|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 17 April :: 4.58pm
I'm sitting here, listening to music, burning a purple candle and reading over my term paper for literary analysis [see few posts previous]. I have more papers to write, but I haven't yet. I'm just enjoying playing with my candle wax. It's very soothing. And purple.
I was reading over my paper and thinking about what my professor said to me when I went to his office yesterday. He was telling me about how his wife was in Ohio defending her thesis. He said, "I'm telling you all this only because I have a feeling you will be doing this in the near future."
Doctorate. Getting a Doctorate. That's what he was talking about. Me. Getting a Doctorate. He thinks I could...I will...
I wish I had enough money. I wouldn't hesitate. I just...I don't...I can't. It's not feasible. I have to become a teacher and pay off my debts and become an adult, and, who am I kidding? What you truly want to do is never what you can do. It's what I learned in kindergarten:
No one ever said life had to be fair.
And it's not. We live in a society with a myth that's alive and well that you can work your way up. That may be true, but it's very unlikely. The rest of us just get to sit here, potential wasted, living at the hand of an unfeeling, unjust, and uncaring capitalist society.
10 |
l<3ve
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 17 April :: 4.19pm
"Sex reminds her of eating spaghetti."
l<3ve
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 15 April :: 10.47pm
For you, darling
Get Your Sexy Name
4 |
l<3ve
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 14 April :: 11.57pm
:: Mood: calm
I officially became a brother of Kappa Kappa Psi this afternoon. Now I am an active member. There was lots of cool stuff that happened that I can't talk about, which is a little lonely, but understandable. I know I'm finally around people that understand how I feel about music, and that is the best feeling in the world.
3 |
l<3ve
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 11 April :: 1.44am
:: Mood: cold
The crisp air feels soothing coming through the window this time at night. It penetrates the room with a sense of belonging.
l<3ve
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 9 April :: 3.36pm
:: Mood: amused
The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her if she is pretty, and to some one else if she is plain.
-Oscar Wilde From The Importance of Being Earnest
6 |
l<3ve
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 8 April :: 5.10pm
stupor.
l<3ve
|
liz
|
::
2007 3 April :: 2.37pm
It has been an interesting week to say the least.
Now I am tired and out of it.
I wish andy would wake up.
he sleeps all day long.
grrrr.
anyway I have some shit to do that I should do today.
fuck doing stuff.
l<3ve
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 2 April :: 3.25pm
Today has been one of those days that float by without much thought or interest. At least in classes. I left my flute in one of my English classes, and I didn't realize it until I was getting my stuff to leave the class afterward. Luckily, someone turned it in to the English Department office, and all was well.
I have so many papers to write and assignments to do, but I'm lagging a bit behind. I like the feeling when I'm finished, but I just can't seem to get up the motivation to do it. I have all the ideas in my head, and I actually do enjoy writing them, I just have to make myself sit down and do it. I know, it's a common problem for many people.
I'm coming home next weekend for Easter, so that should be fun, except my family doesn't really celebrate Easter any more. I also get to hang out with pips and just have a weekend away from the dorm (yes!).
I haven't had much to say lately, I'm in a state of paralysis, emotionally and intellectually. I don't know how to describe it much more than that. It's nice, I don't really worry about much, or think about things, and it's less stressful, but it makes me feel like a bad person, a waste, merely floating by watching the scenery. Inactive. I think most of my [our] generation is in this paralysis, but they don't realize it. It seems much better to sit back and watch life go by, filling the hours with jokes and friends, and avoiding any real intellectual stimulation for the simple reason that it hurts. It hurts to realize that you could be wasting your life. It hurts to question your faith and your ideals and your direction in life. It's much more gratifying to sit back and enjoy life, accept, assume, do nothing.
3 |
l<3ve
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2007 31 March :: 10.22pm
Yeah, that's right. I'm EVERYWHERE.
5 |
l<3ve
|
|
