Procrastination
Right at this very moment I am procrastinating. I have crap loads of homework due tomorrow that I am avoiding. I know that I should just get it done and over with but that's easier said, than done.
I figured out how to save icons that are animated finally. I figured that out while procrastinating. I'm going to the fair again tonight because my mom wants me to get hypnotized because Friday when we saw that show, at the end he said something like you will go through your life with more self confidence or whatever. so yeah. okay well I'm going to go.. and maybe do my hw. Bye bye.

I hate me.
I should be doing homework but I'm too buys procrastinating. Cari dropped out of colorguard which sucks. I got my class shirt today. It's awesome-looking. I like the sophomores' shirts a tad more though, but ours is still cool. The juniors' ones look like an abercrombie shirt. I don't really like theirs though. The Homecoming dance starts in ten minutes, but as you can see I obviously didn't get a date for it. Whitney is dating the effing quarterback of the JV football team. Good for her. Lindsay was going to go to hc with Josh but she ended up getting grounded. I have craploads of hw to do. Hailey got to go to the Trapt concert at the fair last night. Good for her too. I went the the thing to work on the float though, which wasn't bad. I messed up my toe in the shower last night, so it's all bruised and crap. I'm tired so I'm going to go or something. Bye.

The smell of burnt hair..
I have a cold. I just burnt my hair blow drying it. I went to standard today and saw Mr. Myers, Mr. Duerr, and Mr. Walls. We were going to see Mr B but he wasn't there. I need to start my history hw. He isn't talking to I might as well go. I need a person to go to the homecoming dance with me desparately. I think I'm PMSing. I need to put my pants up. I really don't want to get up tomorrow.. even though it's still tonight. I must sell this effing entertainment book, or else. who the eff would buy this damn thing for 20 dollars? why don't they just have us sell some chocolate. He left.. I took some cold pills so I feel all loopy and crap. Now I must go watch big brother.
Later.

Yesterday in history we watched a video on September 11th. God it was so sad. I was fine until I got into my mom's car and started telling her about it. I just broke down. Watching that just made me understand the magnitude of what happened.

On a lighter note..
Last night was the first foot ball game. It was alright, except the part where we had to hold their music. North won so that's good, I guess. I soo want to play the drums now. It looks so effing fun. Plus the cute boys don't hurt =) My mother said that I could start learning next summer, then I want to join the drum line. My mom let me drive today in my *future* car. Yeah it effing rocks.

I finally am listening to my STD cd. It's pretty good.

mmkay well I'm going to go now because I don't have anything else to write about. adios muchachos.

This movie really sucks. I have no clue as to how it got so many awards. School tomorrow. just grand. I really need to find someone to go to homecoming with. hah. Like anyone would want to go with me. still, I need to find someone to at least consider going with. I really need to find the nail clippers because my nails are way too long. okay well I'm going to go now. adios muchachos.

oh yeah. I'm sure all of you are jealous of my mexican-speaking skills. don't deny it.

This last week..
Well I started high school. It's so chaotic. There's like 100 x's more people there. Crazy. It's overwhelming. Here's My Schedule ::

1st per - Colorguard
2nd per - English GATE
3rd per - Spanish 1
4th per - Lunch (the best part of the day)
5th per - Geometry (eep)
6th per - Beg. Art (I really hate this class..)
7th per - History GATE

soo.. basically all honors classes which is good because I need them for college. Jesus I hate having to think about that. It freaks me out. Okay so anway..

The first day was so nerve racking for me. I'm kind of wondering about Colorguard because a lot of the people who have had Ms. Alston.. well.. hate her. She seems nice, just strict. English is going to rock. Ms. Cerotsky is really cool and nice. I have it with Hailey and Bethany which is awesome. For spanish I only have Evan in there which I guess isn't bad. I have to sit right next to Adam though bah. He is such an asshole. More than words can explain. Okay soo then I have Geometry. I can tell that this class is going to be really boring. Mr. Bradley has these scary looking, beady eyes. I don't even know if I'm ready for it. Ah well though. At least I have Whitney to talk to. Onto art.. Holy jesus. I did NOT want art. I suck at anything related to art.. Badly. I can't even draw a friggin straight line. Danielle is in it with me.. holy jesus I do not like her.. I don't have any friends in therewhich fucking sucks. bah. I realllyy need to talk to a fucking counseler. I sent in two counseling requests in already. They better effing call me up.. or else . hah. soo next comes history. I am not exactly looking forward to history day. At all. Ms. Ross is like 90 years old and is kind of a bitch.

I finally got an effing locker on Friday after school. Jesus I needed one. The thing that sucks though is that it's the second one up from the bottom so I have to kneel down to open it. I wonder how that will work out with wearing a skirt.

woo 2:16 am! haha.. totally random I know.. but 216 is my fave number :)

I have to get to school early on tuesday to practice opening my locker. haha I'm a GEEK I know.

