was moving moving moving shit, and going to the bank for cash for tuesday. i hung out with mom and bruce for a bit. then i came back to campus. placed the drink order for tuesday with andre. helped katie and ellen unloft their room. proceeded to unloft/clean/vacuum my room with jim. everything's all squared away now, i think. well, not everything. but as much as i could do. today shannon's coming back, i need to start my honors essays, maybe study for stats and german a little bit.
stats exam tomorrow at 2pm, i think ... i have it written down somewhere. Deutsche Prüfung dienstag um 12 Uhr. honors essays are due tuesday at 4pm. after 4, we're getting dinner i guess, then party at hunter's tuesday night. wednesday i have a meeting with my advisor, and jim and i are moving out of the dorm. thursday i need to go into adecco and do all my paperwork stuff for steelcase, and maybe a drug test, and shannon is moving out, and i'm going down to richland with her. marty's doing a play on friday, so i guess we're going to that. saturday shannon needs a ride up to muskegon, so we'll do that, and then i'm home for the next week or so. then work starts.
that's chris's tentative life ina nutshell at the moment. it helps me to get things out of my head and onto, erm, paper. and hopefully it helps those of you who are wondering what the hell i'm up to all the damn time.
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2006 18 April :: 11.44pm
:: Mood: other
:: Music: benton falls - fighting starlight
shannon is super-sexy
Put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each question. Use the song title as the answer to the question.
1. How am I feeling today?:
2. Will I get far in life?:
3. How do my friends see me?:
4. Where will I get married?:
5. What is my best friend's theme song?:
6. What is the story of my life?:
7. What is/was highschool like?:
8. How can I get ahead in life?:
9. What is the best thing about me?:
10. How is today going to be?:
11. What is in store for this weekend?:
12. What song describes my parents?:
13. My Grandparents:
14. How is my life going?:
15. What song will they play at my funeral?:
16. How does the world see me?:
17. Will I have a happy life?:
18. What do my friends really think of me?:
19. Do people secretly lust after me?:
20. What should I do with my life?:
21. Will I ever have children?:
22. What is some good advice?:
23. What is my signature dancing song?:
24. What do I think my current theme song is?
25. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
26. What type of men/women do you like?:
answers:
1. Weird al yankovic – like a surgeon
2. Jamiroquai - loveblind
3. Dave Matthews band – rapunzel
4. Barenaked ladies – war on drugs
5. Jamie cullum – blame it on my youth
6. Lee Michaels – do you know what I mean?
7. The Beatles – because
8. Red hot chili peppers – californication
9. Frank zappa – tell me you love me
10. 3 doors down – By my side
11. Joseph Haydn – symphony no. 95 (3rd movement)
12. Morphine – a head with wings
13. Ladd McIntosh big band – taco tee shirt
14. Alice in chains – heaven beside you
15. Weezer – The world has turned and left me here
16. System of a down – holy mountains
17. Extreme – who cares?
18. Gorillaz – white light
19. Jimi Hendrix – bold as love
20. Homestarrunner – everybody knows it
21. Queen – somebody to love
22. Bing Crosby – Last night on the backporch
23. Ben folds five – selfless, cold and composed
24. Rush – by-tor and the snow dog
25. Dave Brubeck quartet – pick up sticks
26. Jet – cold hard bitch
*note: there were some edits made to avoid repetition of artists (some would say i cheated)*
this just in:
i'm tired.
be safe! stay classy!
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2006 18 April :: 8.08pm
It occured to me yesterday that everyone I know is painfully normal. There is nothing special about any of us. There are one hundred other people out there with the exact same talents and skills as any one of us. What makes us think we are anything to be proud of? The only thing that sets us apart are our experiences, but hell, who cares about experiences if you can't fit them into a concise paragraph along with your hopes and dreams and plan of the future?
I found out a few weeks ago that I was accepted into the Grand Valley State University School of Music to study for a degree in Music (performance) or Music Education.
It appears I have everything figured out. It would be wonderful if I really did.
Today was a horrible day. I don't know exactly why. It was just the feeling I had about it. Everything seemed so real, so acute, so harsh. It's hard to explain. It seems like the good days float by with a cloud of superficiality, nothing really grabs hold so much as just grazes by. It's like a bullet being shot that whizzes about your head. You realized it would hurt if you were struck, it might even be fatal, but because it didn't strike, it's almost not real. You are left with no physical reminder of it's presence. It can be soon forgotten, there was no true impact on your life.
Being struck with that bullet is a different story. You must live with the pain and reminder of it every day. It digs into your body, as much as into your soul. It's there, it's real.
That's what today seemed like. Real.
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2006 12 April :: 7.00pm
:: Mood: badong?
:: Music: exploding pop bottles
Ich heiße Super-fantastisch...
alrighty. band concert was last night. i really enjoyed it, and i thought it went well. my mallet parts were shaky, but no missed notes, and that was the important part. and i did a really good job on snare, i thought. i was pleased.
and talking with mom about stuff helped out a super lots. so that was good.
i need to find somebody to cover for my radio show on friday, since i'm going down to shannon's, and her mom is picking us up at 3:30.
k.
journal party at hunter's. jigga h007 h007?
