gillette
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2009 25 August :: 12.52am
and the semester begins again:
bus stop, bus is late, ride bus, tromp to class-claaaaaaaaaaaasss-boring..miss the bus on the way back, stand there..wait. wait. wait. damn bus, get home, fight with roommates, eat tv dinner, sit in room.
repeat.
i miss jake.
How does it feel?
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cleverlinesunread
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2009 22 August :: 10.01am
...People say to make sure your last words are never anything harsh or untrue, but I don't believe that.
See, I think you should only speak what you feel in the heat of the moment, whether it be under a burning bulb or under the sheets.
'Cause in the end all we have is moments, and all we are, are humans.
And humans don't do well with emotions 'cause we feel them all at once,
and as they become a blur sometimes all we can do is yell, sigh, cry,
or laugh. Our reactions are passionate, be it good or bad.
And we should never apologize for not being an android,
we should embrace the crazy and unleash it ever so beautifully.
'Cause there's something breath taking about words that aren't constructed or drawn out in blue prints.
All I know for sure is that I never want to tell you I love you just out of habit and routine...
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gillette
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2009 21 August :: 2.27am
bah i am sooo tired.
my room was a complete disaster...and i was getting claustrophobic..so i bought organizational crap from wal mart and shoved crap into the organizational crap. now everything is piled away in drawers and crates and who knows how much i'll have to dig to find things. ugh.
i borrowed a book last fall from my friend..it came with a cd..nowww i HAVE the cd. it's here. but where?! i have no fucking clue. she wants it tomorrow..what do i do?? i know i have it, it's just been tucked away somewhere during all this moving and i want to borrow more books from her for this semster (could save me like $300 bucks) but i assume she won't want me to if i can't find that damn cd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jake is leaving tomorrow. i am SO SAD about this. i have never ever ever seen him cry but he did when i was leaving. granted i was bawling and saying i didn't want him to leave me blah blah etc etc..and so when he did a little bit, it made me realize how sucky the situation is. i cry like every time he leaves me for a few weeks or so but this time it's for serious. i really miss him so much already. i don't like to be without him :(
1 Felt the pain... |
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.j.e.s.s.
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2010 19 August :: 5.08pm
i hate when people talk about their BLACK friends or their BLACK boyfriend loudly and often like... trying to prove that they have friends of another race or something... there's this girl that is constantly talking about her BLACk boyfriend and showing his picture and saying how she doesn't care what color people are ... "you could be purple. as long as you're cool"
that's nice and everything but i dont know it bothers me when people talk about it like they are trying to prove a point or something.
annoying.
2 Felt the pain... |
How does it feel?
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cleverlinesunread
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2009 15 August :: 10.48am
"You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. School, then college, then work... Fuck that... You do what you love, and fuck the rest. "
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.j.e.s.s.
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2009 13 August :: 11.58pm
i wish i had longer legs and perfect skin and
money.
shitty shit. theres so much more to say but it doesn't even matter.
How does it feel?
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.j.e.s.s.
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2009 8 August :: 12.36am
oh and i'm considering buying a spray tanning machine for like 200-300 bucks and like offering spray tanning services ...somehow... someway... i'm not really sure how it would work but it just seems like a good idea.................
i dont know.
because think about it, if i have a tanning package- that is bed tanning.. it costs me at least 40 bucks a month which works out to....woo! $480... yeah. thats a shit load.
now if i had a spray tanning package it would be even more.. let's say 60 bucks a month... $720..
now the machine is a one time fee. and as soon as i figure out how much the solution costs i can do some more math. but i know it would at least SAVE me money in the long run because i am never going to be okay with being naturally pale. i can't do it. i just feel icky.
and then i could like somehow do spray tan parties or schedule appointments i dunoooooooo maybe i could work something out with people that do purse parties or whats it called... pure romance. thats it. i could like do spray tans there
i dont fricken know i'm just thinking theres a good idea somewhere in there with all this bed tanning scares about arsenic and shit.
roman thinks i should start my own business i just dont know.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
what do you think about a business that gives you a paycheck and when you go to cash it there are no funds in their account??? do you think that's shitty? i do.
thats why i fricken call them out on it and then they act like its no big deal so i get pissed. whatev........
How does it feel?
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.j.e.s.s.
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2009 8 August :: 12.32am
i nevvvvvvvvverrrrrrrrr used to have a problem falling asleep. now it seems like i never can. i hope this is just a short phase because i love my sleep.
i just think it's really weird how different everyone is from each other. like i think it's weird i have friends that like, live with their parents whereas i am married and cooked a new mexican/noodle casserole thing for my HUSBAND tonight and like.... that was exciting.
it's strange how different everyone's lives are.
now if my job situation, money situation, and house situation could catch up maturity wise to the rest of my life... that'd be great.
someday.....
ps. jessie kae i love you and i hope everything is getting better. call me when you are able.