Holy SHIZNITS! fuck.. I just remembered that I can't get to school early because I have an orthodontist appt at 7 am on tuesday :( I get my braces back on. Sucky-ness. ahh badly. ahh and school pictures are the SAME fucking day. I have to waste my damn lunch period to take fucking pictures. Damn, Damn, damn. oh well.. life goes on.

ooh hah tonight at midnight my mom and I went to 7-11 to get sodas. And when we were paying for it the cashier kept trying to hand me a lighter and saying "here" I thought he was trying to get me to smoke a cigarette or something and then he was saying how all the kids like it I was like OOkayy. then so finally I took it and pushed the button thing and it was supposed to shock me but it was kind a crappy one. ahh it was hilarous though. Kind of a "you had to be there" thing. I'm sure it had to do something with that it was midnight too.
ahh good times, good times.

wow that's kind of a lot. so I guess that's all for now.

Adios Muchachos

school.. tomorrow
I'm fucking obsessed with Something Corporate right now. I listen to them basically all the time.

I start High school tomorrow. Blah. I'm really nervous. Being a freshmen is going to suck horribly. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonightt. eek.

I almost have two measures of Screaming Infidelities memorized. Which isn't a lot but I mean I just got it .. friday.. maybe I should start practicing it again.. but damn that boy can play guitar. he's been playing for like.. 10 years and I've been playing for.. what a whole two months. Oh well. I'll get it with practice.

I broke my first guitar string today trying to tune to DbAbDbDbDb in order to play Screaming Infidelities. which sucks. so tomorrow I have to go to Stockdale Music so that they can put a new one on there.

I need someone to want to hold me. To care about me. I really want someone who wants to be with me for me. I want someone who can look past the ugly looks and just accept me. I need someone so bad it hurts.

I'm so bored. There is nothing to do. So here I am on a saturday night with no life.

So much fucking fun.

blah.

Yoohoo..
.. Is anyone out there? Hmm I wonder if anyone reads this. I doubt it, but yeah.. blah I'm bored and there's nothing to do.

Stef and Codi came over which was surprising kind of. They wanted me to go rolleblading with them but I don't have any so they left to go skate at Standard.

wuah

I'm tired.

Yay!
No braces for two whole weeksss! ah it feels great. Well that is no top braces. But I don't care it's still awesome. My gums are real swollen though so that sucks.

The people back east are stupid and annoying me. they are going freaking crazy just because it's dark. bah. the news pisses me off.

That's all for now.

Another One Bites the Dust..
My mom bought the new Dashboard cd for me today. I'm glad it's finally here. I've been waiting foreverrr for it.

I was supposed to have orientation today (the 12th) but me and my mother misread the letter and it's on the 21st. Soo since I had gotten zero sleep last night, I slept all day.

I was thinking last night about how every single guy that has ever been in my life has up and left. Let's look:

- Joeseph (My biological Father) has not even tried to talk to me since I was 3 months old. But I mean who would want to. I can't blame him.

- Clayton ( my ex-step dad) has been like my real dad basicaly my whole life. I've known him since I was 2 yrs old. He's been real flakey though when it comes to being there for certain things in my life. He has missed all but maybe 1 of my birthday parties for his stupid softball games. He would ask me though before if he could play softball or did I want him at my party. That's not something you should have to ask. You should just know. And I would tell him that he could play softball. I would act like it didn't matter but it really hurt when he wouldn't show up. I would always hope that maybe he changed his mind at last minute. But he never did. He was always in and out of Jail. I remember one time when he was in jail when I was about 9. at this point, my mom and I had already moved in with my grandma. well I hadn't heard from him or seen him for a while, so I of course wanted to know where he was. I remember one time when my mom and I was at Lynne and Robert's house (he lived in their back-house) and my mom was talking to them about my dad and I walked up and she would just send me off to do stuff like get her a lighter and crap. I knew that something was up so when we got home I asked her and she tried to lie her way out of it again but she finally broke down and told me that he was in jail for driving drunk. We had seen him like 4 hours before he got arrested. We had to go give him gas for his car because he ran out. the thought of my dad being in jail killed me. I just broke down and started crying hysterically. I also found out that night that some of the times when my mom had said that the reason he didn't come home for those couple of nights he had been in jail. I also found out that he had been into drugs too. Just recently though he missed my graduation. I kind of wanted to see him there. But no call or anything. Then like a month later he calls and acts like everythings just fucking peachy. I didn't even bother to ask why he wasn't there. but I mean hey, there's still another one to come to right? .. if he's not too fucking drunk to come.

- Tim ( my first bf) had been my boyfriend for about 2 weeks in the 5th grade. I didn't even want to go out with him at first but Jamie insisted on asking him for me. once we were though I started liking him. then one day he had Adam come up and break up with me for him. I was crushed. I wanted to cry so badly but I kept it all inside because I didn't want to look like a whimp. when I got home I told my mom about what had happened and she let me cry on her shoulder. well at least I'm over that now.

- Alan made me fall in love ( or what I thought was love ) with him. He did all the kinds of drugs you could think of and got into so many fights and was in jail all the time. then one day he just stopped talking to me. I hated it so much. I cried, blah blah. Fuck you alan.

- Him. You told me you wouldn't hurt me. but again, just like all the other's you fucked with my emotions then just kicked me to the curb.


Fuck it. I should just become Celibate for the rest of my life and become a nun.

.. haha riight.