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m&ms487
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2008 2 April :: 11.43pm
This semester is almost done: there's only four weeks and exam week left. I can't say that I'm not excited for a break, but going home and working isn't my idea of a fun summer. At least I'll be living at the lake, since that's where my parents moved.
I have a few goals for this summer:
1. Practice at least one hour every day.
I really want to get good again, like really good, so that I can audition for a top band. University band is alright, but it's at the level of eighth graders most of the time. There are four bands at Central, University Band being number four. I'm sure I could get a top chair in the third band, or a low one in the second if I really get up on my scales and prepare some technical pieces. I need it anyway, I miss practicing, but it's one of those things I need to make time for or else it won't happen.
2. Write a literary article/criticism for publication
I think I might have found a few books that fit the bill: They are post-modern (1989, 1993), are by an American author, and can be analyzed in terms of gender and gender roles. It's weird how the author makes all of his characters lawyers with wives who are brilliant and beautiful, but lack motivation.
3. Keep working out
I'll be up at the lake, so this shouldn't be too much of a problem. I can lift weights in the base, run outside on the circle driveway in the park (about five laps equal a mile and there a few hills), and our living room is big enough to do some work out tapes. My parents work 7 to 4pm, and I should be working mid and second shift, so this should work out well for waking up and working out.
Anyway, those are a few of my goals and I'm announcing them to the world so I have to be accountable for them. We'll see what happens.
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l<3ve
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fishyrere
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2008 31 March :: 1.54am
:: Mood: content
I love him very much.
I am happy.
That's a pretty big deal for me.
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l<3ve
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m&ms487
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2008 26 March :: 10.50pm
I got so warm during ritual I almost passed out.
Ugh.
They will be brothers on Sunday! I'm so excited.
I know...I'm lame because I participate in extracurriculars in college.
l<3ve
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m&ms487
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2008 24 March :: 8.36pm
I just went to my national society of collegiate scholars informational meeting. It was exciting.
Actually, I was quite relieved to find out that I don't have to be an active member next year; I can choose if I want to be the year after that, too.
And...all you have to do to be an active member is attend one social event, one fundraiser, and one community service event for the year/semester (not sure which). Either way, it should be fairly easy.
I think I have a cavity on my back molar.
The polish is also chipping off my nails at an alarming rate and it keeps catching everything.
l<3ve
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m&ms487
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2008 13 March :: 9.31am
The Changing Time
They come FLOODING out of the Buildings: It is time.
I.
I see the small people Scramble
Hating the cold burning the Inside of their Noses,
Hating their own body for turning against them.
I need a tissue, please!
My nose is spurting inappropriate mucus!
II.
There goes one, Huddling inside his hood,
Like a turtle, afraid the air, the atmosphere
Will endanger him.
Perhaps he's right.
With the smoke stack only a few hundred feet away,
And a thousand [probably more, I'm bad at estimations]
Cars; Rolling into the parking lot
Who would want to breathe this air?
It's not a choice.
Maybe gas masks will become
As popular, as fashionable,
As carting around 16 ounces of water
In dispensable plastic bottles.
I firmly believe:
We make our own Destiny.
III.
There, Another,
Her pants are screamingly PINK!
I'm sure I can almost make out a shirt that SHOUTS:
KISS ME I'M IRISH!
When I bet she's more French than anything,
She can't even hold her own beer.
IV.
Now just a few Remain,
Wandering, Aimlessly,
But with Direction in Mind.
V.
Now, all are gone; They've scurried themselves
To their destination: to their destiny.
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l<3ve
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m&ms487
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2008 10 March :: 9.38am
Class in a few minutes. Then on to filling out scholarship applications. Money.
Why is it that we feel it's necessary to have the largest budget deficit ever to kill people, but we can't spend that same money on, oh, say, education, or converting every single coal plant into using biofuel?
Spring Break was last week. I didn't do much except work forty hours. Cranky people. Why is everyone so cranky?
The sun stays out until eight now. That should help me adjust my sleeping schedule. I was beginning to miss the sun.
Waves of nostalgia.
I had fresh out-of-the-oven brownies with french vanilla ice cream on top last night. It was like heaven.
l<3ve
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fishyrere
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2008 29 February :: 10.08pm
I want to do something beautiful.
I want to do something that counts.
l<3ve
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m&ms487
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2008 24 February :: 11.13am
I just finished writing a super cheesy autobiographical essay for my English 201 class. Something along the lines of: "Literature is humaness, it is unique" blah blah blah.
Shoot me.
Why does my sincerity always sound so insincere?
Easy day. One class. Brother-in-Training interviews (3) tonight. Coffee. Fundraising committee meeting. E-Board.
What am I going to do with the next seven hours of my LIFE!?!
This is so exciting.
l<3ve
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m&ms487
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2008 22 February :: 9.58am
I finally have the day off!
I'm planning on cleaning, though, but that shouldn't take very long. Maybe an hour or two. I have the day off tomorrow, too, due to a Kappa Kappa Psi service project.
They hired some more people at work, which is nice because I'm working less , but...I'm working less than I want to. I got cut from 32 hours a week to 15. I could settle somewhere around 24 (three days a week, eight hour shifts). That would be just fine with me.
Anyway, maybe I can use today to make my educational plan and figure out what I should minor in.
Maybe I can use it to play the Sims 2.
Maybe I should catch up on my portfolio in creative writing.
But I'll probably just sit around and drink and eat.
and I'm perfectly okay with that.
Michelle
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l<3ve
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m&ms487
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2008 19 February :: 7.16pm
I'm busy and I'm stressed out, still...always, forever, I suppose.
I keep putting off things that I should be doing. Laundry, a four page paper due on Thursday.
I like not doing anything. Coming home, watching t.v for a while, going to bed. It's wonderful.
I feel like I"m at a time in my life where I should be doing great things, where I should be getting ahead for my career(s), where I should start impressing some important people. Except...I'm stuck. All my extra time is spent working at Meijer, and when I have a day off, I use it to sit around and do nothing in an attempt to recover. I hate living like this. It's so hard.
It's so hard to have to miss out on so many things and miss opportunities, and the best part is, I wouldn't have to work if I was a first generation college student, or I was an "under represented minority in the college environment." I could get all kinds of money. But no. I work my ass off, and what will I get? Twelve thousand in debt and grad school. Maybe things will be different by the time I get to grad school...but yet again, that's nearly three years away.
Until then, I"m stuck here, living in some kind of American dream that really feels like hell.
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l<3ve
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