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2005 27 September :: 3.44pm
So i'm sitting here waiting for my last class to start and I'm seriously debating my plans for tonight. I know I entered the semester with a commitment to get more involved in the things going on on campus. Especially with Campus Ministry. But now that I'm on the verge of going and attending a small group meeting I feel kind of reluctant. I don't know, it was fun to do it when I was freshman. It felt right and I felt like I could learn a lot from Dan, my leader that year. I mean after all it was my first year in college and I was learning about who I was and how my faith fit into my life. But now I know all that and I just feel like I'm going to be looked down upon because of my feelings on certain issues. Anyway, I might be home earlier than 9 or 10, so be ready.
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2005 27 September :: 12.53pm
Wow, hotmail server is extremely slow. It really sucks.
On another note, I need to start listening to my Spanish CD's again. My accent it terrible.
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2005 27 September :: 3.10am
2 AM muffin session...
i am pooped.
final count:
5 pages.
1,611 words.
and i totally milked the margins. i hope she doesn't notice. or i can just play stupid. it's only 15% of my grade...
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2005 26 September :: 6.34pm
a perpetual case of the cosmic horn?
nope. no red-bottomosity here.
anyway. i'm about halfway through my paper. it's been about 3/4 hours of work. no good.
i keep hitting standstills.
so, i think i'm gonna go grab some dinner or something. just get out of here for awhile. then it's back to the grindstone.
i also did laudry today. --- jigga what!?
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2005 23 September :: 10.42am
i don't have any pictures of me playing drums...
we'll have to fix that.
i thought of it because i'm decorating the door. it's HAWTT!
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2005 22 September :: 9.44pm
:: Music: "If 6 was 9" - Jimi Hendrix
What is this, like the 6th time today
I've really got to stop this. I really do.
I was thinking a lot about tonight. I don't what it is about those night classes at Grand Valley that get you going. Well, especially in MAK. There's a special quality over there.
Professor Aragon was so completely right that I haven't seemed like myself in his class. I feel really guilty because I have not done the readings. So that is one of my goals for this weekend.
Another one of my goals, for at least tomorrow is to encourage Denise. She's had a pretty rough go of it for the past year and I see it as my role to help her. Now, I just need to make sure that I don't get sucked into it myself and get dragged down if the ship starts going down. That wouldn't be good for anyone. Like Nita said, I am an asset to the company. I don't see myself that way, but they do. I have no desire for them to start viewing me like a liability.
Another goal for tomorrow is to clean my room. It's bad. I need to clean it. It should be easy since there won't be anyone home tomorrow night. I also have to get up early enough tomorrow to run some errands before I go to work.
And then my goal for Saturday is just to enjoy myself. It's going to be interesting, but it should be fun. Josh's parties are always fun. Good times with good people.
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2005 4 August :: 10.08pm
:: Mood: nostalgic
:: Music: coldplay - high speed
from my archived letters to god...
Well. College starts in a few weeks. That should be interesting. As per usual, I’m absurdly unprepared for it all… but I suppose I should get used to that if I intend to keep living life the way I do. Although that seems to be a big bone of contention with Jackie and her mom. Not so much contention as unrest, I suppose. Just the fact that I’m always so “busy”. They think nobody my age should be that busy. And I’m equally frustrated that despite the business, I so rarely feel I have accomplished anything worthwhile. But you know better, even if I don’t see it.
And as for Jackie and her mom, I know they’re absolutely correct; but I think age has little to do with it. I would sooner say that nobody should ever be too busy. And I need to get it through my thick skull that I accomplish more, and make more gratifying societal contributions, when – although I’m trying to accomplish things – I’m not in a hurry, I’m not overwhelmed (or even just whelmed, as the case may be), and I’m never EVER “too busy”. It is my responsibility, duty, and privilege to make the most out of every situation I am placed in. to know that I’m right where and when I should be… because you want me there, so you put me there, and I should embrace the aberrations and adapt to the alterations that take place in my life.
To fight is a waste of energy.
Tonight is the place for love.
This life is but a gift to me,
And strife the only plight to shove.
