:: 2004 7 February :: 5.40 pm
:: Mood: content

Me and Jon are at my house right now, getting ready for Swirl. We are leaving to go eat in a while. Then going to the dance. Afterwards Jon is staying the night here and i'm not sure if i'm gonna have people over or not. But yeah anyways....i just felt the need to tell all of you that. Hopefully tonight goes well....

Kevin

How does it feel?

:: 2004 5 February :: 6.36 pm

Somebody leave me a comment cause i'm bored as hell, toodles!

How does it feel?

:: 2004 1 February :: 11.08 pm
:: Mood: blank

Well.....how about those Patriots! Yeah i stayed home all day today, but i had a few people over. My weekend was a good weekend. Friday i went to the game then the dance after that. Saturday i went with Jon and Dan to the mall. Then we went back to my house. Then the Super Bowl today. Jon is great, he's awesome. So is dan. They are both my great, awesome, spectacular friends. We all refer to each other as "brothers." We even have these little corny braclets things that symbolize our "brotherhood" its awesome. Dan has a date to swirl, but me and Jon don't. Well we kinda do and we kinda don't. Complicated.......so i'm not going to explain it. And thats all i have to update about, so i'm out of here.

Kevin

How does it feel?

:: 2004 28 January :: 11.16 pm

Well, its been a while since i've updated this thing, so i thought i would do that real quick.

Um...yeah nothing is really new. I like to go and watch the basketball games. Its exciting, watching the team play, cause we are undefeated and ranked 5th in the state, so its cool. I haven't really decided if i'm going to go to Swirl or not. Which obveously means i don't have a date if i haven't decided to go yet. Um.....yeah i don't really know if i like anybody at the moment. Don't really know if anybody likes me at the moment. But hey, who cares. Its not a big deal. And its not something i want to rush into right now. I never did have the best luck with relationships. So why should my luck change now. I've got a feeling its me, not the girl. So yeah, even if i do find someone soon, i still should wait a while, and see if its something i really want to get back into or not.

But yeah, off i go now.

How does it feel?

:: 2004 22 January :: 6.35 pm
:: Mood: Bored i tell ya

Well, im extremely bored. I just got home from work a while ago. What great fun that was. I was thinking today, and i thought alot about friendship. I'm glad i have the friends that i have right now. I don't know what i would do without you guys. I would name you all but i dont want others to be offended if i didn't name them or something. But really, i'm glad i have the friends that i do. You guys mean alot to me.

Here's a poem about friendship.....

There are a thousand things
I would like to be for you...
but one of the most important
is just being
the someone
you can talk to.

There are so many things
I would like
to do for you...
and so many things I would like
to say and give and share.

But for today
I just want you to know
that I promise to be
your friend for life.

I'll always be there,
and I'll always care.

I love all my friends!

2 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 21 January :: 8.54 pm
:: Mood: blah

Well, i dont really know what to update about. Nothing really new has been goin on with me. My sister moved out the other night. Thats really the only thing new with me. Her and my father got into a fight the other night. It started with "well how come you don't yell at Kevin for anything?" And ended with "well maybe i shouldn't live here then." This all happened while i was gone. When i got home......all of her stuff was out of her room. She's gone. I see her every once in a while, but its just not the same without her here at home. This is actually the first time we've ever been spit up before. But its all ok i guess. I'll be alright and i'll get over it.

I can't hate her. I could never stand to be mad at her. I love her. She's still amazing, and beautiful, and funny, and perfect for me.

Nothing else to say.......

Kevin

4 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 18 January :: 5.43 pm
:: Mood: bored, tired, depressed, all of the above basicall

Well, i am quite tired. I dont know why. I think i got plenty of sleep too. I was hangin out with Jon basically the entire weekend. Overall it was an alright weekend i guess. I thought alot about myself this weekend. Like who i am and how i am and everything, and came to the conclusion that I like half of me, but i dont like the other half. Confusing i know, but yeah i like how i am half the time basically. I dont know where any of this came from so i'm not going to drag it on anymore. Anyways, i haven't even finished my homework. I have this poem project thing due tomorrow and yeah i dont have a very good start on it so i might wanna do that. Speaking of school......here's my new schedule.....

1st - Geometry
2nd- English II
3rd - Drama II
4th - Mechanical Drafting
5th - U.S. History
6th - Science

So yeah if any of you have any classes with me, then let me know. Ok, i'm done......

How does it feel?

