Extremely Strange.......

1 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2006 3 March :: 1.04pm

So Roman's gonna be here in 5 hours and then we are heading off to the suprise!!!

hooray!

And jess sorry i wasn't in PE today... my mom took me out to lunch and by the time we were done, it was kinda pointless.

:: 2006 3 March :: 11.08am

Today is finally here! I can't wait to suprise Roman

YAY!

1 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

brokenmentality

:: 2006 3 March :: 9.02am

soo.. there's some seroius talk about us moving to Tennesse sometime this summer. that would be the most wonderful thing.

i was talking to Keegan about it last night, and im not worried about leaving him, because more than likely, he'd come with us. i just hate michigan, and i hate cedar springs. i know that sounds bad because i was the red flannel queen, and i guess hate is to strong a word. cedar springs is my home, and no matter where i go, where i end up... it will always BE my home. and regardless of what anyone says, we will never FULLY get away, because this town harbors all of our childhood memories. we are who we are because we've lived in Cedar Springs, and i'm not ashamed to say i'm from a small town, because there is a "Cedar Springs" all over the U.S... what i hate is the routine of living in the same place all my life. what i hate is living in a town that is so closed minded and traditional. and what i hate is living in a town who's known for dollar stores and pizza places.

Tennesse on the other hand, is absolutely breathtaking. i've known that i wanted to live there since the 5th grade when we went on vaccation to the Smokies. i'm not a big city girl. i dont want to live in an expensive appartment for the rest of my life! i want (corny) a big back yard and a little yappy dog that barks at squirls bigger than it! i want a window FOR ONCE with a view. and i want and desperatly miss that feeling of connection with a power so much greater than myself when i look at the mountains. thats what i want. there's nothing here for me. after school... there's NOTHING here. i would have a hard time leaving my friends... but i'd deal.

the one person i could NEVER leave though, is keegan. at least not right now. not when he's my best friend and a big part of my life and quite possibly future. thats why if we leave, he'll leave. we're not about to give up on something so beautiful.

so.. perhaps this a goodbye to miserable winters and tanning salons?! i guess we'll see.......

2 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2006 2 March :: 9.48pm

OKAY I ALMOST TO THE POINT OF JUST SAYING FUCK YOU AND GOODBYE.

yeah i love roman totally with all my heart. but i never started loving you any LESS because of my love for roman.

doesn't any of that sound relavent.

well it should.

oh and on a totally different note. i seriously fucking hate racism.

FUCKING IDIOTS!!!!

:: 2006 2 March :: 4.40pm

Well now that everything is a closed chapter I guess all I have left to do is move away from here.

Oh and I seriously don't know how Im' going to be able to stand IT. Oh my goodness don't even get me started.

And well I guess cause it's just me and you now......
I seriously would give anything to be alone in your room again ordering pizza and then finishing it off with some Edy's Mint Chocolate Chip.

UGHGHGHGGh. But no, if i wanted that now... I 'd have to drive 2 hours for it.
Great.

Stop taking everything for granted you stupid stupid bitches.

:: 2006 2 March :: 4.34pm

well i know what I'm sick of and I guess I'm free of it now.

so yeah thanks in a weird fucked up way. UGH

:: 2006 2 March :: 3.25pm

Fate fell short this time.

Nothing is forever and the time comes when we all must say goodbye to what we knew.

Goodbye to everything we had taken for granted.

Goodbye to those we thought would never leave us.

And when these changes finally do occur and when the familiar has departed and the unfamiliar has taken it's place, all any of us can really do is to say hello and welcome those new feelings.

You're the one who has to live with yourself.

[Stacy: I have no idea where you are but I really need to talk to you.]

2 Felt the pain... | How does it feel?

:: 2006 2 March :: 10.57am

Okay so I have the best suprise for Roman. The idea came to from someone else so thanks to that someone I got this great idea. And then my mom came up with an addition to it to make it an even GREATER idea and then that idea took a while to work out and I tried and tried and finally I GOT IT!

And then Roman told me he couldn't come here on Friday because he had to work and I cried and cried and cried. And then he said he can leave at 4.

And then the car was going to be fixed and he got the part and then OF COURSE it didn't work.

But his sister is letting him take her van and he will be here at six tomorrow and i CAN'T WAIT!

It has been so hard keeping this suprise from him because I'm so used to telling him everything but I seriously can't wait.

And, as for everything else in my life. I have no idea what is going on.

AT ALL!

so whatever.

:: 2006 1 March :: 10.20pm

What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away and never knowing what could've been and not seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do.

My heart is breaking and you're still faking a feeling that you will ~~never~~ know.

brokenmentality

:: 2006 1 March :: 9.02am

me and keegan got a hampster sunday.

his name is Sushi and just might be the cutest thing i've ever seen. (exageration... but awwww, hes the cutest)

we had our leadership convention monday, and last friday i had to send out the award of excellence. im so relieved to have two major things lifted off my shoulders. i was majorly stressin. but its all good now.

now if only yearbook would go smoothly.

:: 2006 28 February :: 10.42pm

Tonight just made me realize that this isn't going to come easy.

It's pretty much now or never.

It's just one of those things where the stakes are high. Sometimes it's forever and sometimes it's goodbye.

All I can say is I'm not going to be the one to regret this.

:: 2006 28 February :: 10.48am

So yeah I have the best suprise for my boyfriend and he's gonna fricken love me more than he already does!

:: 2006 28 February :: 10.40am

BOMB

i got it!