One of these days I’ll actually write some shit that makes sense, in addition to sounding good. As of yet, I can only do one of those at a time. I should just stick with what sounds good.
- page two -
(this is where it gets mushy)
I really do love Jackie so much, somehow. I know that sounds bad, but I don’t mean it to. She’s certainly not unlovable; quite the contrary. And she never ceases to amaze me, in innumerable ways. For instance:
I’m definitely not incapable of loving someone. I love lots of people. But, the ones I love most often get the worst of me. And Jackie is no exception.
I just can never find the right words for her… and all the bad things I do, whether habitually or instinctually – things I’ve eradicated from all the other facets of my life – have crept up with her from time to time. Maybe it’s just that I’m so relaxed in her presence… which I’m immensely thankful for and simultaneously awed by. I don’t know. It could be anything. I just know I desperately want to stop inadvertently being such an ass. I’m sure I wouldn’t do it on purpose.
It’s just so vitally important. I love her in a way that I’ve never felt for anybody else in my life. Not that I haven’t loved, but this is something bigger, something more. And I’m just begging you to not let me fuck it up. Because, when left to my own devices… let’s just say things don’t go so hot.
Speaking of hot, it’s quite toasty in here (the van). It’s been about 45 minutes, and there is a film of permanent adhesion that has been formed between the seat cover and me by my perspiration. It’s quite disgusting. But dad and Kathy should be done in the chapel soon, so then I can roll down the window and dry off some.
Thanks for always listening. I feel so much better now. You’re the greatest.
Chris.
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2005 22 September :: 5.36pm
:: Mood: discontent
School is getting to me, i'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner. The only good thing coming up is homecomming. I like planning for that, it keeps me occupied.
We'll see..hmm...
:)
I love you Jessie!
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2005 22 September :: 5.24pm
She described her mood as giddy. That's good.
I feel I no longer have the need to trouble myself with deep, soul-searching questions like I did in the past.
Talking last night made me realize that my approach to life has taken a very different track in the last year. I'm not sure what has caused that, and I'm not sure many people would agree with my assessment. But I feel as if I approach things as being more laid back about life. Such as, if something happens that I want to happen, great, it happened, but if it doesn't, then no big loss. I guess that's part of growing up. It's like if I get a good grade, great, but if I didn't, well, I'm not blaming the professor anymore because I really don't care. And that could be where I'm getting it from. I don't care if I passed the test. I never have. I never understood people with test anxiety. Either you know it or you don't. If I learned something from it then good for me. If I didn't, it's my fault and I just wasted a great opportunity.
On a side note. All though I haven't been single all that long, this not being single is still going to take an adjustment. Meaning I shouldn't probably talk about all the cute girls that I meet or anything like that anymore. Note: I didn't really do that before and I'm just joking.
I know I said I'd talk to you somehow tonight. I'm not sure how I'm going to accomplish that beyond this right here. But perhaps later.
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2005 22 September :: 3.13pm
So, three entries in like three hours. I thought I didn't have a lot to say.
So, Professor Aragon asked me if I was okay today. Well, I guess he can see that his class isn't going to way I hoped. Actually, it has been one of the biggest disappointments of my semester so far. I mean, my Russian Thought class totally sucked, but I kind of expected that. I just told him that I had been sick for the last week and that was why it seemed like something wasn't right. In reality, the class just isn't doing for me what I hoped it would. I guess when I had him before there was a tenuous balance. I really enjoyed the class and felt like I had mastery of the material. This year I don't feel that way. In fact I feel I know less about it than I should, which isn't a good thing for me. But alas, I'll stop complaining and get ready to go to my favorite class so far.
Oh, and I've felt terribly complacent because I hadn't been keeping up on my reading, but after reading for four hours last night, I felt a lot better. Honestly, I thought I was never going to get done. BUt I had to because I had someplace I had to go. It's really amazing how time flies when you are with someone you enjoy spending time with.
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2005 22 September :: 2.29pm
You know, the good thing about today is that I only had one thing to write for class. Because I seem to be very, very, very comma happy. And, in addition, I also seem to be very apostrophe happy as well. I'm using a ton of contractions, which I don't usually do. Instead I prefer to actually write the words out, but I'm not doing that today, for some reason.
