fallenfaces
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2006 5 February :: 3.59pm
:: Music: Cliff Ritchey
What if?
There's this little glimmer of hope left in my heart making me believe we're not over. Making me wait for the day we'll just be us again.
But, I think the only reason any hope exists is because I am wishing so badly that it does. I don't think it's because it will happen or that it's true.
We're over, but I don't want to accept that.
One day I'll just have to. Because, it is over and it always will be.
But, somehow I'll trick myself into hoping it's not.
Edit>> I can't keep doing this. I need to remember what I heard this weekend; you don't have to be dating someone and being single is ok. There's not some age where you have to be married or with someone. I have to stop looking and just wait. He'll find me as soon as I quit looking. Until then I am searching for someone who doesn't exist. He has to find me. And he will.
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brokenmentality
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2006 5 February :: 11.15am
the rampage game on friday was awesome. my boyfriend is simply the COOLEST ever! *giggles.
after school keegan picked me up and brought me to bobbys because he had to be to van andle by 5... and it was so nice being able to hang out with bobby and talk to him for so long. even though we dont see eachother often.. he's like my big brother. i know he'd be protective of me and he so happy for me and keegan. the best thing about bobby.. is that he's just such a good guy. most guys flirt with girls regardless of who they're dating.. even if it IS their best friend. bobby isnt like that. everything is so comfortable and we talk about me and keegan and its just wonderful!
but anyways.. we got to the game at about 6:30 and before the game started at 7 keegans crew had already been on the field 3 different times! throwing stuff out into the crowd, flippin, doing a little free style... i was THATS MY BOYFRIEND! i mean seriously.. this is HUGE! and theres only 5 of them.. so its not like there's a bunch of people and you have to figure out which one he is. i was so excited i was like a little girl!
they're the rampage's promo team... so they helped with all the activities during time outs and everytime rampage made a touchdown they'd run out on the field with a big rampage flag and do flips and stuff then run off.
then they did their routine in between the 3rd and 4th quarter.. which was awesome because i finally got to see what they've been working on all this time at practices!
the coolest thing i think.. was when the game was over. they brought all these tables out onto the field and the players, rage dancers, and 61syx signed autographs for this 20 minute session. me and bobby just stood back and watched them. how amazing. a year ago they had JUST got together. since then they've improved SO much, they've been doing shows and NOW their signing autographs for little kids and adults.
i just cant get over how incredible huge this is. i had so much fun.. esp because i was with bobby. i just wanted to tell everyone around me everytime they came off the field.. THATS MY BOYFRIEND! I KNOW HIM! lol.
and the BEST thing about the night was that I was the one who got to go home with him. I'M the one who gets to tell him how incredibly proud i am of him and all his accomplishments. I'M the one thinks the world of him and cant possibly see myself without him.
i really think we're one of those power couples. we've got it all. and that is SO great.
How does it feel?
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fallenfaces
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2006 3 February :: 1.27pm
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
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Brad
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2006 2 February :: 9.57pm
:: Music: J.C. - Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down
So, we finally got the internet back..like it really matters. Anyway, I got a new job. Nothing special but it's work. I'm assistant manager at a place called "Back in Time" at the mall here. I enjoy working there, plus they sell tons of stuff that I like. Lots of Elvis and Marilyn and things of that nature.
Other than that, all I do is sit around. I am yet to have any friends so far. I sit alone every night doing absolutely nothing. I wake up at like 2:30pm everyday because there is absolutely no reason for me to bother getting up early. I honestly have no life right now, and I'm lonely as fuck. At least Stacy got what she hoped for.. I guess I just dont care, there isn't much that gives me hope now days. Whatever.
I was talking to Chad today and I guess him and I might go to New Orleans for six months to work. Coming home for a week every 3 weeks. I would be making $1200/wk but that's working 11 hours a day 7 days a week. If it happens, i'll go, if not, oh well.
Other than all the terrible shit, I do like Knoxville, a lot. And a couple people from work want to take me out on my birthday, rather than me sitting at home alone like usual. It'll be nice to get out for once.