2 Felt the pain... |
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.j.e.s.s.
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2009 7 August :: 1.17pm
does anyone know of anywhere hiring?
1 Felt the pain... |
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gillette
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2009 5 August :: 4.24pm
please pray for him and my family
i'm losing my father. he may never be the same again. he might be in a home for the rest of his life:
wernicke's encephalopathy which leads to korsakoff syndrome/psychosis.
my world is spinning to a stop.
How does it feel?
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gillette
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2009 5 August :: 3.07am
will you shave my coin purse?
hooooooooo.. ho ho ho. holy freaking god.
heh
1 Felt the pain... |
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gillette
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2009 4 August :: 11.40pm
i can't stand for him to leave. i know it's selfish of me, but i can't deal with it. i'm needy, i'll admit it. my happiness depends a lot on him, i've gotten better..but i still of course am happier when he's around. it makes me cry just writing this. i cant go a whole YEAR or more without him. i need him. and when he can come visit on weekends, that's when i'll be working.
ugggggggggggggh please don't leave me.
How does it feel?
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.j.e.s.s.
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2009 3 August :: 4.21pm
oh my gosh so you know how i said i felt guilty for not buying that thing from the lady from khazacstan?
now i am looking at local news and i read this:
28th St. hit-run victim
from Kazakhstan
Suspect lodged in jail
Updated: Monday, 03 Aug 2009, 4:17 PM EDT
Published : Sunday, 02 Aug 2009, 11:35 AM EDT
WYOMING, Mich. (WOOD) - A pedestrian who was killed just after midnight Sunday morning was a Kazakhstan native.
The accident happened on 28th Street, just west of Byron Center Avenue.
The woman who died was a 23-year-old from Kazakhstan . She was in the United States with other foreign nationals, and, according to the Wyoming Police Department, was selling items to area gas stations and convenience stores to raise money for a religious group.
A suspect in the hit-and-run was identified and arrested. That suspect is now in the Kent County jail, and the prosecutor is reviewing the case to determine any potential charges.
Police officials are working with the Kazakhstan Consulate to notify the woman's family.
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super. that is awful. i'm 99.9% sure that is the same lady. if not then i know she is from the same group. thats so awful.
2 Felt the pain... |
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gillette
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2009 3 August :: 12.20pm
I wrote this Sept. 29 2002
I totally forgot about this, but it was funny! Jess ask Roman if he remembers! lol:
Well, i had a pretty good week i guess. except for some humiliation thursday.
ok..i'll tell ya what happened. our bus driver made all the high schoolers sit in the back so middle schoolers wouldn't go back there. anyway, roman being the friendly guy he is sat with me and struck up a conversation. then, our bus pulled up in front of cedar trails. we only go there to do fire drills so roman hopped up and opened the back door. i hopped out and so did three other people. i looked up into the bus and everyone is just sitting there and the bus driver is like "this isn't a fire drill get back in!" so i climbed back in and felt stupid all the way home. i told jenna about it in current events and if you know jenna the whole class knew after i told her. lol i'm not mad jenna! it was just a little embarrassing.
1 Felt the pain... |
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.j.e.s.s.
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2009 1 August :: 3.16pm
i posted this quote from a book a long time ago but i love it so i'm doing it again:
My mind is blank now. Every part of my body is sinking and empty. I don't have to think about anything, hear anything, say anything, feel anything, worry about anything.
...there are no job interviews, no hypocrites. I do not have to... socialize. I do not have to smile. I do not have to justify my beliefs. I don't have to wear dress shoes. I don't have to pledge allegiance to the flag. I don't have to use a number two pencil. I don't have to read the fine print.
...it is true that it is nonproductive. But when ninety-five percent of out-of-bed activities hold the possibility of pain, to be pain-free is simply the most delicious feeling in the world.
-not mine
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i'm reading through old entries. it makes me sad...
JESS this comment from you made me laugh hard.
"10-30-07 7:52am
jess i'm wearing my glasses today to cover my face lol
ttyl
"
do you remember that?
and this is funny to me
"now if only i could get myself to start fricken working out . seriously. i need to get serious about that. i really really do. i just feel like a moron in front of all those muscley guys. eww and i don't want to run on the tredmills and fall on my face like on a tv show. i'd be so embarassed. and it would hurt. i can't run on those treadmills. i'm not coordinated enough to do that and listen to my earphones and sing MY hUMPS in my head and watch the tvs with no sound and worry about what people are thinking of me and check my heart rate all at the same time.
HOW DO YOU PEOPLE DO IT. HOW DO YOU RUN ON TREADMILLS.
and that m y friend is the question of the day. how DO you people run on treadmills.
"
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