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2005 22 September :: 12.54pm
I really would like to update. Something good. Something solid. But the words escape me right now.
BTW, I am no longer lonely. If you catch my drift. Which you probably won't. Because you all have sick minds.
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2005 22 September :: 10.05am
es regnet...
DONNER UND BLITZ!!!
translation of previous:
i have a medium-sized family. my grandpa on my dad's side is named Wilson. my grandma on my dad's side is named Mary Jane. my grandpa on my mom's side (deceased) was named Harry. my grandma on my mom's side is named Wilma. My dad's name is Marty and my mom's name is Roxanne. My parents are divorced, and both have 3 siblings. my stepfather's name is Bruce. my stepmother's name is Kathy. i have one sister, Libby. and also 2 dogs.
see? now YOU can learn german too!
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2005 22 September :: 1.30am
:: Mood: zombie
:: Music: the sounds of silence (no, really...)
my boundless awesomosity
alright. so i finished Gargantua. i won't say it was a waste of time. but good gravy. they kicked everyones ass... then were really humble and gracious about it. everyone got what they wanted. and the monk started an abbey for hippies. and it went ON AND ON about what the hippies wore, and what they did, and the architecture of the abbey and whose butts they wiped with downy goosenecks in altruistic generosity...zzzzz. then the riddle about tennis. wtf? eh. i'll let it go. Rabelais was a heavy drinker. that's my reasoning.
but i'm most proud of meine haus-arbeite in Deutsch. okay. i don't remember how to say "homework". so sue me. i at least remembered enough to kick total ass on it. i had to write 8-10 sentences about my family tree. here 'tis:
Ich habe eine mittelgroße Familie. Mein Großvater väterlicherseits heißt Wilson. Meine Großmutter väterlicherseits heißt Mary Jane. Mein Großvater mütterlicherseits (verstorben) heißt Harry. Meine Großmutter mütterlicherseits heißt Wilma. Mein Vater heißt Martin und meine Mutter heißt Roxanne. Mein Eltern ist geschieden und auch haben drei Geschwistern. Mein Stiefvater heißt Bruce. Meine Stiefmutter heißt Kathy. Ich habe eine Schwester Libby. Und auch zwei Hund.
11 sentences. and i used a couple of words that WEREN'T ON THE PAGE!!!! meaning, i remembered them. and used them accurately. i just hope i spelled them right. well, i got hund right, obviously. i'm worried more about gescheiden and geschwistern. they're close.
she'll know what i meant. *blows raspberry*
aren't you all overjoyed at my success in multilingual endeavours?
i'm sure.
i'll go take a shower now. and i wouldn't oppose a nap tomorrow afternoon. but i'll be expecting a phone call sometime between the hours of 4 and 9... so, maybe no nap. that's alright. it's worth it.
i have to write 3 papers before next wednesday. it's only because i've put them off for this long. damn that procrastination.
if i played my music really loud, i wonder how long it would take Kelsey (my R.A.) to come yell at me. i passed her on the sidewalk today. i think she smiled at me. for some reason she's usually scowling at me. well. i smiled back. and bekah said hi today too. although, it's hard for her to not pass by every once in awhile... her room's at the end of the hall. and i've half given up on communications mystery girl (i don't remember her name). she seems pretty interested in Pat. not that i blame her. he's a fucking cool guy. eh. i was gonna ask her about the musical today, but she wasn't done with her test yet. so i just left. and i think Cara and i are doing the study group thing tomorrow. marcus seems kind of unreliable. i'm going to suggest the library. it's a good place to pick up on vibes and stuff. i mean, research things. and print things off. because the lappy hasn't miraculously started spewing printed pages out its front just yet.
sorry. i'm rambling.
shower time.
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2005 21 September :: 10.15pm
:: Mood: tired.