Well, there isn't much else to say. Other than, goodbye.
Brad
3 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel?
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brokenmentality
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2006 2 February :: 9.00pm
i got my swirl dress. its perfect. a little tight (VERY corset-ish) but hell i dont care. it looks really good and its sooo pretty. i figure its my senior year, so as long as i look good and have fun i dont care the price. im so excited for swirl now. we're sticking with the theme.. my dress is yellow and perfect, and keegans going royal blue. and we're going just the two of us which will be nice. i love my girlfriends, but im really looking forward to sharing a special night with my best friend.
yearbook: good lord. what the fuck ever, thats all i have to say. im looking forward to taryn transfering into the class, finally we can have some one who can actually write and who'll get her work done. someone RESPONSIBLE. but i shouldnt get into that topic... i've ranted enough in the past few days.
ani difranco is really becomming spiritually reviving for me. her lyrics speak to me on so many levels.
keegans at his last practice before the rampage tomorrow. im SO excited! ahh!!! AND not only do i get to see them perform and be all cool and be like THATS MY BOYFRIEND to the 8,000 people around me (i love bragging about you!) but i'll be with bobby. i've missed him so much. im going over to bobbys tomorrow around 4:30 so we can hang out before the game. i think thats so cool.. that i can hang out with keegans friends with out him... its because they're my friends too and we LOVE eachother!!! me and his friends that is... laughs*
RAMPAGE!!!! i cant wait.... grrrr. im wearing keegans 61syx shirt and a rampage hat tomorrow to the game... so i can be like.. yeah im with the crew.. giggles* awwww im cute.
im tired.. but im waiting for the office to be on. i love that show.
alright... well that was a pointless entry.
1 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel?
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 1 February :: 8.54pm
ugh i am constantly annoyed aren't i?
27 / 4/4747474747 24/7
all.
the.
time.
i am annoyed and stressed. UGAHHHHHHHHHLSKD
everything is wrong.
How does it feel?
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fallenfaces
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2006 1 February :: 6.47am
:: Music: Damien Rice - The Blowers Daughter
Darling, you're all that I'm living for.
Won't you please be my own?
Never leave me alone.
'Cause I die every time we're apart.
I want you, I need you, I love you.
With all my heart.
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swimfan14
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2006 31 January :: 5.20pm
I can't stand Ms. Eilola anymore. Yesterday she wouldn't let me take a test because of an un-excused absense which I previously stated and I sort of understand her reaons but, then again I don't. Anyways, that's not my point. My point is that today I asked her if I could make up a differen't test that I also missed while I was out of school with mono and she told me no because it was too late. She can't just tell me I can't take a test. My grade was an A and now it's a C all because of that test I missed. I'm going to talk to Mr. A about it tomorrow I guess. She's dumb, I'm pissed, that's all there is to it.
I don't really have anything of importance to say. I can't believe H actually asked me if I was pregnant. Too bad i'm NOT.
I'm going to the game tonight with Emily, Logan, and Trisha. I have to drive because we all decided we don't want to die with Logan since he almost killed us the other day. He's a bad driver, not as bad as Dani though. You gotta love her.
How does it feel?
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 31 January :: 2.09pm
lyke omg. i totally hate high skool
gahhahahahhahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
How does it feel?
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 31 January :: 10.59am
on the outside.
whatever
4 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel?
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swimfan14
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2006 30 January :: 8.16pm
The worst part about being lied to is knowing I wasn't worth the truth. Oh well, whatever.
I've ate so much food today. I went out to lunch with Dani and we went to Arbys. Then when I came home I ate tons of chocolate chip bananna bread. After that I ate popcorn chicken. After that I ate shrimp and french fries from Red Lobster (I went there this weekend). Then after that my dad brought me fettichini alfredo *sp*, key lime shrimp, and oreo cheesecake. So I ate all that too. Haha I eat all the time. Stacy does too haha. I don't understand why i'm not fat. Seriously. I'm not complaining though, I just don't understand.
