:: 2004 11 March :: 10.03 pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Evanescence-my immortal

4 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 7 March :: 6.54 pm

I swear this is fucking insane. Now everybody is bitching at me and i have no clue why. So to forewarn all of you.....dont get involved with me at all......cause according to others......i'm a waste of their fucking time. And according to others......i'm losing all my friends.....and come summer time i will only have 1 friend. What ever, life's a bitch, i hate it.

6 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 7 March :: 2.24 pm

Everybody is mad and pissed at everybody these days. Its really strange. But just to let you all know.....i'm not mad at anybody!

1 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 2 March :: 3.19 pm

Ya know......i'm not even doing this for sympathy or for people to feel bad for me or anything. But i really do think that notta whole lot of people like me anymore. I don't really know how many people did like 6 months ago......but now it seems like i'm losing my old friends and gaining new ones. Its good that i'm getting new friends and all.....but i don't want to and didnt want to lose any of my old friends. There are just certain people that i really miss being around and everything. Most of the time its a certain someone. Everything is just different and its wierd. But there really isn't anything i can do about it.

Kevin

8 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 29 February :: 10.08 pm

I went and saw The Passion of the Christ tongiht. Its undescribable.....thats all i can really say. I feel really bad too. After watching.....it really makes me think. I kinda wonder if i'm a good person. If in his eyes i'm good enough.

3 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 28 February :: 9.09 pm

People make me feel like shit. They treat me like i'm nothing. Like i'm somebody who doesn't matter in the real world.

People blow.......

5 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 27 February :: 11.13 am
:: Mood: bored

Everybody is always talking about the movie The Passion of the Christ. I haven't seen it yet. Its probably a good movie and all.........but i also think its kinda disrespectful. I think its disrespectful to make a movie to make money off of the death of Christ. Yeah people go to the movie to learn about him and everything.....well they can go to church to learn. You will learn alot more about him at church than you will watching a movie on the last 12 hours of his life. But i dont know. Thats just me........

10 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 25 February :: 9.39 pm

And once again.....i get shut down.

Life is dumb, i hate it, it hates me.

2 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 20 February :: 11.10 pm
:: Mood: Kinda blah, and tired.....

I was about to beat some Kenowa ass tonight at the game! They were pissing me off so bad, i was ready to rumble. But yeah anyways.....glad the basketball team won!

I have no clue whats going on for saturday or sunday, but hey thats ok.

3 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 18 February :: 10.55 am
:: Mood: dont feel good

Yeah i'm quite bored right now. This is like the first time i've stayed in for lunch since........well its been a while. Anyways, yeah i dont feel the greatest today.

Yeah my parents are deciding on whether we are gonna move or not. Either we sell our land and house and use that money to buy a new house and have money left over, or we just sell most of our land and kinda re-build our house now and make it a really nice house. So i'm hoping i dont have to move, but i don't know.

Yeah, i'm leaving now.

2 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 17 February :: 5.48 pm

Fuck you.....

8 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 15 February :: 11.30 am
:: Mood: pissed

Amazing, just fucking amazing. Of course this would happen, i always get screwed over.

Ok, this is what happened. Jon and I had plans to hang out with a bunch of people, go to dinner and a movie for Valentine's Day. So we did. Somebody was supposed to come along with us, but she couldn't. She had to spend the day with her family, which is ok, and i believed her. So it was Jon, me, Anthony, Chanda, Dan, Jessica, Emily, and Lisa. We all went to dinner except for Emily and Lisa, they met us afterwards at the movie. Then we all went back to Dan's house and stayed there for a few hours. So then the girl that was supposed to come with us but couldn't......called me on my cell at about 11pm last night. I was still at Dan's house. She told me she went to dinner with her family, then went to her church for a while, then went to the mall cause her church is in grandville and so is the mall. Yeah, it all sounds believable, but nope, it just had to be a lie. I got home and got online. Someone started talking to me and said she seen her at a party tonight. You have no idea how heated i was when i found that out. So of course she had explaining to do. Her and her ex boyfriend had plans to hang out valentines day before they broke up. Well they broke up but are still friends i guess. They still agreed to carry on with their plan and spend valentines day together. Which is fine, all she had to do is tell me and it would have been fine. I can clearly see that they wont be getting back together and she hasn't givin me any reason to think otherwise. But ok, i admitt....there would have been a little bit of jealiousy there. But who wouldn't be jealious. But why the fuck would she lie to me. Why does she think i would get mad about something like that when she has already prooved to me that she doesnt like him. Im not like other people. There are some things that most people would get mad about, but i wouldn't. I dont know, this is all just fucked up. Valentines day sucks. It should be for people 40 and older. Pointless fucking holiday......

Kevin

4 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 14 February :: 12.21 am
:: Mood: Kinda tired

Ok, i just got home from the Troy Rowland boxing match, it was awesome. I've never been to a boxing match before, but it was pretty cool. Another thing that is cool is Troy is one of the guys thats helping us re-model our house. So i get to meet him and hang out with him which will be pretty cool.

Anyways, tomorrow is Valentines Day. Yeah.......about that........i'm not so sure if i'm supposed to be excited or anything. So yeah......

1 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 9 February :: 3.23 pm

I know we dont have that great of a friendship right now, but i want that to change. You know that i would rather have you as a friend than the silent treatment, or a nothing at all. I didn't meet you so i could get to know you and be close to you, then forget you, and i'm hoping thats not what you did either. I don't care if you hate my guts, and i dont care if i hate you (which i don't) but i still want a friendship here. I don't like us always having tension between each other. And i know most of the time it is my fault, or maybe all of the time, but i guess its only cause i want to get your attention so we can be friends. I dont know if that makes any sense to you, but it does to me. I'm not used to not talking to you or you not talking to me, and honestly......i dont wanna get used to it. And i'm sorry for everything. I owe you that. I'm just looking for a friendship from you, nothing more.

Kevin

3 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 8 February :: 4.47 pm

Well......Swirl was interesting last night. At first i thought it was gonna be kinda dumb. But then Jon got me up and moving and it turned out to be pretty good!

Yeah......its still hard to deal with. Its crazy cause for about 3 weeks now i've been doing really well with getting over everything. She told me so many times to just get over it, there will never be a relationship again, and to just move on. So....i did. And it was going really well. Everyonce in a while i would think about her or about the past, but it wouldn't be a big deal....cause of course every once in a while i will do that. So it was normal. And everything has been normal. Well......i wish she could talk to me more.....but hey i guess i can live with what i have. So thats how its been for the past few weeks, really well. But now the confusion starts up again. See....there is this other girl that really likes me now. She's my really good, close friend. And yeah i like her as well but i'm just not so sure as if a relationship would work out. By the sounds of it......if i were to get in a relationship with her.....its almost the opposite of the relationship i used to have, and i dont know if i want that. And on top of it i'm not so sure if i'm completely over everything else. So.....i don't know. Let me know if you guys have any comments or advice or anything. I sure could use it.....

Kevin

2 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?