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2006 11 April :: 1.56am
:: Mood: past dead
:: Music: kein musik
eine neue eintragung
(copied from open diary)
Ja. Das heißt "a new entry" (in an account of something). Diese ist ein klein Teil von meine Lebe, ich denke, also das macht gut.
Sonntag ist Oster. Die Familie von Shannon hat mir für diesen Feiertag geeinladen. Das ist sehr gut. Aber, ich weiß nicht was meine Familie für Oster macht. Ach, so... OK, ich soll spreche Deutsch nicht mehr.
i'm getting better though, and that's reassuring. it's by far my best class, and the most interesting. and i seem to be progressing nicely. i'm excited about next year. although it seems to be quite the task to get a minor. i guess i would need 22 credits BEYOND 201, and i'm just not sure about that. hell, i don't even know if i can get that much for my major... ; )
band performance is tomorrow night. i got my suit and stuff all squared away. i'm so sharp when i'm dressed up. or at least i feel like it, which is really all that matters.
i bet shannon will be upset with me. she was over here a little bit ago, and i kept falling asleep. and now that she left, i'm up and awake. i didn't intend for it to go that way. i'm gonna go brush my teefers and hit the sack now.
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2006 6 April :: 2.01am
:: Mood: i must be eeemo...
:: Music: the Impressions - People Get Ready
these are rhetorical...
i can't focus. i can't think about anything else. i'm just so lost in my own head. so zoned out. i'm sick of having responsibilities. i don't want them anymore. i just want to subsist, but i'm in a society that won't allow it. and i want to figure out who i really am, and what i'm really here for. how the fuck am i supposed to do that when i can't even properly exist here? and how am i supposed to have a healthy relationship with anyone when i'm insane? and is there a way to have a truly healthy relationship without treating it like you're fucking married? i mean, dad and kathy are great, and i'm really happy for them and the steps that they've taken together. and i would one day like to take those same steps. but not right now, man. not right now. right now i'm supposed to be crazy college party all the time like. i'm supposed to skip my classes. i'm supposed to ignore this paper i'm writing. i'm supposed to waste mommy and daddy's money.
right?
i'm supposed to be a general education loser. i'm certainly not the "honors" type. but now that i'm here, it's like i'm stuck in the commitment. like i have to finish what i started unwittingly. that's really fucking fair. say "hey, umm... listen, we're not going to tell you what you need to do. we'll just give you free reign, and you can guess a lot. and for every wrong guess, you get an anal probe and a loan to pay off. how does that sound? good." then when i fuck up, i guess i just should have known better, according to them. but HOW oh wise ones. HOW am i supposed to know better, when in actuality, i know virtually nothing at all. and what little knowledge i do have is so trivial, so mundane, that it's not even worth knowing.
feelings suck, because they lie to me. and i have a hard time discerning between them and the truth.
i wanna go to bed.
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2006 31 March :: 1.16pm
:: Mood: mmmmmmm
liberal smatterings of dry humping.
so, i haven't updated in awhile. i've been pretty busy, i guess, with school stuff, and shannon stuff.
her play is tonight, and her family is coming up to see it. i guess we're having dinner with them afterwards. i'm very much looking forward to that. and then her brother, marty, will be staying up here with us for the weekend. that should be fun too. i need to figure out some things for us to go and do, though. i mean, i figured on stopping in at eDen, because marty is kind of a gamer. but beyond that, i don't really have anything in mind.
peace stuff!
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2006 26 March :: 6.26pm
get off of it bitch.
you need to stop going after what will never be yours.
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2006 26 March :: 6.22pm
i feel like i need to escape, or i need an escape.
whatever.
so much bullshit. of course my happy little world will come crashing down, what more could be expected?
i'm going to prom with josh.
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2006 23 March :: 10.57pm
:: Mood: splunge.
:: Music: peanuts MIDI
funny video
Read more..
http://videos.streetfire.net/playlistbuilder/buildasx.ashx?fileid=3D2DE2BE-74D5-4885-8C64-15AFFC25839C&t=D596BFBA-20BC-4317-A794-B7186E087AF9
in other news, i really like these talks shannon and i have every so often. it's just so refreshing.
i'm super-tired.
and hungry. mmm. hungry.
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2006 23 March :: 6.51pm
Saturday is state, i'm pretty nervous. I have my GVSU music auditions next saturday, so I'll get everything out of the way so I can enjoy my spring break. At this point I don't really care how I do at state, just so I can get it over with.
During the meaps today my english class was combined with a modern lit class. There was this kid who was bugging the shit out of me because he was suppose to be writing a paper, but didn't know how to do it. So I turned around (because of course I wasn't going to do any of the work I was suppose to be doing) and I helped him write his paper. The kid was a junior and didn't even know you could incorporate a quotation from a book into your own sentence. So, I helped him write a couple of paragraphs. He just didn't know how to say what he wanted to say. I bet when he gets his paper back it's better than a C he'll be surprised. It made me wonder just how some people can get so far in our education system and fail so badly. I really did like working with him, however, and it kept me busy for an hour.