Ms. Eilola is really getting on my nerves. We have a student teacher so Ms. Eilola isn't even in our classroom and today she was standing outside the classroom like a little spy and she was looking into the little window on the door because when I came out she goes "Ashley, do you value your i-Pod?" and i'm like "yeah I guess" and she goes "well are you allowed to listen to it in school?" and i'm like "yeah, I am" and she got all pissed because I was being a bitch right back and she's like "no your not...next time I see you with that out i'm going to take it away" I was just like "okay haha w/e". So after that I walk away and then Josh comes out and I heard her say "Josh, do you value your cell phone?" I was like c'mon seriously shut up. She just finds ways to make everyones lives miserable, like mine isn't miserable enough!?!?! When she asked me if I valued my i-Pod I should have told her no because I can just buy a new one. That would really piss her off. So then I was pissed about that and our student teacher told me to come in during seminar to make up a test we had on Friday. So I come in and when I get there she tells me i'm not allowed to take it because Ms. Eilola said so. She's like "Ms. Eilola said you're not allowed to take it because you have an unexcused absense for Friday" That's so dumb. So because I wasn't in that class on Friday I get a zero for my test. Um ok. I wasn't really aware things work that way.
It really starts to hurt when I pretend that it doesn't. I try hiding it but I can't pretend it doesn't matter anymore. It does. Everyone can see all the things I don't want them to see. It happens. It's obvious. End of story.
6 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel?
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swimfan14
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2006 30 January :: 6.04pm
You make me sick. I can never trust you again. Everything I thought was real, turned out to be all a lie.
It doesn't matter what you do, it's what you did thats hurting you. All I needed was the truth, now i'm gone.
Seriously, for all of us, grow up.
2 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel?
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.j.e.s.s.
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2006 30 January :: 11.11am
for me
http://myfreedomdeals.com/library/newspaper-ad.pdf
How does it feel?
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swimfan14
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2006 29 January :: 9.50pm
I don't know why I always do these when I get bored.
Today did you...
1. Talk to someone you liked: It doesn't matter if I like them anymore.
2. Buy something: Nope.
3. Get sick: I’ve been sick.
4. Sing: Yeah.
5. Make out: Yeah, because I have mono!?!?
8. Talk to an ex: Yeah basically.
9. Miss someone: Yep.
___________________________________________________
Last person who....
10. Slept in your bed: Danielle Hansing always sleeps in my bed but this weekend I made Kelli and Elyse both sleep on the floor.
11. Saw you cry: My mom seen me crying today. Well she didn’t really see me cry but when I got home I could tell she noticed I was crying.
12. Made you cry: I'm pretty sure he knows who he is.
13. Went to the movies with?: I don’t remember.
14. You went to the mall with: Elyse
____________________________________________________
16. Ever been in a fight with your pet: No.
17. Been to California: Yes!
18. Been to Mexico: Cancun!
19. Been to Canada: Yeah.
20. Been to Europe: Nope.
___________________________________________________
Random.....
21. Do you have a crush on someone: No.
22. What book are you reading now: A Gossip Girl Book.
23. Best feeling in the world: Being happy.
25. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: No.
26. What's under your bed: Purses.
27. Favorite sports to watch: Basketball.
28. Location: Mi casa.
29. Piercing/Tattoos: My ears.
30. What are you most scared of right now: We wont go there.
31. Where do you want to get married?: Not sure.
32. Who do you really hate?: I only hate one person and she isn't even worth mentioning.
33. Do you have a job: Haha yeah right.
34. Do you like being around people?: Yeah most of the time.
35. Have you ever liked someone u didn't have a chance with?: Looks that way doesn't it?
36. Have you ever cried: What kind of question is this? Obviously everyone's cried.
37. Are you lonely right now: Not really.
38. Song that's stuck in your head right now: So sick of love songs, so tired of tears, so sick of wishing you were still here.
40. Gotten beaten up: No.
42. Been on radio/TV: TV a few times but not the radio.
43. Been in a mosh-pit: No.
44. Ever liked someone, but u think they never noticed you? No I’m pretty sure if I like someone then I will make them notice me.