:: Music: Genesis - nursery cryme
blehg, etc.
is it wrong that i just want to crawl into bed.
i need to at the very least finish my German HW. and i really should do the rest of Gargantua... so that way i can get machiavelli out of the way tomorrow during lunch. i hope that's enough time. then tomorrow night i need to write my paper for Professor Eick.
in other news, we got the drive flanges back on the donor transmission - with new seals, of course. and i halfway disassembled the drivers side inner CV joint, due to contaminants in the grease. i couldn't fully disassemble it without removing it from the shaft, so i just did what i could. so, i have grease for packing on friday, once the new transmission is in. it'd be silly to pack them sooner. and i have new fluid for friday, so i can flush the system once. and then i'll run it for awhile, then put the primo fluid in, as soon as i can find the shit. i figure the cheap stuff won't hurt for a couple thousand miles anyway. and i'm pretty sure this transmission doesn't have an LSD. gar. oh well. i'm not about to tear it apart now. i'll just crack the other one open when dad gets a shop. hopefully it won't become any more urgent than that. and i'll need to find a home for the bad transmission until such a time that i CAN crack into it.
i think friday's going to be a huge PITA, because i'll need to realign all the motor mounts and everything. i'd like to try and clean things up a bit down there too... but that probably won't happen. and i'd like to swap out the shift lever while i'm in there. but that might have to wait. it'll just be nice to have the linkages properly aligned again. and *cross your fingers* have a full fluid reservoir. that would be fantabulous. i still need to roll the fenders and maybe raise the front end a little bit. hector shyed me away from that. he's a big fan of the low center of gravity... obviously. but at the very least, i should at least sure up the exhaust while it's up in the air. and i'd like to get that floor pan taken care of. but i've monopolized karl's garage for long enough. the car will be out and rollable by the time i leave friday. i don't care how long it takes. it's getting done.
but sadly, my homework isn't; not with me prattling on, here, now is it? well, i bid you all a fond adieu. and with much ado (of course).
love and stuff. < i'm awaiting your call... :-) >
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2005 20 September :: 9.01pm
:: Mood: pissed. at myself. like always.
:: Music: Genesis - selling england by the pound.
Gargantua and Pantagruel...
so. that was a brilliant way to waste three hours. because i have SO much spare time...
i'm a moron.
and after it all, i still didn't save any fucking lives!
and on the walk back i heard the snares practicing late. god i miss it.
i seriously think i'm going to try and get into the pit. if there is a pit.
it's late. i have a quiz tomorrow. and a test. and. ugh.
i totally fucked myself this weekend. and next weekend is filling up incredibly fast.
saturday:
- car to billy's / board from billy's.
- jackie party thing... (permitting i'm still invited.)
sunday:
- tunnel park BBQ. which i may have to scrap. but i really don't want to.
and i need to figure out when i can do coffee with mle.
i do it to myself.
that's probably why it makes me so mad.
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2005 20 September :: 3.09pm
So I was sitting in upstairs MAK reading, and then I stopped and was just looking out the window up at the sky. The blue depths and the white whispy clouds darting across it. Some of them even seemed so close that I could have reached out and touched them. BUt then they stopped darting in just one direction. It must have been a cross current or an updraft or something, but the cloud started churning. Understand that this was a fairly transparent cloud, only casting a shadow on it's own in the very center. But it roiled and churned. The bottom becoming the top and the top becoming the bottom. The two parts of the cloud moving in different directions but the whole thing go nowhere at all. It began to spread, thinner and thinner. It seemed to eventually equalize itself vertically in the atmosphere. No longer occupying different vertical levels in the sky, but on singular one. Then it began to fade. Unlike anything I can describe. The whiteness of it was absorbed by the stark blue mass of the sky. Fading, slowly, into nothingness. Disapaited by some unseen force. Continually fading until the extremities of the clouds were gone, the body itself becoming increasingly transparent. And then the body, once large enough and thick enough to shield it's bottom half from the sun, casting it's own shadow, began to fade. Slowly at first, and then at ever increasing speed it disappeared. Until that cloud, a collection of millions of molecules of water, clinging to millions of microscopic pieces of dirt, became as transparent as glass. Revealing the blue sky, illuminated by the presence of the sun, not as deep as before, slightly more pale for the experience.