:: 2004 12 January :: 5.56 pm
:: Mood: depressed

I just can't take this shit anymore. Its really starting to get to me, and its really hurting me now. Its at the point where my grades in my classes are dropping like a brick. I know that all she see's in me is haterid. Nobody understands how bad i feel. How sorry i am. And i truely hate myself. How the fuck could i let something so great slip away from me? I regret it. I regret alot of things that i did. Just how stupid i was and have been. I'm an asshole. And i'm not affraid to say it cause now i'm starting to see what she's been seeing in me now. I'm really ashamed of who i've become now. How i've let all this happen and for being the person i've been for the past few months. I could really care less what any of you t hink about me now. I dont care if you hate me, or you wanna make fun of me for acting like this or for my feelings. I just dont care. The thing is i know my true feelings. And i know that i'm extremely sorry for what i've done and have been doing. I dont care if any of you t hink i'm acting like a pansy and i just need to get over everything. Its not that easy. As a matter of fact its not easy period.

I guess the main thing is i just really miss her. This might sound cruel or wierd or something......but i have a mom that lives in texas.....and i actually miss "her" more than my mom in texas. I know it sounds stupid.....but it just still amazes me how she makes me feel. Non like my mom....she's always been there for me. She knows me better than anybody, and she understands me. She knows my strenghts and weaknesses. I just wish i could do something to change everything. I wish sorry was enough. But i dont know what to do to make everything ok again. The deal is i want her back. I'm a disaster without her. For christ sake i can't even tell the difference from a verb and an adjective anymore. I admit it.....even though i'm not with her......i'm still falling head over heels for the girl.

But who knows.........i hate myself.

Kevin

4 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 10 January :: 12.37 am

-i'm pathetic.

-nobody is home except for me.

-too late to call anybody to talk to, unless they called me.

-i'm bored.

How does it feel?

:: 2004 10 January :: 12.07 am

Ya know.....i dont like to complain. And for some reason i just feel like i need to. I just have so much shit running through my mind, half the time i can't even keep up with it. I feel like i can't make any decisions in life anymore. Cause no matter what decision i make.....it has a down side to it. I wish i could be a strong person. Like feelings wise and emotional wise and everything. Cause right now its one of my biggest weaknesses. But hey what can ya do.

More great news.......Mrs. Dolbee just informed me today that at the end of the semester.....i am no longer in her 3rd hour. They switched me out of it and now i'm in her 2nd hour. And now my history class will be a different hour, as well as my drafting class. So t his is all pretty screwy. But hey, shit happends, life sucks and its not fair.

And t his is excellent. I just found out my friend is ditching me saturday night to be with some girl, thats awesome. Don't i just feel special. So if anybody wants to hang out, or talk or go do somethin then i guess i'm free for saturday now. I hate how i'm a fuck up. Now i feel like i can't do anything right. And i hate how i make others feel now. I dont know i just feel like i'm the biggest asshole in the world.

1 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 7 January :: 10.14 am
:: Mood: tired

Well, this is awesome that we have a snow day. But hey with my luck.....either i have to stay home and clean the house, or i will still have to stay home cause i can't find anything to do.

Anyways.......setting aside everything else......i am very pissed. It doesn't suprise me, but still....just for him to do this and everything i wanna shoot him.

4 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 4 January :: 7.28 pm

Well......i really dont know what to say to you. My break went ok. Not like i wanted it to, but it could have been worse. And now i'm all out of words to say.

but i do agree with lindsey, guys are assholes!

4 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 2 January :: 12.55 pm
:: Mood: bored

I was bored, so i did this........

d o y o u
HAVE A BAD HABIT? i'm sure i do......
LIKE TO DRIVE?: i like to drive, but not on ice lol

f a v o r i t e s
TV SHOW: friends
CONDITIONER: what ever kind is in the shower
BOOK: dont really have a favorite book
MAGAZINE: espn
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: dr. pepper
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: hang out with friends, movies

h a v e y o u
BROKEN THE LAW: yes, but dont tell no one lol
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: nope
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: once again....yes but dont tell no one lol
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: oh yes, very fun to do
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: pshh, no, what dumbass would do that *stacy*
USED YOUR PARENTS CREDIT CARD: yes
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: oh yes.
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: nope, if i did i probably wouldn't be alive
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: yes, not a hobby of mine, not a thrilling thing to do, but yes

l o v e
BOYFRIEND: wow, isnt this one a pondering question!
GIRLFRIEND: um no, not anymore *single life sucks*
CHILDREN: oh yeah, bunch of mini-me's running around!
CURRENT CRUSH: this would be an answerable question if i had one
BEEN IN LOVE?: yeah
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: yup
BEEN HURT?: yup
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: if only i knew
GONE OUT WITH SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: hell no, thats just plain dumb

r a n d o m
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: yep
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: mix cd stacy burned for me! wooo!
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: yellow
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: somebody
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: erika, when in a good mood!
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: what ever cd stacy burns for me next!
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: i would agree with stacy, i would list them but others would be offended by it i think.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: anything but being bored.

w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t
THING YOU PURCHASED: food!
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: Mad tv
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: Lord of the Rings III

12 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2004 2 January :: 12.33 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Simple Plan

2 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2003 28 December :: 10.05 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Blink 182

3 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?