45. Ever liked someone who treated you like shit? Yep.
-------------------------------
Everyone has their firsts....
1. First real best friend: Probably Chloe.
2. First school: I don’t remember what it was called.
3. First screenname: I don’t remember. It was something about being a spoiled brat.
4. First funeral: I’ve been to so many I don’t even remember.
5. First big trip: I don’t know maybe Florida or Cancun or Cali. I can’t remember.
6. First flight: I don’t remember.
7. First celebrity love: I don’t know.
8. First job: I’ve never had a job.
*Everyone also has their lasts...
1. Last person you hugged: My dad!!
2. Last song you heard: Fall To Pieces. It makes me sad.
3. Last car ride: A few hours ago.
4. Last time you cried: Today. Jeez.
5. Last movie you watched: Wedding Crashers
6. Last food you ate: I haven’t ate all day.
7. Last person of the opposite sex that you talked to: Ian.
8. Last item bought: Clothes at the mall yesterday.
9. Last shirt worn: a pink abercrombie tank top
10. Last phone call: Emily Sorensen called like an hour ago.
11. Last text message: like five minutes ago
12. Last thing you touched: Keyboard
13. Last Funeral: My uncles.
14. Last time at the mall?: Saturday.
15. Last time you were excited about something? I’m not excited for anything anymore.
16. Last person you saw: Sister.
17. Last thing you said to someone: I said "So Em wants to hang out on Tuesday okay?"
18. Last person that broke ur heart: Like I would really put his name here.
19. Last time you've been happy: A while ago.
How does it feel?
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fallenfaces
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2006 29 January :: 7.03pm
:: Music: Damien Rice - The Blowers Daughter
I can't take my mind off of you, until I find somebody new.
[I don't care if any of you are sick of hearing about this. Delete me off of your friends page if I bother you that much. It won't hurt my feelings, trust me.]
I feel like I just can't do this anymore.
I miss you, you can't even begin to imagine how much. I feel like no matter what happens you're gonna be there. You're always going to be in the back of my head, I can't just get over you. I can't replace you. I compare every guy I meet to you. I can't pretend you don't exist, when I know you do and I know I regret the break up.
I regret being so weak and giving up something, that I now realize, I really needed. Something amazing. I don't even know if I regret it all or not. Because I'd kill to have that again, but knowing I had it and it's gone makes it even worse. Knowing a feeling that you just can't reach no matter how hard you try kills.
It's just... I hate knowing you're somewhere else where I can't be. I hate knowing that you're growing up without me. I hate seeing that I'm going through my senior year without my best friend by my side. Without my rock. You were never just a boyfriend to me. Ever. You were my best friend. And I remember saying no matter what you were always going to be in my life. No matter what we were going to stay best friends. So, here I sit with no best friend and no rock.
What makes it the hardest is knowing I'll probably never see you again in my life. You're gone. And I'll be gone as well soon. I don't know where I'm going, I just know it's not going to be here, in this house. I mean, you fucking lived with me. As if everything else in the world doesn't remind you of me, let's add the fact that you've been in every inch of this house. I look at the fucking couch and think of you.
It's all too hard and I wish things could have just been solved, because I've never felt so helpless. Without you, a part of me is gone. Part of who I am today is you.
Why don't you care?
why.don't.you.care.
I was so willing to do whatever you wanted. I told you I'd move to Florida if you really wanted me to. I told you I would go where ever you wanted to go. I was willing to move somewhere I never wanted to be just so I could be with you. And all you said is, "I don't see any way it would work."
Were you were only in it for the easy times? Only when it was conveinent for you? There's a hundred ways this all could have worked. And now it can't, because you have a new, wonderful life and I'm just here. Existing because I have to.
I love you.
I never stopped loving you.
And I don't know if I ever will.
I wish you could say the same.
I am so fucking willing to do anything on this earth to be with you. To fight with you, to grow with you, to be in love with you. The good and the bad. I want all of you and I have none.
Not one damn piece.
I don't miss you.
I miss us.
Read more..
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