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2005 20 September :: 10.38am
:: Mood: ... okay, i guess
:: Music: BnL - the wrong man was convicted
fer teh fil!
Dear Christopher,
I would be happy to talk with you. The first thing I think you should do is come down to a Symphony rehearsal at DeVos Hall. See what your schedule is for next week. We can do sort of a job shadow thing. I would recommend next Thursday evening. That is our dress rehearsal for our next Classical concert. I could talk with management about you sitting up on stage with us. also our recording engineer will be there and you can meet him and talk with him. In the mean time my phone number is 446-XXXX. I would ask that you do not give that out to anyone since it is my cell phone. I look forward to talking with you.
Sincerely,
David Gross, Principal Timpanist
Grand Rapids Symphony
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2005 19 September :: 10.48am
this is dated january 18, 2005
Dear Mr. Gross,
i'm not really too sure where to start, because my request is obscure, and my story is equally bizarre. i guess my best bet is to just give a brief rundown.
my name is Christopher Best. i am a senior at Cedar Springs High School. when i took my SATs i got a 750 in math and expressed an interest in music. the Peabody Conservatory received these statistics and sent me a mailing advertising their Recording Arts and Sciences program. every single thing i read in the letter really seemed to nail my situation. that mailing is practically the sole cause of my interest in peabody. i have, since i received the letter, applied to the peabody and have scheduled an audition. an audition which is in a little over a month. i've been asking around about what i can expect, because i've never done this before, and have been disappointed. what can i say? Cedar is the farthest place in the world from culture, and my family is useless. i've always had a knack and a passion for music, but i lack an extremely formal education. i'm in school band, i've been to Blue Lake, and i dabble in my spare time - of course i'm always LISTENING to music - but that's really about it. i believe i have the capacity and potential to do great things in music, but i'm also extremely afraid i got in over my head. i expressed this fear to my M.S.W. , and he suggested talking to somebody from the Symphony. a phone call later i was provided with your email from the 'personnel manager,' i believe it was (he was exceedingly cordial). so, i'm just hoping to get to talk so somebody sometime, or at least get some feedback from a person who knows better what the heck is going on - because i'm a tad bit lost. for all the 'help' and 'career advisement' that i've been offered, they really left me hanging.
anything at all that you can offer me will be beneficial, even if it's consolation for being delusional. i was just looking for some straight talk from anyone who had the credentials to give it.
i have also sent an email identical to this one to your associate, Mr. Hall.
many preemptive thanks,
Christopher Best
... wow.
a lot has changed. my home. my girlfriend. my college. my lifestyle. everything.
in under a year, my life has undergone a total revamp.
and yet i'm still the same guy i've always been. nothing special. nothing fancy. wow.
just amazing. and i never would've guessed it.
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2005 18 September :: 11.06am
etc.
well. i picked up the transmission yesterday... it was filthy. so i took it back to karl's and bathed it in mineral spirits. it's still ugly... but it's a darn sight better than it was. now i'm going to flush it out with brakleen and try and get the exterior nice and pretty. i might even repaint the end cap thingy. that cool fluorescent green. mmm. anyway. oh, i also pulled both of the driveaxles. so, next phase is to get fluid, brakleen, new axles, maybe new seals for the donor tranny. hector's supposed to be showing up soon, so i'll ask him about the next phase of the operation. and i thought it was really interesting that karl had the bentley for a '79 rabbit. i was disappointed i didn't have access to it sooner. because i would have used it like crazy on the blue bunny. speaking of which, i finally found someone to take it.
bruce and i went to buses by the beach last night, and i talked to billy. next saturday we're gonna trailer the blue bunny over to billy's house. i give him the rabbit and 250, and he gives me a really nice 24 channel, 4 buss, Mackie board. SCORE!!!! not only do i get rid of my old crap. which i will miss dearly. but i also get newer cooler crap. always awesome.
yeah. that's all. i mean, i haven't done any homework... but at least i'm making some sort of progress. it's a very refreshing sensation.
but i still smell like grease and mineral spirits. it feels good.
LOVE! PEACE! SEXUAL INDISCRETION!
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2005 17 September :: 4.39pm
"Ole' Curt was a black man
With white curly hair.