Syrinx is going good, and I'm excited for the end of my senior year. The future is getting less scary the farther I travel. That's a good thing, a very good thing.
michelle
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2006 23 March :: 11.11am
:: Mood: fantastic
:: Music: none
none
I put my muffins in the oven at exactly 11:11 am. i thought that was cool.
and i'm in 308,308th place for the facebook march madness competition. i wonder how many that's out of...
aside from that. shannon's great. but i'm failing college. and the two are only marginally related. very marginal.
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2006 20 March :: 12.50am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: bnl - break your heart
long weekend.
saw peter pan saturday night. that was interesting. weird to be back at school. i'll visit sometime in may, probably. just to see all my old teachers and friends and everything.
friday night i saw "V for Vendetta", and went to olive garden with shannon, stephanie, and sarah. it was stephanie's birthday. she's younger than addison, but she's a sophomore. tee hee.
umm. friday night went down to shannon's. saturday morning drove her to binder park zoo to fill out the paperwork and take her drug test and get fitted for her uniform. spent the afternoon loafing around her place. i played pokémon with marty. that was interesting. came back here last night, crashed for like 11 hours straight. french toast for brunch, and a nice long walk through the ravines. i took some pictures. did laundry. got a sharpie tattoo. dentist appt. tomorrow.
and i'm sick. but that's okay. i'm not crisp, but i can still function.
sleep well, kids.
edit: in case anyone cares, we kissed on the roof saturday, just for shits and giggles, and it made me laugh. but it did not, thankfully, provoke the evacuation of my bowels. just f.y.i.
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2006 16 August :: 11.49am
:: Mood: spät
:: Music: Frat Rock (various artists)
i've kissed 36 ways?
Read more..
who'da thunk it?
::
dude, that command was super-easy.
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2006 15 August :: 10.42pm
i can't say no.
i can't even say "wait a minute baby, let me lock the door so jim doesn't walk in like last time."
like every time. this whole lack of discipline thing has got to go. but to discipline myself would mean to take myself seriously. and that just aren't happenin'.
alrighty. i should do homework. will i? we all know the answer to that one.
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2006 12 March :: 10.23am
:: Mood: shitshitshit
fluffy bunnies and rainbows?
sorry about the previous post. had i known that it would be that big a bother, i wouldn't have posted it.
somebody else sent it to me, and i figured i'd share it with those of you who appreciated it.
apologies to those who didn't.
LAN party right now. college later. anal rape soon to follow college.
just thought you ought to know.
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2006 8 March :: 8.03pm
:: Mood: Hungry
met the famdamnily
yeah, so i met her folks, and her brother, and her friends, and her cat and dog (a.k.a. miss kitty and otto), and they were all very, very cool.
i do need to boost my proficiency in push rummy though. i have a feeling i'll be getting lots of practice.
okay, so rundown:
friday crashed at dad's. saturday, went out with hunter and cole. sunday, left hunter's, came home for awhile, went down to shannon's met pj and lulu, among others. meatloaf and potatoes and pumpkin pie for dinner. monday, took shannon and annie downtown k-zoo to the kvcc museum thing. that was cool. back home, ("home" tee-hee) spaghetti and strawberry shortcake for dinner. tuesday, went to saugatuck to work on teh car. had lunch at the kalico kitchen. went to the beach, walked on the ice. home again, tacos and brownies for dinner. today, went to the binder park zoo for a job interview (shannon, not me). went shopping at kohls and barnes & noble. at kohls i got a new kitchen knife, ladle, scoop, spatula, and ... i don't remember. and i also got shannon a skirt that was on clearance, and i got myself a green cashmere sweater for FIFTEEN DOLLARS!!! CASHMERE!!! FIFTEEN DOLLARS!!! IN THE SAME SENTENCE!!! shannon found it. i was super impressed.
oop. mom and lib are home now. i guess we're doing chinese for dinner.
bye!
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::
2006 6 March :: 6.11pm
So we're looking at stuff for my vacation in June. We plan on going to Beaver Island and I am really excited, but kind of scared at the same time. I'm worried that she's not goin to love it. I'm worried that it won't be the same to me now that it was when I was younger. The island was always a place to get away for me and I would spend hour after hour dreaming about living on the island.
Which brings me to the strange mood that I've been in most of the day. I think everything has been contributing to it all day. It kind of started with the Tyra Banks Show. Yes, I was flipping and I saw LL Cool J, so I stopped. But he was talking about learning to value yourself. Learning to ask for that promotion at work, or thinking that your not smart enough to take a certain class. He said that you have to realize your worth as ahuman being. I think sometimes I underestimate that. Plus, I was listening to Switchfoot today and the lyrics just hit me. We were meant to live for so much more. Am I living each day the way I want to live it? And everytime I ask myself that question I say no. But does everyone say no? It's not that I'm not happy, but my life is not where it is.
Sometimes I believe that my dreams for my life are a little impractical. I look at other people and they have solid career goals and they have practical professions in mind. I don't. I am the master of being practical, but when it comes to my dreams, I am not practical in the least.
And to all these questions and doubts, only time will answer my questions.
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