:: 2004 22 April :: 10.00 pm

I quit the baseball team tonight.
I have my reasons.
I dont feel like explaining right now, so maybe i will explain to some of you that might want to know later on.

In other exciting news........i dont have any news. Life still sucks. The usual still going on. Doughting it will change for a while.

How does it feel?

:: 2004 19 April :: 7.35 pm
:: Mood: disappointed

Ok, i have alot on my mind here, so i'm just gonna say it all.

-we lost our baseball game to night.

-my baseball team sucks.

-i'm thinking about quiting baseball.

-i wish i could fit in with everybody and have a jolly of a time at prom, but i'm not good enough for some people.

-girls are way too complicated and sometimes i wonder why i even waste my time because no matter what i always get lied to or they are two-faced and walk all over me like i'm nothing.

-school is gay.

-people say they will be here for me and be my friend no matter what, but then its the opposite, they will never be here for me and no chance in hell at a friendship.

-not attractive.

-not smart.

-not funny.

-either not preppy enough, too much of a jock, or people just dont like me.

-no good qualities.

-personality?

-kind, caring?

-all around not good enough for anybody.

Ok, i think i'm done for now.

4 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 18 April :: 12.08 pm
:: Mood: tired

Hello.

I just got home from Lansing. I was playing in a baseball tournament all day saturday. We didnt do to good, but hey oh well i guess. The funnest part was the ride home from Lansing. Me, Brandon, and Travis were in their camper and we rode in it the entire way home while everybody else was in the truck. It was alot of fun.

The bad part about this weekend....except for doing horrible in baseball.....was that i was supposed to hang out with a bunch of people this weekend but i couldn't cause i was gone all weekend. Kinda disappointing but there is always next weekend i guess. And yeah i'm done.

How does it feel?

:: 2004 13 April :: 7.27 pm

Lost the baseball game.
Not cool.

How does it feel?

:: 2004 7 April :: 11.55 am

Happy Birthday to me!

Also, happy birthday to stacy and dustin, we all have the same birthday. Happy 16th birthday guys!

11 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 4 April :: 11.38 pm

I seriously need help.

Maybe she was right. Maybe i am stuck on the past. But i've told myself so many times that i just need to get over it all and move past everything. I do think about the past alot, and if that means i'm suck on the past, then i guess i'm not moving on very well. Why the hell can't i do this? Why is it so difficult to get past everything and to accept it, and to just move on?

Thats why i need help. I dont know what to do, how to act, and how to feel.

How does it feel?

:: 2004 3 April :: 3.29 pm
:: Mood: bored

I am quite bored, and nothing to do today. I went and helped my dad drop off a hot tub at someone's house today. Along with like 7 other guys. Then i went to my mom's work and i worked there for 3 hours. After that i went tanning. Now i'm home and i have nothing to do. I rented the Texas Chainsaw Massacre last night, so if anybody wants to hang out or watch it, then get a hold of me.

Wednesday is my birthday!!

Kevin

10 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 30 March :: 9.21 pm
:: Mood: blah

I could say so much and do so much. And i really really want to, you have no idea how much i want to, but i can't. I could really care less what happens. But then again.....i do care, i've always cared about her. There are times where i just say fuck it, cause i'm so pissed and cant do anything. But then there are times where i just care so much, and i just wish i could do something. I don't want to do anything to ruin something, just to be here. I've been like completely shut out of her life, and if she's happy with that then i guess i've gotta live with it too. Its all i've ever wanted.....is for her to be happy. So what do i do when she finally is happy? I can't do anything except be happy for her. I think i'm just gonna leave it at that.

Kevin

How does it feel?

:: 2004 29 March :: 5.57 pm

Fuck you, and you, and you, and you.

I really wouldnt mind if somebody shot me right now.

5 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 28 March :: 5.23 pm
:: Mood: bored

This weekend was awesome. I went to big dave's house friday night with nate, and justin langdon. Then saturday night i stayed the night at Kyle's house with Jamie, Matt, and a few other kids from Carson City. We were playin basketball at night and we watched Gothika too. I went golfing today with my mom and my brother. My first time out golfing this year i shot a 43, it was awesome.

Hey, my birthday is coming up. I'll bet none of you knew that now did ya?!

3 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 27 March :: 1.23 pm
:: Mood: tired

I don't know
This day will never fuckin come. The day when i actually find somebody who cares about me, likes me, see's something special in me, and actually accepts me for who i am. Its not like i'm desparate to find somebody. It just pisses me off that i won't find somebody. Ok, so i thought i had somebody, but it didnt work out. And i guess thats ok. It didn't use to be ok because Erika was like everything to me. I loved her so much, i still do love her but i guess i can't in the same way, so its a different type of love. God know's i still care about her. If i could just have somebody like her again, then i would be golden. But nobody will ever be like her, and thats the thing. I don't know, maybe i'm looking at this all wrong. Maybe i will find someone thats amazing like erika, but yet different from her. I'm just sick of this. I'm sick and tired of having nobody. And i'm sick and tired of being a nobody.

How does it feel?

:: 2004 24 March :: 8.36 pm

Some people really bug me. If your mad at me then tell me, so atleast i know. Cause sometimes i just feel like i make you mad in a new way every single day, but i dont know how or why, if its even true. but i dont know......

We got our baseball uniforms tonight, they are pretty cool. I'm real excited about our game on monday.

Life goes on, and hopefully i'm content with it.

6 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 18 March :: 9.16 pm

So i went to the game last night. It was a good game i guess......but we should have beat them bastards. It really pissed me off that we lost.

On a lighter note......baseball is going really well right now. We have our first game in like 2 weeks. I think we've got a pretty good team so far, all we need is more practice. I suggest all of you come out and watch atleast 1 game this season.

Thats all i got.....

How does it feel?

:: 2004 16 March :: 9.20 pm

Life is a bitch, a fucking bitch....

5 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 15 March :: 9.45 pm

I'm excited! The Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie comes out to buy on dvd on march 30th! All time best movie. I suggest you all go out and buy it.

I went and saw the Secret Window this weekend. I never thought i would admitt this......but Johnny Depp actually wasn't gay in this movie. He actually did a pretty good job.

Anyways......i've got a ton on my mind today. I did something pretty risky today, and it suprised me that i was able to do it.

Kevin

2 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?