He spent a lifetime
Playin' the Blackman's Blues
And on the day ole Curtis died
That's all he had to do."
"Play me a song Curtis Lowe, yeah Curtis Lowe,
I got your drinkin' money so tune up your dobro,
People say you was useless
But them people ought to know
That Curtis Lowe was the finest picker to ever play the blues."
I really like that song. It goes back a ways I guess. You don't hear it on the radio and it's not one of the biggest songs that Skynyrd ever did, but it's still a good song, with some really good electric slide in it.
Anyway, playin' up in Newaygo tonight. Sportsman's Lounge from 9-11. It's in dowtown Newaygo. Down the hill, but before you cross the bridge on the right hand side. I really wish I had something to do after that. But if I don't, I guess I'll just come home, go to bed and maybe go to church in the morning.
Well, I accepted Nita's offer and now I might have dispensible income. I have seriously been contemplating getting a phone. I envision it being somewhat of a boon to my social life and expanding the possibilities of meeting new people. Of course with work and school I'm not sure how much of a social life I can afford. But that's just the same crazy talk that's kept me where I am.
I haven't taken any cold medicine since the other night. I figured that if I could stay up 22 hours that I really was getting better. I also realized today that I have been posting a ton since August. Kind of weird huh? I guess I'm just back in a "hey, I want people to know what's going on in my life" phase again.
I am also very happy that FX picked up the rights for "That 70's Show." This morning I heard the line that my journal is based on. You know, the one from Red, "if we didn't follow rules we'd all be sitting in trees flinging our crap at each other." I'm really, really, not talking about anything that makes any sense at all.
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2005 16 September :: 6.31pm
Eating blueberry pancakes at 1am at IHOP. With a computer genious.
Not getting hime until 6am, and still being sober.
Staying up for another 2 hours because I was wired on cold medicine.
Realizing I just spent seven hours talking to someone who I never talked to in high school.
Good times.
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2005 16 September :: 10.15am
:: Music: the verve pipe - ominous man
was ist das wetter heute?
es regnet. und kühle.
i think one of my current favorite words (there's a running tally) is this:
mêlée.
just because of the crazy accents.
i love these headphones. and recording at 1 Mbps.
sleep is better, though.
lederhosen auf der tische. i think i've said that one before. or is it dem tische? fuck.
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2005 15 September :: 10.45pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: DMB - so much to say
Wie geht's? gut?
some people 'round here seem to have taken an upturn. some a downturn. so i guess we'll call mine a.... funny turn.
"i once had a bad turn in a booth."
oh, james bond, you heartthrob. what'll i ever do with you? aside from contract syphillis...
i'm sick of being an ass. and i'm sick of being unjustifiably tired. not exhausted. just a little sloth. enough to make me useless. but for no good reason.
i dropped the car off today. tomorrow i meet hector to pick up the bentley. then i'm off to detroit on saturday to pick up the new transmission. then saturday-day i'll attempt the swap. permitting nothing is screwy. which, it very well may be. gah. i don't want to think about all the potential catastrophes.
i think tomorrow night i'm going to go to buses by the beach with teh MUB (Mutter und Bruce). hopefully i can talk to billy about the mixing board. assuming he hasn't sold it already. i got sick of calling. i felt like he was avoiding me. this way i'll have him cornered.
and i wanted to call jackie tonight... but i didn't get home until 10:30 or so. shit fuckers. i guess it'll happen tomorrow. i hate this. i shouldn't have to just squeeze her in. it's just plain wrong. i should have all the time in the world for her. well, i do have lots of free time. it's just between 10am and 1pm. and she's busy during those hours.
it has switched to Heart - Dog and Butterfly.
i love WMA shuffle...
too bad defragging the hard drive takes about 6 hours with all that shit on here. i actually had to take some off, just for enough free space to defrag properly. geh. i'm gonna do homework now.
Ich studieren die Kommunikationswissenschaft. Wunderbar.
auf wiedersehosen...
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2005 15 September :: 9.59pm
:: Mood: snotty
Jurchen
Well we covered the Manchu conquest of China tonight. For some reason the names just sound so elegant to me. Especially when Professor Shan pronounces them with the correct accent. Jurchen, Manchu, Li Zhicheng.
I just thought I'd throw this in there because it's a realization that I've come to over the past few weeks. From about the middle part of June until August I was pretty depressed. I'm not talking like, hang my head low depressed. I'm talking a serious depression. Not suicidal, but severe. Times when I didn't even want to get out of bed, and I didn't. But that time is over now. I wake up and get out of bed and look forward to each new day.
And I just got done talking to Jessa. I didn't get a chance to say good bye because she had to put Clem to sleep. It's kind of weird that I find myself in the position of encouragement. I haven't been there in a long time. Mostly because I haven't felt like I have any standing to provide encouragement. It's definitely beginning to feel like there's more confidence coming in my faith.
Oh, and I was told last night that my entries leave a lot of questions in peoples' minds after their done reading them. Is this true?
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critique me
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spud
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2005 15 September :: 12.21pm
:: Music: WMA shuffle...
Sex...
i think it's funny... but there we are.
i still can't speak german. but two of my vocab words will be difficult to forget.
dick = fat.
schlank (with an 'ahh' sound) = slender.
so, you might have a dick dick. or there are those of us with schlank shlongs.
i just had to get that out of my system.
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spud
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2005 13 September :: 4.33pm
:: Mood: hungry hippo
:: Music: Heart - Even it up.
why i love hector...
"I have been preparing various parts of the site for the chat room. Preparations A-G have all been completed. The Chat room is Preparation H and I think it is to the point now where it feels good to use, on the whole."
the man is hilarious. and this isn't even his best work. but it makes par. which is good enough for me.
i think it's about time for dinner. i've had 2 pop tarts and a granola bar.
it's good to be home. but it's still missing something... i'm still missing someone...
love and stuff, guys.
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spud
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2005 12 September :: 11.47pm
:: Mood: sleepy
shit. i miss her.
and i just realized... shaney now has a picture of me with james on my lap. i think that's some sort of inescapable induction into the family.
not that i'm trying to escape. in fact... for some reason, i'm trying to get in. yeah, you know the reason. and yes, i still miss her.
"kids these days... it's always 'sex, sex, sex' all the time..." - life of brian.
i need to stock up on lube. that shit is not cheap.
oh well. we won't ever have the opportunity to use it anyway.
"yeah, and monkeys fly out of my butt."
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upchuck
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2005 12 September :: 8.49pm
So I'm looking to achieve some clarity in life. But I'm going to study and think tonight and forget about everything tomorrow and enjoy myself.
Tomorrow I've got class all day tomorrow and I think I'm going to stick around campus for Young Life. Time to capitalize on all that uncomfortableness (is that even a word) you feel when you meet a bunch of people for the first time.
So I guess I'm just going to have to pray for some clarity. So much stuf going on that I need to "think" about. That seems to have been the theme of the last week.
You know, I'm really beginning to wonder if what happened that night was just a one time thing, or if she really meant that things that she said. I shouldn't have gotten up and left when I woke up at six, but I had to, I guess. Like I was thinking real clearly that whole night. That way I would know how to get in touch with her.
I've got some thinking to do about the band too. We're going to be on TV this weekend. No Cover TV, on public access.
And on top of all that. Bill and Nita were both at work today and they really want me to go back to being a manager. They even said that I can work as little as ten hours a week. It all sounds good, but I'm really afraid that it's going to stop me from what I really want. Not that I know what I really want. I'm just worried that there's going to be a lot of bitching, from one person in particular. Because I'll be able to choose my schedule. Plus, the reason I quit in the first place was that I didn't feel like I was pulling my weight. Which, they all assure me that I was, and I'm convinced that I was, I guess I knew at the time I was, but I was really weighted down with the perception of who I should be at this age.
I don't know. I'll just hope I get some clarity and all this will work out.
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m&ms487
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2005 8 September :: 8.59pm
I like having an hour of independent study. I like being able to play piano and flute and think about music for an hour every day except band. It's relaxing. Yes, i know....freakish. it happens